She greets me at her door, “Neely, what’s wrong? You look terrible, what’s happened?” she takes me into an embrace that I need desperately. I let my tears fall and give her the whole story. How I wanted Chris to love me, how I love his ranch and am so desperate for him to keep it that I went all renegade and finally how I stupidly thought I could give him me and make him realize he loved me too.
“Even sober, he doesn’t want me Lottie,” I cry.
“Neels, he has a lot on his plate, you can’t expect him to be focussed on getting a new relationship going as well.”
“I appreciate you giving me the flip side of my fucked up coin but it’s not necessary. We are not meant to be together and I am trying to be totally cool with that or I will be once I have a couple of days of peace, quiet and carbs to help it sink in.”
Lottie laughs at me, “You’re at the wrong place for carbs sister, but for you I will make a trip to the grocery store.”
I go to my room and sleep like the dead, it was clearly just what I needed.
The next morning she tells me that the sisterhood is going mad because I have disappeared, she’s held them off for now but won’t be able to do so long term. Lottie made a comment that Oli is worried, especially after the last few days of drama. I know she’s thinking about the break in and me realizing it’s over with Chris, but I know he means the shooting. She convinces me that I need to deal with the break in at my apartment so I make arrangements for my dad and the sheriff to meet me there. On arrival I see the worried look on my dad’s face and I feel bad for not preparing him for what he’s about to see. In truth it is the state I am in that shocks my dad the most.
After the sheriff makes an Oscar worthy show of taking my statement in the breezeway, in which I confirm nothing is missing that I am aware of and I have no idea why someone would do this to me or what they could possibly be looking for, the sheriff leaves.
My dad looks at me and his first words are, “I’ll kill him.”
“No you won’t, you’ll leave it alone and let me move on.”
“But I’ve never seen you like this, so full of despair and so sad,” he leans in to hug me, which I return fully. I love my dad so much.
“Which is why you’ll let me deal with this my way and please don’t tell Mom yet.”
“OK, but you’ve got a couple of days and then I’m coming to drag you back to life.”
“OK, love you Dad, call my cell phone if you want me.” We end our hug and I get back in my car and head back to Lottie’s to continue wallowing because it’s obvious that’s what I’m doing.
Lottie allows this to continue for another two days before she’s had enough and tells me I need to get out. Apparently she’s already tracked down Ross and told him it’s his fault that I am surrounded in this shit so the least he can do is take me out.
I don’t want to go out, I also don’t want to go out with Ross, but my temporary roomy is insistent, so we agree to meet him for drinks at Purps, a simple change of scenery with some much needed alcohol.
Lottie however uses this chance to play “dress up Neely,” she’s limited on clothing choice because I only packed one dress and one decent pair of shoes, but it will do for a low key night. She does, however make up for it with my hair and makeup.
As much as I don’t want to go out, getting dressed up does improve my mood, I’ve got one my favorite simple tube dresses, its bottle green and strapless. It’s simple but hot and shows off all of my boobs and ass. I’m matching it with simple black stilettoes and a black purse and it looks wicked. Lottie does my eye makeup black and smoky green which makes my eye’s look huge and I have on a plain lip gloss with a tiny bit of gold in it. I drink a glass of wine while she painstakingly curls sections of my hair so it has volume and is bouncy.
I look in the mirror and am pleased with what I see until I look deeper at my face and realize she’s had to work hard to get rid of the circles under my eyes. I need to take better care of myself and wo-man up.
Decision made, Girl Rule 1 is in effect, wo-man the fuck up.
“Snap out of it Neely, things are going to be different tonight, I promise,” she tells my reflection in the mirror.
We walk outside and climb into one of Tommy’s cabs that Lottie booked earlier, we’re both quiet on the journey but it doesn’t take long for us to pull up outside Purps, where she looks at me and says “Game face on bitch, time for you to dish out some pay back and teach that idiot a lesson.”
“What are you talking about? What’s that supposed to mean?” I don’t get an answer though because as she swans off Ross appears in my eye line and heads over, his sexy smile is cheeky as always and I can’t help returning it.
He leans in and kisses my cheek, “Ready to find out what you really mean to him?”
“Wh….,” I don’t get to finish that sentence because he leans in front of me and kisses me. A full on wet, heavy tongue kiss like we shared at the picnic, it leaves me confused and searching his face for answers. My answers come when he takes my hand and leads me in the direction of where Lottie went, it’s only then that I spot the whole gang at the bar, including Chris.
Lottie has assumed her position next to her fake beau Oli, who looks to be berating her for setting this up and Jonas has an arm around Dolly but is really watching Chris, who appears to be slamming back a glass of something. He’s seething with anger.
What the fuck has Lottie done?
Did she not listen to me at all? I don’t want to play these games. I want to forget the shit pool that is my love life and move on. Ross senses my unease and clenches my hand, dragging me to the bar.
“Bartender, get my girl something sparkly,” he shouts, “She’s had a shit day.” He pulls me into his side and sandwiches me between him and Chris. Chris is trying his best to ignore us and Jonas is on guard waiting for him to explode. Unfortunately though, I think they’ve got this all wrong because he does nothing and gives me what I asked, him to treat me like I don’t exist.
I whisper to Ross that I want to leave because frankly, this is embarrassing and I’m pissed at my so called sisters for pulling this stunt. “Don’t give up, I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve,” he whispers back.
After we’ve had a drink he announces we’re going off to dance and drags me to the dance floor. It doesn’t take long for me to loosen up, so our dancing is a repeat of the previous experience, lots of hands, dry humping and now some kissing. I give a good performance but I can see Chris constantly in the corner of my eye, nursing his drink, occasionally watching us.
After a while the gang moves to an alcove with enough space for us all to sit in. I’m last to be seated and Ross makes sure that the only space available for me is on his lap. Lottie is grinning, as is Dolly and it also seems that Oli has joined Jonas on the Chris may explode duty watch.
From there, things start to go very ugly, very quickly.
“Neely,” says Dolly, “Are things at your apartment OK? Is there much to clean up? I can get Barbara to have A and B and come help you?”
“No, it’s OK. I’ll manage, but thanks anyway.”
“Baby,” oh lord, Ross is now calling me baby, I hate to wonder where this is going, “Stop lying, your place is a shit tip and it’ll be a while until you can get in there and before the insurance sorts the furniture. It’s a good job you’ve only got to move your clothes and stuff across the way, we’ll get to know each other better when you move in with me.”
“The fucking hell she is,” is what I, along with the rest of the gang hear come from the corner where Chris is sat and he looks ready to murder someone. That someone being Ross.
“Sorry pal, don’t think you have much of a say,” Ross tells him, clearly goading him which makes my bad feeling about tonight get worse.
“Over my cold, dead, fucking corpse is my woman spending anytime under the same roof as you.”
What did he just say?
My mouth is hanging open, so much so a cargo ship could dock i
n it.
“I am not your woman!” I rage back at him.
“There you go man, sorry, you snooze, you lose,” Ross tells him with a shrug of his shoulders.
Lottie and Dolly look positively beside themselves with the development. It would appear that things are playing out the way they planned them.
“I am not fucking talking to you,” Chris yells at Ross, “So shut the fuck up before I finish what I started the last time I watched you feel her up in here.”
Ross gives him a look that I interpret as fight time, “Please Ross, just leave it?” I ask.
“Not going to happen Neely, this fucker blows so hot and cold he could be his own air con unit. You don’t need that shit, you need a man who’ll take care of you, not punch you.”
Oh no.
That does it.
“Listen motherfucker, last warning. Shut the fuck up or our problems just got bigger.” Chris warns and Jonas has taken his back, like I knew he would, but is shaking his head at Ross, indicating he’s pushing things too far.
“Well if our problems are going to get bigger, I think I’ll take my girl out of here and see how sweet she sings for me,” as Ross sets me on the floor and gets up to join me, all hell breaks loose.
Chris jumps over the table that’s got him penned in and launches himself onto Ross’s back. He looks like a man possessed. “It wasn’t you who was making her fucking sing the other night in a hotel was it motherfucker? No it was me.”
Punch.
“It wasn’t you making her moan and beg for it was it? No it was me.”
Punch.
“Chris, please shut up,” I plead.
Punch.
“And it isn’t you turning yourself inside out, trying to stay away from the woman you love because you’re so fucking scared and you know you don’t deserve her?” he shouts.
All of us stop and look at Chris, he’s being held back by Jonas now, Ross hasn’t retaliated and thrown any punches back, but Jonas still doesn’t have an easy time keeping a grip on Chris. He’s panting and breathing heavy and his eyes are pointed at the floor in shame. Surely, this isn’t the outcome Lottie and Dolly envisaged, two grown men fighting and Chris unravelling in front of his friends and not knowing what to do.
His body is screaming flight, whereas for the first time ever mine is screaming fight.
Fight for him.
Maybe I expected too much, maybe he just doesn’t know how to fight for what he wants anymore, maybe it’s because he’s had women fall at his feet and expect nothing in return.
All except me and Polly Vans, who is clearly after one thing, his home and his business. Polly is the other extreme end from me, I just want the guy. I only want this guy to love me.
For the first time I realize he doesn’t know what to do and thinking that he’s going to hurt me has been keeping him away, but it’s also been keeping me away and keeping me from fighting for us.
It’s my turn to act and make this right, make him see he’s wrong about himself.
“Chris is that what you really think?”
“Do we have to talk about this now, in public? Have I not shamed myself enough for one night?” he pleads.
“No, but if you let me walk away for a third time, it will be the final time,” I tell him making my position clear, whilst our friends stand on the side line wondering which way it will go.”
“Home. Now, and I mean my home,” he shrugs his arms to get Jonas to release him and heads over to me. By taking my hand and leading me away he makes his statement clear.
He’s claimed me.
He’s fought for me physically in front of our friends.
He’s got his reasons and issues to overcome, but he wants me.
He said he loved me out loud and I couldn’t be fucking happier.
Chapter Nineteen
On leaving the club we get in the back of the first cab outside and head for the ranch. He doesn’t talk and I don’t either. I have to let him lead because forcing him won’t help overcome whatever his demons are and I need to be sure he means whatever he’s about to do. That means he has to be in control.
When we pull up at the ranch house he takes my hand and leads me through the front door. As soon as we hit the living room he starts pacing, “God Neely, I’ve fucked things up, help me make it right, please help me make it right.” The pain in his face punches me deep in my gut.
“How? What can I do?”
“Show me how to love you, help me find the man who deserves to be with you, even though I don’t feel like that’s me right now.”
I reach out and take his hand and lead him to his bedroom. We get to the door and he stops, “No one else has been in here with me. The others, they never came in here I promise you, OK?”
“OK.”
I watch him nervously pull the shades and start to remove his clothes. I follow suit and stop when I get to my underwear. I climb in the bed and wait for him to join me and when he does he takes me in his arms and pulls me close. “Let’s talk, let’s do this,” he says nervously.
“You sound like you’re awaiting a death sentence,” I try and joke a bit.
“This could be how it feels for all I know.”
“I doubt that, but if you’re ready, let’s have it. Let me see what’s going on in your head.” Once he begins, I don’t interrupt him until he’s finished.
“Do you know what it’s like to have everything you’ve ever wanted only to feel like it’s not enough? No, probably not. I came from a good family, my folks believed in me and taught me that the world was for my taking. I excelled at sport and when I was given the chance to go pro football or stay at the ranch, I knew where I should be. But part of giving up that dream was having to listen to people talk shit. Lots of people thought I was lying about the contracts I was offered and those that did believe that bit, thought I wasn’t strong enough to hack it. After a while I started to believe what they were saying. The only ones who didn’t seem to mind me being home were the local girls. The guys around here hated me because I’d turned down something they’d never get a chance at, but the girls, oh my fucking God, they were all over me. So I took the attention and used them to forget all the shit my mind was convinced it was hearing. Lording it up over the guys and getting all the pussy I wanted convinced me that I’d done the right thing by staying here. It was like having the best of both worlds, the family and the ranch and the honey covered lifestyle of being famous. After a while you start to believe your own hype. I had easy pussy on tap, so who would want to settle down.”
He pauses and looks at me to see if he can spot any reaction, I don’t move.
“Then things started to get ugly with my mom and pop, she started to hear about my reputation and she’s busted me fucking in more outbuildings than I can remember, shameful.”
“I never knew things were bad at home.”
“In general they were good, but mom became unhappy with my behavior and pop, he was really angry about what it was doing to our business reputation. I’d stepped up to take on the ranch and all of a sudden pop is questioning whether I am the man for the job, and he still thinks that. I fucking love this place and God, if he knew what I was like now and what was going on with the Vans…it’d kill him. Anyway, I convinced them to take retirement in Florida and they reluctantly agreed. In reality they were and still are expecting me to fail. Part of them thinks that it was the ranch that kept me here, they don’t understand it was my choice to stay. So after some not so fun discussions with them and mom continuously pushing me to settle down, I went for the obvious choice, Polly. Both sets of parents had been hinting at it for years and other people have fake relationships, I thought I’d give it a go, I decided it wouldn’t be a bad thing for people to see us together and it would get my Mom off my back. I started to become the respectable man in the eyes of the people that mattered and it seemed like Polly was on board. I mean how hard can it be to fake having a relationship, Oli and Lottie have been doing it for ag
es?”
I smirk back at his remark, people have no idea what that charade does to Lottie but it’s not my place to say.
“Polly in her usual fucked up way thought it was a way to actually get me into a real relationship and that made me rebel more. I can’t believe I am going to admit this and it’s not like you don’t know, you were here a year ago. Anyway, I was taking what Polly would give me, which was a lot and more if I wanted it and then I was travelling into other nearby towns and getting what I wanted from others.”
I gasp in shock, we all knew he was a bit of a womanizer, but not to this extent.
“The look of disgust you now show is what I see on everyone’s faces every day. Now do you understand why I didn’t want to tell you? I’ve been on and off with Polly depending on which game I was playing and then I’ve been out picking up random hook ups to get the excitement and attention I’d convinced myself I’d given up by not going pro-ball. Someone who does that, does not deserve you and all that you have to give them.”
“I don’t know what to say,” and I genuinely don’t, this is not the guy I thought I was friends with, how does no one in our group not know all this shit about him?
“No, I don’t suppose I would either if someone came out with all that. Polly being openly accepting of what I was up to just made it worse, it made me angry that she was and still is prepared to put up with this, although now we know she may have other motives. It was just a game to me, I was bored, so I thought maybe I could spark some real reaction out of her by fucking someone we both knew right under her nose,” he finishes this quietly and it doesn’t take me long to catch up and realize why.
He’s referring to his night with me. No wonder he didn’t want to tell me. He’s just openly admitted that he used me for fun and in a game of piss off Polly.
I bolt out of the bed in shock and Chris doesn’t stop me, “Now can you understand why I’m not the guy you thought I was and why you shouldn’t want to be with me?”
I move and sit on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands, this is like someone smashing all your dreams in one fell swoop. I put myself out there on one night thinking I was making a move on someone who wanted me only to find out I was a pawn in his game.
Forgiving Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 2) Page 16