Z14 (Zombie Rules)

by Achord, David

  “The house could certainly use a good cleaning.” She finally said.

  Julie and I went back to the Interstate in our truck. I wanted to see where the hell those other zombies came from. It didn’t take much brain power to figure out. There were infected bastards up and down the Interstate. They were sitting, standing, leaning against cars, in cars, under cars, you name it. Most of them were dead, but there were plenty still living.

  “When you drive up beside these cars, give me enough room so I can open the door and jump in, if necessary.” I said.

  “You got it babe.”

  She slowly drove beside the multitude of abandoned cars as I walked along. There was a mixture of empty vehicles, vehicles with corpses, and vehicles with zombies.

  “Zach, why are the southbound lanes more congested than the northbound lanes?” Julie asked.

  “I can only assume everyone was fleeing Nashville when the plague went viral.” I replied. “There was a chain collision, everyone was stuck, and then people started turning. I imagine it was pretty horrific.”

  “Just think, you’re stuck in a traffic jam, and all of a sudden there are these fucking zombies everywhere. You don’t dare step outside of your car, but you look in your rearview mirror and your children are infected. You watch in horror as they jump over the seat and rip your throat out. Your last conscious thought is ruing the fact you let the little bastards ride without their seatbelts on.” Julie spoke like she was narrating a horror movie. I looked at her.

  “You have a vivid imagination.” I said. She grinned at me.

  In the interest of expediency, I only made a quick peripheral search of each vehicle before moving on to the next one. If a car was occupied by a zombie, I’d dispatch them with a head shot. Luggage was opened and unceremoniously dumped out, although I took the time to dump everything inside the car. After all, dumping them on the side of the road would be a tremendous waste. Anything we thought was useable I tossed in the bed of the truck. We kept it up for most of the day and were able to clear approximately three miles on both sides of the Interstate.

  I checked my watch. “Okay, let’s head back. This time I really want to be home before the sun goes down.”

  Andie and Kelly were keeping watch and waved as we drove up to the radio station. I saw the zombie corpses piled together and burning steadily. Julie started chuckling.

  “Look.” She said, pointing. The side of the radio station was painted with my rules in neat, block lettering.

  “Kelly and I put them up. What do you think?” Andie asked when we parked and got out.

  “That’s fucking awesome.” I said with a grin.

  “Oh, wow, you guys really scored!” Kelly said as she looked in the bed of the truck. There was an assortment of toothpaste, soap, shampoo, hygiene products, first aid kits, boots, shoes, underwear, gas cans, canteens, and most importantly, assorted firearms and ammunition. Cindy and Rowdy walked up while we were inspecting our loot and looked it over. The others saw we had returned and began filtering out of the house.

  Cindy gasped. “What do I have to do to get some toothpaste and dental floss?” She asked slyly. I grabbed one of each and tossed it to her. I tossed some to Kelly as well.

  “On the house.” I said. The two of them smiled warmly. Kelly gave me another hug, which earned her no points with Julie. I looked over at Rowdy. “How’s everything here?”

  “We’ve gotten ten gallons of water distilled. Rhonda insisted on giving the kids a bath, so we have around seven gallons left.”

  “Okay, we’ll discuss it when we get everyone together.” I said. Rowdy seemed to interpret my statement as some type of order. He put his fingers in his mouth and gave a loud whistle. I frowned, but didn’t say anything. Somehow, I needed to emphasize the point to him to refrain from unnecessary loud noises. Anyway, it had its intended effect. Everyone gathered around expectantly.

  I looked at the women. “There are eight of you altogether, so you’ve got roughly one day’s supply of water. Tomorrow, you’ll need to distill at least ten more gallons, and I would strongly suggest distilling three times that amount.” I looked at Rhonda. “I’m sure you had good intentions, but don’t use distilled water to bathe with. The distillation process takes longer and requires more heat. You can boil creek water for bathing purposes. It doesn’t take as long and uses less wood.” Rhonda nodded, but stared at my feet rather than making eye contact. “How did the cleaning go?”

  “Both the house and the station are clean enough to eat off of the floor, Zach.” Big Mac said. Wanda looked on in insolent silence.

  “That’s awesome.” I said. “Alright, Julie and I talked at great length about the current situation. We want you to know we’re glad you’re here and you’re welcome to stay. But, our food supply is limited. Since you have kids, perhaps it would be a good idea for you to relocate to Fort Campbell.” I held up a hand before anyone responded. “You ladies have three days to talk it over amongst yourselves, so there is no need to make a decision at this time.” I paused while they murmured among themselves.

  “Okay, you know how to secure water for yourselves, next is food. You guys don’t seem to have a hell of a lot, and like I said, our supplies are limited. After our crops are harvested later this year, we should have plenty, but last year we only harvested enough to feed ourselves.”

  “What do you suggest, Zach?” Big Mac asked.

  “I’d suggest first thing in the morning, go hunting. There are plenty of deer around here, and stray cattle.”

  “You expect us to do the hunting?” Cindy asked.

  “Yes ma’am, and the butchering. You ladies need to be self-sufficient.” I looked over at Mac. “Mac, we’ve discussed our plans for this radio station. Do you want to live here and run it?”

  Mac slowly nodded. “I’d like that a lot, Zach.”

  “Excellent. The main thing for you to keep in mind when encountering new people is trade. Always think of commodities to trade.”

  “Don’t give anything away for free.” Wanda said.

  “Exactly.” I said, and pointed across the street. “Use the churches across the street for staging areas. You don’t want people setting up camp inside the perimeter. Sanitary conditions will become a major problem if you do. Also, if you ladies decide to stay here, you’re going to need to work out security protocols. We’ll be glad to help, but the first thing to start with is reinforcing this building and creating the zombie pits we discussed.” Mac nodded and started to ask a question, but our conversation was interrupted by a truck approaching on Concord Road.

  Andie looked through her ACOG scope. “It’s Bo.” She said. Bo entered through the open gate, parked beside us and got out. He had a German Shepherd dog with him.

  “This is Lucy.” He said. “She looks mean, but she’s a spoiled baby.” Lucy hopped out of the truck with a well-worn tennis ball in her mouth, and ran around sniffing everyone.

  “I killed a deer and brought some venison. You ladies look like you could use some meat on your bones.” He glanced at me wryly. “Besides, maybe some good meat will improve Wanda’s disposition.” I wholeheartedly agreed. Wanda ignored me a minute in order to glare at Bo. It seemed to be her natural facial expression.

  The ladies, with the exception of Wanda, thanked Bo graciously and he in turn helped cook the venison. I helped myself without asking and ate a large portion. Julie and Andie knew exactly what I was doing. Rowdy paid no attention and flirted shamelessly with Cindy.

  “Stop the truck a minute sweetheart.” I said, and pointed. “Pull in right there.” Julie stopped at the entrance to the Governor’s Club, an exclusive gated community on Concord Road. Most of the houses in the subdivision were well over a million dollars in value. I casually walked over to the rock wall and urinated while I looked around. The wrought iron gate across the entrance was chained and padlocked. There was a hand painted sign posted on the gate saying ‘keep out.’ The street into the subdivision was completely devoid of cars, and
corpses. There were cars in driveways sitting silently. I saw no movement or any telltale wisps of smoke coming out of chimneys, but still, I had a feeling. I walked back to the truck and got in.

  “Feel better?” Julie asked.

  “Yeah. Someone is living there. Maybe several people, I don’t know.” I explained my logic. “I think I’ll leave a note on the gate.

  Later, after everyone had turned in, I lit a solitary candle and put it on the nightstand.

  “What are you doing?” Julie asked.

  “Get naked and lay on your stomach.” I said. She looked at me questioningly, but complied. “I’ll be right back.” I hustled out of the bedroom and came back in a moment later with a bottle of baby oil.

  “What are you fixing to do, big boy?” Julie asked amusedly.

  “I’m going to give you a massage from your neck all the way down to your toes, and you’re going to lay there and enjoy it.” I opened the bottle and squirted some between her shoulder blades. Julie chuckled and moved her hair out of the way. I worked slowly and methodically. Julie sighed in delight as I worked all of the knots out of her muscles. When I finally finished, Julie was moaning in ecstasy. I leaned forward and spoke quietly in her ear.

  “Happy birthday, love.” I said. Julie gasped.

  “You remembered!” She turned over, grabbed me, and kissed me passionately.

  It was a great night.

  Chapter 48 - Departure Aborted

  Since Murfreesboro Road had a few snarls which we had not cleared, I kept us to the back roads until we reached Sam Ridley Parkway. Then, it was a clear shot to the Smyrna airport. We turned left on Fitzhugh Boulevard and stopped at the back of the hangars. We had a caravan of three vehicles. We were in the dually, the Birmingham clan were in their vehicles, and Bo and his dog decided to tag along. Rowdy opted to ride with Cindy and Wanda, which caused Andie to pout in silence the entire ride. Lucy sensed Andie’s melancholy and tried to cheer her up by dropping her tennis ball in her lap.

  We brought plenty with us. Bo helped us round up a few heads of stray cattle and we butchered one of them. We had a full assortment of food and we were going to make a day of it with cooking out. I found myself actually looking forward to Captain Steen and the rest of the soldiers.

  “What a beautiful day!” Julie said. She was right. The sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in sight.

  “I bet it’ll get up in the mid-sixties today.” Bo commented. I agreed. We unloaded tables, food, a grill, and other supplies out of the truck. Julie started to drag a table out of the truck bed, but before I could intervene, she was quickly stopped by Bo.

  “I’ll be damned if I let a pregnant woman do any lifting while I’m around.” He said with a grunt. Julie smiled and moved out of the way.

  “Julie, would you supervise setting everything up? I want to ride around the airport and make sure there are no surprises lurking around.”

  “You got it sweetie.” Julie replied cheerfully. Why don’t you take Andie with you?” She suggested with a wink. I looked over at Andie. She shrugged noncommittally.

  I handed Julie a walkie-talkie. “I’ll give a SITREP every ten minutes.” I said. I slowly drove down Fitzhugh Road, weaving in and out of the various buildings.

  “This place is bigger than I thought.” Andie finally said.

  “Yeah, in the sixties it was a military airbase. When Johnson became President, he ordered it shut down and moved the operation to Texas.”

  “Why?” She asked.

  “Oh, I assume it was a purely political decision and had nothing to do with logic and reality.”

  Andie grunted. “Some things never change. Do you think political shenanigans had anything to do with the plague?”

  “I have no idea.” I said as I slowly circled around a building.

  Andie started. “What? Are you saying the all-knowing Zach Gunderson in fact doesn’t know everything?”

  I gave her a look. “Smart ass.” I quipped. She chuckled. “I’m glad you’re in a better mood.” Wrong thing to say. The smile left her face immediately.

  “Back in high school when Macie dumped me, I was devastated, but I got over it. You’ll find someone else. I bet Corporal Alexander is single. He seems like a pretty good guy.”

  “I bet they’ve fucked already.” Andie said. I chuckled. She looked at me. “Well? Have they?”

  “Now you’ve found two things the all-knowing Zach Gunderson does not know. Why don’t you ask him yourself?” I asked. Andie turned away from me quickly.

  “That Corporal hardly looked at me the last time they were here.” She said while staring out of the window.

  I stopped the truck and gave Julie a quick negative SITREP on the radio. Then I reached over and pulled the passenger side visor down. “Look in the mirror.” Andie glanced at me and then did so. “Remember the last time the corporal saw you? Your face was black and blue, and your nose was so swollen it looked like an overgrown tumor. Now look at you. Your face is almost completely healed, your hair has grown out a little bit, which makes you a lot sexier by the way, and your nose only has a small hint of crookedness, which adds character. You’ve put on some weight in the right places too, and if my eyes don’t deceive me, your boobs have grown.” I said and sat back in my seat. Andie looked over and her face brightened.

  “They have! Do you want to see?” She asked.

  I laughed. “No, I better not.” I started driving again. “If that corporal is not hooked up with somebody, I’d bet a dollar to a donut he’ll be looking you over real good.

  “You better be right.” Andie said threateningly. I laughed again.

  The Chinook arrived shortly after noon. The two pilots, whom I hadn’t yet met, kept the rotors running. Captain Steen walked out of the rear, with Corporal Alexander following, carrying his M4 in one hand, a duffel bag in the other, and wearing a rucksack. Jack’s posture was a little stooped. He didn’t have his usual military bearing as he walked over to me. When the two soldiers were clear of the rotors, the Chinook powered up and lifted off.

  “How are you, Zach? That wound on your cheek is healing nicely.” Captain Steen said as he shook my hand. He was right. Julie had done a wonderful job of aligning it properly when she glued it together.

  “I’m doing well. You look like a man with a lot of weight on his shoulders.” I replied. He smiled tightly and looked around.

  “You’ve brought a lot of company.” He commented.

  “I have, and we’ve brought some fresh fish, venison, and vegetables. Bo over there said he’s pretty good on the grill. I hope you brought an appetite with you.”

  “It sounds much better than Army chow.” He said.

  Corporal Alexander hurried over to us as quickly as the extra weight would allow him. We shook hands and then he leaned forward.

  “Holy shit, Zach,” He said in a loud whisper. “Where did all of these women come from?” Julie had walked up beside him and overheard him. She giggled.

  “Come on, I’ll introduce you to all of them. Leave your gear here.” She hooked her arm through his and led him off.

  “Julie,” I said, stopping her in her tracks. “Maybe Terry would like to say hello to Andie first?” I gestured in an expression I hoped she would understand. She did, and nodded at me.

  I turned my attention back to Captain Steen. “You don’t have the usual complement of soldiers today. Where’d the pilots fly off to?”

  “I have a makeshift office set up in that hangar.” He said, pointing at the first of three hangars. “Why don’t we go check it out?” He waited until we were in his office before speaking.

  “Zach, there’s no way to say this diplomatically. We will be unable to relocate any people to Fort Campbell at this time.” He looked at me somberly.

  “Has something happened?” I asked.

  “There has been some social unrest among the civilians, and some desertions.” He sighed. “It hasn’t been pretty. In fact, there have been several we have banished.”


  “I see.” I said. “Julie and I pumped these women up about relocating. They’re going to be disappointed. Rowdy will be ecstatic though, he’s got a thing for one of the women.” Some of the women were pleasant to be around, but I couldn’t wait for Wanda to get the hell out of my neighborhood.

  “There is some more unpleasant news, I’m afraid.” He said. I looked at him closely. “Howard was killed in an unfortunate set of circumstances.” He looked at me somberly.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “It would seem his two sons were concealing handguns. When they got to their new home, the youngest one pulled the handgun out of his pants and handed it to his father. The weapon discharged, striking Howard in the chest.”

  Captain Steen could have punched me in the gut and it wouldn’t have been any worse than what he had just told me. He looked at me hard.

  “Mrs. Allen blames you. She said you insisted they keep their firearms.” Captain Steen said, and continued staring at me. I reluctantly nodded. He took a long deep breath before speaking again.

  “Zach, you are a remarkable young man. You have a highly ordered mind and the adversity we face has brought out the natural leadership ability in you. If the world was a normal place, I’d get you enrolled in an ROTC scholarship program. You’d be a great officer, with the right tutelage. But your major problem is inexperience. You assumed these kids would handle those weapons in a safe manner. You assumed Howard would have ensured those handguns would have been unloaded.” Captain Steen took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

  “You seem to be indirectly saying I fucked up.” I said.

  “Yes, I am.” He replied.

  The rebellious teenager in me wanted to stand up and tell him to go fuck himself. I couldn’t do it though. He was right. If I had inspected the weapons myself, or if I had personally taken the time to train Derry…

  “Point taken.” I said quietly.

  “The point I believe you are missing is my order of no firearms possessed by civilians. Howard would still be alive if you guys had deferred to my doctrine, and to my wisdom.”