The Promise of Forgiveness

by Marin Thomas

  “Two-thirds.”

  Ruby sat across from him. “I wanted to discuss the possibility of you signing up for Internet service.”

  “I don’t need it.”

  “I know you don’t, but Mia will need it for school this fall.”

  He sat up straighter. “Are you and Mia staying here?”

  “Haven’t decided yet. But even if we live in Guymon, Mia will want to be here with you and the horses every chance she gets. It’ll be easier for her to keep up with homework if I buy a cheap laptop that she can bring with her to the ranch.”

  “I’ll call the phone company tomorrow and see what my options are.” He slurped his coffee. “You and Joe have a nice day?”

  “Nothing happened between us, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  His eyes twinkled. “Mia and I will take in a double feature next time.”

  “Wait a minute.” Ruby pointed her finger at him. “It was your idea to go to the movies, not Mia’s.”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  “So you’re trying to find a way to convince me to stay at the ranch, too?”

  “Whether you stay here or not is your decision. I just don’t want you to end up alone like me.”

  Ruby didn’t want that, either, but she hated feeling pressured. If things fell apart with Joe, it would be awkward between them if he continued working for Hank. “Joe and I are taking things slow.”

  “Don’t take them too slow. I won’t be around forever.”

  “You don’t need to remind me.”

  Chapter 31

  “Are you and Joe Dawson an item now?” Stony had waited until the last customer left the bar to strike up a conversation with Ruby. For a Friday night the saloon hadn’t been crowded, and the shit-kicker was only half full.

  “Why do you care what I do with Joe?”

  “I don’t. I saw his truck parked outside last night.”

  True to her word, Ruby had allowed Joe to drive her to and from the bar each day she worked. “I like Joe. He’s a nice man.”

  Stony grimaced.

  “What?”

  “A nice man isn’t your type.”

  She slid a tray of empty shot glasses into the sink filled with soapy dishwater and tried to ignore Stony.

  He whispered over her shoulder, “How long before Mr. Nice Guy becomes Mr. Boring?”

  “Joe’s not boring.” Ruby grabbed the spray bottle and a clean cloth, then attacked the beer stains on the tabletops. She scrubbed hard until a sharp pain shot through her elbow. Things between her and Joe had been perfect the past few days. Each time he smiled at her or held her hand, she’d grown more convinced that she was ready to give their relationship an honest chance.

  “I bet Joe doesn’t have any tattoos.” Stony’s gaze darkened. “I’m tattooed in places you’ve never seen ink on a man before.”

  She snorted. “Don’t get your hopes up, pal.” Stony was an insensitive, selfish, ignorant jerk. There wasn’t one thing she liked about the man, except that he hadn’t been afraid to give her a job.

  “It won’t last with Joe.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Her trigger finger itched to spray him with disinfectant, then wipe the smirk off his face.

  “You’ve got your mother’s blood running through your veins, Ruby. Like her, you’ll never settle for one man.”

  Damn Stony for opening his big mouth and reminding Ruby of her biological connection to Cora. It hadn’t escaped her that maybe more than a necklace connected mother and daughter. What if the reason she couldn’t commit to a man was a combination of fear and biology?

  If Ruby had inherited the tramp gene, it wouldn’t matter if she overcame her fear of commitment because she’d never be more than a woman who slept with too many men. If she opened her heart to Joe, genetics would eventually win out and she’d punt him down the road. Ruby didn’t want to hurt Joe—not when he was the first man she’d ever envisioned going the distance with.

  Numbness settled in her bones as she studied her reflection in the mirror behind the bar. Her vacant stare sent a chill through her. Then something moved in the background. Joe. He was here to take her home. She emptied her tips into her purse.

  “Have a nice evening, Ruby.”

  Ignoring Stony, she followed Joe outside to his pickup.

  He opened the passenger-side door for her. “What’s the matter?”

  “Everything.” Tears filled her eyes.

  “Rough night at work?” He caressed her cheek with his knuckles.

  If he knew what she was thinking, he wouldn’t be so considerate. They drove in silence, Ruby staring out the window, searching the dark for answers that weren’t there.

  “Did Stony say something to upset you?” Joe glanced across the seat at her, but she didn’t have the courage to look him in the eye.

  She bit her lip, focusing on the pain and not the trash clogging her head. “I made a mistake.”

  “What kind of mistake?”

  Maybe she should give herself time to calm down. Stony had been his typical asshole self tonight, undermining her confidence because it made him feel powerful. Then again, time wouldn’t change the truth. No matter how fearless Ruby believed herself to be, she was still Cora’s daughter.

  “I made a mistake thinking I could be with you.”

  He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, drew in a deep breath, then exhaled heavily. “Is it because I screwed up and Mia took off on Pretty Boy that afternoon?”

  “No. Not at all.”

  His choke hold on the wheel loosened. “Then what did I do wrong?”

  Nothing. You did nothing wrong. “It’s not you, Joe. It’s me.”

  “I can help if you explain what’s going on.”

  No one could help her. Even if she could find the words, the lump in her throat blocked them from escaping.

  “Ruby?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” She went back to staring at the darkness outside her window.

  The remainder of the drive to the ranch took forever. Joe stopped in front of the house but kept the engine running. Ruby owed him an explanation—then again, what did it matter? Eventually he’d realize she’d done him a favor. She got out and slammed her door, then sat on the porch steps and cried angry tears. She damned the ugly, desolate ranch for playing tricks on her, for making her believe she was stronger than she was.

  When no more water leaked from her eyes, she wiped her nose with the hem of her blouse and went into the house. Before she’d even shut the front door, her daughter’s voice rang out.

  “Mom?” Mia stood on the landing.

  “What?”

  “Have you been crying?”

  “It’s nothing.” She set her purse on the staircase.

  “Did you have a fight with Joe?” Mia tapped her foot against the loose board on the landing. The squeaky sound grated on Ruby’s nerves.

  “We didn’t have a fight.”

  “Your mother home?” Hank joined Mia in the hallway. His murky gaze zeroed in on Ruby’s swollen eyes and blotchy face. “What happened?”

  “Your choice in women stinks, Hank.” She should walk away before she said something she’d regret.

  “I asked Mom if she had a fight with Joe.”

  She and Mia had come too far for Ruby to start lying now. “It’s not going to work out between us.”

  Mia stamped her foot. “You ruin everything!” She fled to her room.

  “You want to talk about it?” Hank asked.

  Suddenly the men on the ranch had turned into therapists. “You can’t fix this, Hank. You picked Cora and now I’m stuck with being her daughter and everything that entails.”

  Hank dropped his gaze, then shuffled back to his bedroom, the quiet click of his door sounding like a bomb detonating inside the house. Ru
by went to her bedroom, gathered her pj’s, then went up to the bathroom. She stood beneath the showerhead, the hot water erasing the tears that streamed from her eyes.

  She hated herself. Hated that she’d let Mia down. Again. Hated the censure in Hank’s eyes—hated even more how it mattered to her that she’d disappointed him. But most of all she hated herself for hurting Joe.

  • • •

  The morning after Ruby dumped Joe, she wanted nothing more than to escape Mia’s accusing glare. She borrowed Hank’s pickup and drove into town to speak with the sheriff about the oil lease. When she entered the jail, Randall was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork.

  “Hello, Ruby.”

  She skipped the pleasantries. “Is the sheriff in?”

  “He and Leona went to Ponca City for the day.”

  She waited for him to follow up with a snide remark and send her on her way, but his next words surprised her.

  “Thank you for the generous donation at the ball park. We collected enough money to buy new equipment for the minor league division.”

  “You really like Little League baseball, don’t you?”

  “Kids who can’t afford to play deserve a chance to experience being on a team.”

  “What made you decide to go into law enforcement?”

  He blew out a loud breath, the air rustling the papers on the desk. “I wanted to help people.” His eyes skittered to the door, then back to the pile of paperwork.

  “Well, that’s good, because I need your help with Hank’s oil lease.”

  “What’s the matter with it?”

  “The copy Steward Kline made for Hank shows the lease expiring this September, and it should be in 2050.”

  “Sounds like a simple mistake.”

  “Maybe Steward changed the date before he made the copy.”

  “Are you accusing him of falsifying the document?”

  “Is that so unreasonable, considering all the trouble at the Devil’s Wind?” Ruby placed her hands on the edge of the deputy’s desk and leaned forward. “Someone wants Hank’s ranch, and they’re trying to scare him into selling.”

  “Kline doesn’t want the property.”

  “Maybe not, but he might be helping out the person who does.”

  “And who would that be, Ruby?”

  “I don’t know. It’s your job to find out.”

  “I’ll talk to Kline. More likely than not, it’s a typo.” Randall waited until she opened the door, then said, “I’m curious.”

  “About what?” Ruby asked.

  “Why you’re still here. I thought by now you’d be tired of this place.”

  “Who says I’m not tired of it?”

  “The oil workers leave their families back in the cities because there’s nothing out here for women.”

  “Hank’s a pain in the ass, but he grows on you after a while.” Ruby left the jail, then stood in the hot sun, eyeing the four-way stop at the end of the street. A faint rumble reached her ears right before a Greyhound rode a wave of dust into town. The bus stopped across the street, and the driver opened the door and looked at Ruby. “You boarding?”

  What would happen if she left town? Would Mia and Hank miss her? And Joe . . . Would he miss her, or would all three of them be relieved? A gust of wind shoved Ruby from behind, and she stumbled into the street.

  If you get on that bus, you’ll only ever be Cora’s daughter.

  But if she didn’t get on the bus, she might still have a fighting chance to be her own person.

  Ruby shook her head at the driver. He closed the door and drove off. When the dust cloud settled, she caught Big Dan watching her from the window of the mercantile. Neither of them broke eye contact as she crossed the street.

  “You decided to stay,” he said when she entered the store.

  “You don’t sound surprised.” She followed him as he zigzagged between the clothing racks. He climbed the stool behind the checkout counter. Today the tufts of white growing along the side of his head looked like jagged bolts of lightning. “You need a haircut.”

  He ignored her and stuck his fingers inside a tobacco pouch, then slipped a pinch between his gum and cheek.

  “At least pluck the fuzz out of your ears. It looks like you’re hiding kittens in there.”

  He struggled to keep a straight face, then gave up. “Cora used to tease me, too.”

  Ruby hated being compared to Cora—they had too much in common as it was. “Did Cora love Hank?” If she’d cared about him—in whatever way she’d been able to—at least Hank would have something to hold on to when he learned her fate.

  “She never said.”

  “I get that Cora was bored at the ranch, but she could have driven into Guymon to shop or joined a club to meet women her age. Why did she spend her time with you?”

  “She didn’t have to pretend she was anything other than a hooker with me.” The corner of his mouth curved upward. “I know what it’s like to be different. To be looked down upon by society. We’re both outcasts.”

  “But Hank didn’t see Cora that way.”

  “Hank’s intentions were good, and Cora was always grateful that he cared enough to offer her a normal life.”

  Was there such a thing as a normal life?

  “After Cora had been at the ranch a while”—Big Dan spit tobacco juice into a Styrofoam cup—“she knew she could never be what Hank wanted her to be.”

  “And what was that?”

  “Happy. Hank just wanted Cora to be happy. But she couldn’t leave her past behind. It was a part of who she was and she felt lost without it.”

  “Did she tell you that she was unhappy?”

  He nodded. “But she didn’t tell me she was going to leave. I didn’t know she’d taken off until Hank came into the store and said he was putting you up for adoption.”

  “Were you surprised Hank paid you a visit?”

  “Not really. I think he hoped Cora had told me where she was going. He’d already contacted the brothel, but none of the women had seen or heard from her.”

  “What about the women who attended Hank and Cora’s wedding? Wouldn’t one of them have kept in touch with her after she left Nevada?”

  “Cora didn’t marry Hank.” Big Dan’s pudgy fingers scratched his cheek. “She knew even before she came that she wouldn’t stay.”

  Her mother hadn’t even tried to give Hank a chance. A lump swelled in Ruby’s throat, threatening to block her airway. She felt sad for Hank and sad for herself, because she was nothing if not her mother’s daughter. Ruby had given birth to a daughter out of wedlock. She’d never been married. And to be brutally honest: Ruby ended her relationships without giving them a real chance, just like Cora had done with Hank.

  Big Dan handed Ruby the envelope of Cora’s photos. “She’d want you to have these.”

  “What mother would want her daughter to see her in skimpy lingerie?”

  “It’s who she was, Ruby. Maybe not by her choice in the beginning, but by her choice in the end.”

  Ruby stuffed the envelope into her purse. She’d hide the photos in Cora’s trunk in the attic.

  “Did she ever contact you after she left town?” Had Cora cared even a little about what had happened to Hank and her daughter?

  “About three years after she disappeared, Cora got off the bus in town and came into the store.”

  Ruby’s heart beat faster.

  “She was on her way to Amarillo and wanted to know if you were okay. I told her that you’d been adopted.”

  “Did she seem sad?” At Big Dan’s blank look, Ruby said, “Forget I asked. “What had she been doing all those years?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  “Why was she going to Amarillo?”

  He shrugged.

  “You didn’t ask?”<
br />
  “She was back on the bus in less than two minutes.”

  Disappointment filled Ruby, but the knowledge that at least Cora had returned to check on her daughter and later made an attempt to communicate with her through Glen and Cheryl Baxter redeemed her a tiny bit in Ruby’s eyes. “Did you tell Hank that Cora had stopped in town?”

  “She asked me not to.”

  Cora had been heartless. “Hank’s lawyer hired a private investigator to look for her.”

  Big Dan’s head swung back and forth like a pendulum. “It’s too late.”

  Ruby hoped not. “Maybe you’re wrong.” She weaved between the clothing racks.

  “Ruby?”

  “What?”

  “It’s time you faced your fears.”

  “I’m not afraid of finding out that Cora’s dead.”

  “That’s not what scares you.”

  Curse the midget and his clairvoyance. He knew she was running from herself, just like Cora. “Mind your own business.”

  Ruby drove fifteen miles below the speed limit back to the Devil’s Wind because her watery eyes washed out the road in front of her.

  Chapter 32

  It was no surprise that Mia was exercising the horses when Ruby returned from her visit with Big Dan. The corral had become her daughter’s safe place. Hank sat in a lawn chair in the shade, Friend sleeping on the ground at his feet. Ruby stayed in the pickup, watching the pair engage in an animated conversation involving hand gestures and lots of smiling.

  She held her breath, anticipating the wallop to her stomach—the sensation she always experienced when she witnessed the closeness between Hank and Mia. But the pain never materialized and her heart melted. Ruby had stopped at the Devil’s Wind to find answers for herself—she hadn’t expected the desolate, dusty ranch to help her daughter grow stronger.

  Because of Hank and the four-legged misfits in the barn, Mia would survive her mother’s latest screw-up with Joe. Her relationship with her daughter was an ongoing project and unfortunately they’d taken a step back yesterday, but Ruby no longer feared that Mia would do anything drastic again—like sleep with a boy—if her mother disappointed her.