Complete Works of J. M. Barrie

by Unknown

  BARBARA. She asked me to — for practice. Don’t you remember why?

  (Of course the COLONEL remembers.)

  COLONEL. I know! Billy boy.

  BARBARA. You are quick to-day. Now, wait till I get your cane.

  COLONEL. I don’t need my cane while I’m sitting.

  BARBARA. You look so beau’ful, sitting holding your cane.

  (She knocks over his cushions.) Oh dear! I am a clumsy.

  COLONEL (politely). Not at all, but perhaps if I were to do it for myself. (He makes himself comfortable.) That’s better. Thank you, Barbara, very much.

  BARBARA. I didn’t do it. I’m all thumbs. What a ghastly nurse I should make.

  COLONEL. Nurse? (The COLONEL’S troubles return to him.)

  Who is she, Barbara?

  BARBARA. Who is who, dear?

  COLONEL. That nurse?

  BARBARA. There’s no nurse here.

  COLONEL. Isn’t there? Barbara (feeling that she is of less use than ever to-day). Where is granny?

  COLONEL. She has gone down to the village to a wedding.

  BARBARA. There’s no wedding. Who could be being married?

  COLONEL. I think it’s people I know, but I can’t remember who they are. I thought you went too, Barbara.

  BARBARA. Not I. Catch me missing it if there had been a wedding!

  COLONEL. You and the nurse.

  BARBARA. Dear, you have just been imagining things again. Shall I play to you, or sing? (She knocks over a chair.) Oh dear, everything catches in me. Would you like me to sing ‘Robin Adair,’ dear?

  COLONEL (polite, but firm). No, thank you, Barbara. (For a few moments he forgets her; his mind has gone wandering again.)

  Barbara, the house seems so empty. Where are Billy and Karl?

  BARBARA. Billy is where Karl is, you may be sure.

  COLONEL. And where is Karl?

  BARBARA. He is where Billy boy is, you may be sure.

  COLONEL. And where are they both?

  BARBARA. Not far from where Barbara is, you bet. (She flutters to the window and waves her hand.) Do you hear Karl’s flute? They have been down all the morning at the pool where the alder is, trying to catch that bulltrout.

  COLONEL. They didn’t get him, I’ll swear!

  BARBARA. You can ask them.

  COLONEL. I spent a lot of my youth trying to get that bulltrout. I tumbled in there sixty years ago.

  BARBARA. I tumbled in sixty minutes ago! It can’t be the same trout, dear.

  COLONEL. Same old rascal!

  (billy and karl come in by the window, leaving a fishingrod outside. They are gay, careless, attractive youths.)

  BARBARA (with her nose in the air). You muddy things!

  COLONEL (gaily firing his dart). Did you get the bulltrout, Billy boy?

  BILLY. He’s a brute that.

  COLONEL. He is, you know.

  BILLY. He came up several times and had a look at my fly. Didn’t flick it, or do anything as complimentary as that. Just yawned and went down.

  COLONEL. Yawned, did he? Used to wink in my time. Did you and Billy fish at Heidelberg, Karl?

  KARL. We were more worthily employed, sir, but we did unbend at times. Billy, do you remember — (He begins a gay dance.)

  BILLY. Not I. (Then he joins in.)

  BARBARA. Young gentlemen, how disgraceful! (She joins in.)

  COLONEL. Harum-scarums!

  KARL. Does he know about you two?

  BILLY. He often forgets. I’ll tell him again. Grandfather, Barbara and I have something to say to you. It’s this.

  (He puts his arm round BARBARA.)

  COLONEL (smiling). I know — I know. There’s nothing like it. I’m very glad, Barbara.

  BARBARA. You see, dear, I’ve loved Billy boy since the days when he tried to catch the bulltrout with a string and a bent pin, and I held on to his pinafore to prevent his tumbling in. We used to play at school at marrying and giving in marriage, and the girl who was my bridegroom had always to take the name of Billy. ‘Do you, woman, take this man Billy—’ the clergyman in skirts began, and before I could answer diffidently, some other girl was sure to shout, ‘I should rather think she does.’ COLONEL (in high good humour). Don’t forget the ring, Billy. You know, when I was married I couldn’t find the ring!

  KARL. Were you married here, sir?

  COLONEL. Yes, at the village church.

  BILLY. So were my father and mother.

  COLONEL (as his eyes wander to the garden). I remember walking back with my wife and bringing her in here through the window. She kissed some of the furniture.

  BILLY. I suppose you would like a grander affair, Barbara?

  BARBARA. No, just the same.

  BILLY. I hoped you would say that.

  BARBARA. But, Billy, I’m to have such a dream of a wedding-gown. Granny is going with me to London to choose it (laying her head on the COLONEL’S shoulder) if you can do without her for a day, dear.

  COLONEL (gallantly). I shall go with you. I couldn’t trust you and granny to choose the gown.

  KARL. You must often be pretty lonely, sir, when we are all out and about enjoying ourselves.

  COLONEL. They all say that. But that is the time when I’m not lonely, Karl. It’s then I see things most clearly — the past, I suppose. It all comes crowding back to me — India, the Crimea, India again — and it’s so real, especially the people. They come and talk to me. I seem to see them; I don’t know they haven’t been here, Billy, till your granny tells me afterwards.

  BILLY. Yes, I know. I wonder where granny is.

  BARBARA. It isn’t often she leaves you for so long, dear.

  COLONEL. She told me she had to go out, but I forget where. Oh, yes, she has gone down to the village to a wedding.

  BILLY. A wedding?

  BARBARA. It’s curious how he harps on that.

  COLONEL. She said to me to listen and I would hear the wedding-bells.

  BARBARA. Not to-day, dear.

  BILLY. Best not to worry him.

  BARBARA. But granny says we should try to make things clear to him.

  BILLY. Was any one with granny when she said she was going to a wedding?

  COLONEL (like one begging her to admit it). You WERE THERE, Barbara.

  BARBARA. No, dear. He said that to me before. And something about a nurse.

  COLONEL (obstinately). She was there, too.

  BILLY. Any one else?

  COLONEL. There was that soldier.

  BARBARA. A soldier also!

  COLONEL. Just those three.

  BILLY. But that makes four. Granny and Barbara and a nurse and a soldier.

  COLONEL. They were all there; but there were only three.

  BILLY. Odd.

  BARBARA (soothingly). Never mind, dear. Granny will make it all right. She is the one for you.

  COLONEL. She is the one for me.

  KARL. If there had been a wedding, wouldn’t she have taken the Colonel with her?

  BARBARA. Of course she would.

  KARL. You are not too old to have a kind eye for a wedding, sir.

  COLONEL (wagging his head). Aha, aha! You know, if I had gone, very likely I should have kissed the bride. Brides look so pretty on their wedding day. They are often not pretty at other times, but they are all pretty on their wedding day.

  KARL. You have an eye for a pretty girl still, sir!

  COLONEL. Yes, I have; yes, I have!

  BARBARA. I do believe I see it all. Granny has been talking to you about Billy boy and me, and you haven’t been able to wait; you have hurried on the wedding!

  BILLY. Bravo, Barbara, you’ve got it.

  COLONEL (doubtfully). That may be it. Because I am sure you were to be there, Barbara.

  BARBARA. Our wedding, Billy!

  KARL. It doesn’t explain those other people, though.

  (The colonel moves about in agitation.)

  BARBARA. What is it, dear?

  COLONEL. I can’t quite remember, bu
t I think that is why she didn’t take me. It is your wedding, Barbara, but I don’t think Billy boy is to be there, my love.

  BARBARA. Not at my wedding!

  BILLY. Grandfather!

  COLONEL. There’s something sad about it.

  BARBARA. There can’t be anything sad about a wedding, dear. Granny didn’t say it was a sad wedding, did she i COLONEL. She was smiling.

  BARBARA. Of course she was.

  COLONEL. But I think that was only to please the nurse.

  BARBARA. That nurse again! Dear, don’t think any more about it. There’s no wedding.

  COLONEL (gently, though he wonders why they can go on deceiving him). Is there not?

  (The village wedding-bells begin to ring. The colonel is triumphant.) I told you! There is a wedding!

  (The bells ring on gaily, billy and barbara take a step nearer to each other, but can go no closer. The bells ring on, and the three young people fade from the scene. When they are gone and he is alone, the colonel still addresses them. Soon the bells stop. He knows that he is alone now, but he does not understand it. The sun is shining brightly, but he sits very cold in his chair. He shivers. From this point to the end of the play it is the real people he sees as they are now. He is very glad to see his wife coming to him through the open window. She is a dear old lady, and is dressed brightly, as becomes one who has been to a wedding Her face beams to match her gown. She is really quite a happy woman again, for it is several years since any deep sorrow struck her; and that is a long time. No one, you know, understands the colonel as she does, no one can soothe him and bring him out of his imaginings as she can. He hastens to her. He is no longer cold That is her great reward for all she does for him.)

  ELLEN (tranquilly). I have come back, John. It hasn’t seemed very long, has it?

  COLONEL. No, not long, Ellen. Had you a nice walk?

  (She continues to smile, but she is watching him closely.)

  ELLEN. I haven’t been for a walk. Don’t you remember where I told you I was going, John?

  COLONEL. Yes, it was to a wedding.

  ELLEN (rather tremulously). You haven’t forgotten whose wedding, have you?

  COLONEL. Tell me, Ellen.

  (He is no longer troubled. He knows that ellen will tell him.)

  ELLEN. I have been seeing Barbara married, John.

  COLONEL. Yes, it was Barbara’s wedding. They wouldn’t — Ellen, why wasn’t I there?

  ELLEN (like one telling him amusing gossip). I thought you might be a little troubled if you went, John. Sometimes your mind — not often, but sometimes if you are agitated — and then you think you see — people who aren’t here any longer. Oh dear, oh dear, help me with these bonnet strings.

  COLONEL. Yes, I know. I’m all right when you are with me, Ellen. Funny, isn’t it?

  (She raises her shoulders in a laugh.)

  ELLEN. It is funny, John. I ran back to you. I was thinking of you all the time — even more than of Billy boy.

  (The COLONEL is very gay.)

  COLONEL. Tell me all about it, Ellen. Did Billy boy lose the ring? We always said he would lose the ring.

  (She looks straight into his eyes.)

  ELLEN. You have forgotten again, John. Barbara isn’t married to Billy boy.

  (He draws himself up.)

  COLONEL. Not marry Billy? I’ll see about that!

  (She presses him into his chair.)

  ELLEN. Sit down, dear, and I’ll tell you something again. It is nothing to trouble you, because your soldiering is done, John; and greatly done. My dear, there is war again, and our old land is in it. Such a war as my soldier never knew.

  (He rises. He is a stern old man.)

  COLONEL. A war! That’s it, is it? So now I know! Why wasn’t I told? I’m not too old yet.

  ELLEN. Yes, John, you are too old, and all you can do now is to sit here and — and take care of me. You knew all about it quite clearly this morning. We stood together upstairs by the window listening to the aircraft guns.

  COLONEL. I remember! I thought it was a thunderstorm. Dering told me he heard nothing.

  ELLEN. Dering?

  COLONEL. Our gardener, you know. (His voice becomes husky.) Haven’t I been talking with him, Ellen?

  ELLEN. It is a long time since we had a gardener, John.

  COLONEL. Is it? So it is! A war! That is why there is no more cricket on the green.

  ELLEN. They have all gone to the war, John.

  COLONEL. That’s it; even the little shavers. (He whispers) Why isn’t Billy boy fighting, Ellen?

  ELLEN. Oh, John!

  COLONEL. Is Billy boy dead? (She nods.) Was he killed in action? Tell me, tell me! (She nods again.) Good for Billy boy. I knew Billy boy was all right. Don’t cry, Ellen.

  I’ll take care of you. All’s well with Billy boy.

  ELLEN. Yes, I know, John.

  (He hesitates before speaking again.)

  COLONEL. Ellen, who is the soldier? He comes here. He is a captain.

  ELLEN. He is a very gallant man, John. It is he who was married to Barbara to-day.

  COLONEL (bitterly). She has soon forgotten.

  ELLEN (shaking her brave head). She hasn’t forgotten, dear. And it’s nearly three years now since Billy died.

  COLONEL. So long! We have a medal he got, haven’t we?

  ELLEN. No, John; he died before he could win any medals.

  COLONEL. Karl will be sorry. They were very fond of each other, those two boys, Ellen.

  ELLEN. Karl fought against us, dear. He died in the same engagement. They may even have killed each other.

  COLONEL. They hadn’t known, Ellen.

  ELLEN (with thin lips). I dare say they knew.

  COLONEL. Billy boy and Karl!

  (She tells him some more gossip.)

  ELLEN. John, I had Barbara married from here because she has no people of her own. I think Billy would have liked it.

  COLONEL. That was the thing to do, Ellen. Nice of you. I remember everything now. It’s Dering she has married. He was once my gardener!

  ELLEN. The world is all being re-made, dear. He is worthy of her.

  (He lets this pass. He has remembered something almost as surprising.)

  COLONEL. Ellen, is Barbara a nurse?

  ELLEN. Yes, John, and one of the staidest and most serene. Who would have thought it of the merry madcap of other days! They are coming here, John, to say goodbye to you. They have only a few days’ leave. She is in France, too, you know. She was married in her nurse’s uniform.

  COLONEL. Was she? She told me to-day that — no, it couldn’t have been to-day.

  ELLEN. You have been fancying you saw them, I suppose.

  (She grows tremulous again.) You will be nice to them, John, won’t you, and wish them luck? They have their trials before them.

  COLONEL (eagerly). Tell me what to do, Ellen.

  ELLEN. Don’t say anything about Billy boy, John.

  COLONEL. No no, let’s pretend.

  ELLEN. And I wouldn’t talk about the garden, John; just in case he is a little touchy about that.

  COLONEL (beginning to fancy himself as a tactician). Not A word!

  ELLEN (who knows what is the best way to put him on his mettle). You see, I’m sure I should make a mess of it, so I’m trusting to you, John.

  COLONEL (very pleased). Leave it all to me, Ellen. I’ll be frightfully sly. You just watch me.

  (She goes to the window and calls to the married couple. Captain Dering, in khaki, is a fine soldierly figure.

  barbara, in her Red Cross uniform, is quiet and resourceful. An artful old boy greets them.)

  COLONEL. Congratulations, Barbara. No, no, none of your handshaking; you don’t get past an old soldier in that way. Excuse me, young man. (He kisses barbara and looks at his wife to make sure that she is admiring him.) And to you, Captain Dering — you have won a prize.

  DERING (a gallant gentleman). I know it; I’ll try to show I know it.