Interrupted (The Progress Series)

by Queau, Amy

  But every day that passed proved that Jess hadn’t called. Every hour her thoughts were consumed with who she had become in the past two weeks, but she would return safely to her apartment every night having escaped Jesse’s revenge. That, of course, made her paranoia worse and her nerves more uneasy for the next day.

  But no one called her. No one arranged for a meeting. She had no idea what Jess was waiting for or why he was delayed, because she hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that night.

  *

  Charlie purchased a bouquet of spring flowers on her way to the cemetery. It had only been a few short months since her dad had died, but she needed to talk to someone. The snow piled in front of his headstone was thick. Scooping most of it away, she placed the flowers gently upright against the stone.

  “Hey, Pops. I miss you.” Saying his nickname made her eyes well with tears. “I’ve gotten myself into a real awful, horrible, stupid mess, haven’t I? Well, I appreciate you looking out for me, anyway. I just wish you were here so I could talk to you.

  “I’m scared, Dad. I’m scared, lonely and miserable. I know what you’re going to say, but if you could just hear me out, maybe your disappointment in me will ease up a bit.

  “I love Sam. I love him more than I can put into words. And I feel absolutely horrible for what I’ve done to him. He’s a good man. He deserves so much better than me. I didn’t think I was capable of doing this to someone.

  “Jesse is my weakness.” She shrugged, fighting a stream of tears. “He always has been and he always will be. I just want to wish away his pain. I want him to know that there are people that care about him and love him for everything that he is, especially when he doesn’t love himself,” she said, wiping her cheek.

  Sniffling, she gained composure. “Sam has this plant and flower encyclopedia. Its silly, really, but I remember reading about this flower called the Autumn Crocus. And occasionally when I think about Jesse, this flower pops into my head. I think this week I finally figured out why.

  “Most people don’t even know the flower exists until, one day, it pops up in their garden, suddenly bringing life to a spot where they hadn’t planted anything. For two weeks it brightens the area; no leaves and no fuss. They’re an amazing flower to look at. The devastatingly beautiful thing about this particular flower is that it has a very unique healing ability; it’s used in medicines all over the world. But on the flip side, if taken too much and in large doses, it’s fatal to anything that consumes it.

  “I guess the reason I’m telling you about this flower is that, well…Jesse is this beautiful and natural thing on the inside. His mind works differently, even brilliantly at times. But he’s afraid of it. And so am I. There’s this very dark side to him, a side that if I venture in too far, I’m afraid I’ll see things I’ll never be able to get out of my memory. But he needs someone to show him all the wonderful things he is, all the beautiful things he can do. I’m not a therapist and I don’t know the first thing about psychology or the way a mind works. But I do know Jesse. And I feel like I’ve been chosen for some reason. Almost like, if everything happens for a reason, then all of this—this whole debacle of a disaster I’ve gotten us all into—has to mean something.

  “Oh Pops, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to justify my actions in some way. I know Jess is mad right now. But I also know that he doesn’t consider this thing between us done. I know he’s thinking the same thing I am…that I owe him this much.

  “He tried to commit suicide last year. The year I left him. I do feel responsible for that, a little. He hasn’t told me that it was because of me, and I’m logical enough to realize that it’s never because of one reason alone, but I know that my actions couldn’t have helped his situation.

  “I remember you telling me, when we were sitting in my old bedroom last year, ‘I’m not worried about you, you always find a way to make it right.’ And I think about that a lot. I know I’ve always been the kind of person that feels like I can fix everyone and make everyone happy, but this time there’s so much more involved.

  “If I don’t find a way to help him, he’ll always be here. In my head. And probably in my heart. No matter how many miles he tries to put between us, I’ll always feel like I’ve failed him unless I try my best to make this right. I’m strangely protective of Jesse. Maybe it’s because we’re similar in so many ways, or maybe it’s just because there’s so much history between us. But no matter how much I love Sam, how can I just walk away from what I’ve started with Jesse? He came back to me, for whatever reasons he had, and now I might have the opportunity to fix a small part of my major fuckup.

  “Regrets aren’t something I do well, Pops. I just don’t want to add these to the list. I gotta try and make them count for something.”

  “Anyway, I hope you’re not too mad at me. I’ll figure it out, I promise you. I just need to decipher what’s most important, and let fate play its role. In the meantime, I’ll come back to visit you soon. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And I love you, so so much.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Charlie had purchased a dress earlier in the week. Roxanne said it was the prettiest dress she had ever seen and was jealous she hadn’t found it first. It was a satin, emerald green dress that was fitted to Charlie’s curves. The dress had thin straps and went down to her knees. At the waist, it was finished off with a thin black belt of lace. Slipping on the dress that evening, it complemented her dark red hair and made her blue eyes shimmer.

  She felt as though the company party was the last place she should be. With her unsettled nerves bouncing around her gut about Jess and Samuel, she walked through the doors and heard an instant buzz of laughter and chatter.

  The country club was decorated like Christmas. White twinkling lights hung from the ceiling, garland wrapped the mantel, and every table had a centerpiece of artificial snow-capped pinecones and white lace.

  She did what she had to do for the next hour, faking a smile, making the rounds to other managers, and making small talk while sipping on a glass of champagne. All of the employees had gossiped and speculated about the outcome of the award ceremony.

  Standing in a small huddle of other employees, Charlie felt a draft of cool air. Everyone looked to the door to see who was coming inside. She saw him look around the room for her, and shock covered her face.

  Samuel was in a black suit and was shaking loose snow off his shoulders and hair. His eyes found hers and a hesitant smile emerged on her face. She walked slowly to him.

  “You’re here. How… Why did you come?” she asked.

  “I just wanted you to know that I haven’t given up yet. I’m still…struggling. I don’t know if you’ve already lost me, but I’m here and I’m going to try.”

  She shook her head and one long stream of mascara ran down her cheek.

  “We’ll see. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get past it all,” he said, wiping the tear from her face.

  “Thank you.”

  Just as she took his hand, Robin started shouting to the crowd. “Attention, everyone! Attention. We’re going to be sitting down for dinner soon and the Award Ceremony will begin shortly thereafter. So if you could find your seats in the dining area, we can get it all started. Thanks.”

  Roxanne approached Charlie. “Well, this is it! Good luck. You look stunning, by the way.”

  “Thanks, Roxanne.”

  Samuel and Charlie took their seats at the table labeled “Willow Hills.” Each one of them had place cards with their names written in Old English calligraphy. Roxanne was seated next to Charlie, and Samuel on her other side. Her two maintenance guys were there along with their wives.

  Just as everyone received their meals, the president of the company began the awards ceremony. As each award was given and rounds of applause were initiated, Charlie sat nervously drumming her knee under the table. Samuel squeezed her thigh and gave her a tight smile as the unveiling of the Manager of t
he Year was about to be announced.

  “And the Manager of the Year goes to…”

  Roxanne’s eyes opened wide and her mouth slung open. She patted Charlie’s knee and said, “Two-oh-nine just walked in.”

  “Charlie Johnson! Congratulations! You’ve done a great service to our company this year. We have been incredibly impressed with…”

  Jess is here. What is he doing here? Why is he so dressed up?

  Charlie couldn’t focus on her award. Her eyes darted from Jess to Samuel. Her face was burning and her throat went dry. Jess had a bouquet of white daisies in his hand as he shook the snow from his coat.

  Everyone was clapping around her and she started feeling dizzy. She looked over to Samuel and her gaze had caught his attention. He was clapping, but staring at Jess inquisitively.

  “Charlie, it’s you! Go up there and get your award,” Samuel said.

  Charlie nodded and rose from her seat. She glanced at Jess on her way up to the podium and he was staring at her, eager to get her attention. When their eyes met, his expression became tender as he gazed at her form in her new green dress.

  She politely took the award from the president and shook his hand. “Thank you so much. It means so much to me to be recognized for my hard work,” she said robotically.

  She glanced into the crowd and saw everyone fiercely clapping. Cheering and whistling, Roxanne was bouncing in her seat. Samuel smiled at her and Charlie had to stop herself from shaking. The moment sped up and then slowed down. She tried to look for Jess, but he was no longer by the door. She forced a smile to her face and the crowd cheered louder. “Thank you,” she said and walked back to her seat.

  There were still two more categories to be awarded. Charlie leaned over to Samuel and whispered, “I have to go to the ladies’ room, I’ll be right back.” Rising from her seat, she looked down at her hands and tried to slow the tremors as she began searching for Jesse.

  Where is he? He’s gotta be here somewhere. What is he doing here?

  She scanned the bar; there was no sign of Jess. She went out to the verandah where there had been additional tables set out. Finally, she checked outside the front doors to see if he was having a cigarette.

  “Jess,” she said with slight contempt. “What are you doing here?”

  “Congratulations,” he said, handing her the daisies.

  “I don’t understand, how did you know I’d be here?” she asked.

  “Roxy told me.” Jess looked down and scratched the back of his head. “What’s so great about him?”

  Don’t do this.

  “Really? That’s why you’re here? You wanted to ask me about Samuel? Why do you care, anyway? The flowers? The shirt and tie? You’re sounding like a little boy with a crush. Are you going to marry me someday, Jess? Are you going to provide for me and our precious little offspring? We can all sit around the Christmas tree singing carols and spouting insults to each other. The thought is so warming, isn’t it?” Charlie emphasized her sarcasm.

  “At least I know the difference between love and settling…” he said.

  “You’re such a bully, Jess. You take someone’s weakness and use it against them again and again. What’s even worse is that you do it when they least expect it. As soon as you feel that connection with them, like you’re starting to care for them, you crush their spirit with the sole of your shoe. You have no one to blame but yourself for being alone. You have no one to blame but yourself for why I left you that night.”

  “Calm down. Stop being so defensive. I honestly want to know why you’re going to marry him.”

  Charlie took a deep breath and tried to slow her temper.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you. I want to marry Samuel because he’s a good man. He’s always there for me and knows when to keep his mouth shut and just listen. He’s charming and warm. He’s incredibly smart and witty; he makes me laugh. He’s not perfect and he accepts that, and he also knows that I’m not perfect. We’ve worked on this relationship for over a year and neither of us has run away from it. We want it to work. It takes patience, understanding, and compromise. He forgives me when I make mistakes and doesn’t judge me for them. He’s sexy, sweet, and a bit of an awkward geek at times, and he’s not afraid to show me every side of his personality.”

  Jess swallowed. “Well, he just sounds perfect then,” he said.

  Charlie shook her head and regained her defenses. “You asked, so I told you.”

  “Not once did you say you were in love with him.”

  Charlie shook her head. “It’s a strong word. For some reason telling you that I’m capable of love…stings me. It makes me vulnerable,” she said.

  “You still haven’t answered the question.”

  “You still haven’t asked one.”

  “Stop with the game for a minute! Do you love him or not?” he said.

  Charlie stood, motionless, staring into Jesse’s defenseless blue eyes. She didn’t want to say it. She couldn’t admit to him how she felt about anything, mostly because she didn’t really know. She had ruined things horribly with Samuel, and she didn’t know if he would ever forgive her. Walking away from Sam seemed easier than trying to make it work. She didn’t know if she could live the rest of her life with knowing how badly she had hurt him.

  “I couldn’t make the call to your boss. I just couldn’t do that to you. Or, to us.” He sighed and his shoulders dropped. “I’ve really messed things up between us, haven’t I?” he asked.

  “Oh, Jess. They were already messed up. We’re both guilty.”

  Taking a step back and trying to calm himself, he took a deep breath. “Can I just tell you one more thing before I go?” he asked.

  Charlie’s expression was hesitant as she fought to allow the chill moving through her spine. “Yes.”

  “I love you,” he said.

  The words stopped just in front of her. She refused to let them reach her heart.

  “Bullshit. You don’t love me. You don’t even know what that word means. So, just say it. Say how you really feel.”

  “What? Say what?” he said, his frustration climbing at her disbelief in his words.

  “Say it!” she shouted.

  “I need you!” he shouted back.

  He kicked the snow on the sidewalk and said his next words were quieter. “I’m a fucking mess without you.”

  She looked up and around at the night sky, trying to keep the tears from flooding. “Now that, I believe,” she whispered. Staring at him, the first thought that came into her head fell out of her mouth. “Don’t make me do this to you twice,” she said.

  Jesse closed his eyes and exhaled. He placed his hands in his pockets and shivered from the biting cold and her bitter words.

  “We aren’t making any new memories, Jess. We’re still clashing about the old ones. Can’t you see that? Nothing we’ve done in the past week has made us feel any better about ourselves or each other. Nothing,” she said.

  Samuel came walking out the door and a rush of warm air hit her. Her eyes opened wide and she turned back to Jess.

  He was already walking to his car.

  “It’s freezing out here, Charlie. Are you smoking?” Samuel asked.

  “I was about to, yes.”

  “Here, take my coat. I’ll run in and get yours,” he said.

  “Thanks,” she said, and Samuel went back inside.

  She lit a cigarette and watched Jess’s car pull out of the parking spot. He pulled up slowly to her and rolled down the passenger side window.

  “This is your last chance, Charlie. Get in,” Jess said.

  “What?”

  “Come on, Red. This isn’t over, and you know it.”

  Charlie looked back through the doors as Samuel was asking the attendant for her coat, and then looked back to Jess. He winked and gestured toward the car door. Her eyes glossed over, her stomach twisted, and her heart launched.

  I have an obligation to make this right. I have to start somewhere.

&
nbsp; “Unfinished business,” she whispered.

  *

  Before she could think things through, she hopped in the car.

  The End

  Rewired

  The Third (and final) Book in the Progress Series

  By Amy Queau

  I’m sick. Charlie thinks she can help me. Silly little girl.

  I know that no one is ready for what’s about to happen—especially me. And I don’t know where it will take me. But for now she’s here. For now, she chooses me.

  Chapter One

  Silence burned the inside of Jesse’s car. The whizzing of traffic and a muffled song on the radio weren’t enough to mask the desire they both felt for words. Someone needed to speak. They were both equally shocked that Charlie had actually climbed into the passenger seat. She had accepted his offer and there they were, trying to figure out what was going to happen next.

  “You’re sick, Jess. And I don’t know if I can help you; I don’t even know if you want it. I may not be able to fully relate to you, and I know that no one has ever really tried. Probably because you’ve never let anyone get this close to the truth. But I’m going to try. I’m going to try like hell to make this right for you, because I care. I adore you, Jess, you know that. But also because I’ve given up my ‘happily ever after’ to make this right. I walked away from my future. For you. The man I was going to spend the rest of my life with is now standing, alone, in a parking lot holding my coat in his arms, wondering where I am. So all I’m going to say is that you better be ready for this. Because this going to be a ride to hell and back. It might just be the second hardest thing you’ll ever endure in your lifetime.”

  Jess swallowed. “What was the first?” He closed his eyes.

  “Having to go through it the first time,” she said, expressionless, while lighting a cigarette.