by Lucia Ashta
I stilled her hand from patting my thigh. “I realize it sounds crazy, like for real crazy, but I don’t need a doctor. I promise you, I’ve never been saner.” Since my standard of sanity was pretty low to begin with, I figured I was speaking the truth—probably.
Dad claimed his seat again. “So you’re telling us that you went to outer space?” He was trying to keep the incredulity from his voice, and I loved him for it.
“Look, Dad, Mom, I know how this sounds. But you know me, I always tell you the truth.”
Mom scowled. “How about that time you snuck out in the middle of the night and your dad drove all night to find you... necking in the car with some boy?”
“I was seventeen!”
“And what about that time you told us you were sleeping over at Marcia’s house and she called here, asking for you, and we found out you were out camping with some other boy?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I said, and now I felt guilty for having put them through so much.
“Are you trying to say you told us the truth when you said you were going to an all-girls sleepover and Betty’s mother told me you were at Steven Hoffield’s party while his parents were out of town?”
“Okay, obviously I need to rephrase. I only lied to you when it was necessary for me to do what I wanted, and I’m sorry for that, I really am, but I haven’t lied to you since I moved out and didn’t have a need to anymore.”
“There’s never a need to lie, young lady,” Mom said.
“I agree.” I sighed. “I was a teenager then, and I’m sorry. But I’m telling you the complete truth now. I swear it.”
“You expect us to believe that you traveled to outer space? And fell in love? In outer space?”
“Yes,” I said, deadpan.
“Really? You really think we’re going to believe that?”
“Yes, Mom, I do, because when your daughter tells you the truth, no matter how outlandish, you need to believe her.”
That quieted her. She scooped up her tea and leaned back.
Dad said, “So how did you get to outer space? Are you a part of some space travel program or something?”
“Is that really why you travel so much and never tell us where you are? Is that why so much of your life is secret?”
“No, Mom, it isn’t. My life isn’t secret, I’m just private, and there hasn’t been much to tell, anyway.”
“So then what? How?” Mom started.
I put up a hand. “This is going to take a very long time for me to explain if you ask me every single part of it. You’re never going to guess how it happened, even if you ask me questions all night long. So just let me explain without interrupting, okay?”
I could tell it took a lot to agree, but Mom eventually said, “Okay.” Dad took another sip of his toddy.
“I understand this all is going to sound crazy, but it’s exactly how it happened. I was chasing a lightning storm to the top of a mountain.”
Mom gasped. “Ilara, that’s so dangerous! You should never go to a high point in a lightning storm.”
“Mom.”
“Sorry.”
I wasn’t about to tell them how I followed the storm up to where the lightning was striking the most, and I surely wasn’t going to tell them I did it because my intuition led me up there. “I ended up falling into a lake, and instead of coming back out of the lake, I ended up on another planet.”
For the first time in my parents’ history, my mother was shocked into silence, but I didn’t think it was because she believed me. She was probably running over a list of nearby mental hospitals in her mind.
I pressed on. “I’m not exactly sure what happened. It appears that I transported from one world to another, kind of like jumping through a portal, you know, like what happens in movies.”
Based on Mom and Dad’s expressions, they hadn’t been watching any sci-fi flicks.
“However it happened, it happened. I ended up on another planet, which was tripppppy, trust me on that.”
They weren’t smiling, and they definitely didn’t look ready for me to continue. I did anyway. “When I arrived on this other planet, the people there call it Origins, they thought I was the princess of their planet.”
“Oh,” Dad said, and it was a strangled sort of sound. He took big gulps from his cup.
“Anyway, basically, they thought I was their princess because it turns out that I look exactly like the princess. So I started thinking maybe I actually was the princess, that my memories from here were somehow mistaken. The proof that I was the princess was pretty strong, so I started believing it. I even fell in love with the man the Princess loved, his name is Tanus. But then this guy, who turned out to be Tanus’ real father even though Tanus didn’t know it, suggested that I might not be the princess after all, because there are apparently holographic replicas of the exact same people on other planets. At the very least, there definitely are here on Earth and there on Origins.
“Tanus and I, with some of the others, ended up traveling here to Earth—they call it Planet Sand—not through a portal or whatever it was that I did. Tanus says I just transported, kind of like I disappeared in one spot and materialized in another, in this case, on another planet, which I was able to do because he was reaching for me, thinking I was actually the Princess and the woman he loved. Tanus and a bunch of us others traveled on the equivalent of a space shuttle, and long story short, we ended up back on Earth, and we found the real princess, the one everyone thought I was. And we also found another version of Tanus, the man I love.”
My parents looked like they were ready to run for the hills, but there was no point in stopping now.
“While the Princess was on Earth she fell in love with this other version of Tanus, whose name is Jordan. So now the Princess and Jordan are going to return to Origins together, and I’m also going to return there to share a life with Tanus. Which means, unfortunately, that I’m going to have to leave you both behind.” Saying that felt a bit like a knife to the chest, but I continued. “I realize this sounds completely loco and that the easiest thing would’ve been to spin some tale that you would’ve believed but that wouldn’t have freaked you out.
“But I felt like I owed you the truth, no matter how crazy it is. I love you both, very much, you’ve been wonderful parents, and I wanted to tell you the truth. I didn’t want to have to regret not telling you what was really going on, and by doing so, keeping you from my real life. I want you to know what’s happening to me. I’m just really, really sorry that you can’t be a part of it with me. I wish you could travel to Origins along with the rest of us. It’s actually pretty nice there.” When people aren’t trying to corner you or kill you.
The minutes ticked by loudly, counted out by the grandfather clock that had hung next to the mantel longer than my memory. I waited. There wasn’t really anything left to say that would make the situation any better.
Finally, after the longest silence I’d ever remembered my mother offering, she spoke. Her tone was reserved, but she was trying at least. “This man Tanus, from this other planet, he’s the one you’re going to marry?”
I smiled. Leave it to my mother to come back to that. “He’s asked me to join with him, which I think is how they ask each other to marry.”
“You want to say yes? You want to lead a life with him, on another planet?”
“I do.”
“Well,” Dad said, “that’s certainly the wildest tale you’ve ever told us.”
“But do you believe me?” Of the two of them, I needed him to believe me the most. If I managed to convince him, he’d eventually win Mom over.
“I’m trying to, honey, I really am.”
“I have something that will convince you.”
“You do?” Mom said, sounding alarmed. “A little green man from outer space?”
“Not exactly. They don’t have little green men on Origins.” Not that I’d seen, anyway. “Give me a second to try something.”
> I closed my eyes, feeling their concern on me. Tanus was convinced I could mind speak. Now that he realized I wasn’t the princess, I wasn’t sure if that had changed, but I felt the urge to try. Just like my intuition marched me up that mountain top, I was following it now.
If I could mind speak, then I should be able to mind speak with another version of me. It made sense.
I pushed away my parents and their worry. I pushed away the edges of my body and experienced myself limitless. It was easy to do now that my idea of possibilities was necessarily expanded. I sensed into the openness and endlessness that surrounded me everywhere, and into that space that contained everything, I broadcast a message.
Ilara, I’m ready for you. Bring Jordan and let yourself in. We’ll be waiting.
I sensed my message hovering in the space around me, and then I disconnected from it, withdrew, pulled myself back inward, and opened my eyes.
My mom was definitely scrolling through mental hospitals in her mind.
Nothing happened for long enough that I got up. “I’ll be right back,” I said to them. “I just need to go get them.”
“Who’s ‘them?’” Dad asked.
But before I had time to answer, Ilara of the Andaron Dynasty, princess of all of Planet Origins, opened the front door to my parents’ family home, and stepped inside. Jordan followed her and shut the door behind them.
Ilara stalked to the living room with the grace of a lioness. Her cosmic eyes widened behind violet contact lenses like a cat in the night. “Father?”
My dad didn’t answer, though it looked like he was trying to form words.
“No, of course you aren’t,” she said. “You look far too kind to be the great and mighty King Oderon.”
Jordan extended his hand to Dad. “Hello Sir, I’m Jordan.”
Dad shook Jordan’s hand. “I’m Jack. Take a seat, son, I’ll go get us some whiskey.”
Dad wasn’t even going to bother with toddies anymore. I had to give him credit, if he was anything, he was a good Irish host. He would’ve made his Irish ma proud.
“We’re sure as fuck going to need it,” he said from the kitchen, and that was being a good Irish host too.
Mom didn’t even scold him for his profanity. Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish.
18
Mom continued to gape at the princess when Dad returned to the living room with a bottle of whiskey and glasses for our guests.
Ilara stared back at my mom. “You look so much like my mother,” she said more gently than I’d heard her say anything before. “You wear your hair and clothes differently, but it’s incredible how very much you do look like her. Is your name also Marcia?”
Mom managed to nod.
I said, “Marcia was also my grandmother and great-grandmother’s name. It’s been in the family for even longer than that, I think. Was that the Queen’s name?”
“It was,” she said, a look of nostalgia on her face.
“How is this even possible?” I asked no one in particular, and especially not my parents. I had no desire to tangle their noodles any more than I already had. “I’m beginning to accept that there are holographic replicas of us across the universe, but how is it that we even have the same names in some instances and not others? How far does the connection between different worlds go? How can this be?”
“What are you talking about, honey?” Dad asked, and I instantly regretted having said anything.
“Nothing,” I started to say, but then changed courses. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, but I had, and I was going to do this with the truth all the way. “Just as you can see that the Princess and I are identical in looks, she and I also share the same name. She’s named Ilara just as I am.”
“But I pulled that name from a baby name book at random!” Mom finally managed to say.
“Random? Thanks, Mom.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. Unlike my name, no one else in our family shares your name.”
“What’s even more perplexing is that you share your name with the Queen of Origins, who was assassinated.”
Mom jumped up from her seat and went over to the Princess. “Oh, poor girl, how terrible. I’m so sorry for you.”
Whatever might be said about my mom, she always thought of others, even in a crisis. When my mom went to wrap her arms around Ilara, she stiffened, but it didn’t take long before she allowed the woman who looked just like her dead mother to embrace and comfort her.
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just kept going. “Just like she and I look alike, so do Jordan and Tanus, and so do Mom and the late queen, and Dad and King Oderon. Only Dad, you don’t share the King’s name, or much else I imagine based on the stories I’ve heard. Am I right, Ilara?”
Ilara stepped away from my mom and said to her, “Thank you, I appreciate it, but you may sit down now.”
Mom said, “Only if you sit down too.”
In the face of such blatant coercion, Ilara and Jordan took a seat next to each other on the open love seat. Ilara said, “You’re right in saying your father is like mine only in looks. The King is... intense and calculating, and I can’t remember the last time I saw him smile a real smile.” She looked at Dad. “Even after the shock of seeing me and your daughter in the same room, you look more jovial than I’ve ever seen him.”
“That’s regrettable. I’ve learned that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. It’s not always possible, but while it is, I intend on doing my best to live to the fullest.”
“Which means talking nonsense and spiking your tea,” Mom said.
“Sometimes.” Dad smiled brilliantly, eyes shining, and I wondered if he was doing all right. He was pulling it together remarkably well. Was this a veneer concealing an imminent meltdown?
I checked Mom too. She also seemed to be keeping it together.
Oh no. They looked too normal, too composed. This wasn’t good.
“So this man is like the one you’re going to marry?” Mom asked.
“Mom! I didn’t tell you I was getting married,” I said, even though I kind of had. But I hadn’t confirmed it, and now I had nowhere to hide from the Princess’ searching eyes.
When I couldn’t hide from it, well, I faced it, and I was shocked to find that the Princess looked curious, not angry. Suddenly, I was more confused than my parents, who seemed to be handling the news better than I had.
“But this is the man?” Mom persisted, then chuckled. “Well, not the man, but the one that looks just like your man. Tan-what was his name?”
“Tanus,” the Princess and I said at the same time.
“I see,” Mom said, seeing more than I intended her to. She asked the Princess, “And this Tanus, you loved him first?”
“I did.”
“And now you love this other man that looks like him?”
“I do,” Ilara said on a smile, surprising me that she would drop the badass princess act long enough to answer earnestly.
“Well, sweetheart,” Mom said to me, “I must say, he looks like he was worth the wait. He’s quite the handsome fellow, isn’t he, Jack?”
“Quite a handsome bloke indeed.”
“Wow,” I said, “you guys are handling this a lot better than I thought you would. Are you all right?”
“Sweetie,” Mom said, “life as your parents has been—how shall I say this?—preparation for almost anything. You’ve scared, shocked, and surprised us enough that you’ve softened us up to deal with this grand finale of yours.”
“So you’re not reeling from what I told you?”
“Oh, sure we are. I’ll probably even let Dad spike my tea tonight just to take the edge off the challenge of being your mother.”
A pang of guilt raced through my heart.
“But not to worry, sweetheart, your dad and I are resilient. At the very least, you’ve trained us to be that. You’ve done nearly every dangerous thing I ever wished you wouldn’t. But you survived it all by the grace of God, and now y
ou want to go to another planet. That’s a big one, that’s certain, but we’ll adjust, just as we always do.”
She was making it sound like I was some TV sitcom they watched, clucking and shaking their heads at the trouble the main character got into. But I was their daughter, and their ultimate reaction to my news was baffling me almost as much as landing in Tanus’ arms on O in the first place.
“So... you’re not weirded out by me telling you I’m leaving Earth for another planet?”
“Again, you’ve weirded us out enough times that your news isn’t as shocking as it would’ve been before having you as a daughter.”
“Okaaaay.” I wasn’t sure how to take Mom’s reaction. “You believe me?”
“I think I do. It’s kind of hard to deny the physical evidence you’ve brought us.”
“How about you, Dad?”
“I agree with what your mom said. Raising you has been like riding a roller coaster. It’s so scary and thrilling and wild, that after a while, it doesn’t seem as frightening. You kind of get numb to it.”
“So you’ll be okay?”
“Sure, honey, we’ll be okay.” But he took a big swig from his mug. “Now, who’d like a splash of single malt scotch?”
“I’ll take some,” Jordan said.
“I will as well,” Ilara said.
I extended my teacup.
“Aw, what the heck,” Mom said, pushing her chamomile toward Dad.
“Mom, I’ve driven you to drink,” I said, sounding as shocked as I felt. “I’m sorry.”
“Ha!” Dad slapped his thigh as he bent over to fill all our cups. “As if. Your mom likes to pretend she’s all saintly-like, but you should see her behind closed doors.”
“Jack!” Mom went scarlet in the face.
“Oh Marcia, don’t you go getting all embarrassed on me. If this is indeed the last time we see our daughter, then let her know that her mother has a wild side too.” He winked at her. “Just as I like it.”
I sank back against the couch, speechless. What was happening? Was it necessary that everything in my life be turned inside out and upside down? Could nothing of my old life be preserved?