By the time I arrived at my apartment, I had already called and booked the soonest flight to Bellingham, Washington. It wasn’t a long flight. In a little over 6 hours I’d be there. It was an expensive flight setting me back a grand. Shit, I really couldn’t afford that on my coffee shop paycheck.
“Oh no.” I groaned. I put my forehead against the door as I reached into my pocket for the keys. Was I going to have to quit my job if Devon and I were no longer friends? It would be way too awkward. I again shook those problems off telling myself, One problem at a time. I pushed open the door.
I could always ask Eric for a ride, but as soon as I thought about it my blood ran cold. The last time was terrifying. I admit, a large part of it had been Valience. I was not sure if he was still a threat to me, even if we did have some sort of truce. Besides, it was just creepy, even before I felt Valience. I remembered the cold fingers pulling at my waist at the same time as I remembered the heat from Eric’s touch. My body responded, starting with a spark down low inside of me to the point that I blushed, heat flushing my latte-colored skin even though I was alone. I had to get myself under control. I was all over the place.
As soon as I stepped inside, a tail-wagging Jim hopped up against my legs to greet me. That was another problem. Who the heck was going to watch Big Jim? Gah! I pushed the door closed with a little too much force, resulting in a slam, but it didn’t pause Big Jim’s welcome home dance. I had to smile at his enthusiasm. The fact that he didn’t have his leash let me know Eric walked him recently, even if he weren’t here now.
Smiling, I bent and scooped him into my arms. “Hello, Baby. I missed you, too. I am going to have to be gone for a few days. I just have to ask someone to watch you because we hate those stinky old kennels, right? Yes, we do.”
Yes, I was baby talking my dog, but I was having a bad day and coddling him helped. I snuggled against his furry face before I sat him back down on the floor, pulling my phone from my pocket. It had one bar of charge left. I’d have to charge it before my plane left.
I scrolled through the call log until I found Tammy’s number. Tammy answered on the first ring.
“Oh my God! Are you okay? You stormed away so fast Devon must have really gotten you pissed. He sat there for a long time after you left looking so broken, it was sad. Why are you two fighting? It seems unnatural. Peanut butter and jelly don’t fight.”
“Tammy,” I said, laughing. “Wait, which one am I, peanut butter or jelly?”
“Peanut butter,” she said without hesitation. “You are sort of dry and stick to the roof of the mouth and bitter. A little annoying if you have too much. But so damn good.”
“A little annoying? Bitch.” I laughed again. “It’s really because I’m black, right?” I teased.
“No, it’s because Devon is purple, obviously.” I could hear the eye roll in her tone. “And sweet,” she whispered into the phone.
I gagged. “Anyway, Tammy, I have to go out of town for a few days. I can’t bring Big Jim with me. Is there any way you could stop by and make sure he is fed and has fresh water? Maybe walking once a day, too? I can have someone else stop by and walk him the rest of the time so it wouldn’t be a multi-times a day favor. I’d really appreciate it.”
“Sure. No problem. I’ll do it in the morning on my way to work.”
“Okay, um, Devon has a key. You can get it from him and don’t worry about returning it to him.” I frowned.
“What’s going on between you two? Do you want to talk?”
She sounded genuinely concerned. See, at least someone liked me and didn’t think I was selfish.
“Tammy, I really can’t right now. I have to try to catch this flight, but thank you so much for agreeing to take care of Big Jim. This really means a lot. And if he doesn’t hump your leg in thanks, I promise I will when I get back.”
She laughed. “You are sick. Be good, girl. Bye.”
I hung up, giggling, and went off to start packing. I realized while packing that I wasted so many years keeping my family at arm’s length, trying to protect them from some nonexistent curse. But then again, what was I supposed to think? Okay, it was insane to think I was cursed, but when you’re mourning numerous amounts of people, you just want it to stop. Your mind comes up with a bunch of silly theories.
Now I just think of all the time I wasted. All those times I could have held on to the only family I had left. When you’re an orphan like me, bounced from foster care to foster care because you’re above the “ideal” adoption age, you hold on to every chance at family you come across. Like the one person who met me with open arms and didn’t just see me as another check coming in, another rival for space in the already crowded house, or even another face to pound or girl to fondle. My foster sister saw me, brought me close to her, and treated me as if I really mattered. She treated me like a part of her family and not just some parentless tough girl with too jagged edges to come near without being cut.
I was her sister. She let me into her life. She made me an aunt to her children and never let me push her too far away. She held on. I began throwing clothes into my suitcase. I was pissed! I should have been able to embrace that love. Instead, I was forced to try to push that one show of kindness away in a misguided attempt to protect the ones I loved.
Damn it! I didn’t mind being a Memory Keeper. I really don’t mind it at all. What I did mind was the fact that they’d let me flounder without a clue what I was doing allowing it to tear me apart. I’d alienated everyone and became a reclusive outsider looking at the world from the wrong side of the window’s glass.
I loved Eric with all my heart, but he was a part of this deception. He knew the pain I was going through. He also knew what I had done 10 years ago and he still didn’t intervene. He didn’t step in and tell me it was all happening for a reason. He could have prepared me for the line of people I was going to lose. Instead, Eric and all of Heaven and Hell let me believe something was wrong with me, that I was the reason. For some reason I saw Devon shaking his head at me as if I just didn’t get it. But I didn’t pay it any attention. I was too busy investigating the guilt that tugged at my heart.
I was mad at Eric, but I wouldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d want to know how I felt, and I felt angry. Anger toward him and the ones he serves. Was that possible? Was it possible to love yet hold so much resentment toward him? I took a deep breath, slammed my suitcase, and yanked it shut. I slid it along the ground to the living room and heaved it over the hump leading out the front door so the cab driver could get it when he arrived. I had no time for these feelings right now, whatever they really were, love or hate. Just as I had no time for thoughts of my fight with my only lifelong friend. I had to get to my sister and my nieces.
A happy thought drifted to the front of my mind and I smiled as I waited on the steps for the cab that would drive me to the airport in Devon’s stead. I no longer had to keep a distance from my girls. That was my silver lining. I had my sister now and I had two little girls who loved me enough to jack up my ringtones. I wondered what ring tone they’d give me this time. Last time I was in Bellingham Aurora and Anya spent hours searching for the “perfect” ringtone for my calls. They’d decided on The Wonder Pets. I couldn’t wait to see what they chose this time.
By the time I climbed into Becca’s car, I was tired. I tried to sleep on the plane but I’d only fidgeted about unable to get comfortable. I had too much on my mind. Even though I said I wasn’t going to think about Devon, how could I not with our history? He watched out for me. Always had, and before today, I would have said always would. Humph. I crossed my arms and leaned against the back of my chair, hard, in a pout.
“What’s the matter, little Montana?” Becca glanced in my direction then quickly back to the road. She knows how nervous I get riding in cars and how I hate when people take their eyes off the road. It’
s freaking dangerous. I know it really stems from my parent’s accident, but since I am not a shrink, I don’t really care the reason. When I’m in the car, eyes on the road, hands at 10 and 2. Please, and thank you.
I sighed. “Nothing.”
“How is Devon?”
I grimaced. Now it all made sense why she always asked about how he was doing. I used to think she was being nice and concerned about a neighborhood guy. “We are fighting.”
“Oh jeez, Mississippi, what did you do, sleep with him?”
“What? Ewl no! Why would you ask that? Why would we be fighting if I slept with him? If we were screwing, he would not even want to fight with me. I am good, Rebecca!” Then I gagged at the thought of us together. “Oh. I think I just threw up in my mouth even talking hypothetically about this. I mean, I slept with his brother, Becs, and you are freaking in love with him. That would be awkward.”
“What!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs.
I grinned in response, trying to turn away from her so she wouldn’t see how pleased I was with her reaction.
In the faded reflection in the window that I was looking out, I saw her watching at me.
“Eyes on the road, please.”
“If you want my eyes on the road, then stop throwing random, shocking, shit out there. Besides, the light’s red,” she added as an afterthought. “Now, start talking.”
I giggled. “Devon told me you two were quite an item back in the day. Before you became an old, married hag, of course.”
“Oh, of course, before I was an old hag. However, that does not mean I am in love with him. We dated. We had sex a few times. But I am apparently not as good as you claim to be, Mayne. He dumped me like a few months later. I thought we were starting to have something real but obviously I was wrong. Whatever it was, it was not love. There was no time for all of those messy emotions.” She grinned. “Just messy sex. What that boy could do with his tongue, my body, and honey.” Her grin grew wicked. “Let’s just say—”
“Let’s not say anything else, please. I beg of you. You’re married!”
She laughed. “I wasn’t then, Miami! What, you can’t stand the taste of your own medicine?”
“Bite me.”
A slow smile spread over her face. “Mmmm, he did that well too.” She winked.
“I am telling Mr. Signeey all of this, Ma’am. What will he think when he finds out his wife was such a skeez and is still reminiscing about it?”
“I met Luke when I was still with Devon. He was Dev’s lawyer. He helped him buy the lounge and did the paperwork for both the bar and lounge.”
“How come I didn’t know any of this? And you, you little skank! You dated the man’s broker?”
“You were sort of out of it, M-state. And all is fair in: when you dump me I can do what the hell I want, jerk!” We both dissolved in laughter.
I missed Becca. We had always gotten along even though people thought we were so different. They assumed because Becca was a stellar student she was so straight-laced, but we had similar taste in humor. We’d been able to share a laugh from the start. When others cringed at me and my antics, Becca was amused and stood by me. I had been the only one she could let loose with, but I imagine she was able to be herself with Devon, too. He had a way of accepting people for who they were. It’s probably what had drawn her to him. There was no need to guess what had drawn him to her. She was tall and curvy in a slim and athletic way. She had deep red hair with soft, rolling waves. She’s a ginger, but she had deeply tanned skin and blue eyes.
Don’t get me wrong, Becca wasn’t just gorgeous, she was also whip smart. She graduated top of her class an entire year early. If I didn’t love her so much and if she wasn’t who and how she was, I’d be insanely jealous of her. However, Becca had a way about her that sucked you in and it was impossible to hate her, and more than that, it was impossible not to love her.
As we pulled up to the front of their house, I let out a sigh. All the good humor from the moment before drained completely away in an instant. I turned to face my sister.
“How is she, really?”
Becca turned to me looking, for the first time this trip, like a mother. It made her look older.
“She is trying to be strong, trying to be brave. My God she reminds me of you. So small and perfect and the sadness in her eyes. She thinks she was meant to die too, but she escaped.” Becca swallowed hard. “Mayne, she’s right. If she hadn’t been coughing and wheezing all night she would have been on that bus and she would be gone! If I had let her go like she begged. She didn’t want to miss the field trip they were going on. She would be gone. I can’t help thinking this, how close I came to losing my girl, my little girl. I just lost Mother.”
“Rebecca, listen to me. No one, and I mean no one, can escape death. Anya is alive because she’s meant to be. I know this for a fact because if she were not meant to still be living, she wouldn’t be. It is that simple.”
“You called me Rebecca, you must be serious right now, M-state. Woah.” Her lips quirked into a tiny smirk.
“Big deal, you called me Mayne this entire car ride so that’s the topper. I win. Now stop crying and let’s go inside.” I stuck my tongue out and opened the door. I hopped out and called back over my shoulder. “And grab my bag, would ya? Thank you, Rebecca!” I darted up the lawn and bounded up the stairs until I stood on the porch looking at Becca struggling to get my bag. She stopped and threw her hands up in surrender.
“I’m married, Luke can get this crap. This is why I have a husband,” she said as she reached me. As she pushed past me, she added, “You should look into getting one.”
“Please. My man is perfect without the H-word attached to his name.”
“Oooh.” She teased. “Your man?” She laughed at me as she unlocked the door.
When the door opened, I don’t know what I expected to see. Flowers maybe? There were always flowers and plants accompanying death. I don’t know why, but people always felt the need to send them. As if those things with their stunted roots in potted soil could help grief. They didn’t. I didn’t see any plants anywhere and I let out the breath I was unwittingly holding. I stood there inside the door, my mind chanting to itself. It’s not about you and it is not your parents this time. It was hard to remember that fact when I looked around at this house so full of little girl energy. Anya was a little older than I was when my parents died, or maybe not. At that moment, I couldn’t remember.
I put my arm around my sister in a loose hug. Thank God it wasn’t Anya’s parents. If I lost my sister, I would storm hell and demand that I be taken, too. I couldn’t lose another person. That was a lie. I would lose another person, and lose them soon. That was the point. That was my job. It was the reason Eric had come, to claim someone. Another life for me to remember, to be added among the others I already mourn. I let out a resigned breath just as Aurora bounded down the stairs and propelled herself at me to be caught in my arms.
“Auntie Mayne!” The youngest of my nieces squealed, snuggling her face into my hair. “I mizzed you.” She sniffled.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be around a lot more now, I promise. Are you sick, too, Rora?”
She nodded as she laid her head on my shoulder. Great, now I would probably get sick too.
Yet, that still wasn’t enough to make me put her down. I wanted to hold her close for a little while longer.
“Anya said I had cooties and I gave them to her. She said it was my fault she couldn’t go on her field trip today,” she said through her stuffed nose.
Well, thank God for cooties! I am positive they were responsible for saving Anya’s life. I whispered a prayer thanking God that she wasn’t the soul I was to keep.
“Where’s your sister?” Becca asked her youngest.
“She is laying down in her ruum
with Daddy.” She lifted her head up briefly to look at her mom while she spoke, but as soon as she was done, she quickly snuggled it back down and curled a little fist around a loop of my hair.
“M-state, I’m going to go peek in on them. It’s about time for a snack can you get Aurora something to eat in the kitchen, please?”
I glared at her. Aurora was the most difficult person to feed in the entire world. She never liked anything two days in a row. Becca knew I couldn’t say no with Aurora right there. Bitch, I mouthed to her, and she grinned back slyly.
Becca reached out and caressed Aurora’s soft red hair. “I’ll be back in a second, baby, to give you more medicine.”
“Come on, Rora, let’s go find us something to eat.”
After going through every piece of food in the entire kitchen, I finally convinced Aurora to eat lettuce, tuna salad, and Swiss cheese wrapped in a tortilla. She had to eat something! I offered to make her grilled cheese but she told me that was for babies, so I told her what real big girls ate: a la tortilla tuna wraps.
Becca came into the kitchen and eyed me funny. “Mayne, what are you feeding my baby?”
I took a bite of the tortilla tuna wrap that I was forced to eat because I was a big girl, too. I also searched Becca’s face because she had called me by my real name. She called me M-state or any other city or state that started with M since we had met. She thought Mayne was the silliest name ever. She always asked, Why Mayne? I really had no answer. I tried to guilt her into not dissing my name by telling her that my parents had died before I could ask, but that never worked on her.
Death Knows My Name (Memory Keepers) Page 16