Torn (Summer In Winter)

by C. J. Scott

  TORN

  (A Summer in Winter Novel #2)

  C.J. Scott

  Copyright 2013 C.J. Scott

  Visit C.J. at http://cjscottbooks.com

  CHAPTER 1

  3 years ago

  "I'm going to lose my virginity to Ryder Cavanagh." My declaration was met with snorts of laughter from two of my friends and an eye roll from the third. Not exactly the response I wanted considering it took a hell of a lot of courage to tell them. "What's wrong with Ryder?"

  "Nothing," Kate said, flicking her long brown hair off her shoulder. "He's hot, and a good guy."

  "Therein lies the problem." Beth stretched out her skinny legs to get the maximum rays on them. There wouldn't be many sunny days left now that we were into October, and we all wanted to keep our summer tans going as long as possible. All except Lucy whose skin burned at the mere mention of sun. "You do remember that I've slept with him, right?" Beth said.

  "And I've kissed him," Kate added.

  I looked to Lucy, but she just grinned at me. "I've thought about it. Does that matter?"

  "Those things don't bother me." I plucked at the short grass near my hip and tossed it down the slope where we sat overlooking Riverside High's sunken sports oval. Despite it being lunch break, the senior football team was jogging around the perimeter, led by Ryder, their best player.

  Kate was right. Ryder was hot. From a distance it was easy to appreciate his long strides, his lean, powerful frame and muscular shoulders. Oh yeah, a girl could definitely appreciate those. Up close, it was a similar story. His dirty blond hair had a way of dripping over his forehead into his eyes so that when he looked at you, it was like he was peeking out from behind a curtain. Absolutely adorable. And those eyes were as blue as a Montana summer sky. A sky you could watch all day. A sky that a girl could get lost in if she stared for too long.

  This girl anyway.

  According to an unofficial poll of the girls in our senior year, Ryder wasn't the best looking guy in school. Maybe third or fourth, depending on who you asked. But he was streets ahead of the others because he had the whole package—and that's why we all wanted him.

  He was smart and liked to laugh, something he did a lot, and when he talked to you, he actually listened. He never ignored anyone, never bitched about people behind their backs, never got drunk and did dumb things like the other jocks. He was athletic and a hard worker, especially when it came to training. Everyone knew he was going to college on a scholarship. The football scouts had already approached him and he'd accepted.

  Yep, Ryder Cavanagh had it all going for him.

  Which is why he was way out of my league. Girls flirted like crazy with him to get his attention, but although he'd kissed a few and even had some one-night stands, Ryder had only ever had two proper girlfriends. They'd both cheated on him with numbers one and two on the Hotness Poll.

  Idiots.

  If he'd been my boyfriend, I would never have looked anywhere else. But then I'd been in love with him ever since I could remember. As neighbors in the small Montana town of Winter, we'd grown up together, gone to elementary together and now high school. We'd jumped on his trampoline as kids, sat side-by-side on the banks of the river near our houses and fished for entire afternoons, just the two of us. We'd made slingshots and tree houses, nursed a sick bird until it could fly again, and talked about everything and nothing. More recently, I'd helped him with his English assignments and he'd shown me how to make sense of algebra.

  After the death of my parents when I was ten, he'd been the only kid to speak to me in that first week. Everyone else had given me a wide berth, as if I were a fragile piece of glass that would break if they spoke to me. Not Ryder. On the day of the wake, he'd taken my hand and led me into the hollowed out shrub we liked to hide in and said, "I know what it's like to lose a mom. Guess losing a dad is bad too, huh?"

  Our bond became even stronger after that.

  When we were kids, it was like having a brother, but when my hormones kicked in at fourteen, I'd begun to see Ryder as something else. Someone I wanted in my life forever. As my soul mate.

  I was deluding myself. He was so far above me that it was a miracle he could breathe the rarified air up there. I knew this. At least, my head did. My heart still held out hope, even though I'd watched him laughing and holding hands with other girls. Even after Kate kissed him and Beth admitted to sleeping with him. To be fair, neither knew I had a massive crush on Ryder. I'd never told anyone the depths of my feelings for him. Until now.

  "I shouldn't have said anything," I muttered. I felt about as small as the ant crawling over my leg.

  Beth, Kate and Lucy all exchanged glances, then Beth put her arm around me. "Sorry, sweetie. You can talk to us."

  Kate scooted closer. "I didn't even know you liked him that way."

  "I thought you saw him as a brother," Lucy said, looking down at the football team. They'd stopped jogging and were doing stretches at the side of the track. "The way you joke with each other and talk…I just didn't think you wanted anything else from him."

  "Shit," Kate said with a wince. "If I'd known, I would never have kissed him at Kelly's party. I'm so sorry, Jane."

  "You think you feel bad." Beth groaned. "Honest, Jane, I would never have slept with him. Ever."

  They all looked at me with varying degrees of sympathy, pity and worry. I wasn't the only one who knew Ryder was out of my league. They all did, and none wanted to say it to my face. They were awesome friends and I loved them all.

  It was Lucy who broke the silence. She sucked on her lower lip and let it go with a pop. "You know, maybe it's not a good idea to get involved with him now. He's heading off to college after graduation. His life's going to change in a big way and he probably won't come back to Winter except for the occasional visit to see his dad."

  "Lucky him," Kate muttered. Of all of us, she couldn't wait to leave town. While all three of them planned on going to college, she was the one who wouldn't be crying when it came time to leave in the fall.

  "You couldn't go with him," Beth said. "You love this place. Anyway, you wouldn't leave your Gran." They knew me so well it was scary.

  They all exchanged glances again. I hated when they did that, like they'd spoken about my future behind my back. Their conversation had probably gone along the lines of: "Poor Jane will be stuck here until her old Gran dies."

  But I didn't mind. I loved Winter. I knew they worried about me staying here while they went off and did whatever it was college girls did. They didn't get that I didn't want to leave.

  The problem was, I also loved Ryder Cavanagh and the girls were right. As soon as college started, he was going to put Winter behind him and start a new phase of his life. A hugely exciting life, and one he'd worked hard to achieve over many years. He freaking deserved that scholarship and I was as pleased for him as anyone, maybe more because he'd spoken to me a thousand times about his dream to become a pro footballer. Talking about it lit him up and he got this look on his face, like someone who knew their dream was within their grasp.

  I got all that, but I was going to miss him like crazy.

  Something I'd yet to tell him. It was my hope that he'd realize he missed me too, and come home to Winter whenever he could, even retire back here. With me, of course. Yeah, I was thinking looooong term. I was patient. I could wait.

  "You've got until graduation," Kate said, grinning suddenly. "Oh man, you're going to send Ryder Cavanagh off with a bang."

  "Literally," Beth said.

  We fell over each other, giggling. By the time we'd recovered, Ryder and the rest of the team had gone. I stopped laughing, and swallowed heavily.

  I was kidding myself. How was I going to make him notice me in
that way? How did Plain Jane Merriweather stand a chance when there were girls as gorgeous and fun as Beth throwing themselves at him?

  "There's loads of time until he goes to college," Kate said. "Months and months."

  Beth gasped. "Prom night! We'll drop some subtle hints that he should ask you, and then, later, when he's driving you home…" She batted her eyelids and made a kissy face. The other two giggled again, but my stomach rolled.

  I was beginning to regret I'd said anything. Really regret it. "Do not ever tell him I like him." I pointed my finger at each of them, especially Beth. She was the fun, lively one, the one who could talk any guy into bed, who could be friends with any girl, and the one with the tendency to talk before she thought. "Got it? I want to keep some dignity when this is all over."

  ***

  The first cracks in their plan began to show when Ryder got another girlfriend. Tina was a year below us and had blossomed over the summer. So much so that Kate thought she'd had some work done and got a boob job when she was supposedly holidaying in California. No matter how the transformation had come about, she was suddenly the It-girl and had her choice of guys. She chose Ryder.

  They were all over each other until April when they suddenly broke up. Nobody knew why, but Tina moped around school, glaring daggers at any girl who went near Ryder, so I'm guessing he ended it, not her. Part of me felt sorry for her. It was right before the prom and if she was anything like most girls, she would have had the whole evening planned in her head. I knew I did, and I didn't even have a date. I'd been asked—twice—but neither guy was someone I wanted to spend an evening with let alone have in my prom photos. In years to come, I either wanted to look back and see Ryder standing next to me, or no one. According to my friends I now had a chance with Tina off the scene, but I wasn't going to grasp at rainbows. Ryder would be able to smell desperation a mile off. Besides, I was worried about him. He wasn't acting himself lately.

  I told him so a week before prom. He drove me home like he often did when he didn't have training after school. Instead of getting out of the car, I turned to him.

  "Talk to me," I said. "Something's bothering you and I want to know what it is." The good thing about being long-term friends with someone is that you can ask them anything. Almost anything. I wasn't going to ask Ryder to relieve me of my virginity, for example.

  He shrugged and looked up at my house through the windscreen. "It's nothing. You know, your gutters need fixing. Dad and I'll come round on the weekend."

  "Thanks. Stay for lunch. But that's not answering my question."

  "I did answer it. I said nothing was wrong."

  I leaned across him and switched off the engine. I was momentarily distracted as my shoulder brushed his chest and my long hair fell into his lap. It didn't help that, when I straightened, he'd turned those beautiful blue eyes on me.

  "This is serious," he said, one corner of his mouth kicking up in that sexy way of his. "Should I be worried?"

  "I just want a proper answer. Don't brush me off, Ryder. Something's wrong and I want to know what it is."

  The smile vanished and shadows passed over his eyes. He looked away, as if having our gazes connect was too hard for him, or too scary, because I might read something in it that he didn't want me to see. "What makes you think something's wrong?" he asked.

  "You've been quiet lately."

  "It's the end of the year. There's a lot going on and I'm busy."

  "Too busy to go out with your friends?"

  "I'm coming over here on the weekend to fix your gutters, aren't I?"

  I tilted my head to the side and gave him a glare, but that only brought a smile to his lips. I couldn't do the glare thing as well as Kate or Beth. "You didn't go out last Saturday to Jordan's party."

  "That's because Tina would have been there."

  "That's the other thing. Why are you avoiding her?"

  He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "She's not taking our break-up too well."

  "Can you blame her?" I wouldn't either if I'd been dumped by Ryder Cavanagh.

  "What do you mean?"

  "You two were all over each other for months, then right before prom, you tell her it's over."

  He winced. "Yeah, the timing's bad. I should have done it earlier so she had time to find another date."

  "Why did you break up with her?"

  He rested his elbow on the window frame and rubbed his hand across his eyes. He looked weary and worried, two words I never associated with Ryder. I put my hand on his arm. The muscles tensed beneath his T-shirt then relaxed.

  "Tina was fun for a while. I liked her company. And she's hot." He gave a short laugh, but it lacked humor.

  "That's not enough?"

  "Sure it is, for a high school girlfriend. But she started getting more serious. She talked about what would happen after I graduate, how I'd better not look at any college girls, how she'd join me after she graduated in another year."

  "And the problem is…?"

  "The problem is, when we started dating, she was all set to go to New York or LA and get into modeling or acting. She changed her dream because of us. Because of me." He shook his head and stared straight ahead. "That's wrong, Jane. No one should do that for another person."

  "But if she loves you—"

  "She thinks she loves me. Jesus, Jane, I thought you were more sensible than that. I thought you at least didn't believe in love and all that crap."

  I flattened myself against the door and blinked at him. "Of course I believe in love. With the right person. If Tina's not the right person for you, then…" Woohoo! "Then, you did the right thing and let her go."

  "Did I?" He turned so he was facing me. "Because I feel like shit for dumping her, especially just before prom. But I thought if I let it go on, it'd be crueler in the long run. It didn't seem fair to let her think I was going to continue the relationship after I graduate." He had a look on his face that I hadn't seen since his dad had a heart attack years ago. Vulnerability. Ryder was always so confident, so sure of everything. It hurt me to see him like that.

  I took his hand, something I hadn't done in years. When we were kids, we held hands if it was part of a game, or just to run together down the drive to meet the postman. But not anymore. Ryder closed his fingers over mine and gave me a sad smile of thanks. He didn't need to say anything, but I knew he appreciated the gesture. Whatever happened after he left Winter, I wanted him to know that I would always be on his side, that he always had a friend in me.

  "You definitely did the right thing," I told him. "Just don't expect Tina to see it that way."

  "I know. She's going to hate me now, isn't she?"

  "Oh yeah. She'll bad-mouth you all over school."

  "I can handle that."

  "I know you can. You're strong."

  He sighed and looked down at our linked hands. "Not really." There was that note of vulnerability again, a hint of something being not quite right in Ryder Cavanagh's world, and it had nothing to do with Tina.

  I was going to probe further when he spoke first. "So who're you taking to the prom?"

  The question was so out of left field that I just stared at him for a few seconds. He withdrew his hand from mine and arched an eyebrow, waiting.

  "I, uh, no one."

  "What? Why?"

  I shrugged. "No one I want to go with has asked me." Considering the only person I wanted to go with was Ryder, the pool of contenders was minuscule.

  "Seriously? What's wrong with these guys?"

  I laughed. It was hard to tell whether Ryder was flattering me or being genuine. He did look puzzled, and he frowned instead of smiled, so maybe he wasn't joking.

  "Let's show them what they're missing out on," he said.

  My laughter died and I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open. It's even possible that my eyes bugged out of my head. "Um…"

  "That's all you can say? 'Um?'" He grinned. "Come on, it'll be fun. At least if we go together we know we'll both hav
e a good time."

  Oh yeah, we sure would!

  Stay cool, Jane. Don't scare him off. "Okay. Why not."

  "Great." He gave me one of those amazing Ryder Cavanagh grins, the sort that lit up his entire face.

  The memory of that grin stayed with me for the rest of the week as I scrambled to find a dress that flattered my figure. As my friends liked to point out, I wasn't fat, I was curvy. On a good day, I believed them and I liked how a low cut dress looked on me. On a bad day, when the tall, skinny girls pranced around the shops in slinky dresses, I knew I'd never be able to compete with them. And those were the sort of girls Ryder was going off to meet in college.

  But for now, he was mine. Prom night. I was going to make the most of it.

  CHAPTER 2

  Still 3 years ago

  "Um…" Ryder's dumbstruck stare as he picked me up was a balm to my soul. He stood in the doorway, corsage box in hand, and took in every inch of me, head to toe. Twice. It took all my self-control not to cover myself up, but I got through it with only a deep blush. Beth, the most confident of all my friends, would have been proud of me.

  "Um?" I echoed. "That's all you've got to say?" It was a repeat of our conversation from when he asked me to the prom, only in reverse, except he didn't seem to notice. He was too busy not meeting my gaze and adjusting his tie.

  The tap tap of Gran's cane on the floor behind me heralded her arrival.

  "Hi, Mrs. Merriweather," Ryder said, moving past me. He kissed Gran on the cheek and patted her hand. "Doesn't Jane look beautiful?"

  Gran was a little bit blind and quite a bit deaf, but she seemed to know who was speaking to her and hear what he said. "Of course she does. She gets her looks from her father." My father was her son, and according to Gran, all of my good traits came from him, and all my bad ones from Mom's side. When I looked at photos of them both, it was clear that I had more in common with Mom than Dad, but it wasn't worth telling Gran that. The Merriweathers were one of God's greatest creations according to her and she couldn't be swayed from that argument, not even now that the Merriweathers consisted of just the two of us and the town they'd built around their timber mill was dying, crumbling away as surely as the mansion she and I lived in together.