“I’m scared of how I feel when I’m with you,” I whispered, refusing to meet his eyes. “It’s too much and too hot and intense and I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. I looked in his eyes, and again he blurred in my vision because… tears. So many fucking tears. I believed him, but it was a lot. All I could see and feel was him around me. There was nowhere to run, and I didn’t want to that time. We’d been at work. We could have gotten caught. We could have been late. I couldn’t believe the risk I was ready to take for him, and it scared me to want him so much. I shouldn’t have because it didn’t make sense. So I ran.
I couldn’t think through the heat between us and the keen arousal I felt between my legs. And then he kissed me.
I parted my lips, letting him explore with his tongue. His body pressed into me, briefly losing contact when he scooped me up in his arms and held me against the door. His rough hands felt hot on my bare thighs. He kissed my cheek, my jaw, my chin, my neck. I wouldn’t have been able to stand on my own if he’d set me down. I was heady with desire.
“Don’t say no to me, Adina. I need to fuck you,” he growled in my ear. I could feel how much he did between my legs. Just this once. Just this once wouldn’t be that bad, would it?
“Do you have a condom?” I asked him.
“I swear to God; I’m clean,” he said. I stopped him in the alternate version of this story when I wasn’t desperate to feel his touch and overwhelmed by his presence. I told him to go home, and we didn’t talk again. Right then, almost blinded by my desire I tell him I’m clean too, I didn’t tell him no.
I felt lost in what was happening until I felt it. I felt his cock; the wet precum painted along my inner thigh before I felt his hand between my legs too. I was suddenly very aware of what was going on, what was about to happen. I went stiff, and he must have felt it.
“Should I stop?” he asked.
“No,” I said. Not again. I reached between us, guiding the thick head of his penis around my panties to my lips. He thrust inside, quick and short, like a shock. His hands went back to my thighs, and he did it again. And again. I closed my eyes feeling him where I hadn’t felt anyone in a long time. My vibrator didn’t come close to the real thing. I gasped as he pushed into me harder, deeper this time. I had seen his dick before, I knew it was big, but it filled me up.
His bare skin rubbed me intimately. I reveled in it. Pure, carnal pleasure. I hadn’t known I’d needed it till now, finally feeling a man’s length and hardness inside me. Finally feeling like I could let go for a while and I wouldn’t get hurt.
He was fast and slow, shallow and deep. He pushed me closer and closer to climax before pulling me back and winding me up again.
It felt good to let go. I felt it through my whole body. He fucked me deep. His hands dug into my thighs as his body pressed into mine. He thrust faster, grunting as our hips met on each forward thrust.
“I’m close,” he said sharply. “Come for me. I want you to come on my cock.”
It took almost nothing after that. I exploded, and it was heat and colors and searing pleasure. It shot through my whole body making me scream. He just got faster, making the sensation sweeter, the orgasm longer.
“Adina… I’m coming, where do you want it?” he choked out.
“In my mouth,” I said. He let me down, and I grabbed his wet cock, jerking the base quickly as I sucked his head. He growled as he came hard into my mouth. His hand was in my hair.
“Swallow. Swallow it,” he instructed. I did, tasting both of us in my mouth. He sighed loudly and helped me up once I was done. He held my face in his hand and smirked.
“What?”
“I caught you,” he said. I smacked him playfully on the chest, but it was true.
He’d caught me.
13
Marcus
Adina had said she would help me cover my tattoo until I learned how to do it myself. I couldn’t see myself doing it with the finesse and gentle hand she had but whatever, as long as it was covered, right? She had only done it once so far, but I was pretty sure I could look it up online and figure out how to do it with fewer tools, less time and fewer bottles of beige paste and powder.
I could, I just really didn’t want to. Not when I could get her to do it.
I had work today, which meant we would see each other again. I didn’t have to leave for a little while. Jon was sitting on the couch eating cake. The cake Adina had given me after we fucked the other day. He was eating it right off the plate I had slid it onto when I had taken it out of the box—didn’t cut a slice off or anything. He would probably get through it before I got back. It was like he had a new addiction: sugar. Better than dope, I guess. Most things were.
It was like when she didn’t know what to say or do she just gave me food. The cake had been great. She had said it was a carrot cake, which didn’t sound like it should have tasted good, but it did.
You know that feeling you get, like, after you nut? Like it feels good, and you’re relieved, and you can go to sleep, or smoke a cigarette or whatever? And then you don’t have to think about Jenny, or Amber or Tiffany again until next time you want to get it in? Yeah. I didn’t have that.
I had the first part. It had felt great. Adina’s pussy was A+, silk; it was like fucking magic down there. She was so wet and tight, and she was screaming. She loved my cock so much. She was relaxed and open. After we were done, she gave me a cake she had baked and then she said she had to go check on her son. Literally on her knees sucking me off and swallowing my come one minute, and then just like that, stumbling into the kitchen, stammering about buttercream frosting.
I knew who I was dealing with here. I hadn’t expected her to drag me to her bedroom and demand we go again, and I wasn’t going to do that either, no matter how much I wanted to. She needed more time to warm up, like that thing you have to do with the oven before you can cook anything in there. She was nervous. I didn’t know why, but that was what she was. Being professional didn’t matter anymore, I wasn’t working for her. It had happened once, and it was going to happen again.
Oh yeah. Definitely. I realized and had accepted that when I was watching her down on her knees with my cock in her mouth when that timid, nervous part of her shattered and she let me take her. When she opened her mouth and did just what I asked her to do. I wanted her again as soon as we had finished—as many times as I could fuck her that day before she asked me to stop and go home.
Or she would you know, not ask me to go home and let me stay the night… sleep with her; actually sleep, not fuck… or we could fuck if she wanted. Do both. Wake up together. She’d have an entire buffet’s worth of food ready in the morning because she would be nervous and I could fuck it out of her before we ate pancakes and drank coffee.
I wished I had an explanation, something that made sense and could say what the hell this was in small, easy-to-understand words so I could get it. I knew what I felt, but fuck if I knew why. No, I take that back; I knew why. She was amazing. She was gorgeous and sweet, and a great mom, and a great cook. Her laugh was cute, and her hair smelled nice, and her pussy had felt like actual heaven. She was so nervous and unsure about me and what she felt. I just wanted her to let go and see that whatever she was scared of; she didn’t have to be.
I probably wouldn’t admit it to anyone but her, but I was serious. I’d caught her. I had her and good luck getting me to let go. I didn’t know how shit like this went usually. I hadn’t had the chance to be in many serious relationships with women. I tended to avoid those things. I had spent about five years in a position where I could not get one of those things, but Adina wasn’t like that.
She had been on the fast track to marriage and a family before her ex had fucked that up for her. She hadn’t told me what he’d done exactly, but I was going to say him cheating on her was a pretty safe bet. She would draw the line on a lot of things, I figured. She would have rules, and expectations and things she want
ed from the guy she was with. Me. I was that guy. If I wasn’t, I was about to become that guy.
It was too late to try to take it back now. It hadn’t really been on the cards in the first place, but now she wasn’t pushing me away. I wasn’t going to bail now. I couldn’t. This was what I wanted. I was very good at getting what I wanted. Once I decided something was mine; that was what the fuck it was. It was just a matter of time before I got it in my hands. That was why I’d been so good at heroin.
Adina wasn’t a five hundred dollar a day habit that was collapsing my veins and fucking me up. The dope had made me sick, and weak and crazy. I hadn’t used in years, but I remembered how it felt—that high. That feeling that everything was great and as long as I was doped up, nothing else mattered. Getting my hands on more drugs became the most important thing in my life. It made me feel like I was somewhere else. Being with Adina made me feel like I was somewhere else.
Not in the ‘I wanted to get out of my own head’ way, in the ‘I didn’t want to be away from her way.’ I felt like I was different around her, in a good way. She made me feel good, like when I was with her, I was good and it was safe, and when I wasn’t with her, I was thinking about when I could be again.
Sprung. I was completely fucking whipped. She had my balls in a cupboard in her house. I was in over my head, and I knew it. I couldn’t just go into this without some sort of plan. I’d know what to say when I saw her. First, I had to get there. All I could remember was it was at a house, and I would be passing out hors d’oeuvres. It was an engagement party, or a retirement party—something like that—in Chelsea.
When I got out of my room, Jon hadn’t moved. He’d grow roots in that spot and be stuck there forever. He was treating his house arrest like a vacation. And he was eating my cake.
“You comfortable over there?” I asked.
“Huh?” grunted Jon.
“Didn’t they teach you anything at county? You could at least use a plate.”
“Oh,” he said with his mouth full, “do you want me to leave you some?”
“No. Knock yourself out.”
“I can’t leave this house. I don’t get luxuries like this,” he said, shoveling more cake in his mouth. “Hey, remember that stuff Mom used to make? The peanut stuff?”
“Peanut brittle?”
“Yeah. Get your girlfriend to make that next time,” he said. My girlfriend. I think he did it to try to get on my nerves a little, not because he couldn’t remember what Adina’s name was. It didn’t. It made me nervous a little, but not mad. The last girl I had called my girlfriend was one named Suzy, and we were about seven years old. “When do I get to meet her?” he asked.
“Meet her? Why would I do something like that to the poor girl?”
“Ha-ha,” he said sarcastically. “I get it. I just thought this one was going to last.”
“I’m not going to fucking propose. Why do you think that?”
“She’s cooking you food, and she got you a job,” he said, devouring more cake. He wouldn’t be able to stand after eating all that. He’d pass out from all the sugar. “But I get it.”
“You get what?”
“This is the girl with the kid, right?”
Yeah. She was the girl with the kid. She had a baby. A fresh, brand new baby. I could deal with that. I didn’t hate kids. She didn’t seem like the sort of woman who would put a guy before her kids, and I liked that about her. I didn’t care that she had a kid.
“Yeah. So?”
“Is the kid’s dad involved?” he asked.
Jared; that was what she said that guy’s name was. He was involved. Maybe a little too much. He was torturing her. He had threatened to take her kid from her. You should be able to just be counted out after that. Disqualified. How did you do something like that to someone? Why was he doing something like that to her? I didn’t have to meet him to know that he was a spiteful piece of shit. I shrugged, not really trying to tell him all of Adina’s business.
“What does that have to do with me?”
“Just saying, man. That means he’ll always be around. She’ll never stop talking to him if they’re raising that kid together.”
“So?”
“Exes? Always bad news. They have a kid, so they obviously love each other.”
“She doesn’t love him.”
“I’m just saying. They’ll never get rid of each other. You never know. Maybe when things are good between them, they’ll decide to give that family thing another shot and get back together.”
“If they broke up that first time, there has to be a good reason why.”
“If the kid wasn’t an accident, and they actually wanted to be together, but it didn’t work out, she probably wants that dude back. You know how that shit is.”
Did I? The only thing I could imagine he was talking about was our mother. Had she ever tried to be with one of our fathers? Would Adina ever try and get back with Jared? The answer should have been a hard no, but the truth was, I didn’t know.
I wanted this family and Jared broke it. She’d been so sad telling me what he did to her. They weren’t getting back together. I could think that with as much confidence as I wanted because that asshole didn’t deserve her. He’d been making her miserable. She was nice, but there was no way she’d let him use her like that.
“It doesn’t matter. Like I said, we’re not getting married.”
“But you do like her,” he said as a statement, not a question. “Have you fucked her yet?”
“I have to go to work,” I said, ignoring him.
“Was she a screamer?”
“Shut up, Jon.”
“Okay, sorry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you that this is a shitty idea.”
“Yeah, you’ve had how many successful relationships?”
“I know well enough not to get into them in the first place. You can’t have a relationship with a girl who has a kid. You have one with her and her kid. If she’s one of those good ones, then she and the kid would come as a package deal. You don’t have to fuck that girl, Marc. You’re asking for trouble.”
“I’ll tell Adina you liked the cake,” I said walking out.
He was bored. He was stuck in the house all day and night. He couldn’t help giving his unsolicited opinions. He also had no idea what he was talking about. Jon was the last person on this earth that I would go to for advice. Any kind, let alone advice about this.
Did I know what I was doing? No. Not really. I wanted Adina; that was what I knew. That meant I was going to do what I had to do to get her.
It was an engagement party. I found that out when I got to the house. There was close to nobody there; it was going to be at least a couple of hours before any of the guests showed up. I had to be earlier than the others because of my face thing that I had to do. Yeah. I could call it that or I could be honest and say it was because of the head chef who I was going to try banging in someone else’s house again.
Alright, not inside the house. That was too risky. Being a cater waiter had never been an ambition of mine, but it was a job, and I wanted at least three months of work down before I got kicked out. I texted her to say that I was waiting for her out by the catering van.
“We can’t be meeting every time before work to do this,” she said showing up. She had a bag in her hands—the makeup one. Hey Marcus, how are you, I thought, filling in the greeting she’d skipped. Maybe a kiss; that would have been nice. I’d take a warm hug.
“You don’t want to help me anymore? Helena will sure be bummed.”
“It’s not that hard,” she said absently. “And it’s not that.” She paused and looked down at the bag in her hands. “When we’re at work, we can’t do this,” she said.
“We can’t talk?”
“Not the way you want to. We have to be professional. What we do reflects on Helena, and she’s worked very hard to build this company.”
“Uh huh. The actual reason now, please; since we’ve gotten that one out of the
way.” She sighed. She fiddled with the zipper on the bag.
“I don’t want to be alone with you because I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself,” she said. Impulse control. I had been terrible at that for three years. I knew how it went. “I like my job, and I’d like to keep it.”
“So, no talking during work? When can I talk to you—alone?”
“When we’re not working.”
“Invite me to your house,” I said.
“Not tonight,” she said quietly.
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“No, Marcus.”
“Shit. When then?
“I just want us to go slow,” she said. “It’s not you. You’re great. I just haven’t done this in years, and it’s a lot, and I don’t want to feel overwhelmed,” she said.
“You want me to leave you alone?”
“No. I just want to wait a little.”
“I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you,” I said seriously. She was quiet. “Adina?”
“I believed Jared when he said that to me too.”
“Adina, don’t compare me to that asshole who threatened to take your child from you.”
“I’m sorry. You’re nothing like him,” she mumbled. “I’m scared of feeling out of control. I want to do this with you, but I want to still feel safe.”
“It’s all you, honey. Just give me something. A day. A date. When can I see you again?”
“Tuesday afternoon?” she asked. “I’ll call you with the details.”
Tuesday afternoon it was.
I had a date.
14
Adina
There are some things that are supposed to be like riding a bike; you can’t really forget how to do them. Dating again had honestly only crossed my mind when Jared had brought it up; when he was accusing me of seeing someone. I had foolishly made myself extremely comfortable in the relationship I had with him, not considering the real possibility that we were not going to be a couple again.
Marcus (Heartbreakers & Troublemakers Book 5) Page 10