“When does your doctor think you should have the surgery?”
Again, he found he couldn’t lie to her. Lying now would dishonor her in a way he couldn’t bear.
“Tomorrow.”
This time, her mouth fell open like she’d been slapped. “Shit,” she muttered. Gray watched her swallow. “Shit, Gray.”
Meredith rarely swore. The fact that she did now — over him — tugged at something inside his chest. He pulled her closer to kiss her again, but she braced a hand against him.
“Wait. Don’t.”
Gray froze, discovering he didn’t like her rejection one bit. It felt like a punch to the gut.
“Meredith, I like you,” he blurted. “I mean, I really, really like you.” He heard the awkward words, and he could only just suppress his shudder. He was supposed to be a writer. Surely, he could have come up with something better than “I really, really like you…”
But Meredith didn’t seem to care. In fact, it didn’t appear that she’d even heard him, which, he realized, probably wasn’t any better. Instead of responding to his attempt to kiss her and his clumsy declaration, she frowned at him. He’d changed the rules on her overnight, and it wasn’t hard to imagine she’d walk away.
“…and I really hope you’ll be on my side.” He made himself stop talking then.
Gray sensed she was making a decision, and he guessed it would be best to keep still and shut the hell up until she spoke. Of course, he wanted to do neither. The bench beneath them was cold, and they both blew frost. The tip of her nose pinked with the chill, and her coat hung open, unbuttoned. He wanted to gather her up in his arms and keep her warm. He wanted to send his family away, spread a blanket in front of the fireplace — banked high and blazing — and spend the whole night talking… tasting… touching.
“Two weeks,” she said, jerking him from his reverie.
“What?” It was his turn to frown.
“I’ll stay two weeks and help you get done what you need to get done. But that’s all.” Her voice was like stone, and a resolve that belied her years shone from her eyes. “I can’t watch you kill yourself, so if you push the surgery off past two weeks, I’m quitting.”
For a moment, Gray’s stared speechless. “Th-the manuscript won’t be ready for publication in two weeks,” he tried to explain. “It has to go back and forth between me and the editorial team, and that takes ti—”
“Do they know about the tumor?”
She was relentless. In spite of himself, Gray wanted to smile. “They do, but they don’t know how serious it is.”
“Well, they’re going to,” she declared. “I’m sure they can fast-track that process if one of their bestselling authors is on death’s door.”
He laughed. He couldn’t help it. “Maybe you’re right. I’d have to talk to them about—”
“I’ll talk to them. You’ll work.”
“What?” he sputtered, close to hysterics. He knew Meredith could be stubborn and insistent and exacting, but he barely recognized the woman in front of him.
She was irresistible.
“You think you can—”
“I’m Gray Blakewood’s personal assistant. I can do anything.” She said it without a trace of humor, and Gray found himself beaming. He reached for her face, this time determined to kiss her, but as soon as their lips touched, she sprung from his arms.
“No, no, no. None of that.” Meredith stood before him, a good two feet away as if she needed to keep a safe distance. “We don’t have time for that.”
She said it as if kissing her wasn’t one of the greatest joys he’d ever savored. And he knew it was something she liked too because the color was again high on her cheeks.
“We don’t have time for a kiss?” he teased. “I can do a lot of kissing in two weeks.”
She glared at him. “Is this all a joke to you? Because I think this is pretty terrifying.” She stood ramrod straight with her fists balled at her sides, and Gray knew he’d gone too far.
“No,” he said, losing his smile. “It’s not a joke.”
Meredith nodded. “Good. Because if you don’t take this seriously, you’re not the man I thought you were.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “What do you mean?”
Bouncing on her heels, she couldn’t seem to contain her anger. “If you do — as you say — really, really like me, then you should care about my feelings.” She raised a hand and pointed to his house. “And you should care about those people in there who are desperate to save you.”
He glanced back at the house and could have sworn he saw Bax’s figure retreat from the French doors.
Bastard.
“I do care,” he said, bringing his eyes back to hers.
“Good. Because I really, really like you too. And I like you because you’re thoughtful and concerned and giving.” She spoke in a rush. And her words encouraged him, but her eyes blazed with such heat, he thought she’d light him on fire. Like she could smite him. She looked torn between frustration and disappointment.
Gray felt he had to defend himself or risk losing her. “On a good day, I’m all those things.”
“I know.” Her voice waivered, and a little of the fight went out of her. The blaze in her eyes now burned with pain. “You’re like that on bad days, too. That’s why if I take your side — if I support you in gambling with your life — you have to know what it’s costing me, and you can’t treat it like a joke.”
Gray stood then. He reached for her hands, and he was grateful she didn’t pull away. “I won’t. I promise.”
She gazed up at him under her lashes, so hopeful, so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her. “Two weeks?”
“Two weeks.” It may not be enough time for his books, and it might be too much time for his head, but it was what she could handle. He wasn’t about to argue with her.
“Good.” Meredith squeezed his hands. “Now, give me your phone. I need to get to work, and so do you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED. Her priorities and her fears had shifted so fast Meredith felt dizzy. Instead of denying what she felt for Gray, those feelings trumped shame and doubt and insecurity to direct every move.
She led them back to the house, already making mental lists of what she needed to do and whom she needed to call. And when she stepped into Gray’s living room, she’d almost forgotten his entire family waited for them.
Three pairs of eyes — full of anguish and hope — homed in on her, and she would have been cowed if the job ahead had been any smaller.
But there wasn’t time for that.
“Gray? Was she able to talk some sense into you?” his mother asked, perched on the edge of his sofa and looking ready to tip over.
“She was, actually,” Gray said, glancing down at Meredith, the smile in his eyes making her world go still.
Dahlia Blakewood shot to her feet. “Thank God! Let’s get you to General.”
The name of the hospital hit Meredith with a jolt. The afternoon had been a series of jolts, but the reality of the situation and the risk he was taking shook her to the bone.
“Sit down, Mom. We have time,” Gray said, raising his hands in placation. “We’ve got two weeks.”
“Two weeks?” Her look of horror was such a contrast to the calm smile Gray wore, Meredith would have found it funny on any other day. But not today. She knew exactly what the woman felt. How had she agreed to two weeks of waiting and worrying? Two weeks of risking his life?
“Two weeks will give me enough time — I hope — to put my affairs in order.”
Meredith felt a wave of nausea at his choice of words, and she wasn’t the only one.
“Jesus, Gray,” Bax hissed. “Do you have to say it like that?”
“You know what I mean,” Gray said, shrugging off their superstition. “I’m about to have my head sawed open and part of my brain cut out. I need to get my shit together.”
At this, everyone else in the
room gasped, buckled, or sagged. Meredith found herself gripping the back of a chair for support. His eyes swung to her in alarm, ignoring the effect his words had on anyone else. She felt his hand close around her arm.
“I’m sorry to shock you, Meredith. I’ve had a couple of months to think about this and little else,” he explained grimly. “I’m used to it.”
“Gray…” his father said, recovering from the gruesome image he surely held in his mind. “Dr. Cates wanted you to have the surgery tomorrow. It’s too dangerous to wait two weeks.”
“Dr. Cates wants tomorrow. I want another month. Meredith agreed to help me for two weeks, so that’s that.”
All eyes lasered on her, and Meredith held her breath.
Bax was the first to speak. “Well, it’s two weeks more than any of us could win,” he said, eyeing her with approval. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”
Gray raised a finger and pointed it at his brother. “You keep your distance, Bax.” He spoke lightly with a tease in his voice, but beneath that was a hard note Meredith was sure everyone heard.
They didn’t have time for this. Precious minutes were slipping by, and Gray needed to work. So did she.
“Gray…” She waited until his eyes found hers again. “…two weeks.”
In the tilt of his chin, she saw he took her meaning. “Right.” He cleared his throat and faced his family. “Meredith is handling all the details. I’m going upstairs.”
He set off across the room before Bax stopped him.
“Wait. What details?” he asked, confused.
Gray shrugged. “Everything that’s not writing.” And he disappeared into the hallway.
Vulcan and Juno followed, leaving Meredith alone in the living room with the rest of the Blakewoods — all of whom stared at her with the same mystified expression.
She swallowed. It would be great to be able to sit down in a quiet place and hash out everything that needed to be done. Meredith had no idea where to begin, and under the scrutiny of Gray’s family, she didn’t even know what to say.
“Um…” Not the most promising of beginnings, she knew. “…would anyone like some coffee?”
AS IT TURNED out, having Gray’s family with her made it much easier to get started. And what she never would have expected was how readily they accepted her as Gray’s proxy. She knew, of course, this was a sign of their respect for him, but it touched her nonetheless. After years with Leona McCormick, Meredith was conditioned to expect disapproval, but Dahlia Blakewood showed her nothing but kindness. She was the one who ended up making the coffee and serving everyone, including Meredith. Bax produced a folder with the names and numbers of Gray’s doctors, and he reached out to the local neurologist and made introductions.
Dr. Cates had been awaiting their call, and Meredith trembled as she spoke to him. Hearing his disappointment at the two-week delay nearly made her go back on her word. And when he gave her a list of symptoms to watch for, including partial blindness, paralysis, loss of balance, and slurred speech — all symptoms that would require a hasty call to 911 — she thought she might come unglued.
As soon as they’d covered the details to schedule his surgery in two weeks’ time and complete the requisite pre-surgical lab work, Meredith dashed upstairs to check on Gray.
Tiptoeing up to the study, she found him at his desk, hard at work, and clearly alive and breathing. Before she could turn and disappear back downstairs, he glanced up and spotted her.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he said, grinning.
That grin. Those words. It was as though someone took a nail gun to her shoes. She couldn’t move.
God, please, don’t let him die.
“Are you okay?”
Still smiling, Gray shrugged. “Under the circumstances.”
“Does your head hurt?” She took two steps closer. Before she’d known about the tumor, the thought of him suffering had unsettled her. Now, she wanted to jump out of her skin.
The smile at his lips dimmed a little, but his eyes still held their usual mirth. “Yes… but I’m all right.”
“How’s your vision? Are you dizzy? Anything else going on?” The questions tumbled out of her in a rush.
Gray chuckled. “Oh, you’ve been talking to Dr. Cates, haven’t you?” His voice was low and playful, completely at odds with the panic she was only just keeping in check.
Meredith nodded. “Can I ask a favor?”
“Anything.” The look in his eyes changed. It would have lit her with fever if she hadn’t been scared to death. Meredith felt its tempting heat, but she pressed on.
“Don’t keep anything from me, okay? Nothing dangerous.”
Gray watched her for a moment, the smoldering look in his eyes softening. He pushed his chair back from the desk.
“Come here.”
She wanted to run to him. She didn’t. “I shouldn’t. You need to work.”
“Meredith, come here.”
She was across the room and behind his desk in one instant, and then Gray pulled her down into his lap the next. This time, he didn’t try to kiss her. He just wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest.
Warmth surrounded her. His body was hard and soft and massive and welcoming. And she knew it was the best place in the world to be. She looped her arms around his neck and buried her face against him, breathing him in.
Nothing had ever felt this good. No place had ever been this safe.
Any memory of being held as a child now carried the lash of her parents’ rejection. The tenderness of those moments had been immolated the second their front door slammed behind her. So as she clung to Gray, encircled by his ready embrace, it was as though no one had ever held her like this.
As though it was the first time. She held on as if it were the last time, and it wrecked her.
Gray squeezed her tighter, and silence, holy and soothing, fell around them. The rest of the world was a long, long way off. Meredith could hear nothing but Gray’s gentle breathing, the steady beat of his heart, and then the hitch and sniffle of her own sobs.
She felt him kiss the top of her head and the side of her cheek before his lips brushed against her ear.
“Don’t cry, sweetness,” he whispered.
Her voice couldn’t be trusted, so she just squeezed back. How could she feel this way about him and face the thought of losing him?
“No matter what happens, I’m so glad — so glad — we met, Meredith.”
She pulled back with a jerk and gripped his collar. “Don’t.” Meredith shook her head frantically. “Don’t you dare talk like that.”
“But I want you to know just—”
“Stop.” She crushed the fabric of his shirt in her fist and thumped it against his chest. He must have heard the threat of hysteria in her voice because he closed his mouth and nodded.
“Okay…okay, Meredith.” He brought a hand to her cheek and, with his thumb, swept away the last of her tears. He stared into her eyes for what felt like an age, the light in his own full of too much certainty. And a hint of mischief. “You’re ready to fight me now, aren’t you? I’ve discovered your secrets. All I have to do to cheer you up is piss you off.”
Meredith scowled at him. “And you’re getting really good at that.”
Gray tossed back his head and laughed. It was hard not to smile at the sight, but Meredith did her best. He already knew how to read her so well. It wouldn’t do to give him any more power.
Especially when she was already powerless.
“Well, can I say this?” He didn’t wait for her to respond. “Having you here is really good for me.”
Now she could smile. Short of him being healthy, that was what she wanted above anything else. For all sorts of reasons.
“Yes, you can say that.” She started to push herself up from his lap, but he kept her close.
“Wait. Don’t go yet.”
Recognizing the glint in his eye, Meredith cocked a brow at him. “Um. You have to work.”
/> “One kiss. Just one. It’ll inspire me.”
This time, she laughed. What would it be like to be with him? To be a part of his life? When it wasn’t in danger?
Meredith thought of the family she’d seen on St. Thomas Street that afternoon. Immediately, she pictured herself pushing Oscar’s stroller with Gray by her side, walking Juno and Vulcan. Not a care in the world. The image was as clear as glass in her mind, and if she dressed herself in a pair of hospital scrubs, she couldn’t imagine anything better.
“Okay, but this time, I’m kissing you. Not the other way around.”
“I can live with that,” he muttered as she closed the distance between them.
She planned to move quickly. One peck before sending him back to work. But he held so still as she led the kiss that the power of it all left her a little heady. She met his lips, warm and serene, and slid hers against them, learning their contours. Her hands cupped his face, and she relished the scrape of his five o’clock shadow beneath her fingertips.
When her tongue parted his lips, he hissed a ragged breath, and his fingers dug deeper into the flesh of her arms, but he didn’t move. Meredith’s heart pounded so fiercely against her breast she feared it might shake itself loose. Still sitting in his lap, she was aware of every point where their bodies touched as each spot seemed to tingle and hum. She felt him smile as she pushed past his teeth. And when her tongue entered his mouth and tangled with the heat of his, Gray made a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl. The sound echoed deep inside her.
So deep she pulled back panting.
“Okay… right… that was…” She stood and smoothed the front of her surplice top, and she caught Gray following the motions of her hands. “Time to get back to work.”
He drew in a slow inhale and sat forward. “Yeah, that’ll be easy.”
Meredith stifled a giggle as she moved toward the door, feeling like she walked a little taller and shined a little brighter.
“Meredith?”
She grabbed the doorframe and looked back.
“Will you be here tonight?”
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