Never Giving Up (Never #3)

by Anie Michaels

  The smile on my face probably looked bitchy. I most likely looked like the cat that ate the canary. But I felt wonderful. I’d finally gotten my chance to tell this small and secluded room of people what Jason Ramie had done to me. I’d looked him in the eye and told him that I knew who he was and what he’d done.

  The rest of the trial dragged on. I might have been biased, but Mr. Donaldson was, in my opinion, a much better lawyer than Jason Ramie’s. The prosecution pressed on after my testimony. Mr. Donaldson did a superb job of bringing witnesses to the stand that painted a picture of Jason Ramie’s guilt. The jury heard about how the bullet pulled from my shoulder matched a bullet that had been shot out of the gun found on his person at his arrest. Detective Dillard did a wonderful job of talking about each gun’s “fingerprint” and how the two bullets each had the same “fingerprint” on them and so they were both fired from the same gun—Jason Ramie’s.

  Dr. Bronson took the stand and spoke about my amnesia and, thankfully, backed up my testimony that memory loss was unpredictable and could reverse at any moment for any number of reasons. He also gave his professional opinion that I couldn’t have involuntarily assigned a new memory. In layman’s terms, I couldn’t have forced myself to remember something unreal or untrue out of want or need. He also reiterated that memories can come back swiftly and in response to stimuli.

  The prosecution rested around lunch time and I was in need of a break. I called Porter and learned that not only had Mattie gotten the PICC line, but that Dr. Edwards was also planning on getting her echocardiogram done soon. My head dropped and my eyes closed—another thing I would miss. Porter assured me that Mattie was open and vocal about her dislike for being with Daddy alone. He was doing everything he could to make me feel better about being away, and I loved him all the more for it.

  After lunch break, the defense took control of the courtroom and I was surprised to find that even I, a fashionista with no background in law and criminal investigations, found their argument to be lacking. Jason Ramie’s lawyers focused on the reliability of the testimony of the man who had exchanged information to lessen his own sentence. They tried to make it seem like the man who gave up Jason Ramie’s name to begin with was unreliable and couldn’t be trusted. This argument, to me at least, paled in comparison with the ballistics evidence presented by Detective Dillard.

  The defense called me up to testify again and even though I was nervous to take the stand, my nerves quickly faded when I realized the defense was grasping at straws. His lawyer tried baiting me into talking about my mental health, attempting to argue that I had been struggling with depression and couldn’t make a sound identification due to my mental status. Before I could even begin to tell him what kind of a ridiculous assessment that was Mr. Donaldson objected stating that the court had already established that I wasn’t a medical professional and shouldn’t be expected to comment on my own mental stability and should the defense want to explore it they should have subpoenaed my counselor.

  I smiled at his smart assery.

  Without much more to say about anything, the defense released me from the stand and shortly after rested their arguments. Closing arguments came and went, again, the prosecution taking one for the win. The judge turned her attention to the jury and started a long and in-depth speech about their next tasks, telling them they would be sequestered until they could come to a unanimous verdict. The jurors were led from the room by the bailiff and taken to their secret deliberation location, and Jason Ramie, again, was taken from the room, led off in handcuffs. The judge thanked the lawyers and stated that the court was in recess until the jury came to a decision.

  I looked around at Megan and Kalli, and then at Mr. Donaldson who gave me a tired smile.

  “So,” I said quietly, looking around the room at everyone dispersing. “That’s it then?”

  “I’m afraid so. Now we just wait for the jury to come back with a verdict.”

  “And that could, in all seriousness, take days, right?”

  He chuckled at me and laid a gentle and friendly hand on my shoulder. “Yes, there is always that chance. But realistically, I doubt the jury will have a hard time with this case. I wouldn’t go far if I were you,” he said with a wink. “But if you’ll excuse me I will use the break to make some calls that are pressing.” I nodded and stepped away, letting him pass and leave the courtroom.

  We girls went back to our special nursing room and I could tell the girls were trying to keep my mind occupied on other topics because their conversations never touched on the trial or Mattie. They talked about Megan and Patrick’s dilemma over where in Portland to buy a house, or Kalli’s newest film she was working on. I let them have their conversation as I texted Porter to keep him in the loop. We’d had a good rhythm of texts going back and forth, but then suddenly his stopped and I didn’t get a response from him.

  “Why is your forehead all scrunched up, Fella? It’s not good for wrinkles, you know,” Megan asked, glancing at me and noticing my uptight state.

  “Porter just stopped texting me. We were in the middle of a conversation and now there’s nothing.”

  “Maybe he’s feeding the baby?” Kalli supplied, trying to be helpful. I gave her a small smile.

  We finished up and walked back to the lobby outside our courtroom. It felt weird to wait, especially since we had no idea for how long we’d be waiting. But to leave felt strange as well, like leaving the movie before the end, not knowing how it turned out, anticlimactic. So we waited. It was another half-hour before I received another text from Porter.

  Hey. Sorry I disappeared. A lot happened in the last 30 minutes.

  My breath exploded in my throat, catching, blocking any more air from coming in or getting out. I frantically typed out a response to his text.

  What do you mean? Is Mattie ok?

  I managed to force my lungs to work, taking in shaky breaths until I got his response.

  “Ella, what’s up?” Kalli asked. She must have noticed my shaky breathing and pale face.

  “I’m not sure. Porter sent me a really cryptic text and hasn’t explained himself yet. He said a lot has been happening at the hospital and that’s why he couldn’t text me back.” My phone pinged with his response.

  Babe, calm down. Everything is fine. Mattie had her echocardiogram, which was very cool, and the doctor said that everything looks fine. She thinks the murmur she heard in the emergency room might have just been something cause by stress of the infection.

  I exhaled, but kind of wanted to slap Porter through the phone for causing me to lose years off my life from the sheer panic I had endured in his radio silence.

  Well, that’s good news.

  Just as I’d hit send, Mr. Donaldson walked up to us with a smile on his face.

  “The jury is done deliberating.” His smile grew even wider as he said the words. “Court will resume in thirty minutes.”

  “Done already? It’s been less than an hour.”

  “I’m not surprised, Mrs. Masters.”

  “Well, all right then.” Just then my phone pinged again.

  So, since she’s got the PICC line, and her heart looks good, Dr. Edwards said there’s no reason to keep her here any longer and she’s discharged Mattie. We’re just waiting to sign the paperwork and then we’re free to go.

  For the umpteenth time that day, I felt like a ping pong ball being tossed back and forth. Porter’s words caused me to halt my steps, Kalli and Megan nearly ramming into me because of it. I was all over the emotional map. I was nervous about hearing the verdict of the jury, worried that such a short deliberation meant, surely, they’d found him innocent of the charges and I’d have to go back to living my life in fear of him again. Only now, since I’d so boldly taken a stand and publicly accused him of attempted aggravated murder, he had no reason to not hunt me down and finish the task he’d started last spring. On the other hand, I was gutted that my baby was being released from the hospital and I wasn’t there to see she got
home all right.

  “What’s up?” Megan asked, pulling me from the doorway as not to block anyone else entry into the courtroom.

  “They’re releasing Mattie.”

  “Oh my gosh, really? That’s wonderful! That means she’s healthy and ok?” Megan gave me a sideways hug as I still stared at the screen. Kalli smiled at me, waiting for me to say something.

  “Yeah,” I said, looking around, for what I wasn’t sure. I suddenly felt very out of place. “Listen guys, I’m gonna go.”

  “Go?” Kalli asked. “Go where?”

  “Home. To be with my husband and baby. I don’t need to be here anymore.”

  “Don’t you want to find out what happens?”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.” And it didn’t. I’d done what I came here to do and said my piece. I’d done everything I could to put Jason Ramie behind bars, but now I refused to let him hijack anymore of my life. If my baby was going home, so was I.

  “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Don’t you want to see him convicted? Don’t you want to watch them cuff him and haul him away?” Megan’s voice was full of fury and she sounded like she was having a hard time believing I didn’t want to stay and watch the circus she was describing.

  “No. I don’t need to see that. But if you want to stay, you could text me and tell me what happens, ok?”

  “You want me to text you whether the man who tried to kill you gets convicted or not?”

  “Um . . . Yes.”

  “Ella, it’s almost time. It will only be a few minutes.” Now Kalli was trying to reason with me.

  “Look, guys, I appreciate your concern, really, but enough of my life has been disrupted by this asshole. There’s nowhere else in the world I am supposed to be this evening than at home with my baby and husband. So,” I said as I tossed my hands up in the air, daring either of them to argue with me. “Either stay and get the scoop for me, or go home. Either way, I’ll find out about it somehow.”

  “We’ll stay,” Megan said as Kalli nodded.

  “Great. Thank you. Text me,” I said, kissing both of their cheeks before I broke into an all-out run, trying to make my way out of the courthouse with one thought at the front of my mind: I needed to get to my family.

  The last couple of hours at the hospital was somewhat of a whirlwind. The PICC line, the echo-cardiogram, the discharge—the hospital had been great to us, but in the end it was like they couldn’t get us out of there fast enough. I smiled at the memory. Melody, the nurse Ella had mentioned many times and who I thought was, by far, the best nurse we’d had, fawning over Mattie, telling her to be good for her mommy who needed some good rest and relaxation. Melody smiled up at me, and looked as though she was contemplating something.

  “What is it?” I asked her.

  “Well, I don’t want to overstep my bounds here, and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but . . .”

  “Melody,” I laughed, “Spit it out.”

  “I just really liked getting to know Ella and I felt like we were becoming friends and I’m a little sad she isn’t here for me to tell her goodbye. I guess I was hoping you could tell her goodbye for me? Just tell her I said good luck?”

  I smiled at Melody and of course agreed, but also asked if I could give Ella her phone number. Of all the people on the planet, I understood how Ella could instantly put people at ease, make them feel important, and genuinely build relationships with people even in the worst of situations. I was not at all surprised that Ella had managed to befriend our nurse—she was so easily loved.

  We made it home and even though Ella’s parents offered to come back to our house with Mattie and me, I felt like it was important for us to be here alone. She’d done beautifully on the ride home, never fussing once, and as soon as we’d walked in the house I’d fed and changed her, then she fell peacefully back asleep.

  The PICC line was hidden under her little shirt and unless you knew it was there, she looked like a normal four-week-old baby, well, as far as I could tell. She was the only baby I’d ever really been around. I’d made an appointment for the medical company to come out to the house tomorrow to show us how to hook her meds up to the port in the line, and Dr. Edwards assured me before we left that Ella and I were very capable of handling it.

  I heard a car pull up the gravel drive and then listened as the car turned off and the door slammed. Not five seconds later the front door swung open and Ella came marching into the kitchen.

  “Hey, Babe. You’re just in time. Dinner’s almost ready.” I said, turning my head over my shoulder to talk to her as I stirred the simmering tomato sauce.

  “Dinner?”

  “Yes. Dinner. I figured you might appreciate something other than hospital food.”

  “Hospital food?”

  I turned to her fully, turning the heat on the sauce down to low. “Are you ok? You’re just repeating everything I’m saying.”

  “Where’s Mattie?”

  “She’s asleep in her crib.”

  “Does she need to eat? Does she need a diaper change?” Ella moved to rush up the stairs, but I caught her around the waist before she made it past the kitchen island.

  “Ella, she’s fine. Why don’t you take a minute and relax?” Her eyes darted back and forth between mine and I could imagine the thoughts bouncing around in her head. She was torn between trusting me that Mattie was fine and taken care of, sitting down and relaxing for a moment, and rushing right up those stairs to check on her. I would have been fine with either reaction, but I hoped for the former. She exhaled and relented, turning in my arms and placing her hands on my chest. “Hey,” I said, leaning down and brushing my lips across hers.

  “Hey to you too.” She let me walk her backwards until she plopped into a kitchen chair. I knelt down in front of her and placed my hands on her thighs.

  “Tell me about the trial.”

  “It kind of went exactly as I thought it would, although it didn’t last very long at all. I was really surprised when it ended.”

  “Are you ok?” She knew what I was asking. She knew I was worried about her having to go through with the testimony without me, having to sit in a room with him, look him in the eye, and walk through her pain again. Her hand came up and brushed down the side of my face gently.

  “I am ok.” She sat up a little straighter. “I’m more than ok, actually. I thought it was going to be really hard. I had built it up in my head to be something really draining and emotionally tumultuous. But you know what? It was really, kind of, liberating. He seemed really smug and not at all affected by my testimony, but I sort of enjoyed sitting there and airing his dirty laundry.” She paused for a moment, smiling to herself. “His attorney was the biggest asshole though. I think he knew he didn’t have a good case so he was just trying to make me falter by baiting me.” She shook her head.

  Both of our heads turned towards the monitor when we heard Mattie squawking. Ella’s eyes closed as if hearing her baby’s voice could heal any ailment she might have had. She opened her eyes again and looked at me.

  “Do you mind if I go up? Can we postpone dinner for a little while?”

  “I’m ok with that, as long as I can come up with you.”

  She leaned forward and kissed me gently. “Of course you can come up with me.” We walked up the stairs, hand in hand, and found Mattie in her crib, cooing up at the stars dangling from her mobile.

  “Hey there, Pretty Girl,” Ella said as she bent down to pick Mattie up. “Mommy missed you today.” I watched as Ella nuzzled into the baby’s neck, taking her time soaking up the baby scent that even I could admit was totally intoxicating. Nothing smelled as good or as calming as baby. A calm came over the room as mother and daughter sat in the corner, in the rocking chair we spent so much time picking out before our baby was even born, imagining moments just like this.

  From downstairs we both heard Ella’s phone ping and she looked up at me with pleading eyes. “Would you mind going downstairs to get my phone
for me?”

  “Of course not.”

  When I made my way back upstairs Ella was nursing Mattie with a dreamy smile. She was floating somewhere on a baby high, drunk off her love for her daughter. It was breathtaking to see and filled every tiny empty crevice within me to the brim with love. She held Mattie’s tiny hand in hers and brought it up to her mouth for a kiss, making silly faces at her, asking the baby about her adventurous day, filling in the blanks, not waiting for her to miraculously talk and respond.

  “You’ve got a text,” I said to her quietly, not trying to interrupt their moment.

  “What does it say?” She whispered to me without taking her eyes off the baby, her voice floating over the darkness of the room like a shimmering light.

  “Guilty.”

  I looked over at her and she was smiling at Mattie, her fingers trailing over the plumpness of her cheeks, feathering over her small ear, brushing through the hair on her head that I knew felt just like silk.

  “Did you hear that Mattie? Every single thing in the world is ok now.”

  “I don’t think we could have gotten more beautiful weather,” Tilly said, placing one of her cheesecakes on the picnic table outside. We were busy decorating for Mattie’s party, but I took a very long and hard look at her cheesecake. It had been a while since I’d tasted it and my mind wandered to the last time. I felt the blush come over my face and I turned away from Tilly not wanting her to see me thinking about her son in compromising situations.