He gently unbuttoned my blue western shirt, his hand soft against my body, his lips caressing my breasts. I guess I wondered why that man was always so gentle with me, (excluding the night he was drunk at the club.) It was always like he thought I was going to break. He seemed to wait for a cue from me, and then lovemaking could get extremely intense.
Being made love to by Shay was more than any woman could ever want. Even though I didn’t like it, I did understand why the girls went straight to him like bees to a nectar filled rose, especially if they’d had sex with him. One time could never be enough; you’d want him forever.
We were alone in the house, so we were loud, very loud. We loved being that loud, just letting it all out. After the great sex we showered, dressed and went to the hospital for the meeting with the board.
I was surprised at how many people were there. I think there were thirteen people, plus Willis, Shay and myself. Thinking back, some of those people were probably from the legal department, maybe even the hospital owner’s attorneys. We all sat around a big conference table and Willis brought everyone who didn’t know about the situation up to speed.
“We’re going to need records of all of the babies that were born that day. Plus we want to get a timeline established,” Willis said sternly. “My clients, the Westovers, have suffered immense pain in the last several months: they not only found out their child was ill, but they lost her. Topping that off, they find out that they buried someone else’s child. Folks, someone out there has this young couples’ biological child. This was all an error of this hospital. I would suggest you call all the patients immediately or send them registered letters. We need them to all come in and have blood tests run.”
After the meeting, we went to coffee with Willis. He asked if we saw the concern on their faces.
“They were concerned for themselves,” he said. “They know a lawsuit is imminent. Maybe more than one!”
***
In the next week we got regular updates from Willis. Eight baby girls had been born on June 16, 1967, within the four-hour period surrounding Marie’s birth. One was a black child. Sheila, the baby’s mother, had been my roommate when I gave birth to Marie. I’d stayed in contact with Sheila; she and her husband, Tyrone, had even come to Marie’s funeral. I told Willis they could be eliminated. Willis said that, for legal purposes, all the babies had to be tested for a match.
“The first parents to respond have been absolutely terrified,” he said.
Well, who wouldn’t have been terrified to get a call or letter saying your baby might not be yours? It took almost five weeks to get seven of the families found and test dates set. After the tests were taken, it could take up to three weeks to get the results.
Sheila called me and told me her heart went out to me. She laughed and said, ‘Kathrine, you know I don’t have your baby.’ I told her she couldn’t be too sure I wouldn’t snatch that beautiful baby for myself! Sheila’s little girl was just beautiful.
There was one baby they couldn’t locate: the child of a fifteen-year-old girl who had given birth around the same time as I did. Her baby had been incubated also. She wasn’t married and the birth certificate read, “Father: Unknown.”
“Willis,” Shay said, “what do we do about that fifteen-year-old girl?”
“We’re going to hire a private investigator to search for the mother. This isn’t going to cost you anything, Shay, it’s the hospitals expense.”
“You know, none of this is about money. I don’t care what it costs me. I just want our child found. Sometimes it feels like our daughter is just a dollar sign to people. Well, let me tell you, she’s our heart.”
If it hadn’t been for Shay, Kelly and Wessy, I think I’d have lost my mind.
Samson and Sunset had been put on the backburner. In April sometime around our great loss, Sunset had given birth to her filly. She was born a blackish gray; normal for a foal that was probably going to grow up white like her parents. We were so lucky that Sterling had been there to help Lucas through all that needed be done. I found out from Maggie that Sterling came and got Kelly every day that she was at the farm and took her to see her filly, who she had named Starling. Kelly loved Starling. The little filly would follow her everywhere. Sterling would put some oats in a small bucket and give it to Kelly and Kelly would show it to Starling, shake it and then run with the bucket. Starling would run behind her. Sometimes they’d run for over half an hour. Kelly would run them in figure eights. They loved playing together.
***
Well, it was coming up on Shay’s and my anniversary, July 3rd, and we still didn’t have our baby. On the first of the month, Shay said, “Callie, when I get in this evening around six, we’re going riding.”
I was absolutely thrilled at that. It gave me something to look forward to all day. I was ready when Shay got in. He took a quick shower, grabbed a fresh-baked roll and said, “Woman, we’re going riding.”
Yonnie had the kids. When Kelly saw us go out the door to go riding she started crying. Shay went back in to hold her and talk to her.
“Baby doll,” he said softly. “We love you so much and we love taking you riding with us, but you know, pumpkin, Mommy’s been real sad lately and Daddy just wants to make Mommy all better. Can you understand that? Since you’re such a big girl?”
“Okay, Daddy,” she said. “I want my mommy to be my happy mommy again. I’ll stay here and take care of Wessy.”
“Oh, you’re so good,” Shay said as he hugged her. “I promise to take you riding tomorrow, pumpkin. High five!” They high fived and we were out the door.
We rode all the way to the lake, talking. Nothing important, just husband and wife talk.
Shay asked me what I wanted for my anniversary.
“Don’t you mean our anniversary?” I said. “I’m glad you brought that up, darlin’. I really don’t want to go out celebrating. I didn’t get you a gift, Shay. That’s been the furthest thing from my mind. So please don’t get me anything. Let’s just stay at home with the kids this year. I’ll make a special supper or you can barbeque, and we can play with the kids and count our blessings. Maybe take some of Maggie’s hot house flowers to the cemetery.”
“That makes a lot of sense to me, Callie. I don’t see any reason to go out on the town and celebrate either. But I promise you, we’ll have a great anniversary next year, princess.” And with that, Shay lifted me off of Sunset and, for the next couple of hours, made lying in the grass worth our time.
After lovemaking, wrapped in Shay’s arms, watching the sunset, I felt safe.
***
One day Willis called and asked Shay and me to lunch at the club. All of the babies had been officially confirmed as none-matches, he said, with the exception of the fifteen-year-old girl.
“I asked you to come to lunch today,” said Willis, “because I see the immense toll this has taken on the two of you. Kathrine, you have no idea how much my heart goes out to you, but we have done all we can do at the moment. We just can’t get a lead. It’s like that young mother dropped off the face of the earth. We will always keep looking. We’ll follow every lead we get, but for now,” he looked at us sadly, “we have to close the investigation. You really need to try to move on with your lives. I’m not asking you to forget your child, what I’m saying is maybe you have to just let her go.”
I stood up. “Willis, you can give up, but I will spend the rest of my life knowing I have a daughter out there. Wondering if she's happy, if she's well-fed, being abused. Is she sad? Does she have all her needs met? I will never let go in my heart or in my mind. And I will never give up. Not 'til I've found her. Excuse me." I threw my napkin down and ran to the ladie's room.
In the ladies’ room, I sobbed. They were giving up on my child. I was never going to give up on my child. I pulled myself together and threw water on my face. Finally, I returned to the table. Both guys stood up and Shay held my chair as I sat down.
“Kathrine, the part you missed, I was
just telling Shay—the hospital is offering a settlement. You and Shay look it over and you decide if you want to counter it,” said Willis.
“So it’s down to money,” I said. “I get money and someone else gets my child. I don’t even see a compromise here.”
I know Shay could see I was getting ready to let go on Willis, so he jumped in, saying, “Callie, I think it’s time for us to leave. You and I can talk about this when we’re alone.” He took my hand and led me out.
We never did discuss the settlement. Shay never brought it up to me again. I knew it was because he didn’t want me to ever feel that we had sold our daughter. No amount of money could fill my heart. To this day, I have no idea what was settled on. I gave Shay my power of attorney and told him to handle it.
I took the rest of the afternoon for myself and went to the cemetery to talk to Cookie and Marie. I told them I was going to try to let go, try as hard as I could to give my family the normal life they deserved. I asked God to watch over my child and keep her safe. Let her be happy and safe with someone who loved her as we did.
Driving home I felt as though God had wrapped His arms around me. I thought of Shay, Kelly and Wessy, and reminded myself I was a blessed woman.
Distractions
I decided to start enjoying life and just be thankful for the good things God had given me. I threw myself into my family and took the kids for walks in the park. I enrolled Kelly in a tiny tot’s ballet class, which was fun for both of us. Wessy had the greatest personality, that child was certainly his father’s son. The little guy was always taking things apart to see how they worked. But there wasn’t one day that went by that I didn’t think about my baby. I couldn’t look at a child who was about the age she’d be without wondering if it might be her.
One night I told Shay this and he said, “Callie, you have to stop doing that. You’re driving yourself crazy. I’ve noticed you toss and turn all night. You never used to do that. Princess, you need to stop persecuting yourself. Let her go. You had to let little Rie-Rie go. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but put her in God ’s hands and trust that whoever has her is taking good care of her, okay? Please, Callie, for your own sake. Release yourself from this agony.”
“Oh, Shay,” I said, tears running down my face. “ I know you’re right, and I’ll try, I really will, darling. But how does a mother forget her child? Someone needs to tell me how to do that, because I don’t know how.”
“Well, let’s do some fun things and try to keep your mind occupied,” Shay said. “We could take a family vacation!”
“I don’t like being away, you know that. Let’s just do fun things here at home,” I said.
“Okay, princess, we will.”
***
We had a lot of friends out to our house through the fall months, playing games and having television program night parties. The holidays came and everything was routine. We carried out all our traditions, each holiday, as usual. I won’t lie; the holidays were hard for me. Shay’s sister Becky had a new baby son, so when I held him I thought of Rie-Rie, but by the grace of God I made it through Christmas.
***
One Sunday afternoon in early spring, Kevin and Karen came over. Yonnie was watching the kids, so we took Kevin’s car and went riding around. The guys sat in front and the girls sat in the back. Kevin ended up driving us down to the lake. The major part of the water, where they water skied in the summertime, was frozen over.
One thing I liked about Shay was how manly he was, especially for being so loving and tender towards me. But every virtue has its vice, and the downside to Shay’s bravery was that he was always looking for a thrill. He liked to walk on the edge.
“Hey, Shay,” Kevin said, let’s drive out on the frozen part of the lake.”
“Okay, fine with me,” Shay said.
“Oh no, not me, stop right now and let me out,” I yelled.
“Yeah, Kevin, better let Callie out, she doesn’t like things like this. She really doesn’t.”
Karen wanted out too, there was no way we were going out on that deep frozen lake. I wouldn’t have walked out there let alone gone out there in a car with several people in it.
“Shay, don’t do this,” I pleaded. “It’s just stupid and you know it.”
Shay just gave me a don’t-worry-about-it-babe grin and drove onto the frozen lake. With Karen and I standing on secure ground, the guys made their way toward the middle of the ice. I could see they were having trouble getting traction. They went real slow and got out quite a way. All of a sudden, you could hear all of these sharp crackling sounds. Not one big crack; but lots of little breaks, one after the other, after the other.
I know the guys heard it, because they stopped and rolled the windows down fast, (good plan, in case they went into the water.) They were trying to move but Kevin’s car just spun its tires on the ice. We saw the doors open and the guys stepped out very slowly at the same time. I held my breath. The guys started walking very cautiously, working their way back to the edge of the lake.
Then we heard Shay yell, “Run like hell Kevin!”
I knew how fast Shay was; he grabbed Kevin’s arm and literally dragged him after him across the ice. They no more than reached the ground’s edge, when the entire center of the lake went in like a crater. If the guys hadn’t reached the shore when they did, they would have slid backward into the deep ice hole. The car disappeared. There was a big slosh of water about eight feet high as it all went down. Hell, the whole lake of ice fell in toward the center. Without Shay’s directions to Kevin to get out and walk slowly as far as they could, then hightail it right at the last second, they would be gone.
“Did you see that ice hole?” asked Shay, kind of awestruck.
“Ice hole my foot,” I yelled, angry and scared as hell. “Asshole, you mean. I see nothing amazing about this—damn stupid way to almost die if you ask me. What about Kevin’s car?” Not that I had any sorrow for his loss, self-inflicted as it was.
“We’re going to have to wait until tomorrow and see if a crew can locate it. It’s insured isn’t it Kevin?” said Shay.
“Well, if you file for insurance, Kevin, be sure you file it under Stupidity.” I looked around. “Now we have to walk four miles home in this cold.”
“No we don’t,” said Shay. “There’s a pump house just over there.” He pointed to the right into a field. “There’s a phone in every irrigation pump house. We just need to walk over there, call, and someone will come get us.” He looked pleased with himself. Well, he was the only one.
We walked to the pump house and sure enough, hidden behind the pump in a wooden box was a phone. We called Joe and he came and got us. I have no idea how they got Kevin’s car out. It was one of those things I didn’t ever want to know. After such a shocking afternoon, I was glad to get home to a warm fireplace. The guys each had a beer and Karen and I got some chili and sandwiches ready.
“Is it always this dramatic around here?” Karen asked.
“You have no idea,” I replied. “If there isn’t some kind of drama happening on its own, someone has to create it.”
***
In February I asked Shay if I could help him with some of the farm chores, hoping to fill sad gaps in my day. I figured if he took me along on some of his chores, the days wouldn’t be so long. Finally, one afternoon I got him to take me with him. He had to get hay from the loft up in the barn to take to the field. Now surely this was something I could do. Seemed simple enough. Shay parked the truck right under the big open window on the second story of the barn.
“Now what?” I asked.
“We have to climb the ladder in the barn to the loft and fill the back of the truck with hay,” said Shay.
I climbed up first, with Shay pinching my ass all the way up.
“Stop it,” I laughed. “I could have fallen, you pervert.”
Shay was up the ladder and in seconds I was on my back, soon unclothed. So many different compromising positions to follow in
the next hour, a true roll in the hay.
“Well, Shay Man,” I said afterward, zipping up my jeans, “teach me how to load the truck with hay.”
“This is a pitch fork, Callie,” he said, showing me. “You hold your right hand here, and your left one like this. Then you get as much hay on the pitch fork as you can and just throw it down into the truck bed.”
“I think I can handle that.”
Shay turned around to do something and I went right to work. When he turned back around, he stood there a second, and then he said, “Callie, where’s the pitch fork?”
I pointed down to the truck.
“Down there. I put as much hay on it as I could, like you said, and then I threw it down in the back of the truck.”
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