The Science of Loving

by Candace Vianna

  “—you’d best take a good look in the mirror—” I looked like crap. A few splashes of water weren’t going to fix this mess. “—why would someone so obviously out of your league, bother with someone like you—” Giving up, I trudged out to the living room to curl up on the end of the sofa.

  Daddy set a glass of milk next to a steaming bowl of tomato soup, surrounded by a grilled cheese sandwich cut into triangles—comfort food. This was Daddy’s prescription for a broken heart.

  I sighed, dunking a triangle into the soup as ‘Oh Yeah’ by Yello moaned sexily through the room, Les's ringtone for Mat. My phone had been moaning and pinging all afternoon. I’d stopped reading the texts when my despair grew so deep, I feared I might never climb out. I hit ignore then turned it off. Daddy’s raised his eyebrows as he sat down with his own sandwich, were his only comment; obviously, he’d it figured out. Grabbing the remote, he browsed the cable guide before settling on the science channel. While we learned all about wind turbines, my soup and sandwich miraculously disappeared, and I ended up tucked into his side.

  He gave me a squeeze during the closing credits then carried the plates to the kitchen. “I need to go out for a bit. Can I leave these for you?”

  “Sure Daddy, thanks for dinner. Hey, watch out for those mad bikers.” Daddy smiled bending over the back of the sofa to give me a peck goodbye before leaving me in my lonely apartment, and even lonelier thoughts.

  I puttered to the kitchen and stood at the sink, letting the dishwater warm my stiff fingers. “—he’s not going to stay, you know… Eventually he’ll want to trade up. Why should he settle for a mouse when he can have a tiger… Men like him don’t settle for timid wallflowers. Just recognize this for what it is, you’re nothing more than a rich pity fuck—” Mat really had swept me off my feet.

  “—you think he hasn’t tapped all Danny’s friends…You’ll end up just like the rest—” I was really going to miss Danny, but I didn't want to be around when he moved on to the next friend—I wasn’t going to be another Ashley, dammit—and it would’ve been nice getting to know Carmen and Stewart better.

  I wiped new tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. Shit, going back to my old life would be intolerable now that I’d been ‘properly fucked.’ I envisioned my future: Mom standing at the head of an endless line of Averys with a clipboard—no wait, that’s too bourgeois—tapping a perfectly manicured nail on an IPad, saying over and over, “You could do worse, his connections are impeccable.”

  I should just find out where Les bought her purple-p and swear off men for good.

  Now that I knew Angie was being cared for, I dug into my wings with gusto. I was on my third beer and second basket of fries when Jack came in. Wiping my greasy fingers on a napkin, I prepared to stand, but he waved me down, climbed on the stool next to me and ordered a Guinness.

  “How is she?”

  “Grieving. What the hell happened?”

  “That’s just it… I don’t know. We made plans to spend the morning together and pick you up this afternoon. Then Stephanie called and said she had to talk to her. Figuring she wouldn’t want me around, I convinced Angie to meet with her my friend’s espresso bar where I could have someone looking out for her. Next thing I know, Reggie’s on the phone telling me an ex-employee of mine is with Stephanie, and they’d stopped Angie when she tried to leave. By the time I came through the door, Angie was barely hanging on to her composure.”

  “I should’ve left her mother a long time ago, but I was afraid to while Angie was a minor. Could you imagine what would have happened if she’d gotten custody?”

  “Jesus.”

  “So this ex-employee?”

  “Yeah, that’s a whole different level of messed up. I didn’t do myself any favors by coming unglued when Angie told me my ex-partner might have screwed with our books; I pretty much lost it. I took off for a while to regain my cool, and when I got back, she was gone. I think I scared her then I abandoned her without finding out why she was so upset. Shit.” I dropped my face to my arms resting on the bar.

  “Yep, you’re going to have to work on that son.” I nodded, knowing an order when I heard one. “I take it, this employee didn’t leave by choice.”

  “No. Recently, one of my partners began acting out of character. He started doing things behind our backs, like hiring Avery and pushing to change our business model. When we confronted him, we discovered things were even worse than we’d imagined. I still don’t understand why he let things get so out of hand. It just doesn’t make sense. In the end he left us no choice but to dissolve our partnership.”

  “So, this might all be a case of sour grapes.”

  “Hopefully. All I know for sure is Angie wasn’t herself after their talk.”

  “Well, I can make some educated guesses about that. Even if you hadn’t made Stephanie your enemy right out of the gate, once I filed for divorce, it was unavoidable. Since she can’t control you, she’ll have to get rid of you to have unhindered access to Angie’s inheritance.”

  “Would it be out of line to ask how all that works?”

  “No, if you’re serious about pursuing my daughter.” And the look he gave me said I’d better be. “You need to know. The terms of the trust are explicit. If the beneficiary marries without a prenuptial agreement, they forfeit the right to act as Trustee, and an independent Trustee takes charge, overseen by a Trust Protector.”

  “But while you’re the current Trustee, Angie can’t touch it, right?”

  “Yeah, but if anything happens to me, she becomes trustee.”

  “Shit… What are we talking about here, comfortably rich, obscenely wealthy or profane enough to shove a man into traffic?”

  “Profane enough to make sure her daughter remains a spinster. Hell, if Angie got a cat, Stephanie would probably have it drowned.”

  “Fuck… Sorry.”

  “No need to apologize, ‘fuck’ covers it nicely.”

  “Well, I plan on sticking around, but money’s got nothing to do with it. My family is coveting her mechanical skills, and if I don’t fix this, I’m going to have to go into witness protection.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that. Angie needs someone like you. This accident reminded me I won’t always be around; I need to know if something happens to me, she has people looking out for her.”

  “Speaking of family, I called my mom; she and Danny are kidnapping Angie for coffee tomorrow. They’ll find out what happened.”

  “She may not be ready to talk.”

  “Don’t let Mom’s hippie, earth-mother act fool you, there isn’t a nut she can’t crack. The KGB is no match for a James’ woman on a mission. She also said I needed to make a grand gesture—well, after calling me a knucklehead and a few other choice things—and I have an idea, but I need your help…”

  There was a ruckus at my bedroom door the likes of which only one person I knew could make, and Daddy was talking to someone in the living room. I think he liked Mat too. Not to mention, thanks to me, Mat had all the contents of his man-cave… Shit…

  I buried my head under my pillow—God, what was Danny doing here—I was exhausted. I cried most of the night before falling into a fitful sleep shortly before dawn. “Go away Danny.”

  “No way, José.” My bedroom door burst open. “Why’re you still in bed? Up…up…up!”

  “Why are you here?”

  “It’s Sunday morning… Duh.” She started jumping on my bed, singing her own version of reveille… Badly.

  “Get your ass up

  Get your ass up

  Get your ass up, it’s the morning

  Get your ass up

  Get your ass up

  Get your ass up, it’s day

  The coffee shop is calling

  Our inner goddess bawling

  If you want to stop my mauling

  You’ll get your ass in gear

  Get your ass up

  Get your ass up

  Get your ass up it’s the morn
ing…”

  “Okay, okay… I’m up. Just stop the cacophony and get out.” I hated morning people. I was going to miss our Sunday caffeinatings, although napkins everywhere were probably rejoicing.

  “Uh huh, I’m not falling for that one, again. Un-ass the mattress mighty mite or I’ll call Mammy from the living room.”

  Shit, Carmen was here? “Your mom’s here?”

  “You know it… and Les is waiting at the coffee shop, so chop-chop… You got five minutes.”

  Danny bounded out of my room, Tigger like. “Four minutes…”

  Shit, I tripped out of bed, racing to get dressed before she sicced Carmen on me, and she would. Facing the mother of the man I was dumping, wasn’t the best way to start the day, and the last thing I wanted was to do it in my underwear. Danny officially sucked. Besides, I should be pissed at her for not warning me that Mat hit on all her friends.

  Carmen and Daddy were sitting on the sofa laughing when I entered the living room, and Danny was at my desk leafing through the latest edition of Nature Reviews.

  “Good morning, Mija.” I stood stiffly, enduring Carmen’s hug before finally surrendering and hugged her back. I’d really wanted to be a part of this family. “Let’s not keep your friend waiting. It was nice seeing you again Jack. I’ll call later in the week to let you know what’s going on.” What?

  I slid into the booth where Les was already waiting as Carmen and Danny sat across from us. After we gave the waitress—appropriately zipped up this time—our orders, Carmen asked, “So what stupidity did my son do to upset you?”

  “What makes you think I’m upset with Mat?” They all shared a Does-she-really-think-we’re-that-stupid look. “No, really, it’s not Mat’s fault. We’re just not right for each other.”

  “Did he say that?” Carmen asked.

  “No.”

  “Then what makes you think you’re not right for each other?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Uh huh, so what’s changed since Friday night?”

  “What?”

  “Everything was fine when I saw you Friday at the hospital. So, what’s changed since then?”

  “You might as well tell us what’s got you in such a snit, because we have ways of making you talk.” Les added with an evil gleam in her eye. “Is he too freaky? Oh God, he’s a secret furry.” She does realize that’s his mother sitting across from her. Oh yeah, no filter.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Look, Mat’s a wonderful guy. Everyone loves him.”

  “True,” Danny said. “But he’s not in love with everyone; he’s in love with you.”

  “He’s not in love with me.”

  “Of course he is, Mija, we all are.”

  “No,” I whispered, my eyes burning with unshed tears.

  Carmen reached across and patted my hand as yet another serviette bit the dust. “Please tell us what’s really bothering you.”

  “What happens when he meets some one more interesting? Someone whose fun.”

  “If last weekend’s any kind of indication, you’re all kinds of fun.” Danny smirked.

  They were all ganging up on me. I was trying to take the high road for Carmen’s sake, but if they really wanted to go there, I would. “Look Danny, you’re always making new friends. It’s just a matter of time before you find someone better suited to him.”

  “Jesus Angie, you think I’d do something like that to you?”

  “Well, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before, they told me about Ashley.”

  “What are you talking about? Who told you about Ashley?”

  “Who’s Ashley?” Les asked.

  “It doesn’t matter. She was at your house the same night I met Mat… I’m sorry Carmen, but the way he spoke to her, they obviously have history. What am I supposed to think? And what about your other friends? They’re obviously crushing on him. How many of them also share a history? I don’t want to be just another groupie.”

  “Dammit, who’s Ashley?” Les asked.

  “Stalker bitch… She came into the shop for a piercing. Unbeknownst to yours truly, she’d become obsessed with Biggie when he did a careers presentation at her college, and she used me to hook up with him.

  “Damn,” Les said, impressed.

  “Who have you been talking to mija?”

  “My mom,” I mumbled. Even to me it sounded weak.

  “Satan?” Les really hated my mom. “You’re listening to the Queen-of-Lies?”

  “Wait, how does your mother know my son?”

  “She sorta did a background check on him.” There was a shocked silence. “Well, he pissed her off.”

  “Background checks usually cover criminal records and credit reports, not vicious gossip. Since Mat never took any formal action regarding Ashley, how did she hear about her?”

  “Mom’s pretty thorough… Actually, Avery’s the one who brought it up along with the others.”

  “Others?” Carmen asked.

  “I can’t believe you’re listening to that tool.” I shrank under Danny’s glare.

  “Danny settle down. Angie, I’m guessing this happened when you met your mother for coffee on Saturday? Yes, Mat told me… He called me last night going out of his mind because you weren’t answering his calls.”

  “It just makes sense… I mean look at me, I play with fruit flies and nerds—”

  “Hey speak for yourself, Freak’n Stein, I happen to be very well rounded in an intellectually superior sort of way,” Les boasted.

  “Riiight.” I added sarcastically. “Danny’s the only acquaintance I have that isn’t connected to the university in some way—”

  “And, the reason you have a microscopic social circle is because that’s the way the Evil Bitch likes it.” Les interrupted again. “I’ve known you for what? Four years? And except for Mat, she’s run off anyone with the balls to stand up for you.”

  “She hasn’t run you off yet.”

  “Don’t think she hasn’t tried. Bob pulled some strings and saved my ass, Steve’s too; otherwise, you’d be completely isolated.”

  “But why would she do that?”

  “Well, let’s pull that massive brain out of your keister and look at the evidence.” She was awful lippy for a minion. “She has the morals of an alley cat. She undermines your confidence every opportunity she gets and only wants you associating with people under her thumb.”

  “Okay, maybe she’s a bit controlling. It’s because she’s protective; that’s what moms do.”

  “Yeah, she’s protective all right. She stands to lose a fortune when the divorce goes through, a fortune that you’ll eventually control.” Les was one of the few people I’d told about the trust. She’d come over to commiserate with me after one of my many disastrous first/last dates. Pouring shots as I bemoaned the sorry state of my love life, noting if it weren’t for my money, I’d have no love life at all. Hey, it was her fault for showing up with a bottle of tequila.

  “I think we’re getting off track,” Carmen said. “What specifically were you told?” Uh oh, Carmen was getting all lawyerly on me.

  “She asked about Daddy.”

  “Translation: Good you’re here. Now, I can pump you for information.” I rolled my eyes. Jeez, Les was cynical.

  “Then she said the prenup was unenforceable, so she didn’t need Bob to lie about what he saw when he served the papers.”

  “Translation: I found a loophole and I’m going to take your Dad to the cleaners.” Danny jumped in.

  “Wait,” Carmen interrupted. “She wanted you to convince someone to give false testimony? That’s subornation of perjury.” Okay…

  “Then something about a temporary stipend until everything’s settled.”

  “Translation: They stopped me before I could raid the bank accounts.” Les's turn.

  “Oh, and I should ask out the barista.”

  “Translation: I want to use this guy to get rid of the guy you’re with—” Danny said.
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br />   “Because he could come between me and your money.” Les added, high-fiving Danny across the table.

  “Then Avery said he was fired because he found out Mat’s company was in trouble financially and that Mat dated all of Danny’s friends—”

  “I’ve got this one,” Danny said. “Translation: He fired me so I’m going to fuck with his life, and I’m a jealous tool because I can only get dates that charge by the hour.”

  “Then Mom mentioned my inheritance and raised questions about the timing Daddy’s accident.” I felt like my head was going to explode.

  “A corollary of: I’m going to see to it Mat doesn’t come between me and your money,” Les said. “I’m going to see to it nothing comes between me and your money.”

  “I think the fact that it happened immediately after your Dad filed for divorce, freezing their assets is even more interesting.” Carmen mused.

  I didn't know what to think. If we had this conversation before all this drama started, I would’ve laughed off their suspicions, calling them paranoid because they’d never liked the way Mom treated me. But now, I had to wonder how well I really knew her. She was ruthless when crossed. By her own admission, she married Daddy for his money, and she was, and would probably continue to be, impenitently unfaithful…

  I laid the drawings I’d worked out last night on Jack’s workbench down stairs. He said he come by as soon as the women kidnapped Angie. Thank God, Jack was on board with this.

  I looked up when Jack pulled his car in behind mine. “Morning Jack, is she okay?”

  “She’s fine; she’s in good hands. These the plans?”

  “Roughly, I’m hoping you’ll help me fine tune them.” We spent the next two hours going over the drawings and making changes until we were both satisfied. “I really appreciate this Jack.”

  “Hey, I always intended for Angie to have all this. Just make sure you do right by her.”

  “I knew the moment I laid eyes on her, she was my girl. That’s how it is in my family. Dad’s always said he fell in love the moment he laid eyes on my mom. I think they were married within a week, and my grandfather asked my grandmother a couple of days after meeting her. They only waited because of the war interfered.”