Heart of Grace (Return to Grace Trilogy #1)

by Abigail Easton

  She stumbled through the mud and rain to Billy’s truck, panic filling her eyes when she found it empty. She turned toward the cliffs. The waters would rise and fill the pits and caves of the quarry. Not a summer went by without someone dying down there. They’d made it illegal to walk down the cliffs past dusk, but few paid heed to the warnings.

  Cole took a flashlight from his truck. He and Angela joined Stephanie on the cliff’s edge. “Stay here,” he ordered, and started down the steep embankment.

  Angela followed him, flanked by Stephanie. Cole looked back briefly, irritation creasing his forehead when he realized they hadn't listened to him. He turned and shined his flashlight down into the carved out hole, water dripping off the brim of his hat. There was no sign of the kids. Some of the lower levels were already filled with runoff from the mountain rains and the local washes.

  They worked their way down the steep ridge, the beam of Cole’s flashlight sweeping the pits. Angela slipped in the mud. Cole reached down and helped her up. Lightening flashed with the roar of thunder. The three of them shouted out Tina’s name, but it was lost in the clamor of the storm. After several more minutes the sound of a female voice rose up from the darkness below.

  Angela picked up her pace and hurried toward the sound. Cole yelled for her to stop, but when she didn’t listen he took up step behind so he could shine the light on her path. They called Tina’s name again and again, following the voice in the darkness. As they got closer, they realized Tina was not just calling out to them – she was screaming.

  The three of them half ran, half slid toward the sound, coming to a bluff overlooking the inky black water. Kids used this as a jumping off point. It was a dangerous trick; in dry seasons the surface of the water was twenty feet below and sometimes even lower than that. Tonight the water had risen almost level with the bluff. Angela skidded down the remaining rocks to the bluff’s surface.

  “I don’t see her,” Stephanie stepped behind Angela, followed by Cole. “Where is she? Tina? Tina! Where are you?”

  “Mom? Mom! I’m over here...Mom!”

  Cole shone the flashlight toward the direction of the sound, focusing the beam on a flash of color in a shallow cave. Billy pushed Tina against the wall, lurching back when the light found him. Tina crumpled to the ground.

  Cole pushed the flashlight at Angela and rushed at Billy, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. He growled and shoved the kid against the wall. Tina ran to her mom and Angela, wrapping her arms around both of them. The beginnings of a bruise marred the girl’s cheek.

  Stephanie took off her own parka to cover her daughter, muttering nonsense as she fussed over her. Cole pinned Billy against the wall, making threats Angela could not hear.

  Angela stilled, watching horror rise up in the girl's eyes. Tina's gaze shifted from Angela to her mother, then back again.

  Something vague flashed in Angela’s memory. She closed her eyes and braced for the blow, but it left as quickly as it had come, slinking back into the shadows of her memories. She held onto Tina, for both of their sakes, and tried to imagine that the memory, or whatever it was, had been tossed into the black quarry lake, sinking like a rock until it reached the bottom. Forever unseen and forgotten.

  Tina sobbed in Angela’s arms. Stephanie smoothed her daughter’s wet hair and shouted something at Billy. Cole dragged the boy by his shirt collar into the rain.

  Angela stood in the center of the chaos. She shut her eyes to block it out. The darkness moved in and threatened to take the air from her lungs. The rock refused to sink. It bobbed to the surface.

  “Angela.”

  Her gaze understood. Her limbs trembled. Someone took Tina from her arms. Cole touched her shoulder.

  Angela bit down on her bottom lip. “I’m okay." She stepped back.

  Cole let go and took his keys from his pocket, handed them to her. “Take my truck and follow me back into town, then take Steph and Tina home and wait for me at their house. I’ll take Billy home in his truck and then I’ll meet you at Steph’s. Don’t try to go home, Angela. Wait for me at Steph’s.”

  She nodded, unable to trust her voice.

  “I’m serious, sweetheart. I don’t want you driving alone.” He reached to her again and squeezed her arm. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

  “Okay.”

  An hour later Angela sat with Tina on the sofa, Stephanie in the chair across from them. Angela had borrowed a pair of Tina’s sweatpants and a T-shirt. Each of them held a warm mug of tea. Tina’s tears had stopped falling, but the bruise on her cheek had turned from red to purple and her eyes glazed unseeingly into the distance.

  “I didn’t call the police,” Stephanie said quietly, adding, “yet. Your father and I are going to deal with this in the morning.”

  “Oh Mom, no.” Tina set her tea down and rose. “I don’t want everyone to know. Just forget about it, okay? I’ll break up with him.”

  “Honey,” Stephanie rose, “you can’t let him get away with it.”

  lifted to Cole. She knew the moment he

  “He didn’t. He won’t.” Tina smiled a little. “You guys showed up in time. Nothing happened.”

  Because she understood, Angela offered Tina a knowing nod, but Stephanie opened her mouth to speak, ready to fight. She was cut off when her husband escorted Cole into the room.

  “Billy’s dad was home,” Cole announced. “I told him what happened. He won’t let it go unpunished.”

  “A lot of good that does. That boy needs to be in jail,” Stephanie said harshly. She set her tea down and hugged Cole. “Thank you, both of you.”

  Cole nodded and set his gaze on Tina. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I will be.”

  "Of course you will. Nothing keeps the amazing Tina down for long." Cole winked at Tina and took Angela’s hand. “We’ll check in on you tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

  They didn’t speak on the way back to the ranch. Angela stared out the window at the rain, thinking of that night in her New York apartment after she had quit her job and decided to go back to Grace. She had watched the rain through her high rise window. It seemed like a thousand years had passed. The demons were now so much more than they had been all those weeks ago. They swirled around her and pulled her under; she was drowning in them. Closing her eyes, she wished for the memories to go away, but she knew it was only a matter of time before they would sweep into her consciousness. She gave in to the feeling, like a prisoner bowing before an executioner’s gun.

  “What did you remember?” Cole turned off the ignition in front of the main house.

  “Not that,” she answered quietly, turning to look at him. “But it’s closer.”

  “Angie.” He reached for her hesitantly, but he stopped himself before touching her. “I don’t want you to be alone. Stay with me tonight. Not with me," he added quickly, "but here, at the house. In the guest room.”

  She nodded and slid out of the truck. The rain had let up some. Lightning flashed in the distance. She walked with Cole to the front door. ****

  Angela pushed back the curtains and watched the lightening, listening to the persistent rain tapping against the glass. It helped to focus on the rhythm of it. Standing there, surrounded by walls the color of creamed coffee and the calm beige of the bed linens and furniture, she could almost pretend it hadn’t been real. The only things that were real were what she perceived in this very moment: the feel of the room, the sound of the rain and the texture of the muslin curtain against her palm. Perhaps her feelings had merely been a reaction to Tina’s and she had not remembered a thing.

  Perhaps the shadows would not reveal all of their secrets, after all.

  She jolted at the knock on the door.

  “Angie,” Cole said when she did not immediately answer. “It’s me. Can I come in?”

  She closed her eyes briefly and forced her muscles to relax. “Yes. Come in.”

  He stepped into the guest room and walked to her, saying nothing. He circled his a
rms around her. She raised her hand to his chest, the cotton of his shirt soft against her palm. She searched his eyes and focused on them as she had at the quarry, letting this be her focal point of the present as the shadows of the past continued their taunts.

  “I’ll be right down the hall.” Cole said. “Nadine’s here too. You’re not alone, Ang. You’re never really alone, you know.”

  She thought of that day in her garden, when she had listened to his music on the breeze. She held onto this feeling long after Cole left, lying in bed and staring up at the flashes of light across the dark ceiling. The comfort of his touch, of remembering she wasn’t alone, drifted away. In its place came a distant thrumming, a battle march growing louder and nearer with each breath. Teetering on the edge, she wanted to keep her eyes open, to stay awake. To not remember. But her heavy eyelids betrayed her and she fell under.

  The dream came like a sharp spear, tearing through her sleep to drag her down deep, into the darkness of her memories. She was a child on the brink of womanhood, weak and broken. He rammed his fist hard against her chest, her breath cut short at the explosion of pain. She knew it was too late to fight, her body already torn.

  Angela fought to pull out of the dream. She struggled to swim to the surface, fighting against the most terrifying memory. But he had her pinned and she couldn’t break free, not even out of the dream.

  ****

  Cole awoke suddenly to the sound of Angie’s whimpers. He ran down the hall and knelt at the side of her bed. She clutched the pillow to her chest, sobbing and writhing in her sleep.

  When his gentle coaxing did not wake her, he grabbed hold of her shoulders and pulled her up, shaking her out of the nightmare. “Angie, wake up!”

  She came awake, her eyes jolting around the darkened room. Cole knelt on the bed. She slinked back against the headboard, stark terror in her eyes. He wasn’t entirely sure she saw him.

  “Angie, it’s me. It’s Cole.”

  “No.” Still clutching the pillow, she pulled it against her curled up knees, cringing from his touch. “No, daddy don’t. Please don’t. Ple…ease.”

  “I’m not him. It’s me, sweetheart, only me.” His voice broke. “Come back to me now.”

  She sighed and laid her head against her bent knees, closed her eyes and rocked.

  “Cole.”

  He exhaled in relief, but then she continued, her voice small like a child’s. “You know don’t you? You know what he did. Please don’t tell anyone. He doesn’t like people knowing our business.”

  “No,” Cole said. She was awake now, but still deep in the past. “I won’t tell.”

  “Oh, please, God.” She let out a strangled cry. “My arm hurts really bad, my leg too. And I can’t breathe.”

  Cole’s chest tightened as she pressed herself against him. He cradled her, his own tears falling.

  “I can’t breathe.” Her head came up, her eyes wildly frightened. “I can’t breathe, Cole. Please. I know you don’t like me that much, but please help me.”

  “Angie,” he coaxed, “you’re not hurt, not anymore. That was years ago. You’re here with me now. Come back, baby, and we’ll get through this together.”

  “My arm-”

  “Your arm’s fine.” He squeezed both her arms to prove it. Her eyes were still unfocused, seeing him as he might have looked back then.

  She got up from the bed. “He…oh God, he…” her voice stopped on a choke and she tumbled to the floor.

  Cole rushed to her and forced her to stand. “Angela!” He shouted at her. “You aren’t there anymore. You’re with me, in my house. Wake up now!”

  She blinked rapidly, her stare coming into focus layer by layer. He knew the moment she became aware. She backed away from him and placed a hand over her mouth. Her tears fell quietly and slowly.

  “I’m sorry.” She shook her head and ran into the bathroom.

  He rushed in after her and stood by as she threw up, then rocked her as she cried on the bathroom floor. Moments later Nadine came into the bathroom in her nightgown, haven been awoken by the commotion.

  “Where’s her brother?” Cole asked Nadine over Angie’s sobs. “Where’s Michael?”

  “I haven’t heard him come in.” Nadine took a washcloth from the counter and ran it under cool water. With the efficient movements of a seasoned nurse maid, she wrung it out and bent to swab Angela’s pale face. “She’s remembered something, hasn’t she?”

  Cole looked down at Angie whimpering in his arms. The cool washcloth on her face calmed her some, but the tears continued, her eyes wide and bewildered. He kissed the top her head. “Yeah,” he told Nadine, meeting the woman’s eyes over Angie’s head, “she remembered all of it.”

  He picked Angela up and carried her back to the guest room.

  The storm dragged on throughout the night. None of them slept. Angie stared into the distance, Cole praying at her bedside. Nadine fetched tea that Angie refused to drink. The thunder and lightning stopped some time near dawn, and it was then that Angie finally gave in to sleep.

  He watched her for a few more moments, the first hints of daylight bringing color to her cheeks. Her chest moved up and down steadily. What she remembered hadn’t broken her, but she’d been bent to hell and back.

  He kissed her temple. “I won’t go far,” he promised. He straightened and turned to leave. Her brother stood in the doorway.

  ****

  Angela scrunched her face against the warmth of the sun and groaned, stretching an arm over cold sheets. She pulled the covers over her head, the weight of her body sinking into the mattress, and breathed against the bile that rose. Her stomach was hollow. There was nothing left. She took deliberate breaths, burrowing within the cotton and wool cocoon.

  When the air ran out she flipped the covers off and blinked open her eyes, still gritty from tears. The balcony door had been opened, muslin curtains fluttering into the room. She stood, drawn to the cool, wet breeze and stepped onto the balcony.

  A remnant of the storm remained. Clouds huddled low over the mountaintops, the sun struggling to rise above them. Her bare feet sloshed in cool puddles. Water dripped from the leaves of the oak rising tall beside the balcony, birds chirping happily from their perches within the branches.

  She stared out over Cole’s land – the land she had grown up on – and allowed it to fill the emptiness. She had expected the misery, but not this peace. Yet, there it was, as tangible as the air that filled her, the impossible entirety of it swelling in her chest. It was so complete that its source seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, all at once.

  The memory of Cole's voice, as he had prayed over her throughout the night, echoed in her head. She closed her eyes.

  “Angie.”

  She jolted and turned to see Cole hesitating on the balcony threshold.

  "Good morning,” she said, smiling a little as she stepped back into another puddle.

  “Morning. Did you sleep?”

  She nodded. "A little. How’s Tina?”

  “Mad. She’s at the mall with some friends.” Cole took a step onto the balcony.

  “Good,” Angela said, “that’s a nice, normal thing for her to do. It’ll help.”

  “And you? How are you, Ang?”

  She looked away when her stomach clenched, worried she would be sick again.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, stepping closer. “That was a stupid question.”

  She angled away. “I’d like to take the morning off. Michael is leaving today.”

  “Take as much time as you need. He’s here,” Cole added quickly. “He and Sophie stayed out all night, but he's here now. He knows.”

  “Dammit, Cole-“

  “He was worried about you. He thought you were sick. I didn’t have to say much, Angie. He figured out most of it on his own.”

  “You shouldn't have said anything.” She hurried past him, her wet feet making tracks on the carpet, and rushed downstairs.

  Michael met her at the bottom o
f the staircase.

  “Hey lil’ sis.”

  She took his cup of coffee and sipped, silently motioning for him to follow her onto the porch.

  “I’m sorry,” Michael said once they were outside.

  Angela held the mug in her hands. It warmed her palms. A cool breeze prickled her skin. She looked up at him, her chest tight.

  “When did it start?” he asked.

  “It was just the one time. The night of Mom’s funeral.” She sipped the coffee and passed it back to him.

  “I was in Grace,” he said. “I went out drinking after the funeral. I couldn’t handle it, Ang. I needed to get away. And I left you with him. He said he wasn't home when you were attacked. He went over to Chuck’s, but he came back, didn't he? I left you with him. ”

  Angela’s tears fell. She didn’t try to stop them.

  “Mikey.” The feel of her brother’s childhood name on her lips made the tears fall harder. In the fullness of day the memories streamed in, as real as if they’d happened yesterday. She slid to the porch step, both arms wrapped around the rail post.

  Michael let out a guttural holler and threw the coffee mug. It shattered across the wooden porch. Coffee splashed her arm. She braced against the post, squeezing her eyes shut as Michael sat beside her. He pulled her away from the post and into his arms.

  “I should have known,” he said, his tears wet on her hair. His hands clenched her shoulder, the top of her head. His muscles trembled and strained. “I watched him hit you enough. I should’ve known he was capable of this. I should’ve been there.”

  Angela curled her fist around the fabric of her big brother’s sleeve, as she had done as a child during Henry’s drunken rages. She’d forgotten all the times Michael had protected her from their father, and how he had comforted her. Those memories rushed in now, along with everything else. “It’s not your fault, Mikey.”

  “He almost killed you.”

  “But I’m still here.” She pulled back and dried her eyes with her sleeve. “He didn’t kill me.”

  Michael shook his head slowly, the understanding seeping through. “No. What hedid was far worse.”