Heinlein's Finches

by Robin Banks

  “Four hours. You take care.”

  “Always do.”

  We hear the cargo door latch on. “Time. Let’s.”

  It takes literally a minute to unload the pigs. After all the effort and stress that went into getting them up here, it’s a bit of a let down. A man dressed as a cargo handler approaches Sasha, who waves us out of the ship. We open the crate for him, he nods curtly, then he gets two of his guys to pick up the crate and haul it away.

  I hate to watch them go. “You take care of them, ok?”

  He frowns at me. “With what they cost us, you can bet on that.” And he stomps off.

  Sasha looks despondent. “Well, that was that. Let me go and make the port authority unhappy. I’m very good at that. Four hours.”

  “Four hours.” Aiden nods.

  Sasha leans over and kisses him on the cheek. “Good luck.” She rushes off.

  He sighs and shakes himself off and picks up the container with the DNA bags. “Damn women. So distracting. Come on. Take long enough to get to Nick. Patrol’s housed near the core. Poor bastards.”

  “Yay, low g. Just what my stomach fancied,” moans Gwen.

  I’ve never spent much time on tubes, which is just as well because I fucking hate them. I don’t understand how anyone could fail to, really. Their design makes sense from a practical point of view, I guess. You can cram a whole load of people on a tube. From every other point of view, though, they absolutely suck. The third class on the outer rim is ridiculously crowded, and the gravity is way too high. The second class, near the hollow center, is crowded, and the gravity is way too low. The first class halfway up between the two is not crowded and the gravity’s just perfect, but we’re not going to be allowed in there, so that doesn’t help us any. Add to this the subtly curving floors, the lack of windows, the soul-crushing uniformity and enforced sterility of all spaces, the lack of any kind of natural life… I don’t know how people manage it. Well, I do, really: they manage because they have to. But it still sucks.

  The lift going from high g to low g makes Gwen turn green. We don’t enjoy it either, but she responds really badly.

  I don’t like the look of her. “Maybe you should go back and stay with Sasha?”

  “No way. You’re not leaving me behind.”

  “You’re no use passed out.”

  “I won’t pass out. Haven’t even hurled. Shut up. 19:00 hours. How screwed are we?

  Aiden shrugs. “Not very. First intake off. Next intake arriving around 20:00 if they’re on schedule, which they hardly ever are. We’re good. Just can’t tarry.”

  We’ve got a route all worked out between the access lift and what used to be Asher’s room. Nick may or may not be there, though. Given that room quality and rank are closely connected, they could have put the Patrol trainer in there, and Nick in his old room. We can only hope and pray that they’ve not shuffled people around too much. Although all rooms are labeled, we really don’t want to be meandering around the corridors staring at doors any longer than we have to.

  Aiden is unusually twitchy. In the confined space of the lift, it’s really noticeable. We both stare at him, until he realizes what he’s doing and stops. “Sorry. I feel really nervous.”

  “Well, this isn’t an altogether safe endeavor.”

  “No. Seeing Nick. Feels like a date. Weird.”

  “Are you worried he won’t come? Or that he will?”

  “Not sure. But I am worried. He was weird before he left. Has been weird since Asher’s accident. Hasn’t spoken to me since he came here. Not a word.”

  Gwen sighs. “He has been weird. Yet another one of those things we can sort out when we get home.”

  “List gets longer.”

  “It does. But there’s no getting home without sorting it all out.”

  “True dat.”

  We picked the lift that would get us closest to the right room. When the lift door opens, for a few seconds none of us steps out.

  Gwen looks at me. “Now I’m nervous too.”

  “Same.”

  Aiden pushes us out. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  We find Nick’s room in no time. We know someone’s in by the light on the door. The door is soundproof, obviously, so we have no way of knowing if Nick is alone in there. It’s just a risk we have to take. And again, we all linger.

  Gwen nudges Aiden. “Someone’s gotta ring the damn doorbell.”

  “Here goes.”

  The com doesn’t turn on. Instead, the door just opens.

  “I didn’t expect you until…” and then Nick sees us, and does a double take in surprise. Then he does a triple take in recognition. We’re pretty well camouflaged, but not well enough to fool him when we’re right in his face.

  “What the hell?”

  “Need to get in. Quick.” Aiden pushes into the room and we follow.

  Nick is at least as shocked to see us as I am to see him. The man looks like hell. He’s lost a ton of weight, but instead of looking sparse, like Asher, it makes him look deflated. His eyes are red-rimmed and watery. I’m not quite sure he’s sober, or straight. I thought he may be happy to see us, once he got past his first shock, but I sense only guilt and dread.

  Aiden is talking so fast it’s hard to follow him. “Very little time. We are setting off. Start again. Have a plan, kinda. Came here to ask you if you want to come with.”

  Nick just stands there, thunderstruck.

  “I realize this must be a bit of a shock,” Gwen says soothingly. “I don’t know what you’ve been told. We heard nothing on the news.”

  Nick turns slowly towards her. “Officially, I heard you quit. Unofficially, I heard you disappeared. Even more unofficially, I heard about some kind of massacre on the way out. I didn’t really know what to think. It all seemed equally unlikely.”

  He looks around at us again. “Where is Asher?”

  “He couldn’t come along. His legs are still mending, but he’s getting better. He can walk now, kinda.” Out of Nick pours a wave of rage and frustration. “Things went bad for us. We couldn’t stick around. Sorry we couldn’t get in touch. Though you’ve been quiet, too.”

  “We’re here now,” Aiden says earnestly. “To say goodbye. Or to take you with us. Up to you.”

  Nick collapses into a chair. “Sorry. This is all a bit sudden.”

  “Not much time. Extraction in three and a half hours.”

  Gwen cuts in. “We may have less time than that. Were you expecting someone?”

  “Yes. A friend. Not for an hour or so. I just can’t get over this. I never thought I’d see any of you again.”

  “Then we have an hour, max.” Gwen’s voice is gentle, but firm. “Less, ideally. Sorry to rush you like this. We may not be able to come for you again. We don’t know where we’re going, but it will be as far from the Fed and the Patrol as we can manage. No coming back.”

  “Sure. I get it. I mean, I don’t understand anything, frankly, but I understand you’re going.”

  “Asher sends his best. He really wanted to see you.”

  And again, my psi-sense is flooded by a wave of negative emotion: guilt and dread, with anger added for good measure. This is not a healthy man. The guy needs a medic of some sort. Whatever he decides now… Well, he doesn’t seem to be in a fit state to make any decisions at all.

  Nick looks at Aiden, his face still desperately vacant. “I can’t come with you. I have too much here. I can’t just go. I’m sorry.”

  “You wanna think about it?”

  “Yes. I will. We have an hour, right?” This all happened too suddenly and too fast. Would you like a drink?”

  Gwen manages to crack a smile. “That’s awfully formal of you. Not for me.” We all shake a negative. “How have you been?”

  “It’s been… It’s not been easy. It started out badly and it degenerated. There didn’t seem to be anything I could do to make it better for a long time.”

  “Then why stick?” asks Aiden.

  “
I’ve worked for years for this. I’ve done… I’ve done more than I thought I ever would for this. This is my life.”

  “You could get a new one.”

  “No. I mean, yes, I could, but I’m way too invested in this. I’m just starting to get somewhere. I’m not quitting now.”

  “Sunk cost fallacy.”

  “Beg your pardon?”

  “You put a lot in this. So you don’t want to quit. But it’s shit. So you keep putting more into it. Even though it’s shit.”

  Nick frowns. “It’s getting better. I’m getting somewhere. If I quit now, everything will have been for nothing.”

  “No,” snaps Aiden. “That’s the fallacy!”

  Gwen pats Aiden’s arm trying to calm him down, while speaking to Nick. “It’s your call. Obviously. Maybe we can set a relay so you can find us if you want us later. When you’ve had more time to think and see how things work out for you here.”

  “Yeah, that’d be good.”

  Aiden slowly settles down. “Emergency only, though. No chatter. I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you too, bud.”

  “We’re done, then. Time. Not safe being here. For anyone.”

  “Did you fly in?”

  “No. We walked. Sorry. Too easy.”

  “Gods, I’m not with it. Just give me a moment, ok?” Nick walks off through a half-size door. I guess he’s going to the head.

  As soon as he’s out of earshot, Gwen whispers urgently to Aiden. “Honey, I know it’s hard, but you have to be gentle with him. He’s obviously not well.”

  I’ve got to tell them. “He’s not. His emotions are so intense and negative and all over the place that I’m surprised he can function at all.”

  “Can’t leave him here. Not like this.”

  “But we have to. We can’t kidnap him. We can set him a relay later. We can try, anyway. Honey, you can’t force people into a better life. It’s not moral and it’s not workable, anyway. You can’t force people to free themselves because that’s no freedom at all. And we honestly have no idea where we’re going to or what we’re up against. Not everyone is happy abandoning everything without knowing what they’re getting themselves into. Once we’re sorted, he might change his mind. Or not. But he’s got to be able to decide for himself.”

  “I’m angry because I’m sad. I think. You’re right.” Aiden sighs. “Hard to see him like this. Should have done something sooner.”

  “But what? And how?”

  “Dunno. This is just not ok. But I have to let it be.” He looks at me questioningly. “Is this how it feels? For you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “To see people hurting. Not giving yourself permission to fix it.”

  “Yeah. Kinda. It does, at times. It’s harder when it’s someone you care about.”

  “Could you go in there? Disentangle it?”

  I shake my head. “No. Not ethically, and maybe not at all. Definitely not just here and now.”

  “But you fixed Asher.”

  “No. I threw him a lifeline. He climbed out himself.”

  “You’re stronger than me, then. Or harder. I can’t bear this.”

  Gwen pats his arm again. “But you will. You know you will.”

  He looks devastated. “Yes. Of course. It is what it is.”

  “That’s the spirit. I’m sorry, honey. Let’s go home. We can do our hurting there.” He just nods at her.

  Nick emerges from wherever. He looks a lot more alert, more present. I’m not altogether sure that’s a good sign. If he’s playing drug yo-yo… But he’s a grown-up.

  Gwen’s voice is still unusually gentle. “We’ll need to get going soon. It’s really not safe for any of us to be here. And saying goodbye to you is harder than I thought possible.” Aiden nods in agreement.

  “I’ll walk you back.”

  “Is it wise?”

  “Safer for you. I’ve got cause to be here, and I know the quietest routes. This place is going to be heaving with cadets in no time.”

  Gwen looks around at us. “Ok, I guess. We just went the shortest way.”

  “Let’s go.” Nick opens the door and leads us down the corridor.

  “So, how has it being going?”

  “Getting better. We just about got into the swing of things.”

  “I still don’t understand what happened. The Patrol didn’t communicate very well with the Academy throughout this.”

  “They didn’t feel the need to communicate. They stuck their oar in, they fucked everything up, and then they just took over.”

  “But couldn’t you make them see…”

  “They wouldn’t listen.” He’s getting really agitated. “They didn’t trust me at all, even as a placeholder. They just wanted to see their golden boy back. Wouldn’t contemplate any alternatives, wouldn’t negotiate, just wouldn’t listen.”

  “They never treated Asher like that.”

  “Well, Ash never asks for permission. He just does his thing and it all always works out for him, and people go along with it after the fact. He charges on regardless and everybody follows him.”

  “He’s never been one for letting conventions stand in the way of doing what works, that’s a fact.”

  “Yeah, well, but what about everyone else? Nobody else gets away with it. For everyone else there are consequences. Put a toe out of line around here, you get punished. Ash gets a bloody hero’s welcome. What makes him so special?” He stops in his tracks and rubs his face. “I’m sorry. It’s just… I don’t understand it. I don’t understand what it was about him that made them want to build everything up around him. I was getting somewhere, you know? And they fucked it all up.” He sets off again.

  “But how is it going now? With the cadets?”

  “Alright, I guess. After the accident… Well, they had to revisit their ideas. They couldn’t pretend that everything was ok. They stopped believing that bringing Ash back would fix everything. Now we’ve reached a compromise. Next year will be easier. I hope.”

  “So all these issues were over, what, a power struggle?”

  “Something like it. I guess. Everything rotated around Ash. With him gone, I thought I could fill that gap. But they wouldn’t let me. I had to fight my way in.”

  “And the cadets got caught in the crossfire?”

  Huge flash of guilt.

  “Yeah. It will work out, though. The pass rate, I mean. And next year I’ll be running this from start to finish.”

  “Sounds like you’ve got it in hand.”

  “Yes, hopefully. It took some doing, though.”

  “Do you ever think how different everything would have been if I hadn’t pushed you guys to go on that climbing trip?”

  “Gods. No.”

  “I do, sometimes. I find it hard not to feel responsible. Such a long and convoluted chain of events. I never would have thought that something so small could have had such consequences.”

  I pipe up. “Well, if you want to play that game, the Chancellor made the first move. There’s no knowing how it could have gone if we’d all gone together.”

  “Can’t think like that.” Aiden sounds more like his normal self. “Can only do the next right thing.”

  That doesn’t sit well with Nick. “Yeah, well, sometimes you need to decide where you want to be and push on to get there. Or you get nowhere.”

  While we’ve been talking, we’ve been walking up corridors and down stairs. I’m completely disoriented but I know we’ve been heading in the right direction because the g-force has been increasing steadily. Gwen looks less peaky, but increasingly tired. “We couldn’t have taken a lift?” she moans.

  “Sorry. Nearly there now.”

  We finally emerge in the corridor leading to the docking bays. We trudge down past a series of seal doors. Nick’s not slowing down any despite the g-force. In fact, he seems to be going faster and faster, getting more agitated, and babbling less coherently about nothing much at all. It’s all we can do to ke
ep up with him. He finally stops, activates a door mechanism, and waves us into a docking bay.

  It’s only after we’ve all piled in that I realize that the ship across the bay is not Matilda.

  He never asked us for Matilda’s docking bay number.

  I turn around and see the seal door closing. Right in front of it is Captain Kendall. He has a broad, ugly smile on his face, and a blaster leveled at us. We stand and stare for roughly a million years until Gwen breaks the spell. “Well, fuck.”

  “Do you kiss your husband with that mouth?”

  “When I had the chance, yes. He never seemed to mind.”

  “How is he? Last I saw him he wasn’t doing that great.”

  Gwen swallows, her eyes narrowed. “He didn’t make it.”

  Nick tries to interrupt her. “But you said…”

  “Shut up. Adults talking now. You’ve done enough. And you, you didn’t expect him to make it, did you.”

  “I didn’t really care. Still don’t, to be honest.”

  “You really are a cast-iron motherfucker, aren’t you?”

  “If you keep using that kind of language, I might get upset. And then where would you be?”

  “We’re dead regardless, are we not? If you just wanted rid of us, you’d have let us leave. So what is this, the clean-up crew? Or is it personal?”

  “Bit of both, I guess. We don’t like to leave loose ends. We figured you’d be no good at staying gone, and if you were going to crop up anywhere, it would be here. I know you’re unduly attached to that streak of piss.” He nods in Nick’s direction. “I thought you’d be getting one of your precious students to smuggle you up on the Academy ship. I guess you’re more resourceful than I thought, though just as fundamentally stupid. Never mind, hey. Now that we’re all here, we have a lovely opportunity to sort out our differences. Nobody would begrudge me that. You did dislocate my jaw.”

  “I enjoyed that. Thoroughly. Probably the highlight of my year.”

  “See, the accepted wisdom is that you shouldn’t mix business and pleasure, but I never could understand that logic.”

  “Neither could I, to be honest. I don’t suppose it matters now.”

  “Not for you. Does for me.”

  “So. You’ve won. Comprehensively. Will you at least explain to me what we’re dying for?”