Tomb Raider Emeritus: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (I Fear No Evil Book 6)

by Martha Carr

  Shay snorted. “A few pointed reminders never hurt anyone.”

  “Sure. It’s just interesting to see there’s a line that you won’t cross, even for twenty million dollars. I don’t know if the Shay I originally worked for would have cared.”

  “Spare me the psychoanalysis, Peyton. You don’t know as much about me as you think. But who the hell knows? Maybe there are more than a few lines that I won’t cross now.”

  An hour later, Shay sat with her arms crossed across from Correk and the Professor. The latter wore a soft smile as he sipped at his beer. She wasn’t sure if he was leaving the anger to his Light Elf friend or if he didn’t care as much.

  Correk shook his head. “Did you just say what I think you said? I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it’s jet lag, and you’re confused. That has to be the explanation.”

  No, you didn’t just go there, elf. It’s time to remind you just who the hell I am.

  Shay snorted. “Unless you’re deaf, then yeah. You can’t have the egg. I don’t give a shit if you’re the Fixer. In case you forgot, I agreed to share information with you, and I’ll recover artifacts for you if you pay me, but you don’t tell me what to do. I don’t work for you. I only fucking work for me.”

  Correk scrubbed a hand over his face. The Light Elf grimaced so hard he looked like he was in pain. “This isn’t about trying to order you around, Miz Carson. It’s about the danger associated with that artifact. It needs to be in good hands for your personal safety and the safety of everyone else.”

  The Professor glanced at the two but said nothing. He took another small sip of his beer and offered her a wry smile.

  Shay scoffed. “I thought I’d already proven it to you, but apparently you need a reminder. I’m not a fucking idiot, Correk. I know how dangerous it is. I’ve witnessed it firsthand. Poof, insta-pool.”

  He frowned. “Then why not make sure it’s in safe hands?”

  “Because it already is.”

  “Whose?”

  Shay narrowed her eyes. “Mine.”

  The Fixer blinked. “Wait. You didn’t sell it?” More than a little surprise colored his voice.

  So much for trust, you arrogant asshole.

  The tomb raider glared at him with so much anger she was surprised he didn’t wither and melt. She concentrated on the idea as if she could bring a lethal gaze into existence through sheer force of will. Unfortunately, the Light Elf didn’t melt.

  The Professor let out a loud laugh. A good swill of beer followed, and he shook his head, looking amused and not a bit angry or confused.

  He shrugged. “I’m sorry, old friend, but I think Miz Carson answered your question.”

  Correk stared at the Professor like he’d lost his mind. “You can’t possibly think it’s okay?”

  “Aye, I do. I think the egg stays with Miz Carson. For now. Some enemies are not worth making.” He winked.

  “Is this about James Brownstone?”

  The Professor shook his head and nodded at Shay. “Nope, it’s about Miz Carson. She’s just as lethal and apt to…make a point with those who have wronged her.”

  At least someone at this table understands I’m not to be fucked with.

  Correk rubbed the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t a game. This is more serious than you can possibly imagine.”

  Shay tried to put even more irritation into her look. “No one fucking said it was a game. As I told you, I’ve seen the egg in action. Why do you think I’m not selling it? I’m giving up a lot of money, so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop acting like some idiot who doesn’t understand what’s going on.”

  “You have to understand that it’s a lot worse than just the possibility of melting people.” The Light Elf shook his head and looked down. “The energy in that egg can never be let out. It’s more dark magic than anyone is used to or should be handling, and it could fuel all sorts of dangerous spells. If there were a way to destroy it, I would. The next best thing is to make sure no one gets their hands on it, which I can’t do if you don’t give it to me.”

  The tomb raider shrugged. “Unlike that cave in Argentina, no one knows where I keep my things. You can go ahead and try to track it down if you want to see the kind of precautions I’ve taken.”

  The human and the elf locked eyes, with the Professor looking on. No one spoke for a good thirty seconds before the Fixer looked away, sighed, and shook his head.

  Correk stood. “You remind me of another stubborn woman I know.” He shrugged. “If you ever change your mind, let me know. I will come and immediately take it off your hands and do my best to handle it.”

  Shay snorted. “That’s just the thing. My hands will never touch it. Have a good night, Correk.”

  He shook his head. “After this conversation, I don’t think I can.”

  7

  Shay paced back and forth in her living room, frowning. It’d been a calm few days, so of course, something had to happen. She could kick herself for not anticipating it. It wasn’t like the risk wasn’t there before, but now that the threat was on its way to her home, her stomach knotted.

  I have to get ready. What if they do something I’m not ready for?

  She shook her head. “This is a disaster waiting to happen. A big disaster.”

  Alison smiled at her from the couch. “Seriously, Aunt Shay? You really think that? With all the stuff you deal with, it doesn’t seem like this would be a big deal. It’s just your friends coming to visit your place for the first time.” She chuckled. “Some of Dad’s OCD is wearing off on you.”

  The tomb raider stopped pacing and shook her head. “Look, I haven’t exactly been forthcoming on all the details of my life with these women. They’ve been badgering me for a while about coming over, and I always found excuses, but I guess I was just too tired or something. The next thing I knew I had agreed to this little visit.”

  “But they’re your friends. I know you told a few lies, but you like them, right?”

  Shay sighed and nodded. “You have to understand that things work better when they’re compartmentalized. That’s how I’ve been living my life. It’s why I’ve been able to have normal friends but still do tomb raiding and help James and all that.”

  “But you have Dad now, and it’s not like you’re in the same position you were before. If you’re going to picnics with cops and guys from Camp Brownstone, things just aren’t that separate. Besides, what could possibly go wrong with a few of your friends stopping by to check out your place?”

  Shay shrugged. “I learned a long time ago that the answer to that question is almost always ‘a lot.’ For now, don’t do any magic in front of them.”

  Alison sighed. “You think it would scare them?”

  The tomb raider shook her head. “No. The opposite. I think they’ll get excited and start acting like this is a magical theme park, and they’ll want to see you do stunts. I wouldn’t be half surprised if they don’t recognize you from all the news coverage of the adoption hearing, but fortunately, they aren’t the kind of women who pay a lot of attention to the news. It’s one of the reasons I like hanging out with them. It’s all light and breezy.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  Shay shrugged. “Sometimes it’s just nice to relax and not have to worry about anything after having to worry about so much on a job.”

  “I can understand that.” Alison smiled. “Then you should do just that—relax and not worry so much. It’ll be fine. You’re acting like this is a tomb raid, but it’s just your friends stopping by.”

  Shay chuckled, some of the tension draining from her face. “When did you get so wise, Alison?”

  “This year at school.” The teen grinned.

  “You’re right, though. This isn’t one of the warehouses, and my gear is hidden. If I can handle tomb raids, I can handle a few women coming over to my place who just want to chat and have a good time.”

  Or are those famous last words?

  A light knock so
unded from the door, and Shay walked over to open it. Kara, Bella, and Janelle stood on the other side. Kara held a long metal tube connected to a wide, enclosed base.

  Okay, this is starting out a little weird.

  Shay blinked. She had no clue what the item was, but she motioned them inside, and her friends rushed into the living room.

  “Welcome.” The tomb raider pointed to Alison. “This is Alison. She’s my boyfriend’s kid. She’s home for the summer from boarding school. Alison, these are my friends Janelle, Kara, and Bella.”

  Alison offered them a bright smile. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

  Janelle tilted her head, a slight frown on her face. “I feel like I’ve seen you before. I was about to ask what high school you go to, but you go to boarding school?”

  “Yes, in Virginia.”

  “Huh. Maybe it’s déjà vu.”

  Alison shrugged. “Maybe I just have that kind of face. It’s nice to meet you all.” She rose to give them all gentle handshakes.

  Bella winked at Shay. “Boarding school, huh? That can’t be cheap. Nobody poor sends their kid to boarding school. Didn’t know your new guy was rich, but you do seem to have a habit of landing rich boyfriends. Lucky you.”

  Shay let out a slight chuckle. She’d told them more than a few lies to cover for some of her expensive electronics and vehicles. She half-wondered if they thought she was some sort of academic gold digger.

  Better that than an ex-killer.

  Kara set her strange contraption in the middle of Shay’s living room. Something sloshed inside it. “You should have had us over a long time ago.” She ran her hand down the long tube. “And we should have used this sooner than later. I can already…sense the negative energy here.”

  “Negative energy? What are you talking about?” Shay frowned. “That’s not some sort of weird bong, is it?”

  Alison laughed. “Aunt Shay, how could you ask your friends that?”

  She shrugged. “Just asking. I have no idea what the hell that thing is, and I don’t want your dad yelling at me later.”

  The three women laughed.

  Kara grinned. “It’s not a bong. It’s a smudge pot. I’ve already got sage in it. We need to do a smudge cleansing of the negative energy of your home.”

  Shay stared at the smudge pot. “Which consists of what, exactly?”

  “We light the oil in the pot and burn the herbs. It’ll make a lot of smoke, and the herbs will help clear out the negative energy. We’ll take turns.” She patted her purse. “Got some crystals in here to help spread the positive energy and absorb residual negative energy. Chanting and a little dancing will help, too.”

  Shay rubbed the back of her neck. “That thing looks pretty big. Can’t we get something smaller or just burn some incense?”

  Kara shook her head. “Nope, we need serious power for a serious cleanse. It’s like getting the oil changed in your car, and since you don’t even know about it, that means you’ve built up more negative energy than I can sense. You’re lucky we got here when we did.”

  Shay shot a glance at Alison. The teen shrugged and smiled.

  Yeah, if there were negative energy in my place, she’d be able to see it, but no reason to be a bitch about it to my friends. They are only trying to help in their own weird way.

  The tomb raider eyed the smudge pot. “That makes sense. Negative energy, huh?”

  “Prepared to be seriously wowed by the power of smudging. This is really ancient and powerful stuff. I’m kind of surprised you haven’t heard of it before. I’m pretty sure the Oricerans invented it.”

  Shay shrugged. “I’ve heard of using herbs to spiritually cleanse an area, just not smudging.”

  The tomb raider managed not to burst out laughing. For all her concern with the truth and acceptance of the power of many magical rituals in light of Oriceran, some things still remained ridiculous, and since moving to California, she’d found she ran into the ridiculous at a higher rate than she had in New York. If all it took was a little incense and a few crystals to remove negative energy, the magical world would have been a much different place, and people like James wouldn’t even have a job.

  Plus, it was hard to even think the word “smudging” without being amused.

  Couldn’t they have at least given it a different name?

  Shay grimaced at a sudden realization. “I’m gonna have to turn off my smoke alarms, though. Don’t want the fire department showing up to ruin my house cleanse and add more negative energy.”

  “Good plan,” Janelle commented.

  I can’t believe I’m agreeing to let them fill my house with smoke. Sometimes friendship’s a real pain the ass. Or smoke in the face.

  Kara furrowed her brow. “It does create a lot of smoke, but it’s for the best. Can’t let that negative energy build up. If you do, it can attract evil spirits, and with all that magic flowing around, that’s more of a threat than ever. My cousin didn’t smudge enough, and they ended up with an honest-to-goodness ghost, I swear.”

  The tomb raider’s few encounters with ghosts had been more annoying than frightening, but she wasn’t about to let her friends know about that. She also doubted that Kara’s cousin’s ghost had anything to do with not smudging enough.

  Shay gave Kara a solemn nod, trying her best not to laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure ghosts hate smudging. Scared little white-sheet assholes.”

  The faint smirk on Alison’s face told Shay she was enjoying this as much as the tomb raider. The girl, after all, was half-Drow and even her basic sensory experience was centered around magic. Her school days were dripping with actual enchantment and wonder, not just West Coast wannabes waving crystals.

  Shay cleared her throat. “Before we start chasing out any negative energy, let me give you a quick tour of the place. We can open the windows as we do it. Two birds. One stone.”

  The women all nodded, eager smiles on their faces.

  Fifteen minutes later, they finished a thorough tour of all the rooms on both stories of the converted brownstone. They praised Shay’s interior decorating skills as they reiterated the dangerous build-up negative energy that must have occurred during her time living there. Kara stressed that a poltergeist might manifest soon if they didn’t smudge.

  “Especially since you’re an archaeologist,” Kara commented as they came back into the living room.

  Shay blinked. “Huh? What does being an archaeologist have to do with negative energy?”

  “I know it’s for science and all, but you’re always digging up old bones and stuff. There have to be a few ghosts around. They won’t always get why you’re doing it.”

  Not as many ghosts as you might think, but you’re more right than not. Wonder what they would say if I told them I faced off against a demonic chicken?

  They would probably find that harder to believe than the ghosts. Shit, I was there, and I still barely believe it. I think I’d rather deal with more ghosts than evil poultry or weird-ass frogmen.

  The tomb raider almost snorted. Her friends might not know what she did for a living, but they’d gotten closer to the truth with some of her problems than she would have ever expected.

  Kara marched over to the smudge pot. “It’s time to get our smudge on.”

  Alison grinned. “This ought to be good.”

  Kara looked at the girl. “Have you ever participated in something like this?”

  The teen glanced at Shay then back at her friend. “Not this, but at my boarding school they worry about negative energy. We have to do stuff to get rid of it.”

  Shay’s friends nodded.

  “That’s very enlightened of them,” Kara offered.

  I don’t even want to know what sort of magical cleaning they make them do in the dorms at that school.

  Kara marched over to the smudge pot and tugged on a small oil-soaked wick to pull it out farther. She produced a lighter from her pocket and lit the wick, scurrying away a little too fast for Shay’s taste.


  I wonder if my insurance covers fires started by smudge pots.

  A healthy flame emerged from the top, and thick aromatic smoke poured from the pot.

  Shay shook her head. This seemed more like something a SWAT team did to holed-up criminals than something a person would do on purpose to help their house.

  Kara stood near the smudge pot and extended her hand, a large blue crystal in her palm. She half-closed her eyes.

  The tomb raider made her way over to the couch to whisper to Alison.

  “Is that crystal actually magic?”

  Alison shook her head. “Nothing they’re doing is magical at all,” the girl whispered back. “But watching their soul energy is too much fun. They believe it all, and they’re genuinely excited to help you.”

  “Guess they aren’t really hurting anything…I hope.”

  Shay stood and blinked her eyes a few times, the smoke already quite thick. Kara danced around the smudging pot, chanting while shaking her crystal.

  I can’t believe I agreed to this. I guess it’s the thought that counts.

  James’ F-350 screeched to a halt in Shay’s driveway. Thick smoke poured out of the windows and doors. His heart rate sped up.

  “Fuck,” the bounty hunter rumbled. He scanned the place, looking for a collapsed wall or any sign of rocket attack.

  He threw open the door of his truck and hopped out, his hand drifting inside his jacket. A brief thought of bonding with his amulet crossed his mind, but he didn’t want to use it if it were a minor threat.

  Instead, James yanked out something easier to understand and far less vocal about its work: his .45.

  Maybe it has nothing to do with criminals. Maybe a gas line exploded. Shit.

  He jogged over to the open door, raising his gun. If anything had happened to Alison or Shay, his destruction of the Harriken would look like a minor inconvenience compared to what he would do. Even if it weren’t criminals, he’d go after every contractor if it was the result of shoddy workmanship.

  James burst through the front, half-expecting mercenaries, or perhaps a witch or a few cartel members. He didn’t expect Shay’s three friends to be dancing, laughing, and chanting around something in the center of her living room.