Vaughn's Pride: California Cowboys

by Selena Laurence

  And so for all of junior year and part of senior, T.J. and Vaughn weren’t as close as they had been. He discovered another world, with other girls, and T.J. had never felt so betrayed. He teased, dated, and eventually screwed other women, and T.J. stood by and watched. Hurt, ashamed, and confused, she hadn’t known how to respond except to act as though she didn’t care. And that was what she’d done for eighteen long months. Then Winter Ball had rolled around, and Lance Preston, the son of Big Sur’s favorite city councilor, asked T.J. to go to the dance.

  And that was when T.J. and Vaughn’s story really started.

  “Hey,” he said as he came toward her across the gym floor. She observed his gait, noting how smooth and sure it was. He didn’t even realize how much progress he’d made since the accident. Someone who saw him on the street now would never know he had a prosthesis.

  “Are you ready to work?” she asked, sticking to business, because he’d made it known early on that he had no interest in associating with her otherwise.

  She and Vaughn had been through a lot since that fateful day in senior year when Lance had asked her to Winter Ball and Vaughn had reacted with a jealous fit that ended up in the loss of T.J.’s virginity. They’d been lovers, they’d been estranged, and they’d been best of friends, but now they were client and therapist. Nothing more. Or so Vaughn seemed to wish.

  “I’m here,” he answered. “Let’s get on with it.”

  She gave him one sharp nod, then pointed to the aerobic step where he had to do one hundred step-ups leading with the injured leg.

  He sighed and went over to begin. It was the first exercise they did every time he had PT, so he knew the routine. She watched his movement as he stoically counted off his steps—first leg up, second leg up, first leg down, second leg down. Repeat.

  “Alexa, play Jay Z,” Vaughn said. “Volume ten.”

  Heavy beats filled the room, and T.J. gritted her teeth as the bass made her insides swirl. “Alexa, volume four.”

  “Can’t hear it,” Vaughn snapped. “Alexa, volume ten.”

  T.J. scowled at him, and he glared back as Jay Z reeled off a string of profanities that made even T.J.’s well-seasoned ears hurt. She marched over to the shelves along the wall where the Echo and sound system were housed and snagged the power cord in one hand before tugging it out of the wall with a snap. The room went silent.

  “I’m telling Cade you broke it,” Vaughn groused.

  “What are we, five?”

  Vaughn snorted as he finished up his steps. “If we were five, you’d be wearing bigger clothes and I’d have two legs.”

  Her eyes widened as she stared at him. He didn’t just say that, did he?

  “You didn’t.”

  “Didn’t what?” he asked as he moved to pick up the medicine ball, positioning himself between it and the weight bench so if he fell, it would be onto the cushioned bench.

  “You did not just make some snide remark about my clothing.”

  Vaughn grunted as he lifted the medicine ball over his head and then lowered it. She tried not to notice how his biceps flexed on the down stroke, but it was nearly impossible in his T-shirt that was at least a size smaller for him now than it had been when they’d started therapy several weeks ago.

  It was pretty typical of paraplegics and amputees that they bulked up in their upper bodies. Especially for young, healthy men, loss of mobility in the lower extremities meant a focus on the upper body. And while Vaughn was able to do most everything he had before the accident, he still hadn’t regained his normal level of physical activity. He was an outdoor guy by nature, always riding, camping, swimming. He’d done none of those things since the accident, so he’d apparently been pumping iron. And it looked damn good on him. Too good. Because they weren’t that pair anymore, and he’d broken her heart one time too many.

  He continued his reps as if they weren’t in the middle of a conversation about what an asshole he was being. When he finished the fifteen reps, he set the ball on the floor, only losing his balance for a split second. He stood upright again, wiping the back of one arm across his forehead, where a light sheen of sweat had appeared.

  “It wasn’t a snide remark, just stating the fact that your five-year-old clothes would probably cover more than those shorts do.” He turned to face the weight bench, bending over and touching it with just the tips of his fingers. That only put his spectacularly hard ass directly in T.J.’s line of sight. She growled in frustration and marched around the bench so that she was facing him. He started a set of kicks with his good leg while balancing on his injured one.

  “Harder on the thrust,” she instructed as he bent his knee forward, then kicked it back behind him.

  He muttered something that sounded like, “That’s what she said.”

  But T.J. was already so mad, she hardly noticed.

  “For your information, my clothing is entirely appropriate for my job and the weather. I spend my days showing people how to use their bodies better. They need to be able to see my form, and I need to be able to move easily.”

  “Why are we even discussing this?” he snapped angrily as he stood. “I don’t care what you do with your days or your clients. I have to be here, so I am. Let’s get on with it.”

  It had only happened one other time since they’d started their sessions, but that time he’d been on the way out anyway, so he hadn’t seen, though Ty stayed behind and comforted her. She struggled for a moment, telling herself that she couldn’t let this happen, wouldn’t let him see what he could still do to her. But his words cut too deep, and her heart was too raw.

  The tears formed without her consent, against her will, and in spite of her best efforts. She swallowed, and looked up at the ceiling quickly before turning away and hoping he hadn’t noticed.

  But apparently, Vaughn wasn’t as uninterested in her as he’d just claimed to be, because she heard him swear softly.

  “T.J., I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I…I’m sorry. Please.”

  She crossed her arms, looking out the window at the Jenkinses’ house across the parking circle. She’d spent a significant portion of her life in that house. It was nearly as familiar as her own home. And she’d spent a significant portion of her life with this man. She’d been everything to him that she could be, but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could continue. She wasn’t sure that she’d survive another go-round with him. This had to end.

  She spun on him, plastering on what had to be the world’s phoniest smile.

  “Don’t be,” she said, all cheer and fake enthusiasm. “You’re right. You were forced to be here, and you know what? You don’t need to be. You walk and move as if you’d never had the accident. Your prosthetic works like a dream. I think we’re done.”

  He blinked at her as if he was trying to process what she’d just said, but T.J. was already walking toward the desk in the corner of the room, grabbing her backpack and going to the door.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, taking a step in her direction.

  She looked at him over her shoulder, never breaking stride. “I’m off to live my life, Vaughn. You should go live yours.” Then she swung open the door so hard, it hit the wall behind it. But she didn’t even stop to see if it had taken a chunk out of the plasterboard.

  T. J. Brisco was done. And she was so very gone.

  3

  “Vaughn?”

  “Yeah, T.J.?”

  “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

  “I don’t think it’s an actual job.”

  “Well, what is it?”

  “I want to take care of the cows and the horses and paint pictures too.”

  “So, like, do the stuff your dad does and the stuff your mom does?”

  “Not exactly, ’cause I don’t want to sit in the office and work on the computer like he does, and I don’t want to cook all the meals and clean the house like she does.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think you get to pick like that. I think i
f you do one part of a job, you have to do all the parts.”

  “I know. It kind of sucks.”

  “It’s okay, I’ll do the parts you don’t want to. I don’t mind.”

  “Thanks, T. And I’ll always take care of you.”

  “I know, that’s why I love you.”

  “I love you too. But don’t tell Cade and Ty. They’ll just make fun of me.”

  “She still not here?” Cade asked as he walked into the kitchen where Vaughn sat on a stool, eating a sloppy joe the size of Sacramento.

  “Nope.”

  “Jesus, when you told me, I didn’t think she was serious.”

  Vaughn mumbled around his food. “Neither did I.”

  Cade cuffed his younger brother upside the head, then pointed an index finger at him. “You will make this right.”

  “I don’t need PT anymore anyway.” Vaughn shoved the last piece of sandwich in his mouth and stood. From across the kitchen, he could hear his Aunt Lynn tsking.

  “You too?” he asked as he walked the empty plate over to where she was loading the dishwasher.

  “You’ve been in love with that girl since you were seven years old,” she hissed at him so Cade wouldn’t hear. “You cannot let things end like that.”

  Vaughn’s stomach churned as he sighed. “It’s for the best.” He turned to Cade and repeated the words that felt so terribly wrong in his mouth and heart, even though his head insisted on them. “It really is for the best.”

  “The best for her? Or the best for you?” Cade answered softly.

  “Both.” Vaughn moved to the back door and walked out. He made his way around the house and across the drive to the barn, then went straight to the stall of his horse, Jetson.

  “Hey, buddy,” he crooned at the big buckskin. Jetson snuffled at Vaughn’s T-shirt pocket. Vaughn laughed softly and took out the sugar cubes he’d slipped in there before he left Lynn’s kitchen.

  “Here you go, you greedy monster.”

  Jetson delicately took the sugar cubes and chomped on them for a moment before rubbing his head on Vaughn’s shoulder.

  Vaughn patted the big beast and let his mind wander to forty-eight hours ago, when T.J. seemingly walked out of his life for good.

  It was odd, because they’d had worse fights, been together, been apart, had gone through eighteen months when they hadn’t spoken, but something in the way she’d looked at him in the gym two afternoons ago had sent an arrow to his core. An arrow that sliced at everything he believed to be true about their relationship. An arrow that cut through the fundamental belief he’d always used to comfort himself—T.J. would always be there.

  And now it felt as though she wouldn’t.

  “When are you going to ride him?” Ty asked from the doorway to the barn where he stood watching Vaughn with an indecipherable look on his face.

  Vaughn stiffened, his chest pinching at the thought of what might happen if he tried to mount the giant animal. How he’d manage to get his prosthesis in and out of a stirrup without looking like a fool. What might happen if he were to fall and the prosthesis were to stay in the stirrup without him.

  “You do realize that we mount horses using our left leg, right?” he sniped at Ty.

  “So it’ll take a bit of getting used to, and maybe we even have to design some adjustments to the stirrup, but you can do it. It’ll take you a couple of weeks tops to figure it out. Hell, Jetson’s so smart, we could probably train him for a right side mount.”

  Vaughn snorted. Easy for Ty to say. Ty didn’t know what it was like having to spend all day long worrying about how to keep from falling, tripping, failing. Ty not only had two good legs, he also had the business mind of the family and was some sort of superman, raising a four-year-old daughter all on his own, maintaining a cheerful attitude, and serving as the trusted right-hand man to their older brother Cade. Yeah, it was safe to say Ty knew absolutely nothing about what it was like to not even be able to mount a horse.

  “We’ll see,” Vaughn said, stroking Jetson on the nose.

  Ty walked closer, leaning up against a wall and crossing his arms over his chest. He was wearing an old denim shirt with short sleeves just like their dad used to wear, and the sight of it made Vaughn’s heart ache for a moment. But then he reminded himself how ashamed he would have been for their big, strong father to see him in his current condition. He’d always craved their father’s approval more than just about anything. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to have Rex Jenkins pity him.

  “So…” Ty cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Looks like T.J. isn’t going to show for your appointment this afternoon.”

  “Looks that way,” Vaughn answered, opening the gate to an empty stall next to Jetson’s and beginning to shovel it out.

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  Vaughn squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, wondering if he was going to have to move off the ranch to get his brothers to stop harassing him about every aspect of his life from what he wore to what he ate to who he spoke to. He was twenty-four years old, for God’s sake. He didn’t need to get their permission or their advice.

  “I’m not going to do anything,” Vaughn replied.

  “You can’t be serious. After nearly twenty years with the girl? Come on. That’s not what you want, I know it isn’t.”

  “It is, actually. I want to be rid of PT. I want T.J. to go have a life, and I want to be left alone. Seems like this is accomplishing all three objectives.”

  Ty shook his head slowly. “You’re going to regret this.”

  He already did. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that he no longer had to put all his faults and weaknesses on display to the one person who mattered most to him. The one woman he’d ever loved.

  What mattered was that now she’d be free to find some guy who was whole, and love him and marry him and have beautiful babies with him. Because he knew that was what T.J. wanted, and if she wanted it, then she should have it. Just not with him.

  “It’ll be fine.”

  “Well, you need a new physical therapist if she’s not going to meet with you anymore.”

  Vaughn pushed the last bit of barn muck out the door of the stall and shut the gate.

  “I’m done with PT.”

  “The doctor said you needed to keep it up for six months. It’s hasn’t even been half that time yet.”

  “I’m done,” he repeated before he leaned the shovel against the wall next to one of the barn doors.

  “You can’t just—”

  And then, just like that, Vaughn lost it again. Like he had with T.J., like he did on a regular basis these days. It wasn’t in character, it wasn’t something he was proud of, but dammit, he was so tired, and so angry, and so fucking miserable. And sometimes, when he least expected it, a small explosion would go off inside him, and it would mushroom until it spread around him, like a poison gas that polluted everyone within range.

  “I can just. I can do anything I damn well please. I’m not a fucking teenager. I might be younger than you, but I’m still an adult. I’ve been an adult since the day Mom and Dad died, and losing a leg didn’t change that, so don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

  “Uncle Vaughn?” a small voice said from the open doorway behind him. “I think those are bad words.”

  Vaughn’s eyes shut for a moment as he let out a long breath. God. His niece, Katie. She was probably his favorite person in the world after T.J., and one of the few bright spots in his life at the moment. He would never do or say anything to frighten her.

  He turned slowly, pasting a smile on his face. “Katie bug!” He bent down and tickled her waist, making the little blonde squeal and giggle until she could hardly breathe. Once he’d thoroughly discombobulated her, he stood and ruffled her hair. “Whatcha’ doin’, bug? I thought you and Aunt Lynn were going to bake me some cookies.”

  Vaughn had long ago learned that distraction was the best course of action with a small child, and
sure enough, it worked this time too. Katie’s bout of giggling seeming to erase her memory of his inappropriate language.

  “We need more chocolate chips, and Aunt Lynn said she wants you to take me to the store to buy them.”

  He breathed in relief. A chance to get out of the house, away from his brothers’ constant surveillance, and do something that didn’t involve learning a new skill with his left leg. A win-win all the way around.

  He grabbed her hand. “Absolutely, I’d love to take my favorite girl to the store.”

  “I want a piggyback!” Katie yelled, jumping up and down as he started to lead her out of the barn.

  He glanced at Ty, who merely raised his eyebrows, obviously unwilling to bail Vaughn out.

  “Um, bug, you remember how we talked after my accident? My leg’s not the same. I can’t do the piggybacks like we used to.”

  Katie stopped walking, tugging on Vaughn’s hand and shaking her head. “Daddy said you could if you wanted to. He said that peoples who have one leg ski and run in the Olympics and all kinds of stuff.”

  Ty coughed a couple of times, suddenly occupied with checking the latches on all the stalls.

  Vaughn glared at his brother’s back.

  “I’m afraid I might drop you, bug.”

  “But I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid of anything, ’cept the daddy pig that Dirk calls Satan. And I’m a big girl. If you drop me, I’ll land on my butt in the dirt and then I’ll laugh.”

  Vaughn struggled to hold back a grin that he could see mirrored on Ty’s face.

  “I’m not sure how to get her up there,” he muttered in Ty’s general direction. “I can’t crouch down that well, and if she takes a running leap, it could knock me off balance.”

  “I got you,” Ty answered softly. “Come here, Katie.”