Marcus (Heartbreakers & Troublemakers Book 5)

by Hope Hitchens

  We had met in real life, so I had missed the real online dating explosion and really, had no interest in getting involved. I didn’t know how to do this. How do you see someone casually? What does that even mean? Was I dating Marcus? Was dating just a two-person thing or was he seeing other women?

  Well, if he was, I doubt it would be any of my business, but it wasn’t the best thing I could think of him doing. Didn’t you date people because you wanted to see whether you could have some sort of future with them? Didn’t you date with an endpoint in sight? Like marriage and kids?

  If you didn’t, then I didn’t date. I didn’t just see people for no reason. I had never seen people just to spend my Friday and Saturday nights outside the house. I wanted that baby and that marriage. I had never seen anybody casually in my life… till now I guess. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was it felt good. It felt like the right thing to give myself, to allow myself to do. Marcus was different. He was unexpected, and he had a past, but he made me feel like maybe trusting him would have a good payoff.

  Jared and I were done, and now I had to move on. I had probably been getting over him slowly for the past year, but I hadn’t planned anything beyond the life I believed we would have together. I knew single motherhood was on the cards, but… what else?

  Marcus was there. He was attractive and unexpectedly tender and felt very, very good inside of me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with him, except definitely spend more time together. Maybe that was enough. I doubted I was the sort of girl he usually went for, but he wasn’t the sort of guy I usually went for either. We’d have a fun little look at how the other half lived and then return to our normal lives.

  Being with him felt too good to be bad for me.

  We were going slow. He would just come over to eat dessert and talk—super low key. We were still at the house—I hadn’t called a sitter. I had worn a dress and makeup, but only to be polite. What could go wrong? He knew the way I lived; he’d been here before. If anything happened, I would be prepared this time.

  We didn’t have work that day; it was a Tuesday—not that event heavy. I had told him to come by a little after lunch.

  I heard him knocking at about four. Knocking, which he had remembered to do because I had told him the bell woke Jaden. He was wearing black—as expected. His hair was loose around his shoulders. I didn’t want to call him pretty because it was the wrong word, but there was some in his face. Enough to soften it enough to call beautiful, but not enough to emasculate him.

  “Hi,” I said, feeling very shy, very fast. He walked in. I thought about going in for a hug, or a kiss or a handshake, couldn’t decide and settled on the fourth option—the scarecrow. He ended up making it for me. Leaning in and holding me still so he could kiss me.

  At least he seemed to know what he was doing. Great, I could follow his lead. The first thing he asked when he came in was where Jaden was. The next thing he asked was who else we were expecting because of the spread I’d laid out on the coffee table.

  Some people eat when they’re stressed. I cooked. It was just one or two things: crème brûlée, banana pudding and some brownies. Whatever he didn’t finish, he could take home with him. Was it weird to say I liked to watch him eat? Just in case this all went left somewhere down the road, at least he wouldn’t have to pick dinner up on his way home.

  He started with the banana pudding, asking me how my weekend was. We sat on the couch, me facing his body with my legs folded up underneath me. I had thought that maybe I’d play a movie for us and we could watch it to fill any awkward silences, but there weren’t any. He was interesting and interested and good at talking.

  Hungry too. He picked up one of the ramequins of crème brûlée and sort of just looked at it.

  “Is it burned?”

  “It’s supposed to be. Crack the top,” I told him. He tapped the caramelized shell with his spoon and scooped a mouthful out, trying it. “What do you think?”

  “I like it,” he said. He ate another mouthful. Sweet tooth—he had one.

  “You’ve never had crème brûlée before?”

  “Where would I have had it?” he asked, “you wouldn’t believe the shit they pass off as food in prison. You’re not having any?” I shook my head.

  “God no. I haven’t eaten sweets since I had Jaden.”

  “Why?” he asked. He was kidding, right? He blinked looking at me, waiting for me to answer him. Huh, he was serious.

  “Because getting pregnant makes you really fat,” I said.

  “You don’t eat your own food?”

  “I do, but not this stuff.”

  “You can’t just sit there and watch me eat. Wait. What is that? Like, a fetish thing for you?” he asked.

  “No,” I said, laughing, “it’s probably a weird nurturing thing. I like making people happy.”

  “You have to have some,” he insisted, scooping a generous spoonful of the custardy dessert and holding it at my mouth. I indulged him, eating it. It was good. Too good. Reserved only for the naughtiest of cheat days. “I think you’re up to something,” he said.

  “How do you mean?”

  “You’re trying to make me full and complicit, so you can take advantage of me.” I giggled. He was teasing me.

  “Of course. What had you been expecting?”

  “I thought you’d try to feed me something. And we’d probably talk for a while. As long as it took for you to feel like you could let me fuck you without this feeling like a booty call.”

  “Don’t talk like that, Marcus; you’re more than just your body.” He laughed.

  “Am I? I was really hoping you’d rip my clothes off and use me.”

  “You just came here for sex. I should have known,” I joked, trying to cover my quickly climbing arousal.

  “Adina,” he said, putting the ramequin down. “You know better than that. I didn’t just come here for sex,” he said.

  “No, you came because I’d feed you first.” He smiled.

  “I can get sex anywhere,” he began. He put one of his hands on my knee, then ran it up my thigh. “But this pussy I had to come back for.” My legs unfolded as his hands went up the skirt of my dress, hooking the fabric of my panties and pulling them off. “I left last time without getting a taste,” he said mostly to himself. The urge to close my thighs was weaker than my desire. My head fell back when his tongue touched me.

  One lick, then another before he sucked my clit. I moaned despite myself. I tangled my fingers through his hair as he went to work. He left my clit to tease my opening. Coax more of my desire from it. His tongue fucked me with quick, hard strokes. He sucked me again, replacing his tongue with two of his fingers. His fingers were fast, but his tongue and lips were slow. I didn’t want to scream. Jaden was asleep in the other room.

  I bit down on my lip, moaning as I came hard. I sealed my eyes shut as I felt myself tremble, my body ringing with pleasure. He kissed me. His tongue explored my mouth the way his hands did my body. Confident and possessing. I started to ache between my legs where he’d just been.

  I parted my legs letting him lie between them on top of me. My legs knew where to go, wrapping around him. I had traded my usual nursing bra for something a little sexier, mostly for my own confidence that day, but in this position, I was particularly glad that I had.

  I was curious and aroused. I wanted to touch him. I slid my hands under his shirt and felt his hard body. Very hard, taut muscles under warm skin. He stopped touching me long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the ground. His body under his shirt was just as magnificent as it felt. I wanted to look at him, but he was pressed into me leaving wet kisses down my neck.

  “Take this off,” he said pulling at the fabric of my dress. I snapped immediately back to reality. The first time had been quick and sudden against the door. We had both been fully dressed. I had just had a baby. I had stretch marks and a C-section scar and weight that had decided it wasn’t going to let me lose it. I had
nursing pads in my bra. There was too much light in this room. I didn’t want to take my clothes off in front of him. I felt chokingly self-conscious.

  I didn’t think I looked bad. Pregnancy and childbirth changed your body. I knew that but what if he really didn’t think I was attractive when he saw me? I hadn’t felt sexy since he’d reminded me that that was maybe something I still was. My confidence was still too fragile to take a knock like that.

  “No, fuck me now. I need you,” I said to him. I kissed him hard. Maybe he’d let it go. I ran my tongue over his closed lips desperately till he let me in. He shifted over me, and I heard him take a condom out of its wrapper. He’d been prepared. I didn’t know whether to feel scandalized or turned on.

  He positioned himself back over me, and I felt his long, thick cock tease my entrance. I was wet and ready for him. I closed my eyes feeling him push his way inside. I wanted to concentrate on the sensation. The fullness of him inside me and his weight pressing me into the sofa. The smell and feel of his skin. It was incredible. He wasn’t bare inside of me this time, and part of me wished he was. His muscles flexed as he thrust in and out.

  “Deeper,” I said. As deep as he could bury himself into me. I wanted him to take his pleasure from me. Pleasing him meant I was doing something right. It didn’t matter how much of our relationship didn’t make sense if we could make each other come. I felt him get faster, fucking me with shallower, harder strokes that made me weak.

  “You feel so good around my cock,” he whispered. Good, I thought. The feeling was mutual. He groaned, sinking into me as he came, not stopping until I cried out below him again. His weight pressed into me as he kissed me, his dick still inside.

  The baby monitor on my end table suddenly sounded. It was Jaden waking up. Oh God, had we woken him? He wouldn’t really cry that much anymore when he had woken up and wanted attention, but he would sort of talk to himself. Cute babbling that I figured was him trying to talk.

  “My baby woke up,” I said sighing. I felt him inhale and exhale deeply above me.

  “Let me get him,” he said suddenly, hopping up to his feet. He got rid of the condom, buckled his pants up and walked to the nursery. I scrambled to get my panties back on so I could follow him. When I got there, he was reaching down into my baby’s crib and pulling him out, holding him against his side.

  Jaden was just four months old. He had more than doubled his birth weight, but he looked very tiny in Marcus’s arms. He also looked very blank since Marcus’s arms and chest were covered in tattoos. They didn’t go all the way down. His abs and ribs on one side weren’t covered.

  Jaden was good with new people, but I wasn’t sure what I was looking at or hearing during their interaction. This was the first time they had met officially. Marcus was talking to him, saying the usual sort of stuff you say to babies, like hi and how cute you think they are. Jaden was smiling, looking just delighted to meet Mommy’s special friend.

  “You’re good with kids,” I told him entering the room.

  “I have to be. Four brothers and sisters.”

  “Really?” I asked, sounding more surprised than I wanted to sound. Four? That meant he was one of five. Was that five natural births or were some adopted, I wondered? Because I had gone through one and I was still recovering. He had a big family. I didn’t expect him to be from one. I hadn’t even expected to ever ask about his family. Of course, he had people he had come from. His relation to me wasn’t the only one that mattered. I felt a little shitty for never really wondering. He seemed so mysterious like he came from some shadowy past, but I never suspected four brothers and sisters. I had so many questions now. What was that like?

  “You’re the oldest?” I asked him.

  “I haven’t always been, but I am now.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “My older brother Henry died last year.”

  “I’m so sorry, Marcus.”

  “It’s not a big deal. I was fourteen when my youngest brother was born. My mom made me babysit to keep me out of trouble. It didn’t always work, but I stuck around enough to learn some skills.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Kevin. He’ll be twelve this year.”

  “Who are the others?”

  “Willow and Jon. She’s almost twenty, and he’s twenty-one.”

  “Can I ask about Henry?” I asked carefully.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Can I ask how he died?” He seemed to pause a little before he said anything. Jaden was touching him with his little hands. He probably liked the lines and colors on his skin. The weirdness of a big, shirtless, tattooed man holding my baby was sort of reduced by how precious it looked. Marcus’s unexpected tenderness.

  “He overdosed. He was a drug addict.”

  “Were the two of you close?”

  “You could say that,” he said. “We had a lot in common. It was just us for a long time before Jonny and Willow came along. I guess he taught me all he knew, good and bad.” He smiled at Jaden. He had a lot of younger siblings, so… he liked kids? Nobody who had met Jaden had disliked him, but suddenly whether or not Marcus did started to worry me a little. There was no competition, obviously, but did he? Did it even matter? The person in my life would have to accept my son, but Marcus had just come over for sex and desserts. Maybe we were dating now, but even that was just dating. Why didn’t I feel more wary about having him meet my son?

  “I hope Jaden can have someone like that. A brother. Or sister,” I said quietly. “I didn’t have any.”

  “You missed out. It’s like a bunch of people who have to be your friend by force.” I smiled.

  “Do you miss him?” I asked.

  “Every day. It was fucked up. You just never think it’ll happen to you. Shit like that just makes you think you’re next, you know?” he said. No, actually. I didn’t know.

  “What do you mean you’re next?” I asked. I saw him tense, and his face harden. He didn’t say anything. “Marcus? What did you mean when you said you think you’re next?”

  “Look. Adina… when I went-”

  “Marcus, are you an addict?” I asked before I realized that was the conclusion I had jumped myself to.

  “No. I mean, I am, but I’m sober. I’m not using.”

  “Using? What did you use?” Another pregnant pause. Dear God, who was I allowing to hold my son? The prison stuff was one thing, but why had this never come up?

  “I was addicted to heroin. I went to prison because I stole to be able to pay for it.”

  “Oh my god,” I said. It applied to many things, like how he hadn’t mentioned that till now, and how I would never have guessed because he didn’t look like a junkie and how… oh. Oh my god. I covered my mouth and looked at him. “We didn’t use a condom,” I said incredulously.

  “Adina, I’m one hundred percent clean. I wouldn’t lie to you and put you in danger like that.” I shook my head. No. Nope, this wasn’t happening. I walked up to him and took Jaden.

  “I want you to leave.”

  “Adina, please don’t.”

  “I want you to go, Marcus. You can’t… why didn’t you tell me anything?”

  “I told you I was clean, and I am. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

  “But you didn’t think I’d want to know something like that? Just leave. Go, Marcus,” I said walking Jaden to the changing table. I heard him curse behind me, but he left the room. I changed Jaden mechanically as I tried not to panic. The only other time I had had sex without a condom was when Jared and I had been trying to conceive. I didn’t want to say that it seemed a fine idea at the time because that would just make me feel worse. He used to shoot heroin?

  I cringed at the mental image. He didn’t look strung out. He said he wasn’t using, but why didn’t he tell me? Isn’t that something you share with your sex partners—full disclosure?

  “Adina?”

  I froze hearing his voice. I kept my eyes on Jaden on the tab
le and tried to look busy.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. That was a mistake.” He was entering the room. I didn’t want to look at him. He touched my shoulder. “Would you talk to me, please?”

  “Yeah,” I said looking at him, “that was a mistake. Please close the door on your way out.”

  15

  Adina

  “So? What’s the news? Your pussy gonna turn green and fall off?” Sophie asked. I frowned. She had come to the clinic with me to get tested, but I had gotten my results back over the phone. It was what, like three days that I had been ignoring Marcus now?

  “All clear,” I said, pushing the stroller. Before Jaden had been born, Sophie and I would run together sometimes. We would run in Central Park, the entire six miles around. We would a little after he was born when I was trying to shift the baby weight too. She had the proportions to model fitness gear. She ran and did CrossFit and had never had a baby. I felt like a potato next to her.

  Central Park had pretty okay stroller walks, but Tudor Park Greens had much fewer runners. I had asked her to come with me to take Jaden for a walk before I had to leave for work. We needed to talk. Besides, I had left the clinic her number as the emergency contact to get in touch with if they couldn’t reach me.

  “Really? Not even HPV? Everyone has HPV.” I shrugged. I didn’t, and apparently neither did he.

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “He wasn’t just lying to get you to let him do it bareback,” Sophie said like she was impressed. I frowned again. She didn’t have to say it like that. “So, is he off the hook?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “It isn’t that I didn’t believe him when he told me he was clean. I did. I just wish he told me that he used to… you know.”

  “Used to? Like he’s definitely not anymore?”

  “He said he wasn’t using anymore.”

  “Maybe your rejection is going to be what it takes for him to relapse.”

  “That’s unkind, Sophie. It isn’t like we were together together.”