by Heart, Skye
I had decided to do some last minute Christmas shopping, on the way home from class one night. Tony’s ship was underway, which made it the perfect time for me, to shop for his gift. It was 9:47pm, on a chilly November night, when I arrived at the mall. The amount of cars in the lot, of the busy shopping mall, did not surprise me, because Christmas was just a mere six weeks away. I had pulled my car into an available parking space, at the far end of the lot, of the men’s clothing department store. Having grown up in Wisconsin, I was more than used to being in twenty-degree weather, but the wind chill that evening was well into the teens. I stepped out of my car, rubbing my hands together against the icy chill in the air, as I quickly headed for the building. The bright white Christmas lights that hung like little icicles at the edge of the roof, with a giant snowman at the helm, was hard to miss, along with the faux candy canes standing tall like mini trees, that lined the department’s stores entrance on both sides.
Christmas was my favorite time of year, where the smiles on people’s faces were more prominent, and their kind words, always seemed to reach out, and touch me. I quickly crossed the lot, between the parked cars, and made my way towards the glass double-doors of the entrance. As I got closer to the building, a very familiar voice caught my attention, and I immediately stopped. There were several people entering, and leaving the building, at the same time. Then, I squinted through the crowd for a few seconds, when I noticed Tony among the bunch, and he was not alone. I quickly hid, next to a parked SUV, and watched in disbelief, as my beloved husband walked arm in arm, with another woman. Then, they stopped at a strange car that was just a few feet away, from where I stood. Of course, he did not notice me however, because he was too preoccupied with entertaining his whore. Before they got into the car, he spun her around, and kissed her. Tears stung my eyes, as they stood there, in each other’s arms, passionately kissing. Having to witness that, felt as if someone had just rammed a chainsaw through my heart.
Now, in the shower, anguish swept over me once more, and I felt the tears coming again, but I refused to cry. Not now, not today, I thought. Every time I replayed that whole scenario in my mind, it was gut wrenching. I tilted my head back some more, hoping that the water, could somehow wash away my pain, as I continued to remember. The man that I loved, more than life itself, was kissing another woman, right before my very eyes. There were so many things that I wanted to do at that moment, like kill them both, but instead, it felt as though my body went numb. I looked on as my husband continued to kiss his mistress, running his hands all over her body, and when she grabbed his crotch, I froze. As a woman, you never know what you would do when put into a situation like that. It is very easy to say what you could do, or what you would do, but you can never emotionally prepare, for a situation like that. Unfortunately, like a coward, with tears streaming down my face, I rushed back to my car, and drove home. The pain in my heart was too significant for me to do anything, but leave. That night, Tony never came home, and I cried myself to sleep. At the time, I swore to myself that I would never let Tony hurt me like that again. I intended to leave him after that, and I did for a while. However, his persistence to get me back, coupled with a million ‘I’m sorry’s, I love you’s, and I can’t live without you’s,’ eventually won me over. He had sworn on his life that he would never hurt me ever again. Now, here I was in the shower, crying over something that happened three years ago. I had not let it go, and deep down inside, I knew I never could.
2
That fateful day had come.
I stood on the pier with Chris, Tony’s childhood friend, and fellow sailor, waving goodbye to him, as his ship prepared for the long journey ahead. I had dreaded this day for months, and now it was finally here. I did not want to cry, but the tears would not stop. My worst fear was now a reality, as I watched my husband’s ship, pull away from the pier. So many emotions were running through me. The thought of Tony being in harm’s way, scared me, but sadly, another part of me wondered if he could stay faithful to me. Just then, Chris pulled me to him, and held me close.
“Don't worry, Nena, he'll be all right. He’ll be back before you know it.” He said, and I nodded my head, dabbing at my eyes with a tissue.
“I know. It's just that with him gone, I feel so alone now.” I said. Then, Chris touched my chin, and gently lifted my head, to look at him.
“But you're not alone. I’m here, so do not worry. I promised Tony I’d take care of you, and I intend to keep my promise.” He said leering at me. I am not sure what it was, but despite my worries about Tony being overseas with other women, what Chris said – no, how he said it – made me feel okay somehow. After all, other than Tony, Chris was the closest thing to family that I had here in Virginia. With my sister living back home in Wisconsin, I was grateful to have Chris here with me, and even happier that his ship was not scheduled to deploy, anytime soon. To have both Tony, and Chris, deploy at the same time would have been devastating to me.
“Thanks Chris. I really do appreciate it. Besides, you are probably right. It’ll be over in no time.” I said, forcing a smile.
“See now? It won't be so bad.” He said, putting his arm around me again.
“Yeah, you're probably right.” I agreed. Then, he squeezed my shoulder and said, “Hey, are you hungry?”
“Yes, I’m starving. I didn't eat breakfast.” I told him, touching my growling stomach.
“All right then, let's go get something to eat, my treat. What do you say?” He asked, with another smile. I smiled back at his attempt to cheer me up. Chris was just slightly taller than Tony, standing at six foot, two inches tall, muscular build, with deep-set green eyes. His semi-pale, beige skin tone, complimented his mixed-race origin. With his mother being part white and Indian, and his father African American, Chris was a perfect blend between the two.
“Okay, that sounds good. Where’re we going?” I asked him.
“Um, I don’t know yet. We'll figure it out in the car. C'mon, let's go. I can't see the ship anymore, can you?” He asked, looking out towards the water. I squinted through the light fog that settled just above the water, and tried to make out the image of Tony's ship.
“Yeah, I can still see it, but barely though. Let's go.” I said turning to leave.
~TONY~
As the USS Kerry, pulled further away from land, I stood on the flight deck, still looking out to where Nena and Chris stood. The fog settling around us made visibility nearly impossible, but I did not like what I could still make out, through the thickness of it all. Chris seemed to hold onto Nena, a little bit too long, and that did not sit well with me. Although Chris and I had been friends, since before I could remember, I still knew better, than to put anything past him. So far, he has not given me a reason to be concerned about his relationship with Nena, but his ‘playboy’ reputation speaks for itself. Though I knew he would never cross that line, however, watching him stand there, with his arm around my wife, was a little too close for comfort, even for me. When I could see nothing more but the mist that hovered over the water, I started to head down to my burthen. I had the 3 AM watch, and needed to get some sleep. As I began my descent down the first set of steps, I lost my footing on the last one, and nearly knocked over someone in my path.
“Sorry about that.” I said, without looking up to see whom I was apologizing. I began to examine the steps, to make sure they did not pose any further tripping hazards, to my crew. There were no oil residue, or loose screws that I could see, so how in the hell did I miss that last step? Haphazardly, thinking about Nena, tended to make me a little clumsy at times.
“Hey, it's all right, don't worry about it. That happens to me too.” A woman said from behind me. I looked up, just as she extended her hand.
“Hi. I'm Alana.” Confounded by her beauty, I slowly shook her hand.
“Skye.” I replied.
“Yeah, I know that,” she said, indicating to the name patch on my coveralls. “What's your first name?” She asked, flashing me a sm
ile.
“Tony.” I replied, still staring.
“Well, be careful with those stairs Tony, or you might hurt somebody. See you later.” She winked at me, and walked away. I checked out how her ass moved, through the thin fabric, of the coveralls she wore. Then, as if she felt me staring, she stopped, and turned around. A slight smile curved her lips, and then she continued around the corner, to her destination.
~NENA~
“Hey, do you want to come in for a little while?” I asked Chris.
“Sure, why not?” He replied. I unlocked the door, to my condominium, and flipped on the light switch.
“I hope I’m not ruining your plans for tonight. I just don't want to be alone just yet. I still have to get used to the idea, of having to live here by myself, for the next several months. This doesn’t really feel like home with Tony gone.” I bent down to unlace my sneakers, and set them in front of the door, before going past the foyer. We made our way to the living room, and I plopped down on my couch and sighed. “You really love him, don't you?” Chris asked, joining me.
“Yes, of course I do. But sometimes, I think I love him a little too much.” I admitted. Chris nodded, as if he empathized with me, and I smiled. In spite of the emotional rollercoaster, my sister put him on; he was surprisingly very intuitive, to my emotions. Every time I confided in him about something, I never really had to say much. He has always been able to understand me, sometimes even better than Tony, or Naima.
“Yeah you do,” he now said, meeting my eyes. “He's really lucky to have someone like you, Nena. Don't tell him I told you this, but sometimes I think he takes you for granted.” He confided.
“How do you mean?” I asked, unsure of where he was going with this.
“You know the saying, 'you don't know what you have, until it's gone'?” He asked me. I nodded my head looking back at him, and for some reason, I could not break his stare. The intensity of his gaze, rather hypnotized me for a moment. Chris was one of those ridiculously attractive people, who you could not help, but blush, whenever they smiled at you. His baritone voice, and those dimples, was enough for him to pay a visit, to every girl’s panty-dropping wet dreams. Nonetheless, he was a good man, and I wished Naima could have seen that.
“Well, I try to tell Tony all the time that he's got something very special,” he continued, “and that he had better be careful not to lose it. Some people search a lifetime, for what you two have, so he should cherish every moment of it.” Touched by his words, I blinked several times, as my eyes glistened with tears.
“Thanks, Chris. You are so sweet. I guess I needed to hear that.” I said to him.
“No problem. You're a good woman Nena, and it's about time you realized that.” He said, searching my eyes again. I blinked a few more times, but he never took his eyes off me. Suddenly, feeling uncomfortable, I cleared my throat, and looked away. As if on cue, Chris looked at his watch, and then stood.
“It's getting late. I better get going. Are you going to be all right, here by yourself?” He asked me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Go ahead. Thanks for lunch, and dinner.” I said rising, to walk him to the door. There, he gave me a quick peck on the cheek that lingered a bit.
“Keep your head up, all right.” He said, opening the door. I smiled, appreciating his encouragement.
“I will. Thanks Chris. Good night.” Then, I closed the door behind him, and leaned against it.
“What was that?” I asked myself. Unwilling to explore my feelings, I pushed away from the door, and went into my bedroom.
3
Boom Boom Boom emitted loud bangs, just outside my front door.
“What the hell?” I angrily sat up, and snatched the covers off, looking at the clock. It was 7:21AM on a freaking Saturday! Getting out of bed, I grabbed my robe, and stomped towards the front door.
“Who is it?” I asked in a huff. No one answered. I then looked through the peephole, and it was completely dark. It was obvious that the person standing there had purposely covered the hole. Instantly agitated, I swung the door open.
“It's about time girl! I was about to break this door down.” She said with a smile.
“Oh my God, Nai! What are you doing here?” I jumped on my sister, nearly knocking her petite frame down with a hug. Naima laughed.
“It’s good to see you too sis. So, this is the place huh,” she said, inviting herself in. Although Naima was three years older than I was, my twenty-six year old, five foot seven frame, towered over her five foot three one.
“Nice. You got taste.” She said surveying the room, running her fingers on the back of my cream-colored sectional sofa.
“Well of course I do. I had a good teacher.” I replied with a wink.
“Well, I try.” Naima said, now touching the crystal lamp, with matching cream shades. She removed her denim jacket, and tossed it on the loveseat. Then, she turned to me, with her hands on her hips, and gave me a quick once-over. “Well, look at you, Mrs. Skye. You look good girl.” She said, and I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah right! I just woke up, and look like hell. You’re the one who’s looking like you just stepped off the runway. I love those boots by the way!” I moved towards the living room, and gestured for her to sit down.
“Oh, thanks. You know how I am with my knee-high red bottoms.” Naima said, kicking her heels up as she sat down.
“When did you get here?” I asked, sitting on the arm of my recliner.
“Well,” Naima began, “my plane landed at six o’ clock this morning, but I stopped to get something to eat first. What took you so long to open the door anyway? What? You got a man up in here already?” She joked, pretending to look around for the culprit.
“Oh, whatever!” I laughed. “Tony has only been gone two weeks, and besides, I love my baby too much, to do something like that to him.” Then, Naima’s smile faded, and she paused before speaking.
“Yeah, I know. I just hope he feels the same way about you too.” She said, and I looked away embarrassed.
“He's changed, Nai.” I said in his defense. “He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me like that again.” Naima stared at me for a moment, and I could see she still had her doubts.
“Okay. So, what's up? How've you been?” She asked, changing the subject. Grateful for the change, I smiled.
“I've been good. I do get kind of lonely here sometimes, but Chris usually comes over, to keep me company.” I said.
“How is he?” She asked nonchalantly. Naima was not fooling me. I knew she still had feelings for him.
“He's good. I know he misses you though. Every time I bring you up, I see this sad look in his eyes. The same look I’m seeing in yours right now.” I said studying her face. I hoped I was not making a big mistake, by opening up that door again.
“I do miss him,” Naima admitted.
“And he misses you.” I encouraged. I know I said I did not want them to be together, but in hindsight, I rather they did, since Chris was Tony’s best friend. I missed the way the four of us used to hang out, and do things together, as a group. Lately, I have been feeling this weird vibe from Chris that needed to stop, and Naima was the perfect distraction for him. Even though Chris often referred to me as his little sister, that did not negate the fact that on more than one occasion, since Tony has been gone, I felt as though he wanted to kiss me. Chris has been a great friend over the years, and we have an interesting history, but Tony is my husband.
“I’m sure he’d be happy to know you’re here. How long are you staying, by the way?” I now asked Naima. I hoped that she, and Chris, could somehow mend their relationship, so everything could go back to the way they used to be.
“Now, that's my second surprise.” Naima said smiling. “My company, Endless Beauty, is trying to buy this little cosmetics company based right her in Virginia, and they sent me to oversee the acquisition. Once we get it, I have the option of staying behind a while, to make sure that everything’s up and running smoothly, before I head ba
ck to Wisconsin.”
“Are you serious? That’s great Nai!” I was ecstatic.
“Yeah girl, I’m hoping they appoint me as the new CEO of that company, so I can see about moving here permanently!” She said, thrilled.
“Oh my God! Shut Up! Are you for real?” I exclaimed.
This was beyond good news, especially for me. Living in Virginia, all alone with no family, was starting to get depressing.
“Yes, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It is not a done deal yet. We have to get the company first. My boss offered to set me up in a hotel down here in the meantime, but I told her that there was no need, because I could stay here with you. I hope that’s not a problem.” She said.
“Are you kidding? Of course, it’s all right, Nai! You can stay in the guest bedroom. Maybe this whole deployment thing with Tony won't be so bad after all, since you're here now.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
After a few hours of unpacking, and organizing her things in my spare bedroom, Naima stretched out on my sofa, in front of the TV. It was nice having my sister around again, because I had missed her so much.
“Nai? Can I ask you a question?” I asked, joining her on the sofa. Freshly showered, and wearing her I LOVE PINK Victoria’s Secret pajamas, my sister made herself right at home.
“Sure. What's up?” She said sitting up.
“Do you still have feelings for Chris?” I asked her. Even though Chris made me uncomfortable, I did not want to see him hurt again. I also did not want to get in the middle of their drama, but I just had to know. Naima seemed to think about it for a moment, and I waited.
“Yes, I do,” she admitted. “To be honest, Nena, I never stopped loving Chris. When he first told me he wanted to join the Navy, I panicked. Then after a while, I just dismissed the idea, and thought that he would change his mind. Then, when you told me that, he had signed up with Tony, girl I was pissed. I did not know what would happen to us, so I broke it off. And to this day, I still wonder if I made a big mistake, by letting him go.” She explained.