Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die: Musings From the Road

by Willie Nelson

  The drunk looked up at him and said, “And you are going to h-e-l-l because your finger smells like p-u-s-s-y!”

  THE BANK ROBBER SAID, “STICK ’EM UP.” THE CLERK SAID, “STICK what up?” The bank robber said, “Don’t confuse me, this is my first job.”

  BEE MAN

  DECEMBER 8, 2011

  Lost Bee man today

  He said the world is too crazy

  And he just passed away

  He was so tired of living that he died every day

  Lost the Bee Man today

  This was not a good day. The Bee Man died today, the world economy sucks, and it looks like a long winter. Twenty million people are out of work. It all started when we began taking the small family farms away. We began moving farmers off the land so we could build golf courses and subdivisions, and sold them to people who couldn’t afford them. Big corporations took over everything, polluting the land with chemicals and fertilizers. Oh well, what does it matter what I think? Who gives a damn really? By the time this book comes out, me and Bee Man will probably be back together playing music, and the world as we knew it will be gone. Our so-called elected officials will enslave us all unless we grow some big balls and throw all the bastards out who can’t seem to remember who it is they actually work for. You can be president and I’ll help you, or I’ll be president and you can help me clean house. That is of course if it matters one hill of beans who the president is. I believe the president has no real power anymore. I believe Congress has no balls. Maybe they even love it the way it is. It’s kind of like Texas, where no one is in control.

  IN FORT WORTH AROUND CHRISTMASTIME, I WOULD SEE A GUY with no legs. He had roller skates on his knees, and he sold pencils, wrapping paper, and Christmas cards. I wrote this song about him:

  PRETTY PAPER

  Pretty paper pretty ribbons of blue

  Wrap your presents to your darling from you

  Pretty pencils to write I love you

  Oh pretty paper pretty ribbons of blue

  There he sits all alone on the sidewalk

  Hoping that you won’t pass him by

  Should you stop better not much too busy

  You’d better hurry my how time does fly

  And in the distance the ringing of laughter

  And in the midst of the laughter he cries

  Pretty paper pretty ribbons of blue

  Wrap your presents to your darling from you

  Pretty pencils to write I love you

  Oh pretty paper pretty ribbons of blue

  NEW YEAR’S DAY, 2012

  Yesterday was quite a day. Bee’s memorial service started at noon in Luck, Texas, at the church. There were a lot of great shots, clips, and stories of Bee just being Bee . . . priceless.

  Bee Man was a very funny guy who would do anything for a laugh. One time in Vegas, we played a casino where Mary Poppins had been staged just before we arrived and they still had all the flying equipment. I was singing “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground,” and in the middle of my guitar solo, the people started laughing and laughing. I thought they were laughing at my guitar solo, which was, I thought, good but not funny. I looked up behind me just in time to see Bee flying across the stage. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen, and I think it still is. God bless the Bee Man.

  Bee Man

  FAMILY

  I would like to brag on the family a little. The poster says WILLIE NELSON AND FAMILY, which really covers a lot of territory, because it consists of my sister, Bobbie; my wife, Annie; my children, Lana, Susie, Paula, Amy, Lukas, and Micah; my grandchildren, Nelson, Bryan, Rachel, Martha, Rebecca, Anthony, and Raelyn; and my great-grandchildren, Andrea, Dean, Zack, Brody, Aiden, Vivien, Ira, and Isabella.

  My daughters: Lana, Paula, Susie, and Amy

  The Fowler grandchildren: Rachel, Martha, Bryan, and Nelson

  SUSIE NELSON

  The art of the Holy Spirit is in the song. To go to my father’s concerts is a loving experience. Everyone is singing along to his songs. Out in the crowd, it’s a revelation. There are a lot of hugs out there. His 1960s recordings, I really enjoy. You do not hear arrangements like that anymore.

  The gospel music, like “Family Bible,” is the Holy Spirit of God in action. My father’s been moving pretty fast. I enjoy what he does. I would have never known so many people or learned about their different personalities. There are things that I would have never known anything about, like the importance of the farmers, the seeds, our food, and our water. He really cares for his horses. One day an old truck pulled into Luck with fifty sad, skinny horses. Now they are fat and sassy with plenty of spirit!

  One evening, I wanted to add water to a horse bowl, so I entered the pen. The moon was shining bright and allowed enough light to see to pour the water. The horse got spooked and ran to be by my side. With his huge body, he gently moved me out of danger. I will never forget that. I will never know what spooked him or what he was saving me from. The horses are special. I am happy to get to know them, and my father is right: “the horse is human!”

  I would have never known about biodiesel fuel, the importance of clean air, and peace on earth. Willie’s grandchildren Rebecca and Anthony enjoy his ranch, and his music and movies. His great-grandson Zack is now singing. He has given me a lot to be grateful for.

  Susie Nelson and Willie’s grandson

  Anthony Brewster

  I’ve always thought his red bandanna was the image of the crown of thorns Jesus wore on the cross. I love the bus and how he shares it with his fans, allowing them to come on and talking with them and signing autographs. Then they are gone. It’s quiet now. Everyone is watching TV like nothing ever happened that evening! As if there was not an aisle full of people all talking about the same thing . . . his music.

  Willie’s granddaughter Rebecca with her husband, Chris, and Willie’s great-grandson Zack

  It is an amazing experience, and by faith and grace are we saved. To travel as much as my father does, to sing three hours each night, to travel hundreds of miles each day, to sign autographs for a long time after his concerts, then go record for three days. It’s amazing to watch. The art of the Holy Spirit is in the songs and the movies he has made. Songwriter was the one film where I had the revelation that he was famous. Maybe it was because it was Nashville and that he was a record executive, but that was his part. So I had to let go of wondering what he was doing next. Daughters are funny; they like to know where their fathers are from time to time.

  MARY HANEY WAS MY OLD AND DEAR FRIEND FROM LONG AGO. Turns out Mary and I had a child together called Renee, who has a daughter, Noelle, who has a daughter, Jordan, who is a beautiful young girl that I am proud to call my great-granddaughter. My newly discovered family took a while to surface, and when it did, it was a surprise. Mary was a sweet lady, and I’m glad we had a family together. She would be very proud of them all. So that makes an even bigger bunch of great kids that would make any parent very proud, and they all are very smart . . . naturally.

  Beyond my blood relatives are a group of friends who make up the rest of Willie Nelson and Family.

  Paul English, one of my best friends for fifty years at least, is still a member of the band, along with Billy English on drums. Billy is Paul’s brother who took over for Paul when he was sick. Paul is back now and playing great.

  My daughter Renee with her family

  PAUL ENGLISH

  I first met Willie through my older brother Oliver. They had booked a job and didn’t have a drummer. I played trumpet, but I had never played drums before. I told them I could do it. Later on I found out I had the beat backward! They found a Coke crate and put it on a chair for me to use as a drum stool. They gave me a snare, and then way later I got a bass drum and a sock cymbal. I just counted either a one-two-three-four beat or a one-two-three beat. I remember Paul Buskirk coming to Willie’s house, and every night Paul, Willie, and myself recorded every song for Willie’s radio show. Our special guest every night was La
na Nelson. She was two years old. She was a beautiful child, and she is beautiful now. After a couple of weeks we got a job at the Hemphill Club, which paid us eight dollars, three nights a week. We had another front man (I don’t remember who), so Willie just played lead guitar and sang on a few songs. Willie spoke up for me when they first got the job because they were trying to figure out who to use for a drummer, and Willie said, “I think we ought to use Paul. He’s been playing with us all this time for nothing.”

  I remember one night we were going home from the Hemphill Club and we drove up to Willie’s house, which was this little side apartment. I sat and waited a minute to make sure he got in. Then I knew he got in because I heard a loud noise, which was pots and pans being thrown at him by Martha, his wife. She ran him out of the house, and about that time I figured I’d better leave. We worked for about a month at the Hemphill Club, and then the owner sold it. Me and the other band members went out to play at another club on the Jacksboro Highway. Willie went to a better job than that, but we stayed friends, and I sold him a car. I own a car lot, but I didn’t have one good enough on the lot, so I went somewhere else and found one. I paid $150 for it, got the title and license, and sold it to Willie for $175, with a $25 down payment. Ten years later Willie was playing with Johnny Bush, and I was living in Houston. They would come over to my house every time they came into town.

  One night Willie was asking me if I knew how to get hold of Tommy Roznoski, this other drummer, because Johnny Bush had been playing drums behind Willie, but Johnny wanted to go to the front and sing, and so he needed a drummer to fill in while he was singing. I said that I could play drums better than Roznoski anyway. Willie said, “Well, you wouldn’t work for thirty dollars a day, would you?” I said, “I would,” and here I am still today. I am so grateful to Willie for keeping me on and making me a part of this adventure that has been our lives. I played my first job with Willie, and I will play my last with him too.

  MICKEY RAPHAEL, THE BEST HARMONICA PLAYER EVER! HE HAS BEEN playing harmonica with me since he was basically a child. He can play anything—country, rock, jazz, you name it. I ran into him in Dallas at a Coach Darrell Royal party. I asked him to come play a benefit with me, and he has been with me ever since. He is a really good picker and a really good friend.

  MICKEY RAPHAEL

  In 1972 I got a message from Darrell Royal, the coach of the University of Texas football team. He said he was having a little picking session in his hotel suite after the Texas-Arkansas ball game and asked me to bring my harmonicas and jam with some friends of his.

  Coach was a serious music fan and patron of the arts. I was a struggling musician and had been playing in Dallas and Austin with B. W. Stevenson and Jerry Jeff Walker. The coach had seen me play and thought I’d fit in with his famous after-game jam sessions.

  The coach and his wife, Edith, were very welcoming and introduced me to some of the musicians. Willie Nelson happened to be one of the guests. I didn’t grow up listening to country music, although I owned one Willie Nelson record. By the end of the evening, I was a huge fan.

  Willie was playing the classic songs “Night Life,” “Funny How Time Slips Away,” and “Crazy,” and I would try to play along. His guitar playing and lyrics were mesmerizing. I couldn’t believe this was the guy who wrote these songs. The guitar was passed around the room and other singers sang Hank Williams tunes or ones they had recently written. At the end of the evening Willie invited me to come see him play and sit in with his band.

  Well, this piqued my interest.

  Several months later I heard that Willie was playing a benefit in Lancaster, Texas, for a volunteer fire department. I drove down from Dallas with my little box of harmonicas and showed up at his bus and asked if the offer still stood to sit in with his band.

  He very graciously invited me to play. As a novice at country music, I was lost and struggled to keep up, faking it the whole time. I think by the fourth time we played “Fräulein” I was getting the hang of it.

  Willie had left Nashville and moved to Austin, where the music scene was exploding. Long-haired hippie types (my peers) were mingling with rednecks, and what brought them together was music. Willie saw this was happening and found a new home in Austin.

  Willie and the band would travel in this camper called an Open Road, like a Winnebago, but it only had a screen door in front, which really made it an “Open Road.”

  After I played with Willie for several weekends, Willie asked Paul English, his drummer and bandleader, “What are we paying Mickey?” Paul told Will, “We’re paying him nothing; he’s just coming around on his own.”

  Willie’s response was “Double his salary.”

  This was 1973 and it’s 2012 now.

  Life never gets dull out here. Every day is an adventure and some days are harder than others, but it beats a real job. We just finished an outdoor gig in Las Vegas tonight, where it was 106 degrees onstage. The cooling fans onstage were blowing and Willie thought a heater was on because the blowing air was so hot. He just kept playing and gave them his all.

  When I started this gig, I was twenty-one and I’m sixty now. I learned so much from watching Willie play, and his unique phrasing has given me a musical education I would have received nowhere else.

  It’s been an amazing ride, and I’m thankful every day for the call I got from Darrell and Edith Royal. I’m even more grateful Willie took their advice and took a chance on me.

  Willie has been a friend, a brother, a father, a boss, a benevolent dictator, a sometimes crazy motherfucker, and a great inspiration to me.

  I grew up in this band of heathens and I’m thankful to be a foster child in this family.

  MARK ROTHBAUM, JOEL KATZ, AND LARRY GOLDFEIN STILL TAKE care of most all my music business, and they are all very good. Mark Rothbaum is my manager, even though I hesitate to say he’s my “manager,” mostly because I’m not very manageable. But he represents me very well and helps me make decisions. Joel Katz is a great music lawyer; we kid him a lot and tell him his favorite song is “Both Sides Now.” Brian Greenbaum is my booking agent with CAA. He books my tours and does a great job. Larry Goldfein is a great tax lawyer and saved my ass big-time when the IRS stuff was all going on, but that’s another book.

  If you don’t get their money at least get some advice, because they know a lot. For them I wrote, “Why Do I Have Two Jews?” . . . or was that “Why Do I Have to Choose?” I can’t remember, but now you know why . . . because I couldn’t do it without them! They have done a remarkable job representing me, so thank you, gentlemen!

  MARK ROTHBAUM

  When you wholeheartedly adopt a “with all your heart” attitude, and go out with positive principle, you can do incredible things.

  —DR. NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

  The album Willie Nelson and Family was released in 1971. The cover was a photograph of all the members of the band, along with their families, posed around a campfire. The first time I saw that picture was in 1973. There is Willie, the patriarch, proud, strong, focused—a man on a mission. His wife, kids, friends, and bandmates surround him. At one end, Bobbie, looking so beautiful and proper. At the other end, Paul “the Devil” English, wearing red pants and a red cape, looking just insane enough to be feared, but adorable just the same. Standing around the fire were Bee, Lana, Susie, Billy, P.C., and many others. . . . I wanted to be a part of that circle.

  Mark Rothbaum

  I was working for a management company in New York City that represented musicians, in particular Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, and Miles Davis, who, as a matter of fact, got me the job. I was responsible for the day-to-day needs of Miles. I was twenty-four years old and had no music business experience, but I kept going back to that photo, and of course, the music. I was now completely head over heels into Willie Nelson.

  When the company needed someone to represent Willie, they did not think of me. I had no desk and no phone. I had no responsibility other than Miles’s daily needs. S
oon a music industry veteran was given the huge sum of $5,000 to come in and take over Willie’s day-to-day management. This guy was supposed to show up on Monday morning; in fact, he showed up after lunch! He was a mess. His hair was all disheveled, and sleep was in his eyes. It hit me all at once: positive thinking! I could run this guy into the ground. Why couldn’t I manage Willie Nelson? Why couldn’t I be a part of that circle? I was positive I could be a great manager.

  As a kid, I would make deliveries for my dad’s furniture store and get $75 a week in return. Right away I would run out to buy albums with that money. He would always say to me, “What can you do with that music? How can you make a living with just music?” I always loved music. For as far back as I can remember, great songs were part of my life.

  Now I had the opportunity to do what I loved, and I wasn’t going to let it get away from me. Everything crystallized at once. I began to study concert, television, and record-company contracts. I was paying attention to details. When the phone rang, I was the first one to answer it. For each question I asked, I continued to have more swirling through my head. About a month later, I had a desk and a phone, and that music veteran was dismissed. I was on my way. But it always came back to that cover.

  I’ve loved these folks from the very beginning, and I still do.

  Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.

  —WILLIE NELSON

  AS I MENTIONED BEFORE, WE LOST THE BEE MAN. BEE SPEARS WAS A great bass player and all-around fantastic human being. He is still missed all the time.

  Kevin Smith has jumped in on bass and is doing a great job! It’s not easy to follow Bee, and playing with us is a lot of ESP that takes time to master. I never know what I’m going to do, so of course the band is never sure either. It’s kind of like walking the high wire with no net. There are no take twos in a live show, and you can’t take nothin’ back, so the best way to follow me onstage is really simple: you wait, wait, and then wait some more until you know what I am doing, then jump in. If you are a good musician you will know what to do.