Combust (Electric Series #4)

by E. L. Todd

  COMBUST

  (Electric Series #4)

  E. L. TODD

  This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are fictitious or used fictitiously. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher or author, except in the case of a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

  Fallen Publishing

  COMBUST

  Editing Services provided by Final-Edits.com

  Copyright © 2016 by E. L. Todd All Rights Reserved

  Chapter One

  Volt

  A week came and went.

  My hand was glued to my phone as I waited for a text message or a phone call. I took my phone everywhere I went. It was even on the counter while I took a shower just in case I needed to grab it. When I slept, I placed it on my chest so I would instantly know if it rang.

  But Taylor never called.

  I was supposed to be patient and give her space. I was supposed to be understanding and calm.

  But I was beginning to realize how incapable I was of doing such things.

  I hated my apartment with every fiber of my being. It still smelled like her, contained her old whispers as they echoed in the corners. A pair of her socks was still in my top drawer—along with a thong. Everything she left behind just tortured me.

  Because she wasn’t there.

  Once upon a time, I loved being alone. I loved having my own space and my own silence. Isolation was my comfort. But now, the silence was terrifying. The absence of her voice and her laughter was crippling.

  I couldn’t take it anymore.

  That’s when my hand started to shake, reaching for the phone with restless fingers. I wanted to call her just to hear her voice. I wanted to beg her to come back to me. Being desperate wasn’t in my nature, but with her, I folded all my cards.

  Then strength came back to me, and I put the phone down.

  Instead, I just stared at it.

  ***

  How long did I have to wait?

  I couldn’t hold my silence any longer.

  A week was long enough.

  She should be ready to talk by now.

  Right?

  Even though I knew I should stay away, I couldn’t do it anymore. Seven full days was long enough, and I couldn’t wait another minute. No, I couldn’t even wait another second.

  I arrived at her doorstep and knocked. My hands dug into the pockets of my jeans, and I felt my shoulders sag. Now that my happiness was gone, I wasn’t sure how to go on without it. How would I go back to my bed without her beside me? How would I get up in the morning when I had no motivation to do anything?

  She opened the door, her movements slow and her eyes hesitant. She didn’t hate the fact that I was there but she wasn’t excited to see me either. She kept one hand on the door like she suspected this conversation would be quick.

  That wasn’t a good sign.

  “Hey.”

  Now that I was standing on her doorstep, I didn’t know how to proceed. My heart wanted to dump all my emotional turmoil on her shoulders, but I knew that wouldn’t get me anywhere. Like a manipulative diplomat, I had to do this carefully. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. You?”

  Horrible. Terrible. I can’t sleep. Can’t eat. “Good.”

  She leaned against the door and turned her gaze to the ground, unsure what else to do.

  I kept my hands in my pockets, feeling the tension rise further. If our conversation was this strained, then she clearly wasn’t ready to talk. I should just walk away and try a different time. But now that I could see her, I didn’t want to leave. I missed her. Staring at her beautiful face gave me some form of peace. Her lips looked kissable like always, and it took all my strength not to grab her face and lay a hard kiss on her pretty little mouth. “How’s work?”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “The kids are anxious for winter break so they’re monsters right now.”

  “Nothing you can’t handle.”

  She didn’t smile or acknowledge the compliment.

  She had a steel wall erected around her, and my catapults of conversation bounced back at me. “I just wanted to stop by and check on you. See if you were doing okay.”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “It’s been rough, but I’ll make it through.”

  What kind of response was that? What did she mean when she said she would make it through? “Can I come in?”

  “Uh…” She eyed her apartment behind her, unsure how to answer.

  I didn’t wait for one. I walked inside and didn’t look back.

  She shut the door behind me before she came to my side. “Would you like a drink?”

  “I’m okay.” The only thing I wanted to drink was her. What I really needed was an embrace. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and cherish the smell of her hair. I wanted my arms to hang off her feminine hips. I wanted to feel her heart beat against my chest, faint through our clothing. That’s what I needed.

  “Okay.” She crossed her arms over her chest, keeping two feet between us.

  She was purposely keeping me at a distance, refusing to let me get too close to her, physically and metaphorically.

  “What have you been up to?” I was reaching for anything. Conversations used to flow so freely with her. Now they hung in the air, stagnant and intolerable.

  “Just been staying at home. I haven’t really wanted to go out.”

  Me too.

  “What about you?”

  “Pretty much the same.” Except wanting to die every second of the day.

  “Hold on a sec. I’ll be right back.” She entered the hallway and then her bedroom.

  Maybe I should have followed her and pinned her to the mattress. I could have forced her to be mine, gotten her to fall for me like she had so many times. We could get swept away in the mutual desire and everything else would fade away.

  But that would make me an asshole.

  Taylor returned a moment later with a box in her hands. Inside were some of my old t-shirts and sweatpants, as well as my toothbrush and other toiletries. “I’ve been meaning to give this to you.”

  I stared at it blankly, unable to process exactly what it meant. It was too painful, too scarring. Taking a single breath was impossible because it hurt so much. My hands remained in my pockets as I stared at the box that contained my belongings. My eyes slowly turned to her, and I couldn’t mask the pain.

  She couldn’t handle looking at me, so she looked away.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I couldn’t stop my voice from escaping as a threat. I couldn’t keep my cool anymore. She was torturing me.

  “Volt…I think it’s time we move on.”

  Move on? “No. We aren’t moving on. I thought you just needed some space. Then you do this to me…”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

  I yanked the box out of her hand and tossed it on the ground. “I’m not taking it so don’t bother.”

  Her hands still hung in the air from where they held the box. She slowly lowered them.

  “I know we had a bad fight, and I made an ass out of myself, but breaking up isn’t the solution. We’ll get through it. Take all the time you need, but don’t throw my stuff at me.”

  “Volt, we already broke up. This isn’t news.”

  “No. We. Didn’t.” If she thought I was letting her get away, she was stupid. If she tried to wiggle out of my grasp, I would just hold on tighter. We loved each other too damn much to go our separate ways.

  Way too fucking much.

  She closed her eyes, trying
to keep herself grounded. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

  “It looked pretty easy when you threw my shit at me.”

  When she opened her eyes, she didn’t look at me. She looked past me, like eye contact was too intimate.

  “I’ll apologize as many times as it takes. I’ll do whatever you want to make this work. I’m not giving up on us.”

  “Volt, you don’t get it.”

  “Clearly.”

  Her gaze turned to me. “It’s not gonna work. I love you. You know I do. But…I can’t repeat myself again.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to. Because I don’t get it.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, closing off from me again.

  “I know I fucked up. I’m not making excuses for myself. But I promise you I won’t act that way again. I’ll never treat you that way again. I’m sorry from the bottom of my goddamn heart. Don’t take away something that’s good for both of us. Remember what we had and focus on it, not that one terrible week.”

  She was still as a statue and just as quiet. “Everything is different now, Volt. I don’t look at you the same way I used to.”

  Every word was breaking my heart. It was already snapped in two and would never repair itself, not at this rate.

  “Yes, you do.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “You still love me. That’s all that matters.”

  “But I don’t trust you. And you clearly don’t trust me.”

  “Not true. I just…flipped out one time. Don’t hold that against me when I’m nothing but perfect for you the rest of the time.”

  “I’m not saying you weren’t good to me. Because you were. What we had…was beautiful. But that was at the beginning of the relationship when it’s all sex and talking. The second we hit a bump in the road, you went off the deep end. There are going to be a lot of bumps in the road, and I can’t be with a man with your kind of temper. I can’t be with a man who speaks to me that way. I can’t walk on eggshells whenever we disagree.”

  I closed my eyes as the self-loathing enveloped me. My rampage ruined everything, and I couldn’t blame her for holding it against me. I was out of my mind, and nothing I said would convince her that was just a fluke. When I’d been wronged in the past, I never behaved that way. It was just a one-time thing. But she would never believe me.

  “I love you. I do. But…I’m sorry.”

  I never thought I would be happy again, and then Taylor walked into my life. She fixed everything, made me whole. And just as quickly, she was taken away from me, leaving me desolate in the middle of the hottest desert.

  She took a step back, her arms still across her chest. “I think you should go.”

  There was nothing left for me there. I said what I needed to say, and I heard all the things I wasn’t ready to listen to. The fight died inside me, sitting in the back of my throat.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you. I swear.”

  “Well, you are.” I turned my back on her, unable to look her in the eye. My shoulders were stiff with pain and my heart stung in rejection. Everything hurt, from the tip of my toes to the end of my nose.

  Taylor didn’t say another word as she watched me walk out of the apartment. She didn’t try to hand over the box of my belongings. She let me go in silence.

  Was this just as painful for her as it was for me?

  Did she want to die just the way I did?

  Or was I the only one who felt this crippling pain?

  ***

  Clay studied me from across the table, his fingers wrapped around a mechanical pencil. “You alright, man?”

  “I’m fine.” I hadn’t slept in a week, I wasn’t eating, and I couldn’t concentrate on a single thought for more than a minute—unless I was thinking about Taylor. She ruined me, crippled me beyond repair.

  “You don’t seem fine…”

  “I’m just hung over.” That should get him to back off.

  “No, you aren’t,” he said. “I’m sixteen, not stupid.”

  “Just get off my back, alright?” I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “Get to work. Your exam is right around the corner. Don’t waste any more time.”

  “I’m worried about you.” He shut the book, giving me a vulnerable look that didn’t appear very often. “What happened?”

  “It’s just…” I realized I told Clay things I never told anyone else. He’d become my confidant, my friend. “Taylor left me.”

  He stared at me with the same expression, unsure what that phrase meant. “Left you?”

  “She broke up with me,” I explained. “I did something really stupid, and I paid the price for it.”

  “I’m sorry, Volt. I know she made you happy.”

  “Yeah…she did.” And I would never be that happy again.

  Clay dug into his pocket until he pulled out a sucker. It was the kind that had caramel in the middle and it was covered by sticky sour apple sugar. “You like candy?”

  It was all he had, and he was choosing to give it to me. The gesture wasn’t lost on me, and I wouldn’t offend him. “Thanks. Just what I need.” I snatched it from his hand and pulled the wrapper off. “Who needs good teeth?”

  Chapter Two

  Taylor

  I was miserable.

  It was exactly what I expected, but it hurt more than I anticipated. Asking Volt to leave and give up on us was hard—more difficult than I let on. When everything was said and done, I still loved him.

  I would always love him.

  But if that kind of explosion happened so early in our relationship, did we really stand a chance? He called me a whore and pushed me around like a rag doll. He revealed his true colors, his uncontrollable temper.

  Could I really be involved with someone like that?

  I thought Volt was my Prince Charming. I thought I’d finished kissing my share of frogs and finally found my happily ever after.

  But I was wrong.

  I went to work every day like I usually did, going through the motions but not truly being there. Mr. Davidson came by like he usually did, but he returned to being a colleague and a friend. Natalie usually stopped by and asked more questions about Volt.

  Just when I stopped thinking about him.

  When I was home, I sat on the couch and watched TV. I neglected my schoolwork because I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about anything at the moment—except Volt.

  I wasn’t sure what would happen to the gang, but since Volt was friends with everyone before I came into the picture, I thought it was best if I took a step back. I still saw Natalie every day at work, so it was okay. It wasn’t like I wouldn’t ever see her again.

  I flipped through the channels because there was nothing on TV. Well, there was nothing on because I’d already watched everything. I’d seen every western, every classic, and every action movie they played on daytime television. I watched reruns of Friends and didn’t laugh once.

  That’s when there was a knock on the door.

  My heart jolted in hope, wanting Volt to be standing on the other side. I broke up with him, but I still wanted him. He was still in my dreams every night. When I woke up in the morning, I felt his side of the bed, expecting him to be there.

  And then I remembered he was gone.

  I checked the peephole and was disappointed to see Derek had paid me a visit. With the blanket still draped over my arms, I opened the door. “Hi.”

  Derek looked me up and down, seeing my old pajamas with a spaghetti stain on the t-shirt and the dirty blanket I continued to hide under. “I just talked to Volt.”

  “Yes, everything you’ve heard is true.” I walked back to the couch and plopped down on the cushion. I immediately pulled my knees to my chest and returned my attention to the TV.

  Derek sat beside me, his eyes glued to the side of my face. “He’s miserable, in case you didn’t know.”

  I did know.

  “And you look even more miserable. So, let’s just
cut the shit and go to his place.”

  “Cut the shit?” I asked coldly.

  “You guys took forever to get together. And I mean, forever. So just work out your differences and understand what’s important here. He loves you, and you love him.”

  “I do love him. And I know he loves me.” I kept my eyes glued to the screen.

  “Then make it work. Come on, I hate seeing my best friends like this. I’ve never seen him so low.”

  And I’d never been so low. “Did he tell you what happened?”

  He shifted his weight uncomfortably, giving me an answer without actually saying anything. “Yeah…he did.”

  Enough said.

  “I admit that was pretty off-the-wall. And harsh. But I wouldn’t have believed any of that happened unless I heard it from his lips—because that’s not Volt. I’ve never seen him snap at anyone before. I’m not trying to belittle what happened to you, but I can honestly say he’ll never do that again. Give the guy another chance.”

  “I can get over all of those things. Everyone makes mistakes. I’m not an exception to that.” I turned my face to his, seeing the hope in his eyes. “And it’s not really about his behavior. I can forgive the names he called me, the way he grabbed me, and putting me through hell for a week. Because I love him. Of course I can forgive him.”

  “Then go talk to him,” he whispered. “Please.”

  I wasn’t finished. “But I can’t forgive why it happened. He jumped to conclusions instead of talking to me about what he saw. If he trusted me like he claimed, he would have asked me about it. Maybe he would have yelled and screamed at me, but he still should have confronted me about it—face-to-face. Instead, he dumped me without telling me what was going on. If I hadn’t figured it out, what would have happened? I never would have known why our relationship fell apart. People in real relationships don’t act that way. His behavior just tells me he doesn’t trust me—and he never trusted me.”

  “I can see why you feel that way…but I don’t agree.”

  “Not to be rude, but I don’t care what you believe.”

  He flinched at the insult. “Look, I don’t exactly know what happened to Volt in the past. He had this girlfriend and they were pretty serious. One day, they just broke up. He never explained why, and he acted like nothing ever happened. And that’s when he changed. He became this playboy, sex-a-holic type of guy. I think that has something to do with it. Cut him some slack.”