Tales of the Hood

by T K Williams-Nelson

  I didn’t care. I was tired of this; tired of life. I needed to get away for a bit; have some alone time to get my mind right. I was feeling so incredulous. Things were moving faster than I expected and faster than I wanted. What was my next move going to be now? I had to tell her everything even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what her reaction would be. Would she be angry that I didn’t speak up earlier? Would she leave me because she and Shakira were at risk if they stayed? I just didn’t know.

  I sat in a park with Shakira wrapped in my jacket. We were there for a good hour, just sitting in silence. It was dark and the moon was bright. I tilted my head towards the sky and looked at the stars; imagining my name in dazzling lights. I looked back down at Shakira and asked myself, why couldn’t this be my child? Why did Vanessa have to sleep with Maurice out of all the boys in the world? A tear trickled down my cheek and on to Shakira’s forehead. Her petite body wriggled out of her sleep with the sign of wetness on her face. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. Her smile told me it wasn’t fair to keep her away from Vanessa. She was only a few days old and needed her mother. Who did I think I was running out with her like that? I think she knew that we were somewhere we weren’t meant to be and was trying to say that I should go back and sort things out. I touched her hand and it was cold. It was time to go back. I couldn’t sit out here for myself when she was getting cold. I stood up and made my way home slowly. I felt weak. My body was hurting all over with all the excitement. I was trying to cope but it was an immense struggle. I was always worrying. Tomorrow was never promised and right now I was living in fear; more like existing in fear. All my actions were influenced by one boy and one boy only. Every decision I made was to avoid direct confrontation with Jamal but I was being weighed down. I didn’t know how long I could be like this for; constantly on edge. Is this what the roads do? Destroy everything they encounter. I made a vow that no matter how hard life got I wasn’t going to let Shakira go through none of the bullshit I had been through. With that vow resting on my head, I walked home holding her precious hand.

  ***

  As soon as I opened the door a glass flew past my face.

  “What the fuck are you doing!” I bellowed. Vanessa ran up to me and snatched Shakira from my arms.

  “Where the hell were you? I was so worried,” she said, checking if Shakira was okay.

  “I had to clear my head, then I come in the house and have a dumb bitch throwing glasses at me when I’m holding the baby!” I said, trying to contain my antagonism.

  “Don’t ever take my child again!” she replied loud and clear.

  “What did you really think I was going to do to her? Kill her?”

  “Don’t run jokes like that because you could have done anything in your state of mind.”

  I sat down and let my head fall back. That hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t do anything to harm her in any way. Vanessa took Shakira upstairs then came to sit next to me and took my hand.

  “Babe what’s going on? You’ve been acting funny and it’s starting to scare me now. I’m sorry for wiling out like that but what are you doing with a gun?” she asked calmly. I had to tell her now. I couldn’t keep it in any more. This whole Jamal situation was taking over my life.

  “I have something to tell you,” I said softly. I took out the letter Jamal sent me and let her read it. Then I told her everything that happened, from my mum getting killed to Maurice getting raped. By the end of it she was in tears.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? Maybe then I would have understood why you were behaving so oddly. It doesn’t matter now because we’re gonna get through this,” she assured me.

  “How? I want him dead, Vanessa, you don’t understand. He damaged my life. He’s still making threats to this day. If anything was to happen to you or Shakira it would rest on my conscience for the rest of my days. I can’t let that happen,” I replied, painting the bigger picture. If he was going to give up he would have done so a long time ago. He was out for blood.

  “I hear that but we have to put it behind us for now. We have Shakira to think about.”

  I looked at her and her puffy eyes. It made me recognise that I had to put my problems on hold to give them a better life. I lay on her chest and listened to her racing heartbeat. “I love you, Vanessa. I know I’ve been throwing that concept around a lot lately but I know now. It’s you and only ever been you,” I explained delicately.

  “I love you more, Jay. We’ve both been through a lot but this is the fresh start we needed; to realise that you were made for me and I was made for you,” she replied affectionately.

  We got comfortable in bed over a good horror movie and must have fallen asleep soon after. I was woken by the sound of broken glass. With instinct I grabbed my baseball bat from beside my bed and tiptoed downstairs. As I turned on the light I prepared to take off someone’s head but no one was there. I got closer to look out the window and saw some kids running away. I wanted to go out there and twist them up but I couldn’t be asked. It was late and the motivation wasn’t there. I went in the kitchen to get the broom and sweep up the broken glass. I couldn’t wait to move out of this shallow place; to somewhere that kids actually had respect for other people’s homes instead of smashing up damn windows. When I bent down to pick up the glass I cut my finger. Blood dripped on the floor as I dashed to the downstairs bathroom to clean it. I wrapped it up in a little bit of tissue and went to clean up the rest of the glass and board over the window. All of this work at this time in the morning was sure to leave me irritated during the day. I heard the faint sound of Shakira crying so I walked upstairs to see what the matter was. Vanessa was fast asleep and didn’t even notice when I picked Shakira up off the bed.

  “Why you crying angel?” I hushed. I took her downstairs to make her a bottle then I lay on the sofa and placed her gently on my chest. Lying there I thought about all the good and bad points in my life. When I first moved to this area and met Maurice; I was only ten but he took me under his wing and we lived life together from then onwards. Both our mum’s go out raving, leaving us to fend for ourselves for the night. Those were the good old days. Me and Maurice would blaze music until all hours in the morning and avoid answering the door when the neighbours were complaining. That all stopped when Maurice’s mum ran off with a Spanish man and left Maurice alone to grow up. We were only thirteen when the roughness came along. We both got kicked out of school for smoking weed. We picked fights with anyone that looked at us in a way we thought was an insult. We ran the blocks by the time we were fifteen because everyone was scared of us. That didn’t change the way we acted when we were in our home environment. We both had the deepest respect for my mother, no matter how we were feeling. If we ever gave her lip she would only have to put us in our place one time! It was funny when we were getting into trouble. We were living life to the fullest in our own deviant way. I remember the time I walked in on my mum crying. It was the hardest thing I ever had to watch but I couldn’t do anything but hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay; so much for being okay. It was only a couple years later I found her lying in my living room with a bullet in her head. I was meant to protect the only real woman in my life from when I had the ability to walk and talk, but I’d failed. I wasn’t going to fail Vanessa and Shakira the same way. This was the time to fix things. Make it right and make my mum proud. Just thinking about my past hurt me but in a way it made me happy. It was the only thing I had of my fallen; the memories.

  Chapter Ten

  As the weeks went by, Shakira grew bigger and bigger whilst mine and Vanessa’s relationship was proving to be as solid as ever. Since I got signed I had been at the studio nearly every day of every week, working hard to get my first single up and running. I got dressed one morning and decided to take Vanessa to the studio with me. After hearing her voice when she was singing in the shower I thought she might enjoy having a little fun on the microphone.

  “Hurry up and get ready we don’t have
all day,” I moaned. Women always take forever to sort themselves out.

  “I’m coming, I’m coming. I’m just sorting out Shakira’s baby bag.”

  “Alright forget it. I’m going now so if you’re coming, meet me there,” I said becoming restless. I didn’t like being held up when it came to business.

  “Okay then, catch up with you in a bit,” she replied.

  As I made my way to the studio I saw three men sleeping rough on the kerb. I was making a bit of money now so I decided to throw £2 in each of their cups, hoping they would be grateful when they woke up. That could have been me in that situation and trust me, I would have been damn grateful for that £2. When I got to the studio my agent was waiting to start the recording. I was hoping to finish my first single today so it could get released in the next couple weeks; meaning more money for us. I’d received so much support. Everywhere I went people wanted to know more about me and my music. I was finally feeling some stability.

  “You ready to start?” he asked, setting up.

  “Yeah let’s do this,” I said, positioning myself in the booth. He played a beat and signalled to me. I started rapping to the sound; letting the words flow from my heart and off my tongue. When I was in that booth I felt like I had no worries in the world. I could say and do what I liked because I knew that all I wanted to do was inspire others to do the same; do something with their lives. After I recorded the track a few times I sat down with my agent to play it back. It was then that Vanessa strolled in and sat down next to me. When we played back the track it sounded valuable. I felt as if I was certain this was going to be a hit when it was released. When I played back the track for Vanessa to hear it again she hummed along to it slowly. It sounded sensational. I told her to join me in the booth and sing the chorus for me. We played it back again with the amendments and it sounded much better than before. It’s like her voice gave the song more life. We smiled, as we knew it was a good mix. We were so into the music we didn’t realise that time was flying by and it was getting late. We packed up, called it a day and headed out. Vanessa went to pick up Shakira from her friend’s house whilst I made my way home alone. When I got in I sat down embraced and a good evening. The success was one a step closer. I could just see it.

  ***

  The track that Vanessa featured on would be on the shelves in various shops around London this week. It was an exciting moment for me. This was the start of earning decent, legal money. Even though I was new to the business and not many people knew what I was about, the single started selling instantly and with that I had more money to provide for Vanessa and Shakira. Vanessa suggested we move into Maurice’s house and sell my flat in the blocks. In the letter Maurice left to me he also left the documents to the house stating that it should be left to me. I didn’t disagree with her because my flat brought back daunting memories that I would like to forget: the death of my mum and Donny in the living room; the thought of Myah walking around like she owned the place. I had to let it all go now but my mum only ever owned half so it wouldn’t go for much. When I put the flat up for sale there wasn’t many offers. I couldn’t blame people. Who would want to live in a terrorised area like this? Everyone wanted to move out, not in. When we did get an offer we accepted it straight away because we knew we wouldn’t get another like it. Just leaving that place behind lifted a huge burden off my shoulders, but then again it made me feel further away from my mum. She would agree that it was time for a change so I tried to look on the bright side. When you hit rock bottom the only direction that’s left to go is up, and up is the way I was moving.

  We wanted to make our new house a real home; somewhere we could call our own until I had enough money to buy us a house out of the ends. We started with downstairs. We had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom and a dining room. Not to mention the garden. I really didn’t know how Maurice’s mum could afford to buy such an immaculate house but couldn’t give Maurice dinner money. It was ours now and that’s all that mattered.

  “I want the kitchen to be yellow; the bathroom to be blue; the living room to be red and the dining room to be cream,” Vanessa ordered the workmen. I sipped my juice and watched as she gave our home its womanly touch. I gave the studio a break for a while so I could spend more time with Vanessa and the baby. Shakira was growing up so fast that I was fearful I’d miss all the special aspects of her young life. It was a couple of days before the workmen finished the downstairs area of the house and moved on to the three bedrooms upstairs and second bathroom.

  “Upstairs I would like much warmer colours, so in the bedrooms I would like colours ranging from brown to cream and the bathroom to be green, thank you,” Vanessa said, proudly looking around at her ideas becoming reality. It was just over a week until the house was completely done and it looked great. Most of all Vanessa was happy with it and Shakira seemed quite fond of it too with her slow forming smiles. Everything was actually paying off now. I had my family; I had a house that was suited to our taste; I was making an honest living for my girl and my baby - there was finally something positive in my life. I was living in the here and now to make sure I made the most of this positive vibe before negativity came around the corner.

  Vanessa and I took the rest of the evening to kick back and watch some TV. It had been a long time since we’d actually spent some quality time together. I was flicking through the channels when I passed the news and I heard something that interested me. “A young female by the name of Holly Andrews has been found badly beaten near a canal on the north side. In her current condition she is unable to tell police what happened but more updates will be broadcast when received. Thank you and goodnight.”

  I wasn’t shocked because I knew who had probably done it to her. That’s what you get for working with the enemy; with Jamal. She was lucky that was all she got. “Is that the Holly we know?” Vanessa asked curiously.

  “Yeah, Jamal probably didn’t need her anymore and left her for dead,” I said, disinterested.

  “Good, she deserves everything she gets after what she did to you and Maurice. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she looks so innocent yet she has the heart of a devil,” she cursed.

  I wondered what Holly had done that pissed Jamal off so much. After what she did to Maurice I felt cold towards her. Hearing her name alone made my veins pulsate. There wasn’t a harsh enough word to describe her. And it was so true; she was so innocent when we all first met. You would have never thought that months later Maurice would get raped and commit suicide because he couldn’t live with it. As my mother always used to say, ‘what goes around comes around.’ God will deal with the things they do; can’t let hate in my heart consume me too.

  Vanessa and I lay peacefully next to Shakira in the bed. I watched her nostrils flare then drop as I thought about what happened to Holly. It made me wonder if Jamal could do that to his own girl - or whatever Holly was to him - then he could definitely carry out his threat on my family. In my moment of vigorous thinking I heard a quiet but firm knock at the door. Vanessa opened her eyes as I got up to answer it.

  “Who could that be at this time in the morning man?” she asked.

  “I don’t know but you stay here. I’ll soon be back,” I whispered.

  Tiptoeing downstairs I switched on the light. Not many people knew we lived in Maurice’s house. When I looked through the peep-hole you would not believe who it was. How dare she turn up at my house! I opened the door just to verify that I was actually seeing this. It was Holly; a rather battered and bruised Holly.

  A full moon floated over the shaking trees as I went outside to interrogate Holly. “What are you doing at my house?” I shouted hesitantly. I knew it was late so I tried to keep calm but she was out of line.

  “Please don’t shout. I came to talk. I’m sorry about all that’s happened, I really need your help. Jamal is going to kill me if I don’t get myself together,” she said, gradually breaking down to tears. As heartless as it was, I laughed to show I really d
idn’t care. She had contributed to my best friend’s suicide and now she wanted to come and tell me that her man - the one who raped Maurice and killed my mum - was going to kill her. He did it because of her influence and now she wanted mine. It was humiliating.

  “Seriously Jayden, I know everything about him. If I don’t get some form of protection he will get me. And eventually he will get you too,” she exaggerated.

  “You think I would ever help you after all you did? You must be mistaken. Have you forgotten all the trouble you caused? For all I know this very meeting now could be a set up.”

  “No it really isn’t. You have to believe me! I don’t have time to beg,” she sobbed erratically.

  Out of nowhere Vanessa stormed out with, her silk dressing gown trailing behind her. “Bitch you better be off my property in the next thirty seconds or I’m calling the police to remove you,” she said bluntly. After I told her everything she had as much hatred for Holly and Jamal as I did.

  “Argh is no one going to believe me? Fine, when it all backfires don’t say I didn’t warn you. I tried to make things right, but you stubborn assholes just wouldn’t listen! What I did to Maurice I accept responsibility for. I thought it was the right way to go about things at the time but realising everything it caused after tore me up inside. Jamal saw that I was developing heart and that’s why things broke down,” she said, before hobbling off and crying silently.

  In a way I wanted to know what she was talking about but I didn’t want to get involved in her issues. It’s like everything she said had some sort of subliminal message behind it; as if she knew certain things but didn’t want to reveal too much. Regardless of what her motives were Holly could not be trusted and that was all I needed to know. We re-entered the house and went to bed.