She looked down—tears pooling—shame etched on her face. He leaned and kissed her forehead. She remained silent.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at Tyler’s game. And thanks for tonight. I had a wonderful time,” he said, taking her into his arms and holding her tight, not wanting to let go.
She clung to him, buried in his sorrow. There were so many things she wanted to say, but couldn’t. It wasn’t time.
He poured a liberal glass of bourbon before dropping heavily onto the sofa. Defeated. There was an aching hollowness. Four years he’d tried to shed her and it was ramping up again. She was everything he wanted in a woman. And tonight, he fell back down the rabbit hole. He knew he would never find love again. Not like this. What was it that so demoralized her—burying all her shame in a box and locking it away? She said he would understand, but would he? It was time to move on. Again. The curtain closing on the final act.
He drained his glass and poured another. Staring into the amber liquid, he tossed the contents into the sink. Tyler. His reason for being here. Things happen and life goes on. He made it through the dark times of losing Kendra and Luke. And he would get through this.
She sat on the edge of her bed, leaning over and unbuckling the straps of her shoes. Tyler was sleeping. Good. She didn’t want to answer questions about their evening. When she told him she was going to Kyle’s wedding with Brent, his face lit up with excitement. He still yearned for them to be together.
A river ran freely down her cheeks. His love was painted across her heart, but she had no claim to him—her purpose rooted elsewhere. Dear God, if only things could be different. So we could be together. I’ve never felt love like this. This endless craving for something that can never be. Like handcuffed lovers. My desire is to stay strong. Focused. Until it’s time. But I’m crumbling. My thoughts are upside-down. Help me, dear Lord.
She replayed the tender moments of their evening together. Secure in his arms, drinking him in. Mascara stained her pillow before sleep took hold.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
Year 2012
The name ‘Tyler Lane’ was on everyone’s tongue in the small town of Edelweiss. Based on his scouting report, and news of his acceptance into Texas Christian University, Baseball Times placed him on their Top 100 list of high school prospects. His pitching starts drew the largest crowds, and the number of scouts watching continued to swell.
Brent invested most of his free time in Tyler. He knew what the scouts wanted, and he made sure Tyler delivered on every level.
“I need to talk to you,” said Tyler, as they were walking off the practice field.
“Why don’t you come to my place?” said Brent. “I’ll grill some burgers.”
“Do you think you’ll get another dog?” Tyler asked, as Brent fired up the grill.
“Yeah, I do. It gets pretty lonely around here.”
“I wanted another dog, but Grandma said it wasn’t a good idea. I thought it would keep her company after I’m gone, but she told me not to worry,” he said, smearing mustard and ketchup on his bun. “So, did you two have a good time at Kyle’s wedding?”
“Yes, we did. Your grandmother was in rare form that night.”
Tyler smiled, scarfing down his second burger. “Anything going on between you two?” he asked, tossing a wink.
“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“Well, kinda. I wanna talk about me moving away. And about Leah and my grandma. I worry about Grandma. She never talks about her future. Only mine. Do you ever think about you two—you know—being more than just star-crossed lovers?”
Brent laughed. “Didn’t we have this conversation in Arizona? Nothing has changed.”
Tyler let out a long sigh. “I’ll keep praying. The other day she asked if I would be upset if she turned over the bakery to Sally when she retires. I told her Sally deserves it. And I know I’ll be okay money-wise. But I wondered why she brought it up. She’s too young to retire.”
Brent paused, considering Shade’s comment. “Maybe she wanted to see how you felt. It doesn’t mean it’ll happen right now, but that’s generous of her to think about Sally.”
“Grandma is always generous. Every month she donates money to Mabel’s House—for unwed mothers. She’s done that for years, along with tithing at our church. And she started a college fund for Ethan. You know, Meghan’s son from the prison. And those are only the things I know about.”
“I didn’t realize she was so giving.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. She said we shouldn’t boast about what we give. Everything she has is a gift from God. And that we should always love forward. That’s what I plan to do when I rake in the big bucks.”
“That’s noble of you. I’m glad to hear you’ll be following in her footsteps. She’s a remarkable lady. Now, let’s discuss Leah.”
“Leah—oh, how I love thee,” he opined, mimicking a Shakespearean actor. “So, I know I wanna marry her, but not sure when. Do I propose before going off to wherever I go off to? She got accepted at Michigan State, so we’ll be apart. I’m confused, so I thought I’d ask you.”
“Well, I think you should wait. You’re both young, and you haven’t dated anyone else. Being apart may be a good thing. It’ll either make your heart grow fonder, or you may decide she’s not the right one for you. Regardless, why rush it?”
“I guess I’ve waited this long. What’s another four years. Right? Do you think twenty-one is too old to be a virgin?”
Brent laughed. “It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think there’s an age limit. Marriage is a big step. It’s not something to take lightly.”
“Thanks, Dr. Meyers. It’s been good talking this through. How much do I owe you?”
Brent shook his head. “Let’s talk baseball. These scouts hanging around will want to know more about you than what you can do on the field. Don’t be surprised if you find out they’re asking people about your temperament. We’ve talked about this before, but I’m just reminding you. It’ll likely happen the closer we get to the draft in June. Just food for thought.”
“Got it, coach.”
Fan attendance continued to swell. More people followed Edelweiss High varsity baseball than any other year on record. Tyler was at the top of his game the entire season, posting a 12-0 record, with an ERA of 0.80, and 125 strikeouts in 60 innings pitched. At Tyler’s last two starts, there were close to twenty MLB scouts and executives at each game. His fastball was now sitting at ninety-five mph, at times reaching ninety-eight.
“Chances are high Tyler will be drafted in June,” said Brent, as he sat with Tyler and Shade to discuss strategy. “One scout told me Tyler has one of the best high school arms he’s seen. With his blue-chip velocity, I doubt he’ll be passed over. We need to be prepared. I heard scouts have been talking to your acquaintances and teachers.”
“Yeah,” Tyler replied. “Quite a few.”
“If anyone asks about your plans after school, tell them you’re leaning towards signing and foregoing college.”
“Is that a good move?” asked Shade.
“Yes. They’re interested in his signability. They don’t always like to wait until a prospect finishes college. They want them now, if they’re mature enough. If they feel he’ll sign out of high school his stock rises, and he’ll have a better chance of getting drafted in the first round. And first round drafts usually get bigger signing bonuses. The way Tyler’s pitches have been lighting up the scout’s radar guns should give us more bargaining leverage.”
“How do ball clubs know what I’m looking for? And what am I looking for?” asked Tyler, dizzied by all the talk.
“You’re looking for a seven-figure signing bonus and a clause stating college would be paid for if your baseball career ends within a designated number of years. We’ll
work through the details, but that’s what I’m thinking.”
“Seven figures? Is that reasonable?” asked Shade.
“I’ve been doing research. If they’re as interested as they seem, seven figures is not out of the question. There’s a lot of talk surrounding Tyler, and I’ve seen the scouting reports. They’re all positive. Some clubs have already reached out.”
“If I get drafted, when would I join the ball club?”
“You’ll have until mid-July to sign the contract. Once you sign, your life will change. They may want you to move right away.”
Stark concern etched Tyler’s face. “You’ll be alone, Grandma.”
Her eyes held back a glassy layer of tears. “Tyler, don’t worry about me. This is what you’ve worked so hard for,” she said, reaching over to take his hand. “I’ll be okay.”
“I’ll have to talk to Leah,” he said. “We’ll be away from each other.”
“Tyler, dreams don’t come without sacrifices,” Brent said, pragmatically. “No matter where you settle, and who you settle with, you’ll spend most of your time away, on the road. You’ll never be completely at home. That’s the reality of the career you’ve chosen. Make sure it’s something you want.”
“I want it. Bad,” said Tyler, with conviction.
On the first day of the televised draft, Brent and Leah came over to watch the proceedings. They sat huddled on the sofa, anticipation vibrating off of each other. Brent felt certain Tyler would be taken during the first round. And he was.
When Tyler Lane’s name was read, excitement poured like water gushing from a broken levee. He was chosen seventh overall. A titanic smile took Tyler’s face. They were yelling. Hugging. Crying. Tyler was on his way, a dream realized. Prayers answered.
The official confirmation came when the ringing phone rattled above the celebratory ruckus. Tyler took the call, adrenaline coursing through his body, hands trembling, eyes wide.
“Thank you, sir. I couldn’t be happier. Tomorrow morning at ten? Sounds good.”
“A representative is coming over tomorrow to go over the contract,” said Tyler, sinking into the sofa, dazed.
“Brent, can you be here tomorrow?” Shade asked.
“Absolutely.”
Brent negotiated a higher signing bonus that was initially offered—$5.5 million—and the ball team jumped. Tyler was now the exclusive property of a major league franchise, and he couldn’t be happier.
“Hey, Brent, we got him,” said Buzz, on the other end of the line. “You negotiated a sweet contract, but we feel he’s worth it. There was a lot of interest in him, so we were lucky to snag him. I hear he’s moving to Arizona this week.”
“Yeah. He’s pretty pumped. I’ll be driving out with him. It’ll be good seeing you.”
“How’s the job in Michigan? We sure miss you around here. Do you think about coming back?”
“Thanks, but I’m tired of bouncing around. But, never say never. Right?”
Tyler spent his last evening in Michigan alone with Leah. She would soon head off to Michigan State University, and he would move to Mesa, Arizona.
“Leah, I’m gonna miss you, more than you know,” he said, as they sat in the Jeep parked in her driveway.
“I’ll miss you too, but this isn’t forever, is it Tyler?” she asked, apprehensively.
“Leah, of course not. We’ll be together one day, if you’ll have me. You’re the only one for me. I’ve known it since we were kids. When I first laid eyes on you at the playground behind Holy Grace Baptist church.”
She laughed, barely recalling their first meeting so long ago. “We were toddlers. I’m not sure if I remember, or my grandmother told me, but you planted a slobbery, open mouth kiss on my lips. That’s when I knew we were destined to be together,” she said.
They kissed and clung to one another before Tyler let go. “I love you, Leah. I’ll always love you. I’ll call when I get settled.”
“I love you, too. And remember, I’m flying out with my parents during spring break.”
“How could I forget?”
“Grandma, we should do something special for Brent. For the time he’s invested in me throughout my life. And he didn’t even take a cut for negotiating my contract. I’m glad he agreed to be my agent, but I wanna do something for him now.”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing. What about a Rolex watch? We could have it engraved.”
“I don’t know much about brands, but I like the watch idea. I remember him telling me about this certain brand. Phillip Nautilus. Or something like that. He said he’s always wanted one but didn’t want to spend that much on a watch.”
Tyler and Shade studied the display of luxury watches glistening beneath the glass enclosure. “Hello. We’re looking for a watch for a special person,” Shade told the salesman.
“Do you carry something called a Phillip Nautilus?” asked Tyler.
“Ah. A Patek Philippe Nautilus. An exquisite choice. Follow me,” he said, inserting the key into the glass case and presenting the glimmering timepiece. “This is one of our finest watches.”
“It’s magnificent,” said Shade.
When the salesman told them the price, Shade and Tyler’s eyes froze wide, looking at each other in stunned disbelief.
“We’re going to grab lunch and talk it over,” Shade told the salesman.
During lunch, they reasoned Brent was deserving of the gift. After all he’d done for them both, it was a small price in comparison.
Shade flew out to Arizona. Brent and Tyler picked her up at the airport in the Jeep and drove to the apartment—Tyler’s new home. The unit was small and sparsely furnished but near the stadium.
She took Tyler shopping for houseware items while Brent met with Buzz. They agreed to meet Brent at the stadium, then go out to dinner for their last night together.
“It’s gonna feel lonely here,” said Tyler, as Shade stood on a chair, hanging curtains.
Her stomach pitched, imagining Tyler alone in another state, still so young. She swallowed hard, trying to quell the swelling in her throat. She needed to be strong. “You won’t have much time to think about it,” she said, reassuringly. “And you’ll make friends. It’s a new start. It’ll get easier as time passes.”
After driving to the stadium, Brent gave them a tour. Shade could feel Tyler’s anxiety give way to exhilaration, as he walked out onto the practice field and met the other players. Afterward, they enjoyed a celebratory dinner before returning to the apartment.
“Brent. We have something for you. From me and Grandma.”
“Oh?” Brent responded in a weakened voice, taking the gift.
“We wanted to show our appreciation for everything you’ve done for us over the years,” said Shade, as Brent unwrapped the package, revealing a box within.
Brent raised the sturdy top and removed a black lacquer case shrouded in felt. His eyebrows raised as he opened the lid. He removed the wristwatch and fingered the metal—the elegance and smoothness of the stainless-steel substantial in his hand. “This is too much,” he said, in a low voice. He turned it over and read the inscription. ‘In our hearts always—Shade & Tyler.’
“How did you know?” asked Brent, his eyes glistening. “It’s stunning. And the engraving.” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know what to say other than thank you.”
“You told me once,” Tyler responded. “You said you always wanted one.”
They spent the next several hours talking—Brent repeatedly admiring his treasured gift.
“Now, you have your checkbook and an ATM card,” said Shade. “Try to spend your money wisely, since the bulk of your bonus money has been invested.”
“Got it, Grams. And I’m to call you when I’m broke.”
“Yes,” she smiled. “Well, we should get going,” she said, choking back tears.
She took Tyler in her arms. They clung tightly to one another, afraid to let go.
“Oh, Grams, I’m gonna miss you s
o much. I love you and I promise to keep in touch.”
“You’d better,” said Shade, fighting to appear upbeat. “I’m so proud of you, Tyler. Not only for making it to the big leagues, but for who you are.” She took his face in her hands. “Take care of yourself, honey. I love you so much. Too much, if that’s possible.”
Tyler walked over to Brent and threw his arms around him, slapping him on the back. “Thank you, Brent. For everything. And take care of my grandmother.”
“You know I will. I’m so happy for you. You made it, buddy,” said Brent, cupping Tyler’s face with his hand. “I always knew you would. Call me anytime. Whenever you need to talk. I love you, buddy.”
“I love you, too, Brent,” said Tyler, wiping a tear from his cheek.
As Brent pulled away from the apartment, a torrent burst from Shade’s eyes, drowning her cheeks.
“Hey,” said Brent, patting her thigh. “It’s not like you’ll never see him again. He’s a phone call or a flight away.”
She didn’t speak. He could hear her muffled sobs as she looked out the side window, watching the world she knew fade away. Her body shuddered, as though she’d lost him forever. They drove back to the hotel in silence. He walked her to her room and tried consoling her.
The Essence of Shade Page 30