Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die: Musings From the Road

by Willie Nelson

  So don’t sit around and cry

  Just roll me up and smoke me when I die.

  Well take me out and build a roaring fire

  And roll me in the flames for ’bout an hour

  And then pull me out and twist me up

  And point me towards the sky

  And roll me up and smoke me when I die.

  Roll me up and smoke me when I die

  And if anyone don’t like it, just look ’em in the eye

  I didn’t come here, and I ain’t leavin’

  So don’t sit around and cry

  Just roll me up and smoke me when I die.

  I didn’t come here, and I ain’t leavin’

  So don’t sit around and cry

  Just roll me up and smoke me when I die.

  And I say unto any man or woman, let your soul stand cool and collected before a million universes.

  —WALT WHITMAN

  LITTLE OLD FASHIONED KARMA

  Just a little old fashioned karma coming down

  A little old fashioned justice going round

  It really ain’t hard to understand

  If you wanna dance you gotta pay the band

  Just a little old fashioned karma coming down

  Coming down

  Coming down

  Just a little old fashioned karma coming down

  It really ain’t hard to understand

  If you wanna dance you gotta pay the band

  Just a little old fashioned karma coming down

  GOD

  If we are children of God, then we must be gods too. Very small children must be God also. We were made in His image, duh. Why don’t we know it and act like it? I don’t know, maybe we do know and are afraid to accept the responsibility. If we admit that we are children of God, we can go a long way toward fixing what’s wrong. Maybe that is our reason to be here, end of story.

  TURN OUT THE LIGHTS

  Turn out the lights the party’s over

  They say that all good things must end

  Call it a night

  The party’s over

  And tomorrow starts the whole damn thing again

  Once I had a love undying

  Didn’t keep it wasn’t trying

  Life for me was just one party then another

  Broke her heart so many times had to have my party wine

  Then one night she said sweetheart

  The party’s over

  Turn out the lights the party’s over

  They say that all good things must end

  Call it a night the party’s over

  And tomorrow starts the whole damn thing

  Again

  JAMEY JOHNSON CAME BY TODAY. HE SAID HE WAS CAMPING OUT now, way out in the woods where he could be alone. You get that way sometimes. He is trying to write songs, so I told him what Roger Miller said: “Sometimes the well goes dry, and you need to stop and let it fill up again.” With me, writing songs is not a choice. It’s like labor pains, and they have to get out. It doesn’t matter whether they are great ideas or just mind-farts, they just have to get out.

  APRIL 5, 1:30 P.M.

  We are headed to Odessa, Texas, for a show tonight.

  APRIL 6, 12:20 A.M.

  Odessa was a really great crowd. Everyone came to have a good time, and I think they did.

  We are now on our way to Oklahoma.

  I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU, LORD

  I thought about trees

  And how much I’d like to climb one

  I thought about friends

  And how rare it is to find one

  And I thought about you

  The most gentle, sweet and kind one

  I thought about you, Lord

  I thought about you

  There’s breaking news on CNN, I’ll be right back . . .

  Okay, so it turns out there was an airplane that crashed into a bunch of houses. Nobody died, so that’s a good thing.

  APRIL 6

  I went for a bike ride. It’s kind of cool outside in Concho, Oklahoma—not bad, it could be worse, but I am glad we are playing inside tonight. We are playing a casino. Lana and her friend just went in to play the slots. I used to love to do that, even though I never won. They have to pay the light bills, I know, but no more with my money. Cold weather is much harder on the fans than the band. We have lights, heaters, etc., but the fans are right out there in it.

  The Red Rocks Amphitheater is a good example of a perfect venue: the sound is great, and it’s a beautiful location. The altitude is a little tough to sing in, but after a while you adjust to it.

  Now I have ACL Live at the Moody Theater in Austin to play in too. The sound there is amazing, and even the farthest seat is up close. For me, Austin, Texas, is hard to beat. I love hot, dry weather, and being raised in Abbott, Texas, where it can really get hot, I survive pretty well. In Austin and the Hill Country. I’m like a lizard. Bring it on!

  I’m trying to stay in warm country as much as I can, like Texas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana, but Texas mostly. At some point I’ll work closer to home in Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, and Fort Worth. We are doing the Fourth of July picnic at Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth this year, and that should be a blast. The whole family will be there. It will be me, Lukas, Micah, Amy, Paula, and many more. There will be three stages inside and out. I hope it’s hot!

  I might decide to do a yearlong tour overseas. Amsterdam, London, Paris, Rome, Amsterdam, Belfast, and then maybe Amsterdam again. I love Europe, because the fans are fantastic. Amsterdam is heaven. I wish Amsterdam was warmer country.

  HEAVEN OR HELL

  Sometimes it’s heaven

  Sometimes it’s hell

  And sometimes I don’t even know

  Sometimes I take it as far as I can

  And sometimes I don’t even go

  My front tracks are headed for a cold-water well

  My back tracks are covered with snow

  Sometimes it’s heaven

  And sometimes it’s hell

  And sometimes I don’t even know

  Heaven ain’t walking on a street paved with gold

  And hell ain’t no mountain of fire

  Heaven is lying in my sweet baby’s arms

  And hell is when baby ain’t there

  My front tracks are headed for a cold-water well

  And my back tracks are covered with snow

  Sometimes it’s heaven and sometimes it’s hell

  And sometimes I don’t even know

  EXERCISE

  Work out, work out, and work out. If saying it again would convince you, I would gladly say it again . . . Work out! Exercise, exercise, exercise, but don’t overdo it.

  If you pull a muscle, rest until you heal, then work out some more. It’s the best thing you can do for your sanity, not to mention your body. Exercise is good medicine, so follow your body—it won’t lie. Do what it says. If it says move, then move. If it says rest, then rest. It’s not that hard; your body does not lie, it does not know how to lie. If it hurts, it complains; if it feels good, it says, “Give me more of this.”

  I SEEM TO HAVE BEEN ADDICTED TO SOMETHING MOST OF MY LIFE. I started out smoking cigarettes. It bears repeating that I was about six when I started smoking cedar bark and grapevine, and rolling up Bull Durham. I was trading a dozen eggs for a pack of Camels. Then I ran into beer and whiskey, pills, and then pot. By then I was twenty-five years old and my lungs were killing me. Then came Percodan and painkillers of all kinds, just to keep my lungs from hurting. So then I said to myself, “Hey, you’re not getting high on cigarettes, and they killed half your family.” They just hurt my lungs. I would take a drag off a cigarette and my lungs would kill me. So I started quitting everything. No more cigarettes at all. I started running again and getting back in shape. I took my cigarettes and threw them away. I rolled up twenty joints and put them in the cigarette package, and every time I wanted a cigarette, I smoked a hit or two off a joint instead. One joint would last all day and it w
orked for me. Now I use a vaporizer, because it is easier on a singer’s lungs.

  APRIL 9

  Oxford, Mississippi, is nice. We are having great weather, so I had a good bike ride today. It’s 7:56 P.M., and almost showtime.

  APRIL 12

  Here we are in Illinois now. I spent the last several hours in a bus garage. Some kind of wheel problem. Tony and Gator got it fixed, and now we are sitting in a parking lot somewhere. Somebody on TV is talking about Rick Santorum dropping out of the presidential race. It’s a crazy time politically. All the Republicans are chopping each other up pretty hard. Romney is going be the guy, so it’s an Obama and Romney shoot-out.

  “Shoot low, Shirley, she’s riding a Shetland.”

  I like Obama a lot. I met him first when he was a senator from Chicago. He came to the bus and we became friends. I am also a Hillary Clinton fan, so when they both ran for president, I knew I couldn’t lose. Either way we’d win. As it turned out, Obama couldn’t do everything he wanted to, but Hillary probably couldn’t have either.

  I think that once you become president, the first thing you realize is that you can’t do shit. I envision them getting the new president in a little round room and letting him know that he has no power and will do what he is told, just like Bill Hicks said, years ago. Or like my old friend B. C. Cooper used to say, “The town’s fixed, the mayor is queer, turn the crank!”

  It’s kind of like Texas, where no one is in control. Texas has the right to secede from the union, and one day it might. Texas has a lot of oil, wind, sun, and plenty of other natural resources, so it would do okay, I think, but I don’t want Texas to secede from the union. Texas can help keep America moving forward. Texas farmers could help make America become more energy independent by growing our fuel and developing more of our alternative energy. We could run the world on hot air alone.

  Texas is really better than we say it is. Oh, I could go on and on, but I won’t. I wrote a song about Texas . . . I called it “Texas.”

  TEXAS

  Listen to my song and if you want to sing along

  It’s about where I belong: Texas

  Sometimes far into the night

  And until the morning light

  I pray with all my might to be in Texas

  It’s the only place for me

  It’s where I want to be

  Where my spirit can be free: Texas.

  Lord, look what time it is. I better go to bed so I can get up again.

  COULD BE EVERY DAY

  We got Wild Bill Elliott on the TV in the back of the bus, Randi Rhodes and Mike Malloy on SiriusXM Radio, and Emmylou up front on the other station. Life is good. Rick Santorum is talking now on the radio about his sweater vest. He has a sweater vest, I have a bandanna. Cool.

  Speaking of Mike Malloy, I was listening to him one night and he said, “Come on back, Jesus, and get rid of some of these bastards!” It made me think to write this song:

  COME ON BACK JESUS

  Come on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)

  Come on back Jesus

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  The world’s done gone crazy,

  And it seems to get worse every day

  So come on back Jesus,

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  Time to take off the glove

  They just don’t respect peace anymore

  But if we have old John Wayne

  We know he can swing from the floor

  While he kicks their butt

  We’ll just stand there and watch him and pray

  So come on back Jesus,

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  Come on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)

  Come on back Jesus

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  The world’s gettin’ crazy,

  And it seems to get worse every day

  So come on back Jesus,

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  It’s getting real hairy

  If only old duke man was here

  He’d call me old bastard

  From out past the atmosphere

  Lord the news looked so scary

  When I glanced at the paper today

  So come on back Jesus,

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  Come on back Jesus (come on back Jesus)

  Come on back Jesus

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  The world’s gettin’ crazy,

  And it seems to get worse every day

  So come on back Jesus,

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  Come on back Jesus, come on back Jesus

  Come on back Jesus

  And pick up John Wayne on the way

  WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUITAR PLAYER WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND? Homeless. One of the main reasons I played guitar was because the girls liked guitar players, and I liked girls. I had a fan club when I was in high school, so you see why I’m so conceited. Wait, I said that already. Seriously, I’m really not conceited at all. If you don’t believe I’m good, just ask me . . . just kidding.

  HERO

  Where is our hero tonight

  The bars are all booming and he’s nowhere in sight

  Wherever he is Lord I hope he’s alright

  Where is our hero tonight

  He used to be king of the bars

  He’s opened and closed ’em from Waco to Mars

  Now he sings in the street and he sleeps in his car

  But he used to be king of the bars

  Where is our hero tonight

  He left here at midnight he was high as a kite

  Wherever he is Lord we hope he’s alright

  Where is our hero tonight

  And where is our hero today

  Can we just tag along we’ll stay out of his way

  Does he still write the sad songs

  And can he still play

  Where is our hero today

  I LOVE RACHEL MADDOW. SHE IS ON TV NOW WITH MAYOR ANTONIO Villaraigosa. They are taking about same-sex marriage and Obama, etc. It’s pretty cool, and a good MSNBC program. Okay, now what? Oh, Rachel is on Leno tonight. I’ll have to watch her again.

  PHASES AND STAGES/WASHING

  THE DISHES

  Phases and stages circles and cycles and scenes that we’ve all seen before

  Let me tell you some more

  Washing the dishes scrubbing the floors

  Caring for someone who don’t care anymore

  Learning to hate all the things that she once loved to do

  Like washing his shirts and never complaining except of red stains on the collars

  Ironin’ and cryin’ cryin’ and ironin’ caring for someone who don’t care anymore

  Someday she’ll just walk away

  Phases and stages circles and cycles scenes that we’ve all seen before

  Let me tell you some more

  SOMEBODY PICK UP MY PIECES

  Somebody pick up my pieces

  I’m scattered everywhere

  And put me back together

  And put me way over there

  Take me out of contention

  I surrender my crown

  So somebody pick up my pieces

  It’s just me comin’ down

  Well, I sure thought I had her

  Lord, I know she had me

  What I thought was heaven

  Is just falling debris

  Well, I may not be crazy

  But I got one hell of a start

  Somebody pick up my pieces

  I think I’m fallin’ apart

  Don’t follow my footsteps

  Step over my trail

  The road is too narrow

  And your footing could fail

  And the fall to the bottom

  Could tear you apart

  And they’ll be pickin’ up pieces

  Of you and your heart

  Don’t follow my footsteps

 
; Step over my trail

  The road is too narrow

  And your footing could fail

  And the fall to the bottom

  Could tear you apart

  And they’ll be pickin’ up pieces

  Of you and your heart

  And they’ll be pickin’ up pieces

  Of you and your heart

  SUNDAY, APRIL 15

  We are somewhere on the road right now, headed to Springfield, Missouri, and listening to Thom Hartmann on SiriusXM Radio. I had a job washing dishes at a restaurant in Springfield, back before I moved to Nashville. My wife, Martha, was working there also. In Springfield, the Ozark Jubilee was a very popular country music show. That’s where I became friends with Shirley Collie, Red Foley, Grady Martin, and Billy Walker, who moved to Nashville. Billy Walker let me and Martha and Lana come stay with him until we could find a place to live. He was a great friend, and he was the first guy to record “Funny How Time Slips Away.”

  Shameless plug alert! Speaking of SiriusXM Radio, did I mention that I have my own channel called Willie’s Roadhouse (XM channel 56 and Sirius channel 64), where I get to play all the music from my heroes from the past and present?

  On Willie’s Roadhouse you can hear the greatest entertainers in country music, coming to you every week from Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry, with people like Little Jimmy Dickens and Bill Anderson. Little Jimmy Dickens is ninety-one years old. He says, “When I drop something now, I bend over and look around to see if there’s anything else I can do while I’m down there!”

  Me in the studio

  One time me and Bill Anderson were flying from Nashville to San Antonio. We were talking about entertaining in Texas. Bill said, “Will, I just can’t seem to do that well down here in Texas.” I said, “Well, hell, Bill, they drink beer louder than you sing!”

  Jeannie Seely and Connie Smith are great singers and good friends of mine. I’m glad to have them singing on the Roadhouse. One of the main purposes for me having my channel was to be able to help touring artists like Amber Digby, Tony Booth, Johnny Bush, Ray Price, Jamey Johnson, Jerry Jeff Walker, Jody Nix, Tommy Alverson, Asleep at the Wheel, Lukas Nelson, Paula Nelson, Amy Nelson (I should have called it the Nepotism Channel), and Leona Williams.

  I get to fine-tune the channel with my producer Jeremy Tepper, and Dallas Wayne does a great job spinning the country hits from Austin. It’s a work in progress, and hopefully will stay that way.