Blackout

by Dani Matthews

  I shake my head, and a drip of sweat travels down my cheek. “Thanks, but no.” I can’t handle him touching me.

  “Get out of that thing, and then we’ll continue this conversation.”

  “Gabe, I’m not going to get heatstroke.”

  He drops the towel to the patio. “I’m not taking a chance with having to give you medical attention later.” He bends down, and before I can protest, he has me by the shoulders as he effortlessly hauls me up and out of the hot tub.

  I stand there, dripping wet and gaping. Then, I fling my hand out towards the water bottle. “I had water!”

  His expression remains set. “It’s too hot to be sitting in a hot tub.”

  “That’s beside the point, it was my choice to be in it.”

  Gabe sighs and rubs his jaw. “I wasn’t trying to upset you, but my medical training is hard to ignore.” He scans my face. “Are you aware that your face is bright red from the heat?”

  I reach up and touch my heated cheeks. “It is?”

  “Yes. I was genuinely concerned about your health.”

  My irritation fades, because it’s hard to argue over that. “I’d say thank you, but I didn’t appreciate your tactics.”

  “Noted. How’s your arm? I didn’t hurt it, did I?”

  He’d hauled me out by my shoulders, so my arm is unscathed. “It’s fine. Ugly to look at, but still fine.”

  He slips his hands in the pockets of his swimming trunks. “Are you still covering it when you work?”

  “Yes.”

  He nods. “What about that massage?” he reminds in a light tone.

  “Just stop, Gabe,” I say softly.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop trying to get close to me.”

  “Then stop trying to push me away,” he says.

  I fold my arms across my chest, frustrated that we’re having this conversation again. “You need to be pushed away. I can’t give you what you want.”

  “We both know you can, but you’re too scared to believe in me.”

  I’m quiet as I study his expression. I’m not getting through to him at all, and he still looks determined to prove that we could salvage our relationship.

  “You can’t tell me that you don’t feel it, Harper. We’ve always had a connection, I was just a fucking fool who wasn’t ready for it.”

  I shake my head and pull my damp hair away from my face. “I can’t. You’d eventually grow bored and stray.”

  Frustration shines in his gaze. “Damn it, I was never bored with you. I just wasn’t ready. Huge difference.”

  I can’t let him wear me down, because if he keeps at me like he is, I will give in. I’m going to have to end this argument once and for all. “I can’t Gabe,” I say firmly.

  A muscle in his jaw twitches. “That night was a mistake. It was a moment of stupidity, one that I’ve always regretted.”

  “You regretted it so much that you went on to sleep with anyone that was willing,” I coolly remind.

  “So that you didn’t blame yourself!”

  “Excuse me?” I ask sharply.

  “The next day, you asked me what she had that you didn’t. Do you remember that?”

  “Yes,” I say tightly.

  “She had nothing over you, but I didn’t want you to continue comparing yourself to her, so I did exactly what I told you I wanted. I explored.”

  “Don’t you dare throw this all back in my lap, Gabriel Lock.”

  “I’m not. I’m just doing a shit job of explaining myself. Harper, I was an idiot. My feelings for you scared me, and I pushed you away when I should have trusted you not to hurt me. Instead, I was the one who hurt you. You have no idea how much I regret that.”

  “You’re right, you did hurt me. Do you know how much girls talk at school? I had to hear all the intimate details of your sex life almost daily.”

  He winces, raking a hand through his hair.

  “Congratulations, you gave yourself a reputation that will always come between us. I will never trust you, Gabe,” I say softly.

  He takes a step towards me. “I don’t believe that. I think you want to, but your mind is getting in the way of your heart. That trust can build, but you just have to give me the chance to earn it.”

  “No,” I say resolutely. I am not going to cave like my heart is begging me to.

  He takes another step towards me, and I tense. “We aren’t even close to being done with each other, and you know it,” he tells me. “You want me now just as much as you did back then. This attraction, it’s always been a source of tension between us—”

  “It’s lust,” I cut in.

  “It’s more,” he corrects.

  I draw in a deep breath and slowly release it. One of us needs to walk away, because this conversation is going nowhere.

  “I’m going to keep trying, Harper. I’m done giving you the space you’ve wanted these past few years.”

  “Listen to yourself. Once the challenge is over—”

  He closes the gap between us, and his lips close over mine before I can finish my sentence. I’m proud of myself for struggling for a second, but then I wilt against his body. We’re both nearly naked, and his skin against mine lights a fire inside me. My hands instinctively touch his sides, and his warm skin is as smooth as I remember. His hands have cupped the sides of my face as his tongue dances in my mouth, seducing me into believing everything he’d said. The kiss builds before Gabe deliberately slows it down. His lips pull back slightly before returning to give me a lingering, tender kiss.

  Then, he reluctantly pulls away to peer down at me with dark, heated eyes. “What challenge?” he asks softly. “I know all the ways to turn that body on, and I could easily get you in my bed.”

  It’s not worth denying, and I step back from him, glaring. Damn him. All it takes is one kiss to make me momentarily forget why this is such a bad idea. “Then why aren’t you?”

  “As much as I want to be balls deep inside you, I want more than just that. I want all of you, and sex is just a fraction of that.”

  I’m beyond frustrated. He’s standing before me saying all the things I’d once yearned for, but all I feel is the urge to run the other way. Not because I don’t feel anything, but because I feel too much.

  “I’ll go slow if that’s what you want. We can take it one day at a time and build a real relationship with a solid foundation,” he cajoles, his voice warm and enticing.

  I can’t listen to him offering me everything I’ve ever wanted. “I’m moving out, Gabe,” I say in a strong voice. “If you keep persisting before I have a place, I’ll leave early and crash at a friend’s,” I warn.

  He falls silent, and a muscle tics in his jaw, betraying that he has more to say but is trying to keep it contained.

  “Leave the past in the past,” I say quietly.

  “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”

  I shake my head and step around him to go inside.

  ***

  An hour later, I’m making brussels sprouts and fried rice in the kitchen. There won’t be any more hiding, I’d said what I needed to say to Gabe, and now I consider the topic closed. I haven’t seen him since our conversation on the patio, so I think I finally got through to him.

  My chest tightens as I recall the things that had been said, and I feel longing mixed with loneliness. My emotions are all over the place.

  I look up as Colt enters the kitchen. He drops his bag that contains his uniform to the floor and strides to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water and guzzling it.

  His tee is sticking to his chest in places, and his dark hair is damp. After he’s drank more than half the bottle, he closes the refrigerator door and turns to acknowledge me. “Hey.”

  I smile in greeting. “Want some?” I ask, referring to the pan on the stove. The brussels sprouts have already been cooked in the oven, and now I’m frying them with all the ingredients. “I’m making plenty,” I add.

  He steps closer a
nd peers into the pan with puzzlement. “What is it?”

  “Brussels sprouts and fried rice.”

  He instantly shakes his head. “Thanks, but I grabbed something on my way home.”

  I know he’s lying. Colt likes to eat healthy too, but not my kind of healthy. I’m tempted to tease him, but I have other things on my mind. “Have you heard anything about the investigation? I’m referring to Carrie’s,” I clarify.

  He leans his hip against the counter, his dark eyes focused on me. “Bryce is one of the detectives working the case, but he can’t share much. Not with it still being open.”

  I take the pan off the burner and set it aside. “Are they any closer to catching whoever did it?”

  “Friends and family haven’t been able to give them anything useful.”

  I turn back to face him. “She transferred here last year. She made a lot of friends, but I’m not sure how many of them she was actually close with.”

  “That’s the problem, Bryce said she wasn’t really tight with anyone. Those closest to her live out of state. People who attended the party and recall her there were interviewed, but no one saw anything out of the ordinary.”

  I nod in agreement. “I’m sure a lot were drunk, including myself. That entire night is pretty much wiped from my memory. What about DNA evidence?” I ask.

  His eyebrows lift.

  “What? I watch TV, you know.”

  He looks faintly amused, but it doesn’t reach his unsmiling lips. “No, no DNA evidence.”

  “Really? The entire scene couldn’t have been completely clean. If there was a struggle, shouldn’t she have had some of his DNA on her?”

  He studies me, visibly deciding how much to share. “Whoever killed her didn’t use their hands, so no DNA. She must not have put up much of a struggle, because there wasn’t anything under her fingernails.” He gives me a warning look. “That stays between just you and me.”

  “I won’t say anything,” I promise.

  His eyes drop to my unbandaged arm. “Let me see.”

  I hold my arm out to him.

  He’s careful as he gently turns my arm, peering at the long cut and stitches. He whistles softly. “Damn.”

  “My follow-up appointment is tomorrow after work. I’m hoping the stitches will be removed.”

  Colt releases my arm. “I hear you were at the gym last night,” he comments.

  “That was all Quinn’s idea.”

  “Quinn’s? Why?”

  Like me, Quinn’s known to not put much effort into exercising. “She wanted to get me out of the house while having hot men to look at,” I muse.

  Colt lifts the bottle to his lips. “That sounds like Quinn,” he says before taking a long drink.

  Twelve

  Gabe

  For the last thirty minutes, I’ve been swimming laps in the pool to ease the tension in my body, but it’s still not showing signs of tiring.

  The last time I’d spoken with Harper was two days ago when she’d threatened to crash on a friend’s sofa. Since then, I’ve struggled against the urge to approach her. Giving in and letting her go is the last thing I want, but I’m not sure how much further I can push her before she makes good on her threat. Instead, I’ve given her distance the past few days, and I’ve been careful not to seek her out after the way things had been left between us.

  This evening, she’s out of the house with Ash and Quinn. She’d had her doctor’s appointment after work, and then the girls had left for a late meal.

  She’s slipping through my fingers, and I don’t know what to do. I’m out of ideas, and I feel like I’ve hit an impenetrable wall.

  My body cleanly slices through the water, and as I push my body, the tension drains bit by bit. When I sense I’m being watched, I slow to a tread and look around, wiping water from my eyes.

  Channing stands on the patio by the pool’s steps, patiently waiting for me to notice him. I begin swimming over, and I climb up the steps and out of the pool. “You been here long?” I ask.

  “Maybe five minutes or so.”

  I nod and rest my hands on my hips, looking at Channing expectantly. “Something going on?”

  “You tell me.”

  He’s referring to Harper, and my expression begins shutting down. I’ve reached a dead end with her, and I don’t want to admit defeat.

  “Are you going to tell me how things are going, or do I have to keep guessing?” Channing prods.

  I look away and rake a hand through my wet hair. “It’s not going,” I reluctantly confess.

  “Did you talk to her?”

  My eyes swing back to his. “She thinks I’m going to hurt her again.”

  Channing sighs. “Yeah, I figured that might be a problem.”

  “She’s still physically attracted to me, but her head keeps getting in the way.”

  Channing shakes his head. “Too bad women think so damned much about everything.”

  “I don’t know what else to do, I can’t get through to her.”

  “So seduce her and build on it,” he suggests.

  “I pushed her too far last time, and she’s threatened to camp on a friend’s sofa until she finds a place.”

  He looks at me questioningly. “Do you think she’d make good on the threat?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “My hands are tied,” I say with grim resignation. “I push her, and she leaves. I do nothing, and she still leaves.”

  “Damn.”

  “Exactly.”

  Channing falls silent, looking troubled. “Sorry, Gabe. I honestly thought maybe you had a chance to turn things around.”

  “I did too, but not anymore.”

  “Maybe Quinn can work on her,” he offers.

  I shake my head. “She won’t chance upsetting Harper, so she’ll stay as uninvolved as possible.”

  Channing’s expression shifts. “Have you seen her arm?”

  “Yeah, I helped her switch her bandages earlier in the week.”

  He shakes his head. “I knew she got cut, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

  “It was bad,” I agree, “but it could have been so much worse.”

  “If something like that had happened to Ash…”

  “The worst part is knowing that fucker’s still out there.”

  Channing frowns. “You don’t think he’d come after her, do you? From what I’d heard, it was just a chance encounter. They happened upon him.”

  “I just want the bastard to pay for what he did. That, and it might help her put it behind her.” I decide that a change of topic is in order. “Things seem to be going well with Ash,” I comment.

  He immediately grins. “More than well.”

  “Good for you, Chan. I’m glad,” I tell him, and I genuinely mean it.

  He claps me on the back. “We need to get you out for a guys’ night.”

  “Can’t. I work the next four days,” I remind.

  “I don’t know how you do it.”

  “It’s worth it.”

  Thirteen

  Harper

  Quinn frowns as she watches me pull my hair back into a ponytail. “I just don’t understand why someone else can’t do it,” she says.

  I turn to face her. She’s sitting on my bed, watching me get ready to check on the animals at the clinic. “I covered for Brandie the Sunday before last, and today, I’m actually on the schedule,” I patiently explain.

  “After what happened, you’d think they’d schedule someone else.”

  I smile and pick up my purse. “You do realize you’re being overprotective, right?”

  “Can you blame me?”

  “No,” I say honestly. If our roles were reversed, I’d be acting the same way that she is.

  Quinn stands. “Want me to tag along?” she offers.

  “I swear, I’m going to be fine. I haven’t had a nightmare in a while, and I no longer feel the need to look over my shoulder. I’m goo
d, Quinn,” I assure.

  She studies me intently and nods. “Okay.” Her expression shifts. “About the apartment you’re looking at this evening—”

  “Good grief, Quinn!” I laugh, cutting her off. “Go track down that man of yours, and get your mind off my life and concentrate on your own,” I say with affectionate exasperation.

  Her eyebrows lift. “That was kind of bitchy.”

  “Bitchy is about all that gets through to you,” I say with another laugh.

  “Looks like I’m getting laid tonight.”

  “Good. Now get out and let me go do my job.”

  She gives me a look and begins to leave my room. “I want to hear about the apartment tomorrow,” she insists.

  We enter the hall, and I close the door behind me. “I promise I’ll keep you updated.”

  At the base of the stairs, we part ways. She makes her way further into the house, and I leave through the front door and climb into my car. As soon as I’m alone, I blow out a breath and back the car out of the driveway.

  The thought of being at the clinic by myself has me on edge. I’d lied to Quinn about being okay with going on my own, but I’d known that if I’d told her the truth, she would have insisted on tagging along. Then, the next time I needed to go to the clinic on a Sunday, I’d be back to square one and feeling nervous about doing it on my own. I just need to do it today—by myself—and the rest will fall into place.

  My hands tighten on the steering wheel. I wish I could go back in time and avoid that party entirely so that Brandie and I were never attacked. It’s as if he took something from me that night, and I have yet to regain it. Now, I’m more aware of how fragile life is, and it makes me second-guess things. I honestly don’t know how Gabe looks death in the face with every shift. I can’t imagine how difficult some days must be for him.

  Guilt rises within me as I slow at an intersection. I know Gabe isn’t the same person he was back in high school. He’s changed so much, and I can see it. Those beautiful, intense eyes have seen so much, and it shows deep within their depths.

  I believe that he believes I’m going to be it for him. He thinks I’m going to be the ‘one’ and that he’ll never look twice at another woman. Does that mean he never will? I don’t know, but I’m not about to take that chance. If he broke my heart a second time, I doubt I’d recover. I’d grow older—alone—while everyone else pairs off and gets married. I don’t want to be that lonely, bitter woman.