Finding Peace (Rollin On Book 4)

by Emilia Finn

  Things are nice. And my previous habit of walking my apartment three times a night to check all windows and doors are locked is slowly disappearing, replaced by his stubborn insistence that it’s his job to protect us, and one he’ll do. He promised he would.

  After that conversation, I outwardly agreed, but I still tried sneaking around to check. It’s a habit I’ve struggled to break. Last night was the first night ever that I simply fell asleep and took his word for it.

  I woke up, not in a panic, just a quiet acceptance. Peace. The sun shone through his blinds and across his chest, my lashes brushed his pecs, his large hand rested on my hip. My fingers traced the ink on his side. His lips were in my hair, and I was pleased to realize that that position was exactly the one I fell asleep in the night before. I didn’t toss and turn. I didn’t have nightmares. I didn’t think of Sean, and I didn’t feel the need to check his house was secure. This is the safest I’ve ever felt in all my life.

  It feels good.

  “Earth to Tina.” Kit flicks her fingers in my face, startling me from my swooning thoughts and back to reality. “Wake your Peach butt up and pay attention.”

  “Does anyone else think it’s cute he calls her Peaches?” Izzy asks as she climbs down from the prop bed and grabs a robe.

  Kit nods with a soft smile. “Yeah, it’s pretty adorable every time I hear him.”

  “When he first said it, it was kind of a teasing name,” I explain. “He was being a bit of a jerk about the whole Sarah thing. He didn’t mean it to become a term of endearment.”

  “Ah no,” Kit says softly, drawing my eyes away from Iz’s hard body. Toned despite the fact Bean is only about six months old. “I think he did. I think he’s only ever thought of you in an endearing way.”

  “I can’t say I’m upset with the way things have turned out.”

  “Me either,” Tink says with a smirk. “I was so enjoying using you to tease him. Bobby was getting boring.”

  “You know,” Kit starts, turning on her with a hand on her hip. “I don’t know why you push, push, push, Casey. You and Jon have been on again, off again for years. When are you going to get your poop together?”

  “Never,” she declares easily, shrugging her shoulders as though she doesn’t care at all. “He’s not looking for commitment. He told me from the beginning. He doesn’t want me forever, so we hook up casually. I’m okay with that.”

  “Does that mean he hooks up with others as well?” Izzy asks and I turn, interested, even as I dismantle my camera and secure all the small pieces away.

  “Yeah. He never made promises.”

  “He hooks up with other girls? Since your first time together, he’s been with others?” Iz clarifies.

  “Yes,” Tink replies, losing patience. “And I’ve been with others too. It’s not a big deal. We’re just friends who sometimes have sex.”

  “My brother is a dic-- doodle head,” Iz corrects herself quickly, “if he thinks either of you hooking up with others is okay. That’s not okay.”

  Kit nods. “It’s definitely not okay, Case. If you’re not it for him, then he needs to let you go. So you can find your forever.”

  “Jesus, Kit. I’m not some damsel idiot. I know my options. He doesn’t need to let me go. I’m not stuck. I live my life, most of the time we argue and are mean to each other, the rest of the time, like twenty percent of the time, we don’t argue and we hook up instead. This is fine, it works for us.”

  “I just figured you’re better than that,” Kit tells her best friend casually. “You’re not usually some desperado who’d hang around waiting for scraps.”

  Ouch.

  “I’m not waiting for scraps,” Tink snaps back. “I live my life and sometimes, when our calendars work and our temperaments aren’t spitting at each other, we hook up. It’s not scraps, it’s… convenience.”

  “Sounds to me like you’re settling for whatever he throws at you. You’re settling.”

  “And you’re a jerk.” Tink spits back. “Where’s your baby? You’ve been trying for ages now, why aren’t you pregnant? Maybe Bobby isn’t all that and his swimmers are just lazy.”

  “Now you’re being a jerk,” Kit replies, hurt in her voice, but not anger. She’s being kind. I might have hit my friend for saying something like that to me. “And he’s not the problem. Neither of us are. It’s just not happening for us yet.” Kit shrugs. “We’re young, we’re fit. It’ll come. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy fighting and drinking with you assholes.”

  Nineteen

  Aiden

  She’s my bro

  “Move around, Jack. Watch your feet and keep moving.” Jon is on the outside of the ring, coaching Jack as I take wide swings at his head.

  Jack’s pretty damn good at this now. He’s learning along with us these days, not behind and learning from us. He’s a damn natural and spends most of his time here training others, or sparring with one of us or one of our other fighters.

  If I didn’t already love Kit, I would now, simply because she brought him here. Despite his smart ass giving Jim a run for his money and annoying the shit out of us most of the time, he’s actually a pretty cool kid.

  I remember his first day at this gym; the loud mouth punk with baby fat still in his face, and Bobby pinning him to the wall. Bobby was fucking pissed. I didn’t get it at the time. Why my big brother would get so fired up over something like that. Over a girl.

  I get it now. I’d pin any piece of shit to any wall if he stood between me and Peaches. Or me and Smalls.

  Jack’s gloved hand flies out at me, smacking me in the jaw and swinging my head around, almost exorcist style.

  “Pay attention, Aido.” Jack laughs through his mouth guard. Yeah, he’s here a lot, his skills are amazing. And he’s a cocky shit because he knows it.

  “Fucker.” I rush him. This was supposed to be purely stand up, since my jitsu is already on point, but Jack’s isn’t and I’m a petty bastard like that, so I run in low, taking his hips and slamming him down on the canvas.

  He lets out a strangled grunt on impact, the sound music to my ears, but he’s no baby anymore. He scrambles, wrapping his legs around my hips and trying to bridge and flip us. He almost gets it done too.

  His fists come flying around my face, trying to blitz me and make me fumble, but I keep my guard in place, then during a brief pause where he’s planning his next move, I throw my elbow down and clip his jaw. I’m not here to break teeth or noses, but I’m here to show him who’s boss.

  I’m the fucking boss.

  He shakes his head, clearing away the stars in his vision, and in that moment I spin us, taking his back and slipping my arm around his neck. It’s tight. It’s perfect.

  He’s shit out of luck.

  He only fights it for about twenty seconds before tapping my arm. There was no chance he could escape. I let him go and he rolls away, choking and laughing on his elbows and knees.

  “You’re a dick.”

  “Congrats, Aido.” Jon sarcastically rolls his eyes at my immaturity. “You won against a teenager.”

  “Teenager my ass,” I throw back. “He’s a damn monster. We’re not going easy on him anymore.”

  “Kit’s gonna beat your ass when she finds out you hurt me,” Jack whines with a stupid grin on his face.

  “You can’t use her forever, kid. Take your licks and learn from them.”

  “But why would I, when my big sister scares the piss out of you all?” He laughs, lifting his upper body and resting on his haunches. His large hand rubs his jaw, pulling back to look for blood, then rubbing some more.

  “You’re a pussy. Let’s go again.”

  “You guys can keep going,” Jon says as he walks around the ring and starts collecting drink bottles and towels. He picks up discarded gloves and shin pads, throwing them in a bucket, the lazy man’s storage solution. We clean that filthy thing out every few weeks. “I got something on tonight.”

  “You going out with Tink?” Jack as
ks, flexing his jaw and hamming his shit up.

  “Nope.”

  “I don’t how you do it,” Jack replies, awed. “You got Tink on the line, plus other girls. I never thought I’d see the day that Tink let something like that happen.”

  Jon turns around, pausing and grinding his jaw. “Mind your own business, Jack.”

  “Hey.” He lifts his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t hating. I’m actually impressed. Maybe I’ll be the guy with a couple girls on each arm soon.”

  “Can you shut up? It’s not like that.”

  I frown at him. He’s my brother, but Tink is as good as a sister now. He can’t just go screwing around on her. If he hurts her, then he hurts Kit. Which hurts everyone else. “What’s going on with you two?”

  “Nothin’. I’m out.” He throws the last pair of gloves in the bucket and slings his towel over his shoulder.

  “Dude.” I stand up in the ring, kicking Jack over when he tries to grab my ankle and trip me up. “Where you going?”

  “See ya.” He continues to walk away, flipping the bird over his shoulder, not looking back and not explaining himself any further.

  I look over at the clock on the wall. Almost four thirty; a bit early to start getting ready for a date. Maybe he’s got to shave his legs or something.

  Whatever.

  Tina and Smalls have been staying with me most days now. Eating in my home, leaving puppy in the oddest places; my kitchen cupboards, behind the TV, behind the toilet. Gross.

  Tina has slept in my bed most nights, giving her body to me as soon as Evie would drift off, then we wouldn’t stop touching until the next morning when Evie would call out and ask for coffee.

  I never thought I’d live with a chick. Two of them, in this case. I’m normally too impatient to put up with sharing my space, or waiting to use the bathroom, or not finding my favorite foods where I left them.

  But I gotta say, it ain’t half bad. And with my brothers all living so close, so we spend a lot of time eating with them too, it’s almost like their buffer has helped ease us into the situation.

  I can’t say their presence in my home is annoying. In fact, it’s the opposite. They make me smile more than ever.

  Evie’s crazy laughter when she gives sass, Tina’s sweet body in my bed each night, and her ocean blue eyes dancing across from me at the kitchen table in the mornings; it’s nice.

  We haven’t officially moved in or anything. That’s crazy. We’re just… cohabitating. A lot.

  For the first time ever, she trusted me today to bring Evie to the gym while she worked. She had an offsite job to do, so she asked if she could borrow my truck, to haul a bunch of shit with her, and I have her car.

  Evie and I hung out for the morning, working out together and having a laugh. I helped her learn how to break fall and do somersaults. I took her home, ditching this place for a couple hours so she could nap, then I brought her back for the afternoon. She’s with Jim at the moment, since me, Jon and Jack were drilling together, but I guess we’re done anyway. Jon’s out, and Jack’s an idiot.

  Tina said she’d be back about five, so I guess I can just start packing our shit away and start getting ready to spend the evening with my girls.

  Watching TV with them and listening to the girls argue over dinner is my kind of happy these days. Who fucking knew?

  “Come on, Jack. Let’s go find Smalls.”

  “I’m not done rolling.”

  “I am. You can roll by yourself if you wanna.”

  “You’re a dick,” he grumbles under his breath, swearing more than Kit would allow, but he pulls his mouth guard out and picks his water bottle up, then wipes a towel across his sweaty brow. He’s a whiny shit. But he does it just to be a pain in our asses.

  “When are you taking Tina out again?”

  I stop walking and turn to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “Like an actual date. I’ll look after Smalls for you.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s no big deal.”

  “That’s cool of you, Jack. Thanks.”

  “Like I said, no big deal.”

  “Hey, why don’t you have a girlfriend yet? You seeing anyone?”

  “Why, you interested?” He shoves me with a stupid grin. I kind of walked into that one.

  “No, dumbass. I’m not interested. Just curious why you’re happy to spend so much time here, or with the girls, when you could be hanging with girls.”

  He shrugs his shoulders again. “I like it here. You guys are my brothers now. I like fighting. I like the girls. Dunno,” he shrugs again. “I’m happy when I’m here. Or on Rollin Row.”

  “That’s kinda gay.”

  Jack shoves me again and I laugh at his indignation. “I am actually seeing someone,” he says somewhat shyly, quietly, and he’s definitely looking around to make sure no one else is listening.

  “You are? Who?”

  “Ah, her name is Steph. She’s cool.”

  “She’s cool?” I laugh again. “Is she your bro, or is she your girl?”

  “She’s my girl,” he murmurs again, but with conviction and a slight tinge to his cheeks.

  “You like her?”

  “Yeah, I do. A lot, actually.”

  “So why haven’t you brought her around?”

  “Are you fucking crazy?” His eyes have gone round, like I really am crazy. “Haven’t you seen the way Jim tears you apart about Tina. Or Tink.” He laughs again. “Or me.”

  “Yeah dick, I have noticed.”

  “I can’t bring her around. She’d run away scared. Then she’d dump my ass.”

  “Is it serious?”

  “Yeah.” He nods softly. “It kinda is. I like her a lot.”

  “So bring her around.” I shove him one last time, since it’s fun to watch him scramble. “Bring her around. We’ll play nice.”

  “Mmhmm. I don’t believe you.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Believe what you want. Just know your time is limited before I accidentally mention it to Kitkat. Then she’ll hunt Steph down. Do this on your own terms, bro.”

  “You’re a dick.”

  We enter the room that Jim has a group of five-year-olds running around in circles. It’s fucking mayhem, and in the middle is my Evie bug, practically running the joint.

  She giggles as she kicks a pad, her super shit round house kick that Biggie will for sure help her fix, then she plops on her butt when she loses her balance.

  I swoop in with a big stupid smile on my face and I swing her up into my arms. She squeals, excited to be flying again, then her dexterity has her spinning against me and hugging me that sweet way she does.

  “I missed you, Smalls.”

  “I wuv you, Biggie.”

  “She wuvs you,” Jack mocks, though he pats her butt as he passes by and walks to Jim.

  “I love you too, Smalls. Six million red m&m’s worth.”

  “That’s lot.” She kisses my cheek, a loud, smacking noise making me smile.

  “Yeah, honey. That’s a lot.”

  “Watch me.” She squirms against me so I let her down, and she runs across the room and giggles as she does a toddler version of a cartwheel.

  It was pretty bad, but it was adorable. I’ll help her make it better. I got her back.

  “Hey.”

  I turn around and nod at Jim. “They having fun?”

  “Yeah, and Tina said Evie wouldn’t play along,” he scoffs. “Look at her go.”

  We all turn back to watch her and a bunch of other kids screw around, falling on their asses, or on each other.

  There’re about twenty kids here, most of them five or six, one or two are actually seven already. They’re all bigger than Smalls, not that she seems to mind.

  She’s not intimidated. Not like I expected she would be.

  She watches them do cartwheels, as they spin around the room, then she tries again and doing better than last time, but still thoroughly sucking at it.

  Guess who’s going to spend some tim
e in the yard doing cartwheels tonight? I can’t have my girl representing like that.

  “What time is Mama back?”

  I turn away from Evie and back to Jim’s cocky smirk. “Any minute now. I haven’t talked to her all day, she’s busy, but she said she’d be back about five.”

  “Ya know,” he murmurs slyly. “Married life is treating me pretty good.”

  “That’s good to hear, Jim. You and Iz deserve happiness.”

  “Yeah, we do. So do you.”

  My brows pull up. “Ah, yeah, I do. Eventually.”

  “Why you waiting?”

  “Waiting? For what?”

  “Don’t be a dumbass,” he shoots back with a smile. “You’re already living together. Why not give that girl a Daddy she gets to keep?”

  “Are you fucking crazy?”

  Jacks smirk is entirely too smug, and I fight the urge to hit him up the side of the head.

  “Why would I be? You love her?”

  “Evie? Yeah, I love her.”

  “You love Tina?”

  “I -- shit, Jim. I don’t know.” Suddenly, entirely uncomfortable with how this conversation has gone, I scratch my head. How the fuck am I supposed to know if I love her? I’ve never loved a girl before.

  “How do you know you love Smalls?”

  “Hey, Aido. This is why I keep my shit to myself.”

  “Shut up, dick.” I flip Jack the bird, but he smirks, not offended and not walking his happy ass away. He’s staring at me and waiting for my answer. “I dunno. I wanna protect her,” I tell Jim, almost phrasing it like a question and his smug brow lifts. “I wanna see her all the time. She makes me happy. I’d kill a motherfucker if they ever hurt her.”

  “But you’d kill a motherfucker if they hurt Tina too, right?”

  “Well.” Fuck. “Yeah, I would.”

  “And she makes you smile. It’s creepy that you smile so much now.”

  He’s a dick.

  “And you like to see her all the time,” Jack adds. “If the fact her car has been parked outside your place all week is an indication.”

  He’s also dick.

  “Yeah, so I like to hang out with her. She’s cool.”

  “She’s cool?” Jack smirks. “Is she your bro, or your girl?”