Beneath the Stars

by Emily McIntire

  I haven’t told Chase about the internship yet, but I’m planning to this weekend. He was hoping I would apply to ETU, but I know if I don’t take advantage of this opportunity, I’ll regret it.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Jax grins, shutting the sliding door to my backyard.

  “Hiya, Teeth.” I smile.

  He rolls his eyes. “Stop calling me that. These babies are one-hundred percent au naturale.” He runs his tongue over his pearly whites. “You ready for the big night?”

  “I’m more than ready. Nervous, but my girls are gonna steal the show, you just wait and see.”

  He clicks his tongue. “I don’t know. I heard the eight-year-olds have some killer moves this time. I’m not sure your toddlers can keep up.”

  I smack his chest. “You shut your mouth with that kind of talk, Jackson Rhoades. I’ll have you know my kids can out-dance those eight-year-olds all day long.”

  “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

  “Because they have me, of course.”

  “Now that I believe.”

  My cheeks flush at the compliment, the air shifting as he loses his grin.

  He clears his throat. “Anyway, I just stopped by to see if you needed help with anything.”

  I clap my hands together. “Yes! I’m in charge of refreshments for the recital, but I haven’t had time to pick anything up. I’d love you forever if you’d do it for me.”

  “Is that a promise?”

  “Would that make you say yes?”

  His green eyes sparkle, and a lightness fills me. Things are so easy with him. I’m sad we weren’t friends sooner.

  He ties his hair into a bun and throws his hands up. “Okay, I’ll do it. Cookies for the kids and veggie trays for the old people. I’ll be back soon.” He winks, spinning his key ring around his finger as he walks out the door.

  My phone rings a while later, Chase’s name flashing. My stomach flutters with excitement knowing that in a few short hours I’ll see him. He promised he’d make it home this time.

  “Hi, Chase.”

  “Hey. How you feeling today, Goldi?”

  “Excited. Nervous. Mostly, I just can’t wait to see you, though.” I lean against the kitchen counter.

  “I can’t wait to see you, either. Think I can steal you away after the show? I want to get us a hotel. I thought we could have some long overdue alone time. Would you like that?” His voice quiets, whispering low and raspy in my ear. “I need to fucking be inside you, baby. I can’t wait anymore.”

  Arousal shoots through me.

  My grip on the phone tightens as I squeeze my thighs, trying to ease the ache. “Yes,” I say on an exhale. I don’t know how I’ll explain it to Mama and Daddy, but I’ll think of something later.

  “Thank fucking God… hey, hang on a second.”

  He’s talking, his voice muffled like he’s covered the phone with his hand. A girl’s voice is in the background. Jealousy washes over me.

  “I’m back. I’m gonna get off here though, run some errands and take a nap before I leave. Recital’s at five, right? I’ll be at your place by three-thirty. Damn, I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Is Lindsay there?” The words are out before I can stop them.

  “Uhh… yeah. She just showed up.”

  “Oh.” All the anticipation I was feeling disappears. I can’t stand her and he knows it. But still, he keeps her in his life.

  He chooses her when he should be choosing me.

  Jax bursts through the door, hands filled with platters of cookies. “Just call me Sugar Daddy, sweetheart, because I’ve got all the sugar you need.” His eyebrows wag, and I snort out a giggle.

  “Is that Jax?” Chase’s voice cuts through the line.

  “Yeah, of course it is. He just got back with the refreshments for tonight.”

  “How nice that you have him to help,” he says, dryly.

  Irritation slams into me. “Yep. You have Lindsay, and I have Jax. Havin’ friends is the best, ain’t it?”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “What’s not fair is you bein’ glued to a girl that I’ve told you repeatedly makes me uncomfortable.”

  “And I’ve told you there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “You haven’t told me anything, other than she’s in a bad place and ‘needs’ you.”

  “She does.”

  “Well, so do I, Chase.” I rub my forehead. I’m so tired of having this same conversation. “Listen, I don’t wanna fight. I’ll just see you when you get here. I’m really lookin’ forward to our night together.”

  “I don’t want to fight either, baby. All I want is to show you all the ways I can love you. And I do, you know? I fucking love you.”

  I try to trust in what he says, but it’s no consolation. His words are just that. Words.

  I push away my irritation and finish getting ready. Chase is supposed to meet me at my house so we can ride to the rec hall together. But when three-thirty comes and goes with no Chase in sight, I give up and hitch a ride with Jax.

  I’m backstage with the director and my girls, trying to pump them up. It’s fifteen minutes until showtime, and still no word from Chase. I peek around the curtains and see Jax in the front row. I give him a small wave before scanning the empty seats around him. Still nothing. The disappointment settles into my bones. I don’t see my folks either, which is strange. I slip my phone out of my pocket one more time, checking for a call, a text, something. It rings in my hand.

  Unknown.

  I excuse myself from backstage quickly, hoping it’s Chase.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi. Is this Alina Carson?”

  “Yes. Who’s this?”

  “Ms. Carson, my name is Judy Davis. I’m a nurse at CHI Memorial Hospital in Chattanooga.”

  A foreboding tingle creeps up my spine, making me stand up straight. “Okay… how can I help you?”

  “A Craig and Gail Carson were brought to us about an hour ago after being involved in a collision.”

  “What?” I suck in a breath. “Those are my folks. Are they okay?”

  “Mr. Carson escaped with minor injuries. Mrs. Carson suffered severe cranial trauma and was airlifted to our facility. I’m sorry to be blunt, but the sooner you can get here, the better.”

  My vision goes blurry. The phone drops from my hand and clatters to the floor as I try to steady myself on the wall.

  I can’t breathe.

  “Alina?” I hear my name, but it’s distant, muddled.

  Why can’t I breathe?

  Jax’s face appears in front of me. “Sweetheart? What’s the matter? Your director sent me to find you. They’re ready to start.”

  I look up at him. I’m trying to find the words, but I can’t talk because I. Can’t. Breathe.

  My hands claw at my blouse, the silky fabric suddenly choking me. If I can just get it off maybe it will relieve the pressure pushing down on my chest.

  “Whoa, Alina.” I feel hands grab mine, pulling them from my body. “Alina.” His voice is sharp and authoritative. It cuts through the fog and helps me focus. Worried forest-green eyes stare into mine.

  “Mama... hospital… please,” I rasp out. It’s barely coherent, but it’s the best I can do. I collapse into Jax’s arms, tears staining his shirt.

  His torso pushes against my cheek with his abrupt intake of breath. “Your mom’s in the hospital?”

  I nod against him.

  “Which hospital, sweetheart? I need you to tell me where to take you.”

  I rack my brain, trying to remember what the lady on the phone said. “CHI Medical.”

  We make it to the car. Jax holds my hand while he shifts gears. It helps, but what I really need, who I really need, is Chase. I try to call him. Over and over and over.

  Please, Chase. Pick up. Can’t you feel me breakin’?

  No answer. Eventually, it goes straight to voicemail.

  I can’t breathe.

  The ride to the hospital
is a blur, but we make it. Daddy’s pacing in the waiting room with a white bandage on his arm and tears on his face. I rush into his arms and the pressure in my chest starts to ease.

  “Daddy, what happened?” I cry. “Are you okay? Where’s Mama? Have you talked to Eli?”

  He brushes my hair with his hand, shushing me. His voice cracks as he tells me everything will be alright. He says God has a plan, and all we have to do is pray.

  So that’s what we do.

  We sit in small plastic chairs and we pray.

  A couple hours later and my panic has calmed. Jax’s solid grip on my hand and Daddy being alive and well has helped me fight through the shock. But I’m scared. Mama is still in surgery, and nobody has told us anything.

  Jax curses beside me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He’s on his phone, but as soon as I ask, he puts it away. “Nothing for you to worry about, sweetheart.”

  His smile irritates me. “Jax, don’t treat me with kid gloves. I could use the distraction. Tell me what you were lookin’ at.” I’m being nosy and I know it, but I don’t care. Anything to escape this purgatory.

  “I was just scrolling Facebook. Dumb stuff to pass the time.” He won’t meet my eyes. The tingling at the base of my spine has me apprehensive. What else could make this day any worse?

  “Jax. Please.” I put my hand out. “Just let me see.”

  He purses his lips as he stares at me. Finally, he heaves a sigh and hands his phone over, his screen lit up.

  When I see the picture of a smiling Lindsay next to a sleeping Chase, wearing his shirt and in his bed, my heart shatters into pieces.

  When Mama dies two hours later, those pieces turn to dust.

  15

  Chase

  Twenty Years Old

  An arm on my chest is what wakes me. I run my hands down my face, groaning. I reach over to pull Goldi further into me, but instead of soft curves, I grasp sharp angles.

  The fuck?

  I look down and see bleached blonde hair, not the honey-blonde I was expecting. Lindsay? What the hell? Throwing her arm off me, I scoot back.

  She stirs, blinking groggily. “Chase?”

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I see my phone on the desk, and I jump out of bed to grab it.

  My forehead wrinkles as I realize it’s turned off.

  I look around, trying to get my bearings. The sun is streaming through my blinds, which means I’m officially fucked because my window faces east. That means it’s morning. I slept through Goldi’s recital.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  “Chase, what’s wrong?” Lindsay pushes back the covers, sitting up in my bed, stretching her arms above her head. Shock filters through me as I notice she’s wearing nothing but my shirt.

  Mistaking my wide eyes for something it isn’t, she smirks. “Looks good on me, doesn’t it?” She sweeps her hands down her body.

  “What the fuck, Lindsay?”

  My phone vibrates in my hand as it powers on, diverting my attention.

  25 Missed Calls. 10 New Voicemails. 7 Text Messages.

  My stomach knots.

  Lindsay stands, coming close to peer over my shoulder. “Your phone wouldn’t stop ringing yesterday afternoon, so I turned it off. Thought you could use the rest instead. I know how tired you’ve been from school and work.” She rubs my arm.

  I remember her leaving yesterday afternoon. Obviously, once I fell asleep, she decided to show back up. I am seriously regretting leaving my front door unlocked.

  I shrug her off, my teeth grinding. “That’s just great, Lindsay. I had an alarm set. You knew I was supposed to be going home. Do you have any idea how hard you’ve made things for me?”

  She scoffs. “Please, Alina will forgive you. She always does. You obviously needed sleep.”

  Her words are a punch to the gut. Self-loathing beats my insides with the fact that even she realizes how shitty I’ve been to Goldi. “Care to explain why you’re even fucking here? Or why you took it upon yourself to put on my clothes and sleep in my bed?”

  “I was tired, too.” She lifts her shoulders. “I didn’t have anything to wear that was comfortable. I didn’t think you would mind.”

  “Of course I fucking mind,” I snap, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I don’t have time to deal with you right now. Make yourself useful and go start some coffee.”

  I look down at my phone, pulling up Goldi’s name and pressing call. I just need to explain. She’ll understand.

  She has to understand.

  The phone rings, but her voicemail picks up. I try Jax next. No answer.

  Shit.

  I open up my text messages.

  Goldi: I’m sorry about earlier, It’s just hard with you being gone.

  Jax: Hey, bro. Excited for you to be back! Whoop! Let’s chill tomorrow after you get your Alina time.

  Goldi: Are you almost here? We need to leave soon for the rec hall.

  Goldi: Chase. Answer your phone!

  Goldi: I’m having Jax take me. If I wait any longer, I’ll be late.

  Jax: Dude. Where the fuck are you?

  Goldi: I’m done.

  This is bad. This is really fucking bad.

  I go to my call log next. Most of them are from Goldi. My eyebrows furrow as I realize there’s a string of them during the time of the recital. I keep scrolling.

  Jax.

  Jax.

  Jax.

  Becca.

  I stop short, my thumb hovering over the screen. Why the fuck did Becca call?

  I go to my voicemail and skip to the one from her, pressing play.

  “You know, I’ve met a lot of assholes in my life, but you really take the cake. You better stay gone, Chase Adams. Do you hear me? I don’t want to ever see your face around here again.”

  Becca’s always been a bitch, but her reaction to a missed recital is alarming. I move on to the most recent message from Jax.

  “I tried, Chase. I really tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I watched as you made fucked-up choice after fucked-up choice, and I always stood back. But this… you better call me back, bro.”

  I’m definitely missing something.

  I try Alina again as I pull on the first pair of jeans I find, and a black tee. She doesn’t answer, so I pull up Facebook, desperate to find some clue as to why everyone’s freaking the fuck out. Lindsay sashays back into my room, two mugs of coffee in her hands. I don’t look up. My eyes are too busy staring at the photo on my timeline. My stomach bottoms out so fast it makes me dizzy. I collapse onto the bed.

  “Here’s your coffee, Chase.” Lindsay sets the mug on the nightstand. I grab her wrist, holding her in place.

  She tries to wrench it from my grasp, but I tighten my grip. “Lindsay, what have you done?”

  She peeks at my phone screen, a smirk taking over her face. “We look good in your bed, don’t we? Honestly, Chase, I was tired of waiting for you to man up and make a move. I figured a little push in the right direction was needed. Get that lapdog of a girlfriend out of the way so you wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.”

  My mouth parts in shock. “You posted this so Goldi would see?”

  She smirks. “A girl can hope.”

  “Are you out of your goddamn mind?”

  “Look, It’s tiring having to play the damsel in distress all the time to get your attention, Chase. What happened to you, anyway? You have a serious hero complex.”

  Bile rises up my throat. Has she been manipulating me this entire time? My phone vibrates in my hand.

  Jax.

  I point my phone at Lindsay. “Get the fuck out of my sight.”

  Her face turns down, lips puffing out like she expects me to take back my words. I watch as she grabs her things and leaves before I answer the call. “Jax. Thank fucking God, dude. Listen, I can explain.”

  The line stays silent. I pull the phone away from my ear, looking down to make sure it’s connected. “Jax? You there?”


  “I’m here.” His voice is flat.

  “Look, I know this seems bad, man. Do you know why Goldi isn’t answering her phone? Are you with her?” Usually, the resentment would rear its ugly head when I think of them together. But right now, I welcome the thought.

  “Yeah. I’m with her. No, you can’t talk to her.”

  “Jax, come on, man. This is all just a big misunderstanding.”

  He laughs, the sound hollow. “A misunderstanding? Seems to be a lot of that with you, lately.”

  My temper flares. “Put Goldi on the fucking phone, Jax. I need to talk to her.”

  “You are one selfish son of a bitch. You know that? Not everything is about you.”

  My fingers rip at my hair in frustration as I pace a hole through my floor. “I never said it was.”

  “You didn’t have to. Alina’s mom was dying in the hospital last night, and instead of being here with the girl you claim to love, you were with that snake Lindsay. Again.”

  I stop pacing. My heart bangs violently against my ribs, like it knows if it stays with me it’s bound to break. I roll his words around in my head. “What did you just say?”

  He exhales heavily. “Look. Alina needed you last night, but she doesn’t need you now. Don’t come back here. I won’t let you get near her. I’m done letting you rip her to pieces.” He hangs up.

  The icy tendrils of dread creep up my back and wrap around my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs.

  Jax is right. I’m a selfish son of a bitch.

  16

  Alina

  Eighteen Years Old

  I’ve decided I hate sound. Sound reminds me the world is somehow still spinning. People are still living. Time is still moving. Like nothing has changed. Like Heaven didn’t just steal a piece of my soul.

  I hate sound.

  So today, I pick silence.