Give Me You

by Caisey Quinn

  With that she leaves me alone at her door to contemplate my options.

  Skylar tops the stairs just as I’ve decided to head back downstairs to drink enough to numb the pain.

  “Corin, I—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” I put my hand up to keep him from coming any closer. “I don’t need an explanation because I know what happened. You danced with your ex, the ex you’ll be leaving here and spending the night with while I’m alone wondering what you’re doing. The ex I wouldn’t even know about if I hadn’t come here. But you saw me dancing with someone who was being kind to me, so you got your testosterone all in a bunch and decided to come piss a circle around me to let him know who was boss, right? That about cover it?”

  Skylar’s jaw ripples with tension. “I shouldn’t have said what I did and I came up here to apologize.”

  “You do a lot of that. Maybe you should have a business card made that you can just hand out every time you act like a dick.” I snort out a harsh laugh. “‘I’m Skylar Martin and I’m sorry for whatever asshole thing I did to you today.’ I’d buy in bulk if I were you.”

  “Maybe I will. I’ll order you some too. ‘I’m Corin Connelly and I’m fucking scared of everything and I hide behind sarcasm so no one thinks I have any feelings.’”

  My entire body flares in anger. “You’re a son of bitch, Skylar Martin. And right now, I honest to God wish I had never met you.”

  “Well you’ve met my mother, so I guess you’re entitled to your opinion.”

  I shake my head. Enough. “Just tell me why? Why humiliate me like that?”

  Skylar’s eyes fill with genuine remorse so I look away. He steps closer and touches my chin softly. “I was coming to cut in, to talk to you about tonight and see if you were okay. Hearing you say we were nothing…it hurt. I reacted badly and I am truly sorry for what I said.”

  And now I know why Julia Roberts stayed.

  The tension in my chest eases. It’s been a long damn day. “I’m sorry I said we were nothing.” I wrap my arms around myself. “It’s just, I don’t really know what we are or how to define it and the past few days have been crazy and seeing you and Fallon made me think that maybe we really aren’t anything. Maybe I’m just some girl you met a college and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

  Skylar looks at me like I’m speaking Greek. “You will never be just some girl, Corin. Never. Not now and not five or ten years from now.”

  “You think we’ll still know each other five or ten years from now?”

  Skylar sighs. “No way to know for sure, but I’d like to think so. I hope so at least.”

  “I hope so too,” I admit for the first time. He’s right in a way. I don’t like feeling vulnerable at all. It’s scary and I’d rather avoid it. But when Skylar leans in and kisses me firmly on the lips, I decide it’s not so bad.

  “Come down downstairs and dance with me? Pretty please? I promise to behave.”

  I laugh as we make our way down the lush staircase. “When do you ever behave?”

  “Good point.”

  Just as we re-enter the party, Fallon steps in front of us. “I’ve been looking for you, Skylar,” she pouts. “I’m ready to go.”

  I feel Skylar tense beside me. “I brought Corin here and I’m going to dance with her before we go.”

  With that, he moves us past her. “Sky…” I whisper. “She paid a lot of money to spend time with you. Maybe we should—”

  “We’re going to dance, Corin. She’ll live.”

  We dance through two songs before I can’t hold it in anymore. “So, um, what are you and her going to do tonight?”

  Skylar’s expression tightens. “Argue about why she pulled that stunt. I’ll take her to this club she likes and I’ll wait for her to finish proving her point that she can do what she wants with whatever victims she choses. Then hopefully I can take her home and come back here to you. Will you sleep in my room?”

  “Um…no offense, Sky, but being in your bed when you get home from a date with another girl doesn’t sound particularly appealing.”

  He nods. “I get that but I swear to you, it’s not a date. If you weren’t here, I can just about guarantee she wouldn’t have bid on me. She’d probably be blowing Burgess in a corner somewhere. Trust me.”

  “You don’t have a very high opinion of her.”

  Skylar swallows hard and pulls me closer. “No, I don’t. We have a long sordid history. But mostly I feel sorry for her. She lives in a world of pain she refuses to walk away from and there’s nothing I can do to help her. I tried. For a long time.”

  I want to know more about this and I tell him so.

  “I’ll explain everything when I get home if you still want to hear about it. I hope I get to come home and hold you all night then we can get up and grab breakfast and head back to campus. Would that be okay?”

  I nod against his chest. “Yeah. Better than.”

  “Skylar,” Katie’s exhausted voice breaks in. “We need to talk.”

  We break apart and I see Fallon glowering at me from behind her.

  “I’m sorry.” Katie aims the apology in my direction. “Skylar, you know the rules. Fallon’s ready to leave and you are her escort for the evening. Otherwise she’s within her rights to retract her bid.”

  Skylar narrows his eyes on both of them. “Fine by me. I can match her bid.”

  Katie looks deflated and dead on her feet when she lets out a sigh of exasperation.

  “No. It’s fine,” I say, not wanting to cause Katie anymore stress when she’s been so nice to me. “I’m about to head up to bed anyways.”

  “I’ll be back soon,” Skylar tells me before kissing me firmly on the forehead. “Promise.”

  No one’s ever kissed me there before and it makes my entire body tingle. Probably silly considering where he had his mouth this morning but there is something about his gesture that touches me deeply.

  Before I can recover, they’re gone and I’m left with Katie and a room full of strangers.

  “Where’s Skylar’s room?”

  “Second on the left across the hall from mine,” she tells me. “And seriously, Fallon is nothing to lose sleep over. She’s old news and believe me when I say Skylar moved on a long time ago.”

  I hope so.

  But hours later when I’m laying in Skylar’s bed surrounded by the scent of him, I can’t stop the worries from coming.

  It’s almost three in the morning. Most of the nearby clubs close at two. I checked online one of the dozen times I checked my phone.

  No messages. No calls. No texts. Not a word.

  I swallow hard and stare at the darkened ceiling. The half-empty bottle of wine I’ve been working on alone mocks me from the nightstand.

  Fuck it. I’ll blame the alcohol.

  I pull Skylar’s contact info up and my phone and call him. It goes straight to voicemail.

  So either his phone is dead or he declined my call.

  My first message is tame.

  Hey… Worried about you. Hope everything is okay.

  My second is less so.

  It’s nearly four in the morning so I’m going to crash. Guess you’re busy. Good night.

  When the sun starts coming up I’m hurting like hell, the bottle is empty, and I still haven’t gotten a single response from any of my texts or voicemails.

  Hey, Sky…super bummed that you never made it home last night. I was hoping we’d have breakfast together again. You weren’t the only one who wanted seconds, but maybe you were just teasing. Lying naked in your bed all night made me so wet, I was hoping you’d help me out with that but I guess I can take care of it myself. Hope you had a good night.

  I disconnect the call, hating myself. Tears of anger and disgust prick my eyes.

  Never again. I swore up and down I would never be this girl again.

  First order of business, get out of his damn bed.

  Second order, stay out of it.

  The hospital lights are
glaring and adding to my skull-shattering headache.

  Fucking Fallon.

  Part of me wanted to just drop her off at the ER and go home, but I can’t stop thinking about Corin and how she would feel about me doing something that cold and callus.

  The club start closing and I couldn’t find Fallon anywhere so I had to enlist the help of security. They found her covered in her own vomit barely conscious in the ladies room.

  I rub my hand over my eyes as the sun comes up. Alcohol poisoning, they said, and a negative reaction to the cocktail of narcotics in her system.

  It’s like high school all over again.

  She wakes up when the nurse comes to take her vitals around seven. My phone has been dead for hours and I’m praying Katie was able to keep Corin company all night.

  There aren’t enough flowers in the world to fix this and I know it.

  “You’re here,” Fallon rasps out. “Guess I partied a little too hard last night.” She has the nerve to smile like this is cute somehow.

  “Yeah. But you’re awake now so I’m going. The nurse on duty last night called your parents and they said to call when you’re discharged and they’ll send a car.”

  “Skylar, wait. Please?”

  I hang around until the nurse is finished with the blood pressure cuff. “We’ve been through this more times than I can count, Fallon. How much longer are you going to keep doing this to yourself?”

  Tears fill her eyes but I became immune to Fallon’s tears a long time ago.

  “I want an answer. Is this how you want to live your life forever?” I shake my head. “For fuck’s sake, Fallon. You paid twenty grand for what? So I could have a front row seat to this shit? I already caught acts one and two in high school. Thanks.”

  “Who’s that girl to you? The redhead? I want to know.”

  I feel my eyebrows lift. “This is about Corin? That’s who you’re going to blame last night’s bender on? Really? Because you’ve been doing this as long as I’ve known you and you never even met her before last night. So sure, let’s blame it on her. A random girl you’d never met pushed you over the edge. What the fuck ever.”

  “She’s not random to you, Skylar. I saw you. You seem like a completely different person around her. Why? What’s so fucking special about her?”

  “Everything,” I answer without thinking. “Everything about her is special and you and I have been done for a long time. You need help, Fallon. And I hope you get it. I really do. But I can’t help you. I tried, remember? Your parents tried. The therapists have tried. And I’m sure they’ll keep trying. But I can’t do this anymore.”

  She screams my name as I walk out the door. I lean against the wall and try not to be affected by the sound of sobbing.

  On my way out of the hospital I use the phone at the nurses desk to call her dad at work. I had to call it so many times when we were dating, I have his direct line memorized.

  “This is Jack,” he answers after the receptionist puts me through.

  “It’s Skylar Martin.”

  “Hey, Skylar. How are you? Your dad and I played golf last week and he mentioned—”

  “I’m fine. But your daughter isn’t. Fallon’s at University hospital. Don’t send a car to pick her up this time. Come get her your fucking self, Jack.”

  Corin is gone when I get back to my house.

  I’m not even surprised.

  Once I plug my phone in and it comes back to life I hear her messages.

  I hurt her last night. Repeatedly. The pain is evident in her voice.

  The last message is hot as fuck but out of character so I know it was meant to be a jab to let me know what I was missing. I know, all right. I want to choke Fallon. And her shitty parents.

  I want to grab my stuff and head back to campus but I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

  I’m going to sleep for a while. And them I’m going to head back to SoCal and grovel like I have never groveled before.

  Since the weekend that never should’ve been that resulted because of the bet that shall not be mentioned, I’ve been able to successfully avoid Skylar. Luckily this semester we don’t have any classes together.

  He took up residence in my mind for a while though and I failed a quiz in psych and a midterm in Calculus and decided then and there I would not throw away something I worked hard for just because of a boy. Been there, done that. Not going back.

  I start work at the diner and get in touch with Skylar’s friend Jax. I am now out of the dorm room I couldn’t afford on my own thanks to him subletting to me for nearly half the price. I changed the locks the day I moved in. If I can keep up steady tips I’ll be able to afford a tutor for Calculus.

  Skylar calls at least once a day and texts several times but I ignore it.

  It is what it is.

  I’m familiar with the cycle we were on. Selfish, hurtful behavior, apology, forgiveness, repeat.

  Pass.

  Layla checks in occasionally but I don’t offer much. Just listen about the awesomeness that is Spain and a community service project she’s working on. Reassure her that I’m fine.

  I celebrate my twentieth birthday alone in my apartment with a cupcake from the diner.

  And I am fine.

  Until I’m not.

  “It’s a contract for next season but you’d be leaving this summer to start training with the team. It’s not a million dollars but it’s an excellent offer, Skylar. It’s a foot in the door with a highly respected coach.”

  Stan Weinstein has been a friend of my family’s for years and my sports agent for two. Six months ago, I would’ve loved to have gotten this call from him.

  We put my highlight reels out to every team we could get an address for my senior year of high school. We had a couple of smaller teams interested but nothing panned out so I ended up at SoCal. And now apparently one of those teams, an international one based in Brazil, has made a legit offer.

  “Can I have some time to think about it?”

  Like, until Corin speaks to me again at least.

  “You have a week,” he informs me. “Then they’ll move on to the next candidate, a kid from Portugal with a great deal of promise. Think fast.”

  “Yes sir,” I tell him.

  I stare at my phone.

  I’ve called her a million times. I’ve messaged. I thought she just needed time.

  Unfortunately that’s the one thing I’m out of.

  It’s after midnight when Corin comes home. I’m sitting by the door of the apartment she rents from Jax. The apartment where we’ve played video games for hours and ordered and eaten more pizzas than I can count. The apartment where I fell in love with her—even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

  I’ve been here so long my ass is asleep and numb and I struggle to stand with any semblance of dignity.

  She doesn’t even look a little happy to see me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was hoping I could get a Mortal Combat rematch. Unless you’re scared.”

  The last word ruffles her feathers. “I’m not scared in the least. But it’s late and I’ve been on my feet all day.”

  “New job?” I point at the shirt she’s wearing. It’s a diner we went to with Landen and Layla before they left. I vaguely remember her mentioning putting in an application.

  “Yep. Super glamorous, but some of us have to work to pay for tuition and textbooks. Can’t all be soccer super stars. Excuse me.” She nudges past me while finagling her keys to get to the right one.

  “About that…” I begin as Corin opens the door and walks past without inviting me in. At least she didn’t slam it in my face. “Can we talk? Five minutes—that’s all I ask.”

  She leans on the door and gives me a world-weary look reminding me that she does not have time for my shit.

  “I’ll make it quick. Here. This is for you.” I hand her the compact unwrapped box I got her for her birthday. It’s the entire seven seasons of The Gilmore Girls on DVD with a b
ow on top because I didn’t have any wrapping paper. “I meant to grab them from your place in New York but I got, um, sidetracked.” I clear my throat and continue. “The night of the auction, Fallon over did it at the club and ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I wanted to say hell with her and drop her off but it felt wrong and honestly, you make me want to be a better person. I couldn’t imagine returning to you and telling you I’d done that. I can see now that I should’ve made an effort to get in touch so you weren’t worried.”

  “Thank you for this. And I wasn’t worried. Though I was hurt. It doesn’t matter,” Corin tells me, waving a hand as if it’s water under the bridge. “It just reminded me of that girl I used to be. What happened in New York…it was like I went back there and became that same girl all over again. But I’m done with that. I hope Fallon’s okay.”

  “She’s fine,” I answer quickly, “and I’m sorry if anything I did made you feel that way.”

  “It’s over with. I’m not interested in dwelling. Just moving on, you know?” I nod and she continues. “Anyways, I’m tired. Was that all?”

  I square my shoulders and brace myself for the oncoming rejection. “Yeah, there is.” I clear my throat and think of the best way to tell her about the team in Brazil.

  “So…”

  “I got called up. To the pros. A team out of Brazil. I leave at the end of this semester.”

  She doesn’t flinch or even change her facial expression, but I see something flash in her eyes. Pain, maybe. Surprise, definitely. But it’s brief and before I can register the actual emotions, she pulls the walls back down.

  “Well, that’s…awesome for you. Congratulations.”

  No hug. No come inside to celebrate. No ‘I’ll miss you.’

  Okay, then.

  “All right, well I just wanted to tell you. So now you know.” I feel like a dipshit. I shove my hands in my pockets.

  “Goodbye, Skylar,” she says with so much finality I feel like she’s socked me in the gut.