by Hayden Hunt
“Uh, hi,” I said softly. I had a speech ready in my head before I called, but I had forgotten it all.
“May I ask who is speaking?” she asked. She didn’t recognize my voice.
I guessed that was fair though. I was sure it’d changed a lot since high school.
“It’s me, Mom, it’s Gabriel.”
“Gabe?” she asked, taking in a shocked breath.
“Yeah, uh, I know it’s been a while. I just thought… I thought I’d give you a call and see how you’ve been.”
No, really, I thought I’d give them a chance to apologize to me for completely abandoning me. But that was a little more awkward to say.
“Me and your father have been well,” she said cooly.
“I haven’t heard from you in so long. I thought maybe after Grandma died, I might hear from you two.”
She was quiet for a moment. “No, we didn’t think it was appropriate we attend her funeral being that we had no contact or relationship with her in so long.”
“Oh, right…” I said awkwardly.
“But I saw that you two stayed very close, hmm?”
“Huh?” I asked. “How did you see that?” I was a guy who purposefully stayed away from social media so there was no way she saw any interaction between us online or anything.
“From the family attorney. Evidently, after she passed, she left everything to you, including her property,” she said bitterly.
“Well, yeah, who else would she have given it to?”
Was she seriously irritated that she didn’t get anything from Grandma’s estate? How could she expect that?! She just said they had no contact and she didn’t bother attending her funeral!
She was quiet again. “What did you do with the condo?”
“I’m living in it,” I answered.
“Really?” she asked, sounding a little more interested. “You can afford the mortgage?”
“Well, yeah, I’ve got a decent job. I mean, if I’m being honest, there were a few months I was struggling to get by, but then my boyfriend—”
“Your boyfriend?!” She cut me off.
“Yeah, my boyfriend, Oliver—”
“You’re dating a man.” She was stuck on that fact.
“Uh, yeah, I am. Is that really that much of a surprise? I mean, you kicked me out for kissing a boy.”
“Which you claimed was a misunderstanding.”
“It was!” I defended. “And what does that matter? You didn’t believe me anyway!”
“I wanted to. Each day since you’ve left, I’ve tried to tell myself that it was a misunderstanding and that you would never choose the homosexual lifestyle.”
“Let me get this straight, you’ve been telling yourself that it was a misunderstanding all these years and still you never reached out to me? You never thought to ask me if I was telling the truth and allow me to move back in?”
“I couldn’t. Your father didn’t believe you and forbade me from reaching out to you.”
I scoffed. “And that’s all it took? For you to completely abandon your son?”
“Well, it’s irrelevant.”
“What? How is it irrelevant?”
“Because your father was right. I didn’t abandon an innocent child. I abandoned a homosexual.”
“Your homosexual son! I am your child, your flesh and blood.”
She ignored this completely. “So how did your ‘boyfriend’ help you out? Did he give you money? Because, you know, another man giving you money when you’re sleeping with him is just a step under prostitution, Gabe.”
I gasped at her logic. This was such a mistake.
“No, he didn’t offer me money. He moved in with me so he could take on some of the bills. It was actually very sweet of him—”
“Don't tell me he’s living there with you! Under my mother’s roof?”
“Your mother, huh?” I snapped. “All of a sudden, she’s your mother? Even though you couldn’t even bother to show up to her funeral?”
“She is still my mother! I should still have a say in how her property is used! And I don’t believe her old home should be used for ungodly sex between two men. This is positively disgusting, Gabe. Why did you even call here?”
“I… I don’t know. I wanted to rebuild my relationship with you, I guess. I wanted to give us a chance to be a family again.”
“Well, you should have thought about that when you started dating men! The time for redemption has long passed. If you wanted a relationship with us, you should not have lied about your relationship with James and you should not have continued to disobey God with the way you live your life. It is despicable.”
“Really?! I’m despicable?! I think what’s despicable is disowning your only son because of who he loves!” I said, anger seething through my words.
“Love? The lust you feel for the men you are with is not love. I am sad you have convinced yourself of this. True love can only exist between a man and a woman. Anything else is just perversion.”
“Perversion? And for the record, mother, I haven’t been with more than one man. I had one kiss as a teenager and then, because of the way you reacted, I repressed who I was. I didn’t date a single other man before Oliver.”
“Perhaps what you think is repression is actually your conscience. You knew God would not approve of this lifestyle and you successfully controlled your perverse tendencies. That was something to be proud of. But now that you’ve gone back to that lifestyle, you have washed away your only chance to get into Heaven.”
I sputtered. “Is this really what you think is godly? Spreading your hate? Abandoning your family?”
“I do,” she said confidently. “I know what God wants and he would not expect me to stand by a son who denies his word. I am comfortable with my decisions, are you?”
“You know what? Yes. I really, really am. That’s the only reason I called you. Because for once in my life, I’m happy and I’m comfortable and I thought maybe you could be a part of that life. Clearly, I was very wrong.”
“You were,” she answered bluntly. “What did you expect to happen? Did you think we were going to apologize to you?”
“Yeah, actually, I thought you might.”
“I’m not sorry for what we did. I doubted my decision for a while, I admit, but only because I thought you might be telling the truth about not caring for James. Now that I know it was all a lie, I have no regrets.”
I couldn’t fucking believe her.
“Why did you even keep talking to me?” I snapped. “Why didn’t you just hang up as soon as you heard who I was?!”
“I thought maybe you called for a sensible reason, like discussing my mother’s property. And, as I said, a part of me wanted to believe you were telling the truth and I thought I’d give you a chance to explain it to me. Maybe you married a nice girl, had children in the correct way, and perhaps I could convince your father to forgive you if that was the situation.”
“It’s my property, fucking first of all,” I bit. “And you know what, Mom? I am going to get married, to a lovely person. And I think I might even have kids with him. I know you’ll hate all of that, and I’m glad. I’m going to live despite you. Despite the hatred you tried so hard to implant in me. Goodbye, Mother.”
I hung up before she got a chance to answer and she never called back.
I never told Oliver about that call. Not because I was ashamed or because I wanted to hide something from him. I didn’t. I trusted him implicitly.
But I knew he’d be worried for me and concerned that I was going to relapse into my old habits of self-hatred. Which I wasn’t. There was literally no risk of that.
I was too sure of myself this time. Yes, it would be nice to have my parents apologize to me for all the wrong they’d done, but that was life. Sometimes shitty people didn’t ever apologize. Sometimes you needed to accept the apology you never received and move on.
Seeing Oliver’s parents and growing into his family taught me that shitty people weren’t worth
wasting your time on. Not when there were sweet, considerate, wonderful people out there in the world.
In a way, speaking to my mother actually helped me. I had closure. As a teenager who thought very highly of my parents, of course how they felt was going to hurt me. But now, after talking to my mom as an adult, I saw her for what she was. Someone I shouldn’t have in my life and shouldn’t care about losing.
So, I simply didn’t. I didn’t let this derail me and, in fact, I think it propelled me even further in my recovery. I felt free of the insecurities they caused me.
I wouldn’t give them another moment of my life.
I also became even more confident in my ability to be a parent in the future. I no longer believed there was a chance I could turn out like my parents. I would never, ever be that cruel. Their hatred didn’t exist inside me and it wouldn’t extend to my kids.
Whatever my children wanted to be, I would support them. Whoever they grew to become, I would love them for it. And there would never be a moment where they doubted my love for them. I’d never allow that to happen.
I finally had the children talk with Oliver for the first time just last week. We were sitting in the condo, watching some TV, when out of nowhere I told him that I’d been researching adoption agencies.
His eyes bulged when he heard me say this. “You… you have?”
“Yeah, sorry, does that bother you?” I asked. “I mean, it was nothing serious. I was just doing some research—”
“No, no!” he assured me. “It doesn’t bother me at all! I’m surprised, that’s all. I mean, I know we’ve talked about wanting kids before but… Are you saying you want them now?”
I gave a soft, nervous smile. “I’d like to start looking into it, yeah. If it’s too soon for you, of course we won’t.”
“Not at all!” He grinned. “That’s fantastic!”
“Really? You think we’re ready?”
“As ready as we’ll ever be! People are never completely ready for kids, after all. But I think we could be great parents! And we’re financially stable, we’re emotionally stable, I think we could be great fathers to a child in need.”
“So do I.” I kissed his head.
“We’re going to do this, then? Try for kids? Now?”
“I’m thinking so.” I smiled at him.
He practically squealed. “We’re going to be dads?!”
I laughed. “Don’t get too excited. It could take a long time, you know. Who knows how long we’ll wait before someone picks us to be parents.”
“I know, I know,” he said. “But I get to be a little excited! This is a dream come true. I mean, literally, a dream come true. You know last night I actually dreamed of us getting our first baby?”
“Did you seriously?! The day that I look at adoption agencies?”
“Yes! No joke! How weird is that?”
I shrugged. “At least we know we’re definitely on the same page.”
I smiled as I thought about that conversation. We still hadn’t set up any appointments with adoption agencies yet; that would come later. For now, we were both basking in the joy of knowing we would be parents in the near future. And that knowledge made us both even happier than usual.
I yawned as I reached the door to the condo. Oliver wouldn’t be here, unfortunately, he told me he’d be working late at the flower shop doing some inventory.
I hated getting off work and knowing he wouldn’t be there to greet me when I got home. But I hated it even more when we were both working late and he still wouldn’t be home. It felt so weird being at home without him while it was dark. It made me lonely. I really was too attached to that man… I couldn’t even spend a few hours by myself anymore! Where did all my introversion run off to?
I opened the door and walked into the dark condo.
Except, no, it wasn’t dark. Not completely. There was a dim light and it took me a minute to realize the entire place was lit with candles. Rose petals littered the floor and I could smell food when I walked in… chicken, maybe?
“Uh, hello?” I asked nervously. “Oliver?”
He ran out from the bedroom. “Baby, hi!”
“Hey…” I said, setting down my briefcase and looking around. “What’s all this? I thought you were working late. Am I missing something?” I immediately searched my brain, trying to think of all our anniversaries. This must have been some kind of special occasion.
“No, you’re not missing anything. I lied about that. I wanted to come home before you and surprise you with something special.”
“How sweet!” I pulled him in for a hug and kissed his cheek. “This really is something special.”
“Does it look familiar?” He grinned.
I raised an eyebrow and looked around the room. On the kitchen table, there was a vase of flowers and two plates full of food.
“It’s rosemary chicken.” He grinned at me.
Then it all clicked.
“You’re recreating the night when we first made love. The special night I tried to plan for you.” God, this was too adorable. Even for Oliver, who was usually pretty corny, this was over the top.
“That’s right.” He grinned. “I wanted to recreate our first date, until I realized the first few times we hung out we mostly ate pizza and Chinese food on your couch. So I recreated the first special night we spent together.”
“This is really, really sweet,” I told him. “You’ve really outdone yourself.”
He grinned. “You don’t know the half of it.”
I looked at him suspiciously. “Is there more?”
Without another word, he reached into his back pocket and grabbed a little velvet ring box. Before I could react, he was kneeling on the ground before me.
“Oh my God! Are you… proposing?”
He grabbed my hand and held it in his.
“Gabe, I’ve known you were the one for me for a really long time now. Before you, I don’t think I knew what true love was. I’ve never believed in soul mates, but it’s hard to believe that you weren’t made for me. We fit together so well, I can’t imagine anyone else who would be better suited for me. And I would have proposed a long time ago, except I didn’t want to scare you off.”
I laughed, wiping tears away from my eyes.
“Baby,” he continued, “I think the time is finally right. We’re going to be fathers together, and being married is only going to make that process easier. I’m already dedicated to you for the rest of my life, let’s make this thing official.” He opened the ring box. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” I said, my voice catching in my throat as tears rolled down my face. “Yes! I’ll marry you, absolutely.”
He jumped up and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me in for a soft but passionate kiss. When he pulled away, he took my hand and slid a beautiful gold ring onto my finger.
I wiped tears off my cheeks for the third time.
“You have no idea how perfect this is,” I whispered.
“I do a little bit.” He grinned. “It was a pretty extravagant plan on my part,” he said arrogantly.
I laughed. “No, I don’t even mean the way you proposed. I just mean… That you proposed at all. You don’t understand, you couldn’t possibly. But I never thought I’d have this.”
“Have a proposal?” he asked, concerned by how serious I suddenly became.
“Yes, have a proposal. Have a marriage. Have a family. I never knew it was in the cards for me. I honestly thought I’d be alone, even that I deserved to be alone. And now your parents are like parents to me too and you’re asking me to be your husband and we’re planning for our own children?! It’s too good to be true. I never knew life could be this good.”
He smiled, pulled me into a hug, and then whispered into my ear.
“Well, get used to it, because I plan to make sure your life is this good for as long as I live.”
And as I stared at the top of his head as it rested on my shoulder in our warm embrace, I knew that
it would be. Life was finally good, and as long as Oliver was around, it always would be.
This was happiness.
Want updates on my releases and notifications about free/discounted books? Join my mailing list by CLICKING HERE
READ ON FOR A FREE EXCERPT FROM MY MM ROMANCE EBOOK “TOUCHED DOWN”
FREE Touched Down Excerpt
Touched Down
11
Liam
“There she is!” Jeff pointed eagerly to a woman on the other side of the bar.
“That’s her?” I said in a skeptical tone.
“Why do you say it like that?” He snapped back. “Yes, that’s her. And she’s fucking gorgeous. She may be the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in person.”
I shrug. “Yeah, I guess she's okay.”
“Come on, man, please tell me you’re not going to blow this one off too.”
“I’m not. I’ll give her a chance.” I started fidgeting, pushing my cup back and forth on the bar top.
Jeff had spent way too much time in the past few years trying to set me up with girls he knew. He’d gotten a little obsessed about it, if you asked me.
“You’ve got to be less picky, man. I don’t think there’s a woman on Earth that lives up to your standards.” He told me.
And, frankly, there’s not. Not that I had met yet, anyway.
I don’t really know how to explain it without sounding corny, but I’ve always had this fantasy in my head. That I’d meet the right girl, I’d know instantly that she was the one for me, and I’d love everything about her.
But that’s just not how it’s been. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I just can’t bring myself to lower them.
I have in the past. I’ve dated and slept with plenty of girls. Mostly at the insistence of my friends who told me I needed to give them a chance.
But the reality is that I just didn’t feel a spark with any of them. I admit, I’d grown a little cynical over the years. I was definitely a little quick to judge this girl from across the bar, who was actually very gorgeous. It’s hard not to be bitter, though, when dating has yielded such poor results.