Savory Deceits

by Heart, Skye

  “Oh my God, no. Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She said, taking me into her arms once more.

  “I never got to hold him.” I said through tears. Naima led me to the bed, and we sat down. Then, she pushed my long tresses away from my face, and tucked them behind my ear.

  “It was a boy?” She asked me, and I nodded. “What happened?” She asked again, wiping away her own tears.

  “I had high blood pressure, and in order to save my life, they had to deliver him. His lungs weren’t developed enough for him to breathe on his own, so he was gone, before I could even hold him.” I explained, feeling the loss all over again. Naima put her hand over her mouth in shock, and started to cry too.

  “Oh, Nena, I’m so sorry. I should have been there. Did you have a memorial service?” She asked me.

  “No, and I don’t want one either.” I answered, looking back at the window.

  “Why not? Don’t you want to honor his memory?” She asked confused. Then, I stood up, made my way back to the window, and looked up at the sky again.

  “I know this is going to sound strange, but I already honor his memory, right here in my heart.” I said, revisiting the picture of God holding my baby. Then, Naima walked over to me, and placed her hand on my shoulder.

  “Honey, I understand what you mean, but what about his body?” She asked me.

  “I had him cremated. Tony took me to the beach, and I sprinkled his ashes in the ocean.” I replied, still looking up at the sky.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you, to say goodbye to him.” She said with her head down.

  “Don’t worry about it Nai. I understand. I’m just so happy you’re here now.” I hugged her once again, feeling thankful, that she was actually here with me.

  ~TONY~

  “You can go join them, if you’d like.” I said to Starr, when I emerged from the guest bedroom, fully dressed. Her eyes kept darting towards the bedroom, and she seemed concerned.

  “No, it’s okay. I think it is best, if I stay out here. They have a lot to sort out. I am just glad that Nena’s okay. When Chris called, and said that she was in the hospital, we did not know what to think. We started to panic, because he sounded so worried.” Starr rambled.

  “Yeah, I just bet he was.” I said, without even trying to hide my contempt for him. I could tell that my comment made Starr uncomfortable, but I had better things to care about. I was leaving soon, and had no idea where Nena and I stood, in terms of our marriage. I did not want to lose her, but I was having a hard time forgiving her, for what she did.

  “I’m sorry, Tony. I didn’t realize…” Starr tried to say. She gave me a sympathetic look, and I shook my head.

  “No, no. It’s okay. I'm not sweating it, you good.” I told her. Then, she nodded her head, and looked away. Starr was a cool person, but I did not care to hold a conversation with her right now. In fact, I wanted to get out of here, and have some time to myself. Just then, Nena and Naima came out of the room.

  “Starr! Hi. I’m sorry; I didn’t know you were here.” Nena said, walking over, to give Starr a hug.

  “It’s okay. I wanted to give you two some privacy. I’m glad you’re okay, Nena.” Starr said, rubbing Nena’s arms.

  “Thank you. I appreciate your being here.” Nena replied. “Both of you,” she then indicated, turning towards her sister. Naima smiled back at her, and so did Starr.

  “Well, I guess I’ll leave you ladies to catch up.” I said, grabbing my keys.

  “Where’re you going?” Nena asked me.

  “I need to pick up some things at the NEX, before we leave Friday. But I’ll be back right after, okay?” I assured her.

  “Oh, okay.” Nena said, seemingly disappointed. I knew that she did not want to give any indication to her sister, or Starr, that there was anything wrong between us.

  “It was good to see you Starr, Nai.” I nodded towards the women, and left.

  ~ALANA~

  I was livid!

  I could strangle Chris, for what he tried to pull. Normally, under different circumstances, I would have just cut my losses, but this time was different. The money was too important to me. I stepped out of my car, and proceeded towards the entrance at the NEX. I hope that Chris makes good on our deal, and pay me my money, before my ship get under way for three long weeks. In spite of that, I had a lot to do beforehand, one of which was check on my mother. Then, I pulled out my cell, scrolled through ‘My Favorites,’ on the screen, and hit SEND under her picture. I took a seat on one of the benches, just outside the Navy Exchange’s entrance, and waited for an answer.

  “Hello?” I smiled, as soon as I heard her voice.

  “Hey mom, how are you?” I said.

  “Lana, baby! It is so good to hear your voice. I’m doing all right, how about you?” She replied, cheerfully. My mom was my rock, my best friend. Having raised me as a single parent, my mom and I have been through a lot. She was a sweet woman, but sadly, I grew up watching her go from one abusive man to another. I could not stand watching her let those bastards hurt her, time and time, again. The stress was literally killing her. During my senior year of High School, she was diagnosed with a heart murmur, and was told that she needed to have heart valve surgery. With no medical insurance to speak of, and very limited means, my mother could not afford to pay for her surgery, so she opted not to have the procedure. I wanted to do whatever I could to help, so as soon as I graduated, I joined the Navy. Ever since then, I have been saving up almost every penny I made, to pay for her surgery.

  “I’m okay mom. It’s good to hear your voice too. Did you get the gifts I sent you?” I now asked, forcing the painful memories away.

  “Yes I did honey, and I love every last one of them. Thank you.” She said, and I smiled.

  “I’m glad you liked them. I got you something from every country I visited on deployment!” I beamed like the little girl I once was.

  “I see. So tell me, what’s been going on with you?” She asked, changing the subject.

  “Nothing much; just been going out to sea a lot, which I hate, but hey, it is not as if I have a choice. I finally got an apartment!” I beamed again with excitement.

  “That’s great honey! I know how much you hate living on that ship.” My mom said.

  “Yeah, tell me about it. It’s a nice two bedroom apartment, not too far from base, so commuting wouldn’t be a problem for me.” I explained, satisfied with my accomplishment.

  “Two bedrooms?” My mom questioned.

  “Yes mom, two. The extra one is for when you decide to take me up on my offer, and come live with me.” I said to her. I heard her hesitation on the other end.

  “Honey, there’s something I need to…” she started to object, but I was not having it.

  “No mom, I am serious. You work very hard, which cannot be good, for your condition. If you come here and stay with me, you will not have to work as hard, because I would take care of you, and we’d be together. I do not like the fact that you are all the way in Wisconsin, and I am over here in Virginia, with your condition. What if something happens and I’m not there mom?” I argued. “Sweetie, you worry too much. I am fine. Besides, this is not Atlanta. I have family here. This is your chance to explore the world, and live your life honey. I want you to have the life that I never did, and you cannot do that if you are too busy caring for me. Baby, I appreciate your wanting to take care of me, but I can take care of myself, okay?” She preached. I sighed, because this was yet another failed attempt, at trying to convince my mother to move. The part about her ‘having family’ there was laughable to me. I knew precisely, that she has not spoken to her so-called family in years, probably even decades. At most, for now, I would let it go.

  “All right mom, but will you at least think about it?” I begged feeling highly disappointed.

  “Yes honey. I promise I’ll give it some thought.” She said. I knew she was lying.

  “Great,” I said anyway. “The ship is leaving Friday for thre
e weeks, so my phone will be off. I’ll call you as soon as I get back, okay mom?” I said.

  “Sure honey. Be safe out there, okay?” She hurriedly said. She seemed eager to get off the phone.

  “I will mom. Love you.” I said.

  “Love you too baby.” She replied quickly, and hung up. I clicked the phone off, and my suspicions went to a complete new level with her. Lately, she has been practically rushing me off the phone. One time, I could have sworn I heard someone in the background, a man, no doubt. I sighed again, knowing all too well, where her elusiveness was coming from. I hated all the men she dated, because they all ended up being no good for her. They were either abusive in every way possible, or lying, cheating bastards. Nevertheless, I was going to make it my business, to pay her a constituted visit, when the ship got back. With that thought, I got up, and proceeded to walk towards the entrance. While searching for my debit card, at the bottom of my purse, I bumped into someone exiting.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t…” I started to apologize, but stopped, when I realized who my mystery man was.

  “No, don’t worry about it.” He said. I smiled as my eyes trailed from his handsome face, to his exposed muscular arms, and the familiar rock hard abs, that I could see through his white t-shirt.

  “How’s it going, Skye?” I finally said.

  “Hey, Alana. I’m good. How are you?” He asked me. Tony seemed a bit troubled. Since our little tryst in Italy, I noticed he had been avoiding me, unsuccessfully however, since we were on the same ship.

  “I’m great. How’s the wife?” I asked with a smile. His bashfulness was so cute that I could not help myself. It was adorable how he could not look me in the eye.

  “She’s fine.” He replied, moving past me towards the parking lot, and I followed.

  “Tony wait!” I called out to him. He then stopped, and turned around, with a frown.

  “What?” He said, seemingly annoyed.

  “Look, I just want to apologize for what happened in Italy. If I made you feel at all uncomfortable, being around me, I’m sorry.” I said, hoping to break down the wall, he obviously put up since then.

  “Oh no, not at all,” he lied. “That’s water under the bridge.” He said, trying to sound like he was over it. I knew he was not.

  “Okay. So, we cool?” I asked anyway.

  “Yes, we’re cool.” He said, looking around for his car. I eyed his physique once more, and smiled.

  “So, what are you about to get into?” I asked, not wanting him to leave just yet. I was, as a matter of fact, interested in him.

  “Well, actually, I’m going home right now.” He replied, none too enthusiastic.

  “You don’t seem too thrilled about that.” I said.

  “No, I just got a lot on my mind that’s all.” He said, staring out into space.

  “Okay. Well, I was just going to get a bite to eat. I would not mind the company. Maybe it’ll take your mind off of whatever’s bothering you.” I suggested. I was genuinely concerned about him. Then, he looked at me, seemingly surprised. I have never displayed this loving, and caring side of myself before with him, only what I pretended to be - an unashamed, promiscuous woman, who kept throwing me at him. Now, I was a little embarrassed, by how desperate I had probably seemed to him. Shortly, he looked at his watch, and seemed to think about it for a moment. Then, I covertly crossed my fingers, hoping he would reconsider going home. Something was bothering him, that much was obvious, but what? Behind that copacetic attitude, he seemed a little upset, sad even.

  “Hey. I know it must be nice up there in space, but can you get back down to earth please?” I joked, and then he smiled. Mission accomplished, I thought.

  “Oh, I apologize. Hold on a minute,” he said, and then ran over to his car. I watched him pop his trunk, and put his bags in. Then, he closed the trunk, and pressed the lock button on his car keys. As I watched him make his way back to me, he was noticeably in a better mood.

  “So, where were you going to go eat? I’m starving.” He said with a smile, rubbing his belly. I smiled back at him. “Well, I haven’t made up my mind yet, but come on. We can decide together.” I said to him, leading the way into the building.

  21

  ~NENA~

  I rolled over, and opened my eyes. Then, I looked over at the clock, and it was a quarter past ten. Apparently, I had dozed off, after Naima and Starr left earlier that evening. My favorite movie, “The Notebook,” had ended, and the TV screen was black. It was so quiet.

  “Tony?” I called out. No answer. I pushed the covers back, and got out of bed. Then, I walked into the living room, and looked out the window. It was dark, but I noticed that Tony’s car was still gone. Next, I went into the kitchen, to pour myself another cup of tea. Feeling drained, I leaned against the counter, and lightly blew at the steaming liquid in my mug. Then, out of nowhere, as I stood there sipping my tea, thoughts of Chris ran through my mind. I began to fantasize about the way he touched me, and the way he looked at me, with those piercing green eyes of his. Eventually, I closed my eyes, and imagined him kissing me. It was hard to shake the feeling of him off me. The way he made me feel was breathless. I felt out of control whenever I was near him. Goosebumps now formed on my arms, at the thought of his lips on my body. Jolting myself, out of my own daydream, I forced those images from my head. I had to focus on what was more important, which was my marriage. I did not know how I was going to do so, but I had to fix it. I could not possibly have a life with Chris. There were too many hindrances in our way. I should have known that it would never work with him, and I certainly did not want to risk losing my sister again, now that she was back in my life. I have to do what is right, and the right thing to do, was let Chris go. The thought brought tears to my eyes, because I more than just loved him. I was veritably in love with him, but that kind of love was toxic. It brought nothing, but pain, to everyone around us. Maybe Chris was thinking the same thing, which would explain why I have not seen, or heard from him, since leaving the hospital. Surely, I did not expect him to drop by on a friendly visit, just like old times. Certainly, not after what happened. Then, I thought back to the night, I confessed to Tony, about everything. He was so hurt when I told him about Chris. However, I could not remember what took place after that, because the rest of the evening was pretty much a blur to me. Presently, on the surface, things seemed to be okay between Tony and me, but I knew better. I knew him. I knew that the reason he never brought up the subject of my infidelity, or even questioned me about it, was due to what happened with the baby. He wanted to give me time to heal and mourn. That is what I loved most about him, because he was so considerate. He has always put my feelings, and wellbeing, before his own, no matter the circumstances. Eventually, I finished my tea, and placed the mug inside the dishwasher. Then, I started to wipe down the counter, when the phone rang. I quickly answered.

  “Hello?” I said.

  “Hey lady. I’m just calling to check up on you.” Naima said.

  “Hey Nai. Thanks. I’m okay.” I replied, disappointed that she was not Tony. Where was he anyway, I wondered.

  “Is Tony back yet?” Naima asked me. I glanced at the clock again, before answering. 10:43pm. “No, he’s not.” I replied, trying not to let my mind wander.

  “Oh. Well, he’s probably on his way.” Naima assured me.

  “Yeah. Probably.” I agreed, unconvinced.

  “Starr, and I, are all checked in over here, but we’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Naima said.

  “So soon?” I asked her. Another disappointment.

  “Yeah, I was only granted a two-day leave from work. That’s what we get for family emergencies.” She explained. “Oh. I was hoping you’d stay a little while longer, so we could you know, catch up.” I said hopeful.

  “I know,” Naima said, and then silence. I waited. “Nena, I’m really glad that you’re okay. I do not know what I would have done, if I had lost you. You are my baby sister, and you will always be my sister, but
a lot has changed between us. What you did, really hurt me, and I do not know how to get past it. At least not yet anyway, but I am trying to. I love you, but I cannot stay here. I have to distance myself from you for a while.” She explained. I should have expected that.

  “I know, and I understand. For what it’s worth, I never meant to hurt you, Nai. Words cannot begin to explain how sorry I am. I just pray that one day, you’ll find it in your heart, to forgive me.” I said sniffling.

  “Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that. Take care of yourself, okay.” She said.

  “I will. Thanks for coming.” I replied, hoping that the rift between us would soon disappear.

  “No problem.” Naima said.

  “I love…” I started to say, before I realized she had already hung up. “You.” I finished anyway, after hearing the dial tone. I replaced the phone on its receiver with tears streaming down my face. I had made such a mess of things, and did not know how to fix it. The bond that my sister and I had was broken, and it was because of my own selfish actions. Sorrowfully, I started to head for my bedroom, when Tony walked in. 11:18pm.

  “Hey,” he said, walking up to kiss me on the cheek. “You okay?” He asked, when he noticed my tears.

  “Yeah, I just got off the phone with Naima.” I said, wiping my tears with my hands.

  “Oh? Is she okay?” He asked me.

  “I don’t know.” I replied truthfully. Then, Tony placed both hands on my arms.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure she just needs some time, that’s all.” He said.

  “What about you? Do you need some time too?” I asked him, and he looked away. The question seemed to bother him. Surely, we could not keep pretending that everything was fine. We needed to talk, and now was a preeminent time to do so, since he was leaving again Friday.

  “I don’t know,” he replied, walking off, to sit on the couch. I followed, and sat on the small glass table, in the middle of the living room, facing him. Then, Tony sat back, and stared at me for a moment. I stared back.