The Promise of Forgiveness

by Marin Thomas

  So that’s what he was doing every day instead of taking his nap. Her fortune-telling session with Big Dan came to mind. Perhaps there’s something you began in the past that you need to finish. Was she ready to find out what her mother had written?

  “You want to know what she said?” Hank asked.

  “Is it bad?”

  “No.”

  Whew.

  “Your folks agreed they’d tell you about your adoption on your eighteenth birthday.”

  So her parents hadn’t intended to keep the truth from Ruby forever. As if someone stuck a pin in her heart, the anger she’d harbored toward her folks suddenly burst, leaving her chest deflated. “Why didn’t they tell me on my eighteenth birthday?”

  “You’d just given birth to Mia a few weeks earlier and your mother didn’t want you getting upset, so they decided to wait a little longer.”

  Too bad they hadn’t followed through. “Mia was already three months old when my parents died in the crash and they still hadn’t said a word to me.”

  “Your father wanted you to know the truth when you were sixteen.”

  That was a tough year for Ruby and her parents. She’d caused her mother numerous headaches—breaking curfew, skipping classes, smoking pot, and then her father had canceled their summer trip.

  Hank removed the pack of Winstons from his shirt pocket and tapped the end against his palm. Ruby wouldn’t object if the cigarettes kept him talking. He took a deep drag, then lowered his window and exhaled.

  “Did she say why my father wanted to tell me sooner?”

  “Cora wanted to see you.”

  Shock robbed Ruby of her voice.

  “A social worker called your mother, asking permission for Cora to visit. She said Cora might be moving to Missouri and wanted to establish a relationship with you.”

  “Don’t leave me hanging. Why didn’t my parents let me meet her?”

  “Your mother didn’t want Cora influencing you.” Hank drew in another lungful of tobacco. “You were a hellion. ‘Rebellious’ was the word your mother used.”

  “It’s true.” Ruby guided the truck over to the shoulder and allowed the vehicle riding their bumper to pass. “But that wasn’t a good enough reason to keep me from seeing my birth mother.”

  “She was afraid you’d run off with Cora because you two weren’t getting along.”

  If Cora had tried to talk Ruby into leaving Pineville, there was no doubt in Ruby’s mind that she would have gone just to piss off her parents. She wanted to resent them for keeping Cora’s request a secret, but the mother in Ruby understood Cheryl Baxter’s fear of losing her child. Ruby had felt that same anxiety when she and Mia first arrived at the Devil’s Wind and Mia had latched onto Hank. Fortunately for Ruby, Hank didn’t want to steal Mia away. Cheryl Baxter had no way of knowing Cora’s intentions. Ruby took some measure of comfort in learning that her mother had loved her despite her being Cora’s offspring.

  “Your father hoped Cora might be able to straighten you out.”

  Ruby’s throat tightened and her thoughts drifted back to the day Glen Baxter had turned his back on her . . . “Why can’t I go with you?”

  “Because I said so.” Her father wouldn’t look her in the eye.

  “Are you punishing me for the D I got in health class?”

  “No, Ruby. Something else has come up,” he said.

  That something else had been Cora.

  Ruby pulled a notebook out of her overnight bag. “I already marked which roadside attractions we’re going to see.” This was the year her father had scheduled a run through Texas. “First we’re stopping at the Houston National Museum of Funeral History. Then, the next day, it’s Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum in San Antonio. And before we come home, I want to take pictures of the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo.” Her father opened his mouth, but Ruby talked over him. “And if we have time, we can stop in Lubbock and see the thirteen-ton boulder with John Wayne’s head carved in it.”

  “Not this year, Ruby.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “What if we go a different week this summer?” She desperately needed this trip. There were a million questions she wanted to ask her father about boys and sex. Ruby’s mother wasn’t comfortable talking about the birds and bees with her.

  “I said no.”

  Her father stormed out of the trailer and her mother fled to her bedroom. Ruby stood in the living room, her gaze swinging between the closed doors, trying to digest what had happened. She waited all evening for her father to phone and reassure her that everything was okay. When he didn’t call, she left several voice mails, but he never answered them. She didn’t speak to him again until he came home in September.

  Knowing that her father had disagreed with her mother’s decision to reject Cora’s plea made it all the more clear why he’d scratched the road trip at the last minute—he was afraid he’d let it slip that she’d been adopted.

  What had made Cora believe she could waltz back into Ruby’s life without there being consequences? If she’d waited to make contact until after Ruby had turned eighteen, then Ruby and her father wouldn’t have had a falling-out. And maybe she wouldn’t have developed such a deep mistrust of men, which resulted in Ruby kicking Sean out and had led to Mia losing her virginity to Kevin.

  Why not blame Cora for all of it?

  Hank helped himself to a second cigarette, his fingers trembling when he held the lighter. Her anger turned into empathy for him. “Are you upset that Cora tried to contact me?” And not you?

  “No.”

  “What do I do now?” she asked. “Go look for her?”

  He let the lighter flicker out, then removed the unlit cigarette from his mouth. “Whatever you decide, I don’t want to know if Cora’s dead or alive.”

  “Why not?”

  His bony shoulders lifted an inch, then settled back into place.

  Neither spoke the remainder of the drive into Guymon. Ruby mulled over what she’d learned, feeling a measure of relief that Glen Baxter hadn’t stopped loving her—he just hadn’t known how to handle the situation with Cora. And Ruby understood her mother’s fear of losing her daughter, but she was sad that Cheryl Baxter hadn’t put Ruby’s interests ahead of her own.

  So much hurt and pain . . .

  And there was nothing Ruby could do to change the past.

  • • •

  “You want a cup of coffee?” Ruby asked Hank when he appeared in the kitchen Saturday afternoon.

  He sat at the table and she placed a mug in front of him. “Thought you were working today.”

  “Stony closed the bar. He’s in Dallas, visiting a friend.”

  Hank sipped the hot brew. “Charles called. He’s still checking into my lease with Petro Oil.”

  “Good.” Ruby was glad Hank had gotten his lawyer involved. She hadn’t forgotten the strange look Stony and Steward Kline had exchanged when the oil agent had dropped a copy of the lease off at the bar. It was probably nothing, but after Big Dan’s claim that Unforgiven was a town full of secrets, Ruby wouldn’t be surprised if the two men had shady pasts.

  “Be right back.” Hank left the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with the diary. “Finished it last night.”

  Ruby didn’t want to talk about the journal entries. She hadn’t yet processed the knowledge that Cora had attempted to contact her. She couldn’t summon up a kind thought for her biological mother after the woman had thrown Ruby’s family into chaos and destroyed her relationship with her father.

  “You should read it,” he said.

  “I will.” Eventually.

  “Your mother’s favorite color was yellow.”

  “I knew that.” Her father had given her mother a dozen yellow roses each Valentine’s Day.

  “Do you know your mother’s favorite dessert?”

&nbs
p; “Lemon Bundt cake.” A pang of longing hit Ruby. Her mother hadn’t been perfect, but Ruby had loved her.

  “Your parents were good people.”

  Glen and Cheryl Baxter had always been there for Ruby—until Cora had interfered. Ruby wished her adoptive father were alive to reassure her that she and Mia would grow close again. Each night she crawled beneath the covers with the same fear—if push came to shove, would Mia choose Hank over Ruby?

  “I’m real proud of you,” Hank said.

  Where had that come from? “Why?”

  “You did what I didn’t have the guts to do. You raised a fine daughter by yourself.”

  The sincerity in his voice shoved Ruby’s heart into her throat. Why had he made this confession today—when his dry, wrinkled skin appeared paler and the charred bags beneath his watery blue eyes reminded her that the grim reaper stalked him?

  “Has the doctor’s office called with the results of your blood tests?”

  “Yesterday. I’m fine.”

  Fine was not an adjective a doctor would use to describe Hank’s health. She opened her mouth to ask for details, then changed her mind. They both knew his days were numbered. She’d rather pretend he’d live forever and they had decades to make up for lost time.

  Especially now that she’d forgiven him.

  Ruby hadn’t woken one morning and experienced an epiphany—it wasn’t like that. Her heart had been softening toward him since he’d stomped his cigarette out after Mia had said grandpas shouldn’t smell like ashtrays.

  “Mia’s lucky to have you for a mother.”

  “I think she might argue that point with you.”

  The knocker banged against the front door, the sound echoing through the house. Hank left the room, and she set her cup on the counter before following him.

  “I need to speak with Ruby.”

  “Deputy Randall.” She moved past Hank and stepped outside. “What brings you by?”

  The officer stared at Hank, eavesdropping behind the screen door.

  Hank muttered beneath his breath, then walked off. Ruby sat in a chair. “Did you catch the person who’s been vandalizing the ranch?”

  “No.” Randall leaned against the porch rail, his gaze shifting from the door to the porch steps to the rosebushes and then back to the door.

  “Is this about the little scene I witnessed in the sheriff’s office?”

  His face paled, catching her off guard.

  “You’re afraid I’ll tattle on you.” Call her stupid for provoking him, but his attitude pissed her off. “Oh, wait. I forgot,” she said. “Women aren’t welcome in town . . . except the ones you want to screw.”

  He clenched his jaw. “It’s not what you think.”

  Ruby struggled not to laugh. “I know what I saw.”

  “Leona and I are friends. We grew up together.”

  “So that excuses you two for cheating on her husband?”

  “We’re not having an affair.” He shoved a hand through his neatly styled hair, leaving a clump sticking up at the back of his head. He looked like a lost little boy.

  “Then what happened in your boss’s office?” she asked.

  “A mistake. A onetime mistake.”

  Ruby had a history of onetime mistakes. Who was she to judge?

  “I’d appreciate you not bad-mouthing Leona. She doesn’t deserve it.”

  Randall was worried about his job. “I won’t.” Maybe if she granted him this favor, he’d work harder to find the bad guys.

  “Is there a problem?” Joe walked up to the porch.

  “No problem,” Randall said. “I was just telling Ruby that the local Little League is having a fund-raiser tonight at the ballpark in Guymon.” He nodded to Joe. “We need an extra outfielder for our team if you’re interested.”

  “What time does the game start?” Ruby asked.

  “Six. But come early. There’ll be hot dogs and activities for the kids. Your daughter might enjoy it.” Randall got into his patrol car and left.

  “Why do I get the feeling a softball game isn’t the real reason he stopped by?”

  She pointed to the chair next to her. “Take a load off.”

  Joe accepted her invitation, and she caught a whiff of male sweat and faded cologne when he sat down. He studied her, his warm stare reeling her in. This was the first time they’d been alone together since they’d kissed in the barn after the carnival. “The deputy has a dirty secret.”

  “Oh?”

  “The sheriff’s wife.”

  “No kidding.”

  “I caught them in the act when I stopped by the jail to report Hank’s stolen oil lease. Randall’s afraid I’ll spout off about it while I’m working at the saloon.”

  Joe rubbed his knuckles against Ruby’s cheek, and she shivered when his finger brushed her mouth. “I know you can take care of yourself, but if you didn’t work at the Possum Belly, you could spend more time with Mia and Hank.” His finger moved back and forth over her lower lip. “And me.”

  “You haven’t been acting like you want me around.”

  “I’m sorry.” His brown eyes darkened, but he didn’t look away. “I got scared.”

  “We can take things slow.” Slow was good. “We should just enjoy being with each other.” And not think. Thinking too much led her down the path of self-doubt.

  Joe’s mouth closed over hers, but he ended the kiss too soon. “Will you let me give you a ride to and from the bar?”

  She could take care of herself, but after he’d lost his son, she could understand Joe’s need to protect her. If they were going to be together, she couldn’t call all the shots like she’d done in her previous relationships. “Okay, you can play chauffeur.”

  “Good.” He rewarded her with a real kiss.

  “Mom!” Mia waltzed into the yard. “Hey, you guys were kissing.”

  Ruby smiled at Joe.

  “Come see the trick I taught Poke. Hurry.” Mia ran back to the corral.

  “Wait.” Ruby clutched Joe’s arm when he made a move to stand. “Are you going to accept Randall’s invite to play softball tonight?” She didn’t want to push him to be around families with little boys, but she knew Mia would appreciate the chance to socialize with other kids.

  “Sure. It’ll be fun.”

  Hand in hand they walked to the backyard. With a final squeeze, Joe released her fingers and veered toward the barn. Ruby joined Hank and Friend at the corral.

  “What did the deputy want?” Hank asked.

  “He invited us to the ballpark in Guymon for a Little League fund-raiser.”

  “He had to ask you that in private?”

  She ignored his frown. “There will be other kids at the park. Mia might like the chance to hang out with someone her own age.”

  “Joe can take you gals. I’ll stay here.”

  Ruby had figured Hank would want to remain at home rather than sit on uncomfortable metal bleachers in the hot sun. “We don’t have to go if you’d rather we stay.” She recalled meeting Hank for the first time and her determination not to care about him. Now look at her—she was worried about leaving him alone at the ranch.

  “I’ll be fine. You all go without me.” He nodded to Mia. “She taught Poke this move all by herself.”

  “Mia never told me she was teaching him tricks.”

  “She wanted to surprise you.”

  That her daughter wanted to impress Ruby warmed her heart. It didn’t always seem like it, but she and Mia were taking tiny steps forward together.

  “Ready, Mom?”

  “Ready!”

  Mia guided Poke across the corral. Then she dropped the reins and stood in front of the horse. Poke’s attention remained on Mia, the animal’s gaze never wandering. After a few seconds Mia raised her arms above her head and Poke sto
od on his hind legs. Then Mia turned in a slow circle and Poke did the same before lowering his front hooves onto the ground.

  Ruby clapped. “I can’t believe you taught him that trick in such a short time.”

  Mia jogged over to Ruby. “Grandpa thinks Poke was once a circus pony.”

  “Circus pony or not, you’ve got the magic touch with horses.”

  Mia’s smile lit up her face. Ruby made a mental note to praise her daughter more often.

  After Mia walked off, Ruby said, “Sure I can’t change your mind about the baseball game tonight?”

  He shook his head.

  “I’ll see what I can scrounge up for your supper.”

  “I can make my own food.”

  “I know.” She took a step toward the back porch, but Hank’s voice stopped her.

  “Ruby.”

  “What?”

  “I asked Charles to search for Cora.”

  The enormity of his statement took a moment to sink in. He’d lived for three decades not knowing where Cora had gone, all the while holding on to the hope that one day she’d return to him. “You didn’t have to ask Charles to look for her.”

  “I didn’t do it for me. I did it for you.”

  Ruby went into the house carrying his revelation with her. Hank believed she deserved to know what had happened to her birth mother. Maybe this was his way of saying he was sorry.

  How many times would he have to apologize before she allowed her heart to love him?

  Chapter 29

  “April and I are gonna hang out on the swings.” Mia took off with the redheaded fourteen-year-old she’d met when they’d first arrived at the ballpark. Ruby watched the pair for a few minutes, glad Deputy Randall had invited them to the game. It was reassuring to hear Mia’s laughter—maybe her daughter hadn’t lost all of her innocence when she’d slept with Kevin.

  Ruby escaped to the shade of an oak tree and watched the men warm up on the field. Joe played catch with the deputy and a man wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a plunger on the front and ACE PLUMBING: CALL THE BEST, FLUSH THE REST written on the back.

  Several women close to Ruby’s age had introduced themselves and chatted with her. They’d teased her about living near Unforgiven and encouraged her to find a place in Guymon, where there were more activities for kids and better shopping. The idea had merit. If she and Mia made their home in Guymon, they’d have a chance to make friends and become part of the community yet still be close by to keep an eye on Hank.