Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die: Musings From the Road

by Willie Nelson

  ’Cause it knows that the future is not very pretty for your kind

  For your kind will always be running and wondering

  What’s happened to hearts that you’ve broken and left all alone

  But we’ll be all right in a little while

  But you’ll be permanently lonely

  Running . . . Lonely . . .

  FREDDY POWERS WILL BE COMING OUT TO SEE ME TOMORROW. HE has been a little under the weather. He is a good friend and one of the best rhythm players there ever was. He played the Django stuff, and jazz, as good as anybody, and it will be good to see him. He is also a great songwriter. He wrote songs like “A Friend in California” and “I Always Get Lucky with You.” He traveled with Merle Haggard’s band a lot, and Merle sang many Freddy Powers songs.

  I can’t see

  I can’t pee

  I can’t chew

  I can’t screw

  If the golden years are here at last

  Then the golden years can kiss my ass

  —WORDS OF WISDOM FROM RAY PRICE

  POODIE USED TO SAY, “IT’S OKAY TO STEP ON YOUR DICK, JUST DON’T stand on it,” and “A farting horse never tires.”

  OKAY, WHERE WERE WE? OH YES, HERE WE ARE. ALWAYS BE WHERE you are, I say, and it’s always now, and that’s about it. The full significance of the moment is being realized now, thank you, let’s move on.

  I THINK WE ARE GETTING CLOSER TO THE END OF MAJOR WARS BECAUSE they cost too much. I think it will get broken into several small wars all over the world and the reason will be for survival. Food and water will become hard to get. If they—“they” being anybody—run out of food and water they will come after yours out of desperation. Think about it: if your kids are hungry, thirsty, and sick, you will do anything to save them, anything.

  That’s when the shit will hit the fan and it will be everybody for themselves, like a dog-eat-dog, only-the-strong-survive scenario. It won’t be pretty. We will be our brother’s keeper, and we will try to keep some sense of sanity alive and care for whomever. If they need it and we got it, we share as long as it lasts. More will be provided, and we will need to take a lot of lemons and make a shitload of lemonade. More will be provided, and we will eventually work our way back to prosperity. All races and religions will come together, knowing it’s the only way to survive. We all eat, sleep, laugh, cry, live, and die the same. We will find that it will be much easier and cheaper to stick together, and it will be God’s way of bringing peace on earth. When they throw a war and no one shows up, it will serve as a new beginning of peace on earth. Amen.

  MY SON MICAH HAS BEEN BUSY WITH HIS ART AND MUSIC FOR A while now. He does something called Cymatics, where he makes art with music, water, and vibration, and then he projects it all on a wall or screen. It’s way beyond me, but he seems to have a pretty strong following. I like that he is so diverse in his art, and that he and Lukas like all kinds of music. Micah just made a live painting during one of Lukas’s performances, which Annie and I bought. It came out beautiful. We have learned now that in order to actually get to keep what he creates, we have to claim it before he paints it, or someone else will outbid us for it!

  I’m learning to play with some of the online media stuff like YouTube so that I can see his work—and the rest of the kids’ stuff too.

  Lukas is in Canada right now on tour. He is getting to be a chip off the old block, as they say, working even more dates than me every year. He just got back from Haiti, where he had a guitar camp for kids that Sean Penn had set up. Sean’s another good guy who puts his money where his mouth is. Anyway, it was a really great experience for him, and he wrote a song about Haiti while he was there, so I guess you’ll be hearing that soon, too.

  ANNIE NELSON

  Both of our boys started at the Montessori School of Maui at the age of two. I loved the idea that they would have the opportunity to “learn how to learn” instead of learning the answers to tests. We were lucky that we could afford to give them a good education, because that was something I felt no one could ever take from them. They thrived in the Montessori setting, so I made sure we had a good school in Austin as well, mostly because the Montessori pedagogy was clear that lessons and life could happen anywhere, so travel wasn’t a big deal, and travel was our “normal.” I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says THE ONLY NORMAL PEOPLE ARE THE ONES YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW. When the boys were little, they would hear comments that our life wasn’t “normal,” and the lesson that there really is no normal was the most important one to teach them.

  Lukas was five weeks old before anyone outside of our family got a peek at him. It was at the Grammy Awards show, and my husband was receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Recording Academy. I remember pulling up in the bus, and just before we were ready to step out of the bus Mark Rothbaum (Willie’s manager) started teasing me by bringing up all the money we were offered, and turned down, for photos of Lukas. We had refused, so when we stepped out, with Lukas in his onesie tuxedo, Willie and me dressed to the nines, and the cameras clicking away, Mark started going on about how I had just blown Lukas’s college fund. Mark has to have a good sense of humor to keep up, and he really is one of the funniest. In any case, we walked down the red carpet (yuck!) and got to the end, where Rick Dees was to interview Willie. Rick asked Willie a few questions, which I cannot remember because the red carpet is terrifying to me, but then he put the microphone in Lukas’s face and said, “Lukas, what do you think about your daddy getting this award?” And as if on cue, Lukas yawned like he was bored as could be, which cracked everyone up and made the papers. Maybe Lukas just knew what was coming and that his life would be so similar to his father’s (ergo the yawn) . . . who knows?

  Then came Micah . . . way too quickly! Our boys are exactly sixteen months apart in age, to the day! Lukas was born December 25, and Micah was born April 25, a few days before his father’s birthday on the thirtieth. Our boys are each other’s yin and yang, and therefore balance each other’s personalities well. They grew up like twins and are best friends to this day. Micah too is an amazing musician. He hears music in ways that are just as abstract as the ways he sees life when he paints or draws. I love all kinds of music, and both boys heard every type of music we could find from my collection as well as their father’s. Micah can take music and mix it with art, projection, water, and vibration to create even more art. It’s amazing if I do say so myself. My father nicknamed Micah “MicahAngelo” because before he could walk, he was scribbling on anything he could find. He is an amazing artist, as witnessed by some of his paintings in this book, and I know I’m his mother, but I’m not the only one who thinks so, so I’m not just “being a mom” when I say it.

  You know how your little child will draw pictures and you put them on your fridge? Well, the ones I got from Micah went in my “Mom book.” I remember one Christmas when Micah was four years old and gave me a little drawing. It wasn’t just a normal drawing; I got a perfect Santa in a sleigh, circling in the sky while presents, in perfect perspective, fell from the bag in the sleigh into the perfectly proportioned chimney of a perfectly proportioned home covered in snow. That’s when I started my Mom book.

  I highly recommend, if you have children, that you start your book as soon as your child is able to create. I have a lifetime of memorable gifts in my Mom book and wouldn’t trade it for the world. We didn’t spoil the boys with things. They spent their lives outside in nature, surfing, playing soccer, playing baseball, and discovering the world. They were never given cars or any kind of material junk, but they were spoiled with experiences that helped to create the citizens of the world that they are to this day, and their dad and I are very proud of the people they have become. I am proud of everyone in my family, on both my side and Willie’s. But I am especially proud of how we have managed to blend three lovely families of amazing people (how could they not be with him as a father, right?), and how loving, kind, and sharing all of our kids are. You probably feel it when you see
them all together onstage, but it is with the help of the ones not onstage too, and they all get it. We are all very blessed.

  For all of their lives our boys were not allowed to buy us gifts. If they wanted to give us something they made it. They took a great deal of joy in creating things, and it was always encouraged. Those are the things that fill my Mom book.

  Both Lukas and Micah are very gifted with intellect, compassion, and a sense of art and music . . . and I’m sure they get it all from my side . . . just kidding . . . kind of.

  I HEARD THAT LUKAS, MICAH, AND AMY ARE ALL GOING TO PLAY some shows together soon. Really love it when my family all makes music together.

  SISTER BOBBIE IS MY ROCK. SHE HAS BEEN WITH ME SINCE, WELL, since I first started breathing on this planet. We both learned the language of music from our grandparents, who taught music. Bobbie can read and write music, and can decipher anything I throw at her. I love her attitude about life. She always sees the good in people, and that’s what people see back in her. She is the best piano player for me. She rolls with whatever I throw at her, and it doesn’t matter where I run off to in music, she is always there when I get back. She is beautiful. No one ever would guess her age; she just looks timeless, which is probably why she has all the boys, young and old, in her pocket whenever she hangs out.

  She thinks I hung the moon; did I mention that?

  Bobbie is also a great cook, and she loves to do it. She cooks for me all the time on the bus, and whenever I’m in Austin and Annie’s not, my sister Bobbie feeds me and I love it. She makes the best biscuits, gravy, and eggs you will ever eat, and it’s not just my opinion. Even when Annie is there, Bobbie’s is our first choice whenever we can go there for breakfast.

  Sister Bobbie with her

  granddaughter, Ellee Fletcher

  Sister Bobbie’s son Freddy with

  his daughter, Ellee, and wife, Lisa

  Bobbie has had so much heartache in her life, yet somehow she just lives through it and shines as if her life has been a breeze. It hasn’t, and that is real courage. Maybe it’s the music that keeps us sane, because Sister Bobbie loves playing music as much as I do, and that’s a lot!

  She loves everyone, and she loves all my family (whew!). She is there with me most days and nights while I’m on tour, and I have never gotten tired of that fact. I love her company, and thank God, because touring is like living on a submarine together.

  The best part about Bobbie is that she thinks I’m funny. I could hear her laugh all day long like good music. She is funny too. Just when I think no one gets a joke I’ve told, guess who laughs first? I couldn’t do this without her.

  SISTER BOBBIE

  Our lives are all about music and love. Love and music, inseparable; nourishment for our body and our soul. I wake up with a song, and that’s what Willie gives me: a life filled with love and music. That is what Willie gives to all those who listen.

  I love you, my brother.

  Your sister,

  Bobbie

  MY DAUGHTER AMY’S BAND FOLK UKE IS GREAT, TOO! THE BAND IS simply Amy and Cathy Guthrie (Arlo Guthrie’s daughter) making beautiful music with great harmonies together. They sing some Depression-era music, but they are mostly known for songs that can’t be played on regular radio—they are the best at that. They have great senses of humor, and it shows in their music.

  AMY NELSON

  I have two childhood memories that battle for the place of earliest. One is sucking my fingers and hiding behind a chair. The other is driving. I would sit on Dad’s lap and steer the wheel. Together we would laugh as we bounced and wound up and down our driveway in Dripping Springs, Texas.

  This is a snapshot of my dad. He was willing to put his life into the hands of a child in order to instill a sense of confidence and adventure in her. How cool is that?

  When I was eight years old, he handed me a stack of mail and asked me to throw away everything that was not important.

  I asked, “Should I show it to you before I throw it away?”

  He said, “No, I trust you.”

  I love these memories because they are times in my life where I was treated as a capable, above-average kid, and for the most part, it made me act accordingly. I wonder now what I threw away.

  “Never look directly into the sun,” Mom warned me. Later, Dad would teach me to look directly into the sun just a little bit more each day, as is the practice of the sun gazers, who stare at the sun to achieve enlightenment.

  I love that my dad looks at things in a different way, and I always appreciate the opportunity to do the same.

  My dad is the hardest-working person I have ever known. Perhaps it’s because he was a child laborer. He was staked out in a cotton field when he was a toddler so that his grandparents could work the fields and look after him at the same time. When he was old enough to pick the cotton, that’s when he began working. And he didn’t stop. Three-quarters of a century later, he is still working, and well into his retirement years.

  “If you don’t use it, you will lose it,” I’ve heard him say numerous times. He was given an incredible voice and he uses it to heal the world. He’s put in twenty-seven years with Farm Aid being a voice for farmers and nine years with the Animal Welfare Institute being a voice for horses. He has adopted seventy horses. He worked with Best Friends Animal Society to strengthen dogfighting laws in Georgia.

  Aside from that, he has been uniting countless people with his music spanning the better part of the last century. He transcends boundaries, opens hearts, and unites people. He might be Jesus in disguise. Can you tell that I’m proud of him?

  I wish everyone could be so fortunate as to have a dad like mine. That’s part of why I don’t mind sharing him with the world. In the spirit of sharing, here is a collective sample of Papa Willie wisdom:

  Count your blessings. All we have is now, and it’s always now. Music is the most powerful healing force, because it is the one thing that can instantaneously travel to your soul. Dynamic tension. Practice it daily. We get out of the world what we project onto the world. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Never underestimate your opponent. Spin around fifty times each direction at night before going to sleep to charge your chakras. If you’re scared to do something, do it anyway. Do it because you are afraid. If there’s anything worth doing, it’s worth doing big. Either way, it takes the same amount of energy. If someone rips you off, consider it money well spent for a lesson that you will always remember. Find yourself another sucker. Horses are smarter than people. Don’t pay attention to reviews: if you believe the good ones, then you will have to believe the bad ones. Whatever the problem, ask yourself, “Will it matter in a hundred years?” Physician, heal thyself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Horses are smarter than people. Take my advice and do what you want to do. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t be an asshole.

  MY DAUGHTER PAULA IS OUT IN COLORADO RIGHT NOW TEARING UP the towns with her band. She kicks ass! She is very proud of her little animal family. She has rescued donkeys, goats, dogs, cats, you name it! They are all family, so I have grandkiiids who have bigger beards than I do!

  PAULA NELSON

  As long as I can remember remembering, my father has been a calm and gentle hero to me. He’d sing a song called “Yeah Blue” to my sister Amy and me when we were very little. It was a sad song, but to hear him sing the melody was very comforting. He was on the road and we were in school, and it made it hard to spend a whole lot of time together growing up, but he was always only a phone call away. He’s a great listener and has always supported his family in every way. He’s my father, but he’s also my friend.

  MY GREATEST JOY IS SEEING ALL MY KIDS ONSTAGE SINGING TOGETHER. It’s really hard to beat that DNA harmony sound. I’m really happy when they are all out singing individually, but knocked out when they are standing at the microphone right next to me, singing their hearts out together.

  Amy, Paula, Mickey Raphael, and me<
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  LANA NELSON

  The things I do or have done are not the things I am. What I am is a daughter so proud of her father most days I can’t discuss him without crying. He has always been there for me, never making me feel stupid for asking anything. I hope to somehow give back to him a tiny portion of what he has so freely given to each of us. It has been a lifelong goal to work with my dad in any capacity he may ever need, and I will be there until the end.

  PAULA NELSON

  I don’t know any other family like our family. There are so many of us from different marriages, but yet we’re all friends and very close. I believe it’s because of him we are this way. He’s a great and very wise teacher. I love him with all my heart and I am proud to be his daughter. He’s my hero. He’s my Papa Bear.

  SUSIE NELSON

  The eighties were traumatic for me, because my father was moving too fast. Today I’m okay with it. Faith requires me to hold a picture in my mind of what I wish to see happening. I know that my father represents that big picture. The art of the Holy Spirit, healing in song and guitar music, is obvious. His guitar instrumental “Matador” settles my spirit, and this daughter doesn’t worry about her father out there anymore. Thank you, Dad, for your guitar, your music, and your songs.

  LUKAS NELSON

  I admire him, so I never want to disappoint him. Even in his absences throughout the years, the morals and values he has instilled in me just by my observing him have been firmly established. When he does give advice, I am always listening with alert ears, because he has had many years to spend with a peaceful mind, and therefore has gained immeasurable wisdom.

  I feel blessed to have been born at this more mature point in his life as well. He seems to have a wise river to float down at his age, and it seems to be speaking to him and he seems to be listening. I can’t know, obviously, everything that goes on in his head . . . but everything that comes out of it is rooted in love and experience. I will always strive to be the best man I know, and I am lucky because I have spent my whole life with him so far.