by Snow,Jenika
When the two women were alone they didn’t speak. Finally, Bunny breathed out and stared at Lila right in the eyes.
“You think I should just leave him alone, right?” Lila asked Bunny.
Bunny surprised her by shaking her head. “Hell no. I might not have been really close with Wrath like you and Tank were, but I know enough that it was obvious how he felt for you.”
Lila looked down at the table. “He thinks he’s doing something good by pushing me away, I know it.”
“Of course he does.”
Lila looked up after Bunny spoke.
“You love him?”
Lila nodded. “So much it hurts.”
Bunny nodded like she’d already known that. “If Wrath is anything like Tank, those men hide what they want because they think doing anything different will hurt us. Although Wrath seems a bit more on the hardcore side, I know he loves you, but wants to protect you, even if it’s from himself.”
“I don’t want to push if he doesn’t want to give me anything more, if he thinks that’s what’s best for him.”
Bunny got this sympathetic look on her face. “I know,” she said softly. “Give him some time to realize what he’s really losing. He might never come around, to be honest, and that’s why you have to be strong. Even if you have to scream until you’re blue that he’s missing out on a good life with you and Faye, then do it.”
Although Lila had been wondering if walking away was the best route, deep down she knew she couldn’t walk away.
“You need to be strong for the both of you, especially this time. Wrath might be a big, tough man, and probably does a lot of stuff that’s not conventional, but he loves you. He just wants what’s best, even if that’s keeping you away.”
Yeah, Lila knew that was the case, but the thing was—was Wrath too stubborn to let her in?
Chapter Thirteen
One week later
Lila had given him over a week to think about this, to decide what he wanted. He ignored her calls, didn’t even speak to Tank, and she knew that speaking to him in person was the only way to settle this. There would either be a revelation, or a closure tonight.
Lila held Faye, who slept soundly in the baby carrier. She was really doing this even after all the shit he’d said to her, and all the things he’d shown her.
The thing was she couldn’t let Wrath just push her away. After sitting down and speaking with Tank, and hearing Wrath tell her why he’d gone to prison, she’d thought long and hard about what she wanted in life.
She wanted Wrath.
He was hardcore, rough around the edges, and his life was not ideal in any sense of the word. But he’d protect her and Faye with his life. She knew that.
He may think he’d let her down with the Spike situation, and her getting hurt, and he may think this was the right thing to do, but he was so damn wrong. He’d come to help them, fought for them, and it wasn’t his fault all that shit had gone down.
And that’s what I’ll tell him now.
Although he wouldn’t answer her calls, and she was just going on a limb coming to his house, she had to try. She didn’t even know if he was here, but Lila couldn’t just sit back and do nothing when she cared for Wrath too much, and now was their chance to finally be together.
The lights were on at the house, and her heart started beating faster. She held the baby carrier in one hand, had a diaper bag slung over her shoulder, and walked up to the front door. She could hear the deep bass of music coming through, and when she knocked she wasn’t surprised when no one answered. She tried the doorbell, then knocked again, but when there was still no answer she tried the doorknob. Surprisingly it opened, and although she felt like she was invading his home right now, she needed to speak with him.
The music was muted, but loud enough that she knew it was coming from possibly in the basement. She checked on Faye, and her daughter was sleeping through all of this. Moving toward where the sound was coming from, she gripped the handle of a door, and pulled it open. The music came up from the stairs and washed over her. It wasn’t overly loud, but the bass was deep, and Faye stirred. Lila watched her daughter for signs of waking, but when it was clear Faye was still sound asleep Lila descended the stairs.
Once at the bottom of the stairs she rounded the corner and was greeted with a basement that was lavish and fully finished. It had a living area to one side, a huge TV, sound system, and any other “toy” a guy might want. There was a pool table, a foosball table, and some kind of video gaming console on the other side.
She heard something to her left and turned to see Wrath behind a full sized bar, his back to her. She only stood there for a second before he turned and their gazes clashed. He looked down at the baby carrier, and after a second he reached under the bar and the music was cut off.
He straightened and swayed as if to try to keep his balance.
He was drunk.
Brows knitted she said, “Wrath?”
In all the years she’d known him she could honestly say she’d never seen him drunk. It was a weakness to him. She’d heard him say as much in the past. But it was clear he drank, given the bottles lined up on the shelving behind him. Did he just drink on certain occasions? Was the liquor for when he had people over?
Why am I even questioning it?
His shoulders stiffened, and he didn’t respond. Instead he turned and reached for a bottle of alcohol that was sitting on a glass shelf behind the bar. He also grabbed a shot glass and poured himself a drink.
“Wrath? Are you okay?” Still he didn’t respond, but he watched her while he drank. “Will you say something?” She forced herself to go to him even though the idea he was like this was upsetting. It was clear what had happened between them was running deep in him.
He set the bottle down, closed his eyes, ran a hand over his scruff-covered cheeks, and turned from her. She could see his reflection in the mirror behind the bar, and her chest ached. Setting the carrier on the ground, Faye still asleep, she walked toward him.
“Will you please look at me, Wrath?” Her voice shook, and she didn’t even try to make it sound stronger. Had everything between them changed so drastically he couldn’t even speak to her? “Please.”
She wasn’t above pleading. She loved him, and despite all the shit he’d said, and how he’d pushed her away, he loved her, too. Lila knew that without a doubt.
Why did she have to sound so desperate? This hurt so bad she couldn’t breathe. She took another step closer.
He threw back another shot, and then he finally turned around. His eyes were red-rimmed and glossy. He crossed his thick, tattooed arms over his wide chest and stared at her, not speaking, and not showing any emotion.
Why isn’t he saying anything?
“Why are you here, Lila?” he finally said, his voice thick, slurred. When she didn’t respond right away he cocked an eyebrow.
“I wanted to speak with you,” she finally managed to get out, although her throat was tight, her voice thick with emotion. “You’re drunk.”
“No shit.”
She gritted her teeth at his blunt response. She didn’t come here to start another fight. She’d come here to make him see reason. If, after all of this was said and done, he still wanted nothing to do with her she’d walk away.
But it’ll be damn hard.
“We have nothing more to say about this, Lila.” He lifted his hand and ran it across his mouth, but the movement caused him to sway once again, and he reached out to steady himself on the bar countertop.
His lack of emotion pissed her off.
“What’s wrong with you?” she gritted out, her hands now in tight fists at her sides.
“I’m drunk. I thought that was pretty fucking obvious.” He leaned back and braced himself on the counter.
“You know what I mean.” She was gritting her teeth so hard the pain radiated through her jaw. “I came here to talk, to make you see that we belong together. You and me, Wrath.”
; He said nothing, showed no emotion.
“Why are you ignoring my calls? How do you think this is best for us?” She knew he would say the same thing, that this was better for her and Faye, that he was no good for them.
But she had to make him see that she didn’t care about any of the stuff he did. She knew he was a good man deep inside. He’d shown her so many times.
His cold look made her chest hurt once again. But as the seconds ticked by, and the fact he kept looking between her and Faye, this frown started to cover his features.
“I have nothing to say. You and I can’t be together. That’s it. It has to be this way. You understand?” His voice was starting to rise, and she took a step back. “I don’t want you,” he finally gritted out.
She couldn’t help it. She gasped in shock at his words. They hurt more than she wanted to admit.
“Now, I didn’t invite you over, so get the fuck out.”
She held in her tears, knowing this had been a waste of time.
Or had it?
Could she just walk away so easily?
No, I can’t. He’s hurting me to make me go, because he thinks that’s best for my life.
“I’m not leaving,” she finally said.
The air that seemed to come from him was frigid.
“What the fuck, Lila?” He slammed his fist down on the granite countertop. “I. Don’t. Want. You.” He said each word low, intently.
“Yes. You. Do.” She did the same thing.
He stalked around the bar and moved closer to her. But she held her ground. The alcohol coming off of him was so potent she wondered if she could become drunk from the fumes alone.
“You’re drunk, Wrath, but that doesn’t give you the right to talk to me the way you are. That doesn’t give you the right to treat me like this. This is fucked up reasoning in thinking you know what’s best for me and Faye.” A moment of silence passed. “You not being in our lives is not for the best.”
His nostrils flared, and he closed his eyes for several seconds. When he opened them he inhaled deeply and ran both hands through his hair. A look of defeat crossed his face for a split second, but then his anger returned.
“You think you can change me—”
“No, I don’t,” she said, cutting him off. “I don’t want to change anything about you.”
He just shook his head.
“I love you. I’ve loved you since I knew what that meant. I’ve known about you and your life, about the stuff you and Tank used to do to survive, to protect me.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I wouldn’t change you, Wrath,” she whispered again.
“You know nothing, Lila. If you were smart you’d walk away and never look back.” He sounded so defeated it broke her heart. “I don’t think you really know what I’m capable of.” His voice had dropped lower.
“I don’t need to know what you’re capable of to know I love you and want to spend my life with you.” His chest was rising and falling rapidly, and she knew she was getting under his skin. She could see it in his eyes. “I’ve never known you to be afraid of anything,” she whispered.
“You make me feel a lot of things I never thought possible.” He seemed to soften slightly, and she felt her annoyance over all of this fade. “Why do you even want a man like me?” There was sincerity in his voice.
“Love,” was all she said. It was all she needed to say. “Why is it so hard for you to let me in?” The tears that she had done so well keeping at bay now spilled down her cheeks.
“I’m not a good man, Lila, but you know that.” He took a step toward her. “I don’t want you getting hurt because of the life I lead.” His eyes were hard and dark, and the truth was reflected back at her.
“I don’t believe you’re a bad person, Wrath.” And she didn’t, despite all she knew about him, and the things she’d seen. He was pushing her away, she could see that, but it didn’t stop her from hurting like hell, or trying to make him see they belonged together.
He laughed, but it was cold, hard. “In all senses of the word, I’m a drug lord and killer, Lila. I’ve done a lot of shitty things. I’ve beat the shit out of people until they are hanging on by a thread just because I could, because I am stronger than them.” He took another step closer. “I've killed without remorse." He shook his head. “I’m not a good man and never will be. If you want a fairytale ending, I can’t give you that.”
“Yes, you can.”
He grimaced, and for that split second she saw vulnerability in him. Was she breaking down the wall he was building around himself? She clenched her hands at her sides instead of reaching for him.
“I’m not capable of loving and protecting someone.” The defeat seethed from him.
“I call bullshit, Wrath.”
Chapter Fourteen
Wrath tried so hard to keep her away, but the fact remained he was weak … when it came to Lila. He loved her too fucking much. Having her so close, telling him what she wanted, and that what he said wasn’t the truth, cut him deep. He didn’t want to leave her, didn’t want her out of his life.
But it’s for the best, right?
“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave,” she whispered, and the pain, the worry in her eyes tore his heart in two. “Tell me I mean nothing to you.”
The words—the lie—were on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn’t say he didn’t love her. Telling her he couldn’t be with her, that he didn’t want her had been hard to say, but he wanted her gone, to be safe.
“I can’t say that, Lila,” he whispered back.
The silence stretched on for so long it grew thick. He looked down at Faye, who slept in her baby carrier. She was so tiny, so fragile. She looked just like Lila, and although he didn’t think he’d ever be able to want to care about someone more than Lila, he found himself wanting to be in this baby’s life. He wanted to protect her, to watch her grow. He wanted to be that father figure she’d need, the one that would break a fucker’s bones that tried to hurt her.
No one will hurt you, baby girl.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. Was he fucking insane? He wasn’t father material, not with the life he led. He couldn’t give anyone anything but darkness. Bringing Faye and Lila into his life, into his world, would break both of them.
“Wrath,” Lila whispered. “Look at me, please.”
He lifted his head and stared into the eyes of the woman he loved … the only woman he’d ever loved, and would ever love until he took his last breath.
“I love you,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Don’t push me away. Don’t think you’re not good enough for us.” He took a step closer. “You are. You’re so right for me, so good for Faye and me. Not having you in my life kills me, and if you try to tell me it doesn’t affect you the same way I know you’ll be lying.” She choked up on the last word. “But I’ll leave if that’s what you want,” she whispered.
He couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t push down his emotions. He couldn’t push away the one woman that owned his world. He loved Lila, and not having her in his life ate him the fuck up.
Wrath didn’t stop himself from cupping Lila’s face, leaning down, or claiming her mouth with his. He was drunk, yeah, but he knew what he was doing … what he wanted.
Her.
Only her.
“It’ll only ever be you, Lila,” he murmured against her mouth.
That soft kiss started to turn into something harder, more intense. He wanted her like a fiend, but he also didn’t want to be crude. Baby Faye was sleeping a few feet from them, and he didn’t have to be a filthy bastard with something so sweet and innocent so close.
“I want you,” she whispered.
“I can’t take you here, Lila,” Wrath said, throwing out the window all of his self-hatred, and the emotions he’d built to keep Lila back. “The baby is sleeping a few feet from us.”
She laughed softly, and the sound went right into his chest.
“I’m sure people
have sex when their kids are sleeping.”
“I’m sure they do, but I feel weird.”
She didn’t push him on it, even though he wanted her to. It wouldn’t have taken much to convince him to bend her over the bar and fuck her. He pulled her close and just held her, resting his hand on the back of her head and keeping her close. She was laying her head right over his chest—his heart.
It beat for her.
It always had, and it always would.
“Don’t push me away again,” she whispered.
He closed his eyes and breathed out. “I didn’t put up much of a fight,” he said, trying to make light of how much he’d almost screwed this up.
But when she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly, all he could think about was what he almost lost. What he almost let get away.
A life with her.
“I’m so sorry for pushing like that, Lila. But I honestly thought it was best if you weren’t in my life.”
She pulled back and looked into his face. “Let me decide what’s best for me and Faye, okay?”
“I still think I’ll ruin you, Lila,” he admitted. It was hard for him to admit any kind of weakness, and he didn’t want to be weak. But with Lila he wanted to be honest, open with her.
“I’m not as fragile as you think, Wrath.”
Yeah, he knew that, but he also knew the life he led.
“All I need you to do is love me.”
He closed his eyes after she spoke and held her tighter. Loving her was the easy part.
****
One month later
They’d left the MC about an hour ago, and right now they were relaxing on Wrath’s couch, the lights lowered, the TV on but the volume low.
“I think Ruin has a thing for Dotty,” Lila said, thinking about the woman that had helped her out when she’d had Faye and been in Spike’s compound.
“It’s obvious,” Wrath grunted, and she smiled. “But he’s too much of a pussy to say anything to her.”
“You think?” she asked honestly.
Wrath nodded. “The hesitation is in his eyes.”