Blackout

by Dani Matthews

  Before long, I’m beginning my daily routine. It usually begins with cleaning kennels and feeding the animals that have stayed overnight, or readying the exam rooms.

  I enter a room full of mostly empty kennels on one side, and located against the opposite wall are cupboards and a sink. Brandie, another vet assistant, happens to be checking the two animals that hadn’t been medically cleared to leave yet on Saturday. She looks up from where she’s squatting beside a lower-level kennel. The door is open, and she’s examining a black lab. She flashes me a smile. “I just finished Scooter,” she informs, referring to the long-haired, gray cat in the kennel across the room. “I haven’t checked on the boarders yet.”

  “I’ll start in there.” I move to the cupboard that stores food for all types of animals. I open it and grab the clipboard with the boarders’ information. As I scan it, I say to Brandie, “Do you know anyone who’s looking for a roommate?”

  “I thought you liked living with your friends.”

  I pause and turn to face her. She has her back to me as she gives the lab attention. “I am. It’s just my ex lives there, too. It’s been difficult lately,” I tell her.

  She looks over her shoulder at me, her hazel eyes sympathetic. “You should come out with my friend and me Wednesday night. She works weekends at a bar, so she parties on the weekdays. She always knows where things are happening. We’ll get that ex off your mind,” she promises.

  “Sounds good to me.” A distraction is just what I need.

  ***

  I’ve been dreading this moment all day. Now that Channing knows I’m looking for another place, it’s time to tell Quinn. I’d arrived home a while ago, and I’ve been lingering in the kitchen while I wait for her. This will be her first stop if she didn’t pick up something to eat on her way home.

  As I clean a mess someone had made on the island earlier, I give myself a mental lecture. I’ve tried to have this conversation with Quinn in the past, and halfway through, she talks me into staying. This time, I’m not backing down.

  My head lifts when I hear the front door loudly open and close.

  Quinn appears a moment later, a fast food bag in one hand, and a soda in the other. When she sees me, she immediately breaks into a smile. “Hey,” she greets.

  I smile and try not to look enviously at the bag. Quinn’s diet consists of fast food and nothing else. I’d love a burger and fries, and especially a Cherry Pepsi, but I need to watch my weight. Quinn, on the other hand, has such a high metabolism that she can eat her weight in food and not gain an ounce. It shows, too. This evening, she’s layered two black and purple tanks with black, fitted trouser pants and high-heeled booties.

  Quinn tosses her purse on the island before taking a seat. Her eyes lift to mine after she removes fries and a Double Quarter Pounder from the bag. She picks up the container of fries and offers it to me, her manicured fingernails glinting obsidian black in the kitchen light. “Want some?” she offers.

  I shake my head and lean a hip against the island. “I ate already.”

  She pops a fry in her mouth and quickly chews before swallowing. “No, you nibbled on a salad. You need to eat real food.”

  “That is not real food,” I disagree.

  Her brown eyes swing to mine, and she looks at me chidingly. “You just think that because you have it in your head that you’ll gain weight if you eat it.”

  This is such an old argument. “Quinn, I do gain weight.”

  “You could gain ten pounds and still look gorgeous.”

  “I don’t want to gain ten pounds,” I patiently counter back.

  “But if you did, you’d still look fabulous. You have a killer bod.” Her eyes boldly slide down my body. “I wish I looked like you,” she says enviously.

  I shake my head. “Enough about me and my curves.” I look at her closely as she concentrates on her food. She’d instigated the old argument because she’d wanted something normal to talk about. Carrie’s death has completely rattled her.

  Quinn takes a big bite of her burger and promptly grabs a napkin to wipe her mouth. “I can feel you burning holes into my brain,” she grumbles around the food in her mouth.

  “If only it were that easy to see inside that crazy head of yours,” I tease.

  “Ha ha.” She takes another bite, and ketchup dribbles down her chin. “Shit, I’m a pig tonight.”

  I laugh and step away from the island. “Come find me later.”

  She wipes her chin. “This too horrific to watch?”

  “I foresee nightmares,” I joke before leaving the kitchen.

  I hear her mutter something, but I can’t quite make it out. Her mood seems off, and now I’m having doubts about telling her my plans. I could postpone the conversation, but if Channing says something before I can, she’ll be extremely hurt that I hadn’t gone to her first.

  When I enter my room, I sit down at the desk and open my laptop. I wish now that I’d browsed the ads on my computer instead of looking at the paper this morning. I really don’t want to cause further stress for Quinn.

  I scan ads from other websites, and a few women searching for roommates look promising. I take a piece of paper from the desk drawer and write down their phone numbers.

  A playful tap on my door startles me, and I quickly close the computer as the door opens.

  Quinn sticks her head in. “Got a minute?”

  “Always.” I rise from the desk and walk to the bed, sitting down.

  She closes the door behind her and sits beside me. “The police are keeping quiet about the investigation. I asked Colt if he could talk to Bryce or someone else, but he said to leave well enough alone at this point,” she says with disappointment.

  “They need to do their job without releasing too much information. That’s typical with these kinds of cases.”

  She frowns. “It’s just weird, Harper. From what I’ve heard, no one at the party saw anything out of the ordinary.” Her eyes widen, and realization flickers in their depths. “You were there.”

  “I barely remember it.”

  “I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway. It couldn’t have been someone at the party, or someone would have seen something.”

  “Did anyone see her leave?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “She left the party and somehow ended up in Box Springs, dead.” She stands and walks to my desk, sitting in the chair. “I heard a short obituary is in the paper. Do you mind?” She opens the laptop before I can protest. Her back is to me, and I watch as it stiffens.

  I’d been debating whether to wait until tomorrow, but now the decision’s been made for me.

  She turns around to face me, her eyes accusing. “Were you going to tell me?”

  “I only started looking today, Quinn.”

  Her eyes search mine as resignation glimmers in their depths. “You’re serious this time, aren’t you?”

  “I can’t stay here,” I tell her in a firm but soft tone to cushion my announcement.

  Her eyes turn perceptive. “Because of Gabe.”

  “I really want to move on, but I can’t because he’s always…there. I was hoping you’d want to move in with me,” I add lightly.

  She blinks and now looks torn. I’ve handed her a dilemma, and as much as she doesn’t want to leave the guys, she doesn’t want me to leave without her.

  “It’s okay,” I say quickly, knowing it’s not fair to make her choose. “This is where you should be.”

  “You belong here too, Harper.”

  “Not anymore,” I say, careful to hide how sad I am. In a perfect world, I’d live here forever. Life doesn’t work that way, though.

  Quinn rises from the chair and walks to the bed, sitting down beside me. “You’ve always belonged with us,” she insists.

  I shake my head and turn so that I’m facing her. “Sooner or later, Gabe’s going to settle down, Quinn. I can’t watch that.”

  She looks like she’d like to say more, but instead, she takes a deep breath an
d exhales. “I selfishly want to keep you, but I understand why you feel the need to leave.”

  I reach for her hand, and she squeezes mine. “I’m moving out, not moving across the state. We’ll still see each other.”

  “It won’t be the same.”

  “We both knew it wouldn’t have stayed this way forever. Someday, Ash and Channing will want to have a home of their own, and so will the guys if they ever settle down.”

  She sighs. “I know. I just never thought you’d be the first to leave.”

  “The timing, it just feels right. I’m sorry,” I say with genuine regret. As bad as the timing is for Quinn, it still feels right for me.

  “It’s okay. Really,” she insists, giving me a wan smile. “I think living in the system has made me really latch onto those I care about. In some ways that’s good, but it’s also probably not healthy.” She holds my gaze. “You deserve to live your life without anyone holding you back.”

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  Her forehead wrinkles. “You’re going to move in with a roommate?”

  “It’s an option. Quinn, you’ll never be replaced. Not in my heart,” I promise.

  Her eyes shine brightly, and she blinks a few times before abruptly releasing my hand and standing. “Oh, hell. I need to go before I ruin my makeup,” she mutters.

  “Right, because it’s not like you’re taking it off in a few hours,” I deadpan.

  “Don’t knock the makeup, bitch.” She points to her face. “This is art.”

  I watch as she turns and leaves, closing the door behind her.

  It’s official.

  I’m moving out.

  Four

  Gabe

  I’m careful to be quiet as I let myself into the house. It’s not that late, but nights that the girls aren’t going out, they go to bed at a decent time.

  The living room is empty, and the house is silent. I pass by the stairs and make my way towards the back of the house. When I walk by the kitchen, I see Channing sitting at the table, his laptop open. I pause in the doorway. “Got an exam tomorrow?”

  He closes the laptop, his eyes connecting with mine. “No. I was just killing time waiting for you. We need to talk.”

  I frown. “Right now?” I’m beat. As much as I like my job, it’s physically and mentally draining.

  “Yeah, right now.”

  Something’s going on, and I step further into the kitchen. “Let’s hear it.”

  Channing rises to his feet, shaking his head. “Not here,” he says meaningfully.

  There’s no one around to overhear our conversation, but whatever he wants to discuss must be important. “My room?”

  He nods, picks up his laptop, and follows me to my room just down the hall.

  I close the door and switch on the light, looking at him expectantly.

  Channing sets the laptop on the dresser and turns to face me. “Did you know Harper’s looking for another place? She plans to move.”

  I’m completely unprepared for the news, and my gut clenches as if someone had just sucker-punched me. “You’re sure?”

  “She was looking at the classifieds this morning. She told me herself she’s wanting to move.”

  I rub a hand over my face as I process his announcement. “Fuck.” I’d known the possibility might happen someday, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this soon.

  “Exactly. I know you’ve been trying to figure out how to break down that wall she’s put up around you, but that’s never going to happen if she moves,” Channing says.

  I turn away and scowl, trying to sort out how I’m feeling. The idea of her moving just kills me. Loving her from afar has been easier with her being so close—as odd as that sounds. I could keep tabs on her and know that she’s safe. Too many times, I witness the bad shit that can happen to good people, and the more I witness it, the more I worry over her. If she moves, I lose that security and all my reasons to see her. The worst part would be knowing she’s free to date and bring men home if she’s no longer living here. Not that I think she hasn’t dated or had sex during the past few years, she’s just been careful not to bring anyone to the house. Thank God. I couldn’t handle watching her with anyone, and it just makes my actions from the past that much worse. I’ve been experiencing all the things that she had likely felt. The longing, the jealousy…

  Fuck, jealousy is a brutal monster.

  “You need to come clean about your feelings,” Channing says from behind me.

  I turn and give him a hard look. “I blew her trust in me a long time ago.”

  He looks at me steadily. “Nothing can change unless you come clean and prove yourself to her.”

  “I don’t have that kind of time.”

  “Then you’re going to have to let her go,” he says bluntly.

  I can’t. She’s the only woman I’ve ever cared about. She’s the one. Unfortunately, when the girls had moved out here, I still hadn’t had my head on straight, and I’d screwed other women. It took a while to admit to myself that I loved Harper. During that first year, sleeping around hadn’t earned me any points with her, and I’m still amazed that she’d willingly struck up a hesitant friendship with me. Though at the time, I think it was more of a sacrifice on her part to keep the peace in the house.

  “Someone has to change her mind,” I tell him.

  “You’d better talk to Quinn then, because nobody else has that kind of sway with her,” Channing advises.

  I shake my head. “You know she has no idea how I feel. She won’t talk about Harper with me at all.”

  “Now’s the time to tell her.”

  “I’m not going to Quinn with this,” I say, my tone adamant.

  “Then she’s likely going to move.”

  My teeth grind with frustration. He has a point. The only person Harper really listens to is Quinn.

  “It’s now or never, Gabe,” Channing warns.

  I shoot him a look. “I don’t do emotional shit, let alone confide in Quinn about my feelings.”

  “Hey, I get it. It’s like diving off a fucking cliff and hoping you’re not going to fall flat on your face at the bottom. On the other hand, you should keep in mind that Quinn’s a woman,” he points out. “She might have some solid advice about how to approach Harper. Gabe, is she worth it?” he asks seriously.

  “You know she is.”

  “Then ask for help,” he suggests. “This is Quinn we’re talking about here. She’d never belittle how you feel or embarrass you.”

  “I know, but you’re conveniently forgetting she ignored my ass for a full month after Harper and I broke up,” I remind.

  Channing winces. “I know, but you’re just going to have to take a chance.”

  I sigh, rubbing my jaw. “It’s easier to think about than put into action,” I confess.

  “I hear you, but I have a feeling you’ll be glad you did.”

  Doubt it. Quinn will shred me to pieces with that tongue of hers. She’s not going to want me anywhere near Harper, because she’ll worry that I’m going to hurt her.

  Channing walks over and claps me on the shoulder. “Just do it, and get it over with. See what she has to say.”

  “Harper may never trust me again.”

  “She may not.”

  I move away from him. “Thanks,” I say dryly.

  “Would you prefer I lie?”

  “No.”

  “Ash is probably waiting for me upstairs.”

  I nod. “Yeah, go.”

  After Channing leaves, I sit on the bed and drop my head into my hands. He seems to think that Quinn would be willing to help me, but I’m not so sure. She thinks I’m a complete asshole towards women, and I’ve done nothing this past year to prove otherwise. Quinn and Harper probably assume I’m still screwing women, I just don’t bring them here to the house. They have no idea that I haven’t had sex in… Fuck. Too damn long, that’s for sure.

  It’s unlikely Quinn will believe that my feelings for Harper are
solid and genuine, but Channing’s right. If I don’t try, Harper’s going to slip out of my life and into someone else’s.

  With a sense of resignation, I stand and make my way to the kitchen. Quinn’s car hadn’t been out front, so I guess I’ll wait up for her. It’s not like I’ll be sleeping anytime soon anyway—I have too much on my mind.

  I grab a beer and sit down at the island, taking a drink. Half a can is about all I’m going to allow myself since I need a clear head for tomorrow. Being a paramedic has made me grow the fuck up faster than anything else could.

  Quinn arrives about a half hour later, and as she passes by the kitchen on her way to her room, she looks taken aback when she spies me. She pauses and lingers in the doorway. “Are you waiting on me?” she asks, an odd expression crossing her face.

  It’s a look I know all too well. Whatever she was doing tonight, she doesn’t want anyone to know. I’m more than a little curious since trouble always seems to find her. “What have you been up to?”

  “I’ve just been out.” Her unwavering eyes hold mine, but she’s chewing the inside of her bottom lip. It’s always been a telltale sign that she’s lying.

  She’s definitely hiding something. “You’ve been out on your own a lot lately,” I comment.

  “So.”

  “This is me you’re talking to, Quinn. What are you hiding?” I ask bluntly.

  Her expression immediately shuts down. “This isn’t high school, Gabe. I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions.”

  My eyes remain locked on hers. “I ask questions because I care.”

  Her gaze softens. “I know you do, but I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

  She’s not going to reveal what she’s hiding, and I give her a nod and pick up my beer. Tonight’s a bad night to be discussing Harper with her.

  “Night,” she says.

  I watch her leave, and I release a sigh.

  Five

  Harper