Combust (Electric Series #4)

by E. L. Todd

  “Aww,” I whispered.

  Derek rolled his eyes. “I’m out of here.” He walked away and headed to the bar.

  “Poor guy,” Jared said. “I think he’s lonely.”

  “Know anyone to set him up with?” Volt asked.

  “Nope,” Jared said. “I don’t have many girlfriends.” He turned to Natalie. “Is there some single teacher you can hook him up with?”

  “Ew,” Natalie said. “I wouldn’t recommend my brother to any of them. That would bite me in the ass later.”

  “He’ll find someone, guys,” I said. “Don’t worry about him. Love will find him when it’s ready to.”

  “Wise words, baby.” Volt gave me a quick peck on the lips.

  “So, let’s get some drinks and start dancing.” Natalie pulled Jared with her to the counter.

  Volt didn’t follow. He turned to me instead. “I feel like an old man.”

  “Why?”

  “Because all I want to do is go home and be with you.”

  My heart melted at his words. I felt like a love struck teenager who couldn’t control the butterflies in her stomach.

  “I don’t care for the bars, the music, or the people. I just want to go home and fuck you.”

  It wasn’t sweet by any means, but I still loved hearing it. It was romantic to my ears, and it just made me want him more. “I’m down for the bathroom if you are.”

  “I thought you were classier than that.”

  “Not with you.”

  Chapter Nine

  Volt

  I thought about Clay every day, wondering how he was doing and if he was integrating with his new living situation. There were times when I wanted to call and check on him, but I knew he wouldn’t take my calls. Taylor finally snapped me out of my depression, but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten about him.

  Continuing my lifeless existence hurt Taylor, and I couldn’t afford to lose her again. So I cleaned up my act and finally started being there for her, living in the moment. Those hours when we were swept away in the throes of passion were the best.

  Because I didn’t think about anything else.

  She became my drug, making me addicted to the way she made me feel. She pulled me through the darkness, taking me to the light on the other side of the tunnel. She took my hand and guided me forward, picking up the slack when I dropped it.

  But then I checked the mail that afternoon.

  Clay’s SAT scores came in.

  I forgot he had them sent to my house. He knew they would be safe there, kept in a place where his father wouldn’t discover what kind of activities he’d been up to.

  I sat at the kitchen table and stared at the envelope.

  My first impulse was to rip it open and read it. I was eager to know how well he did. I knew he did amazing. That kid worked so hard to get these scores. I was too excited not to open it.

  But I found the strength to set it down.

  We needed to open it together.

  Taylor came over after work, using her key to get inside. She stayed with me all the time now, her apartment forsaken. At that rate, she was basically paying for an expensive storage unit. “Hey.”

  “Hey, baby.” I turned to her but didn’t get up.

  She walked over to me, wearing a black dress with a thick overcoat. “How was your day?”

  I snatched her by the waist and pulled her into my lap. “My day is always terrible until I see you.” I kissed her neck then the corner of her mouth.

  Taylor shivered in my arms, pleased by the attention. “You’re sweet.”

  I kissed her shoulder then handed over the letter. “Look what came in today.”

  She grabbed it and examined it. “Clay’s test scores?”

  I nodded.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Go down there and hand it over. Hopefully, he’ll open it with me.”

  “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

  “You think it’s been long enough?”

  “Yeah,” she answered. “He’s been there for a month. He’s had time to adjust.”

  I wanted to see him—so much. I wanted to talk to him, take him out to do something fun. But I was afraid nothing had changed. He still hated me—loathed me. What if he refused to see me?

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No,” I answered. “I think it’s best if it’s just him and me.”

  “Okay.” She rubbed my shoulder and kissed my forehead. “It’ll be okay.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Underneath that anger and resentment is love. Don’t forget that.”

  I nodded, holding on to those words.

  ***

  After I signed in at the front, I was escorted to the back. It was an activities room, where TVs, toys, and games were placed. There were at least twenty kids there of all different ages.

  My heart pumped hard in my chest. I could feel it thud against my ribs with every beat. I was sick to my stomach, nervous as hell. It was difficult to want something so bad but knowing you could never have it. I just wanted Clay back in my life. I wanted him to know I cared about him, that I would always look after him.

  He was sitting by the window, his knees pulled to his chest. He wore the same baggy sweater he always wore. His hair was long because he hadn’t had a haircut. He was isolated, ignoring the other kids and staring out the window in the hope of freedom.

  He hated it here. I could tell.

  I walked over to him with the letter tucked into my pocket. With every step closer, I felt more panicked. This would end in doom, but I had to try anyway. I took a seat beside him, waiting for him to notice me.

  “What are you doing here?” His voice was quiet but it contained all his resentment.

  “I wanted to see you.” I wasn’t happy to see that he was still as skinny as before. His clothes weren’t any better, and his happiness seemed nonexistent.

  “Well, you see me. Now go.”

  I stayed in the same spot, refusing to budge. “I’m sorry you hate it here.”

  “Why should you be sorry?” he snapped. “You put me here.”

  “I hate to see that you’re sad. But I’m glad you don’t have any bruises or marks. I’d take that any day.”

  “A bruise will heal. But despair never does. It just lingers.”

  He never used to speak that way. His vocabulary had skyrocketed since we started working together. Every day, he showed me how much he learned without even realizing it. I was hurt by what he said, but extremely proud. “It’s temporary. You’ll be out of here in no time.”

  “No one is going to adopt me. Let’s not kid ourselves.”

  “Even if they don’t, you only have a year left.”

  “A year is torture. I can’t go where I want when I want. I’m a bird stuck in a cage.”

  “Not being able to go where and when you want isn’t a punishment. These people care about you and want you to be safe. That’s all.”

  “They just want me to shut up and not bother them. They don’t give a damn about me or any other kid in this place. They just take their check and go home. Don’t sugarcoat this and make it into a fairytale. This place is a prison and we both know it.”

  Was he really that unhappy here? Or was he just being stubborn? “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  “If you really cared about me, you would adopt me. You just threw me in here to ease your own conscience. You didn’t do this for me. You did it for yourself.” He looked out the window, his jaw clenched tightly. He stared at me as seldom as possible.

  His words hit me like hot oil right out of the pan. They burned me everywhere, scarring me. Adopting him never crossed my mind. I didn’t have the resources or the experience to raise a kid. I could help him part time, but not be a father. Shit, I could barely look after myself. I made stupid decisions left and right. When Sara broke my heart, I lost myself for a full year. “I would adopt you, but I can’t give you what you need.”

&nbs
p; “Whatever,” he said. “I don’t even want you to adopt me. I’m just making a point.”

  Did he really mean that?

  “Can you just go? There’s nothing else to say, and I hate looking at you.”

  I kept telling myself he was only lashing out because he was hurt. He still cared about me. He didn’t hate me like he claimed. He spent two weeks with me over Christmas break, and we had a great time. I didn’t do that out of pity. I did it because I enjoyed spending time with him. “I brought something.” I pulled out the letter. “Your SAT scores came in.”

  He flinched slightly, showing a different emotion besides hatred. But then he covered it up, pretending it never happened. “So what?”

  “Let’s open them.”

  “Doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Yes, it does. I know these scores are good. You worked your ass off for this. Let’s celebrate together.”

  “I probably failed.”

  “You can’t fail the SAT. I already explained that.”

  “Whatever,” he said. “My score is probably bad.”

  “It’s not.” I held the letter out. “I know it’s not.”

  He still wouldn’t take it. “I’m not going to college, so what’s the point?”

  “You bet your ass you’re going to college.” My rule for no cussing was out the window. “Just because you’re mad at me doesn’t mean your future should be jeopardized. If you get a scholarship, you could go to school for free and get out of here within a year.”

  He pulled his legs closer to his chest but he didn’t snap at me. I took that as a good sign.

  “Come on.” I held the letter out to him.

  He eyed it for a while without taking it.

  “I’m not opening it for you.”

  He finally snatched it and stared at the letter. He didn’t open it, just looked at his name on the envelope. He finally ripped the top off and pulled out the paper. Instead of reading it, he just held it.

  “Don’t be afraid. There’s nothing in that letter that can hurt you.”

  Clay still wouldn’t read it. “What if it’s bad?”

  “It’s not.”

  “But what if it is?” he demanded. “What will I do then?”

  “Hypothetically, if these scores are bad, it’s not the end of the world.”

  “But I won’t go to college. I won’t get a good job.”

  “Not true. You don’t need the SAT for a junior college. Go there for two years then transfer. They’ll take you if you have good grades.”

  “But I want to go to a four-year…” He folded the paper in his hands, unable to look at it. This whole time, he pretended nothing good would happen in his life, but he’d secretly been hoping for the best.

  “I know those scores are good, Clay.”

  “No, you don’t. Neither one of us does.”

  “I tutored you every single day for eight months. You were a different person when we started, and you soared beyond my every expectation. You’re a very smart kid. I don’t think you understand what you’re capable of.”

  He took a breath before he unfolded the letter. He browsed through the introduction before he flipped the page over. At the bottom were the two scores separately and the score combined.

  I held my breath and waited.

  Clay didn’t react. He just stared.

  “Clay?” I pressed.

  “Uh…”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure how to read it.”

  “Can I see it?” I extended my hand.

  He handed it over. “It says I got a 500. Which means…I’m stupid.”

  “Not possible. You read it wrong.” I grabbed the paper and looked at the bottom. In bold letters were the two separate numbers. He got a 600 for the verbal portion and a 500 on the math portion. Combined, he got an 1100.

  Holy shit.

  “I screwed it up. I was nervous and there were so many people there—”

  “Clay, this is outstanding.” I stood up, unable to sit still for a moment longer. “This is…amazing. This is incredible. I can’t believe it.”

  “A 500?” he asked incredulously.

  “That’s your math score,” I explained. “Combined, you got an 1100. Clay, that’s huge. You can go to a state school, no problem.”

  “Really?” He finally let his hatred go. “Are you lying?”

  “No. Man, I’m so proud of you. You worked so hard for this. Every day…” I felt the paper in my hands, feeling like I finally did something worthwhile in my life. Clay did all the work, but I helped him get there. And the finish line was bittersweet. “This is so great.”

  He took the paper back and stared at it, looking at the combined score.

  I ran my hand through my hair, smiling for the first time since I got there. “You’re awesome, you know that? That was all you.”

  He kept the paper and folded it up, tucking it into his back pocket. “Well, at least I’m not as dumb as I thought.”

  “You were never dumb.”

  “I guess I’ll apply for schools now…”

  “We can do that together. I’ll walk you through it.”

  “Why would I want your help?” he asked viciously.

  My happiness evaporated quicker than water in the desert.

  “Thanks for helping me with the SAT and everything, but that doesn’t change anything. You still stabbed me in the back.”

  “Clay, come on.”

  “No. You betrayed me. I don’t want anything to do with you.” The hurt shone in his eyes when he looked at me. “I’m not trying to sounds like a punk, but we did what we set out to do. There’s no reason for us to keep talking. You made your choice when you threw me under the bus. Now, go.”

  “Clay, I care about you. I think I proved it with those SAT scores.”

  “And you proved otherwise when you ratted me out. I’m in a prison because of you.”

  “I’m sorry, okay? I was trying to protect you.”

  “Well, you didn’t. You just made my life more difficult. I don’t have a lot of people I can rely on. At first, I didn’t trust you, but then you proved yourself to me. I thought I finally had someone in my life…like how people have family and friends. But then all that went to shit. You’re just like everyone else. I shouldn’t have trusted you, and I’ll never make that mistake again.” He looked out the window, shutting me out.

  “Clay—”

  “Go. If you don’t, I’ll scream, and they’ll throw you out.”

  How did our relationship turn to this? “I know one day you’ll understand what I did and why I did it. And when that day comes, no matter how far into the future, you know where to find me.”

  “So I can apologize?” he asked incredulously.

  “No. So we can be friends again.”

  ***

  Taylor was there when I walked inside. “How’d it go?”

  With heavy feet, I entered the apartment and threw my jacket on the chair. It slid to the floor, but I didn’t care enough to pick it up.

  Taylor got her answer just by looking at me. She recognized the despair in my eyes and knew my afternoon with Clay had taken a turn for the worst. Now, she looked at a hollow man, broken and defeated. “I’m sorry…”

  Instead of shutting her out like I did last time, I used her as a crutch. I wrapped my arms around her and used her as much as possible. Her love kept me balanced, and the sadness in her eyes made me feel less alone. We were in this together. She carried half the weight with me, making the burden less painful. “I know.”

  “How were his scores?”

  That was the one thing that gave me joy. “Amazing.”

  “Aww…that’s so great.”

  “An 1100. Can you believe it?”

  “Wow.” She pulled away so she could look at my face. “Are you serious?”

  I nodded, unable to wipe the pride off my face. Clay worked his ass off for that, and I was proud of him. He worked against the odds and s
tarted at a lower level than most kids, but he quickly passed them with determination and hard work. “Yeah. But I wasn’t surprised.”

  “Go, Clay.”

  “We studied for eight months for that exam. He paid his dues.”

  “That means he can go to a great college.”

  “Yeah. A lot of them will ignore his grades because his score shows he clearly knows the material.”

  “I’m so happy to hear that.”

  “Me too. He deserves it.”

  “So, are you going to help him with the college application process?”

  That’s where things went to shit. “He doesn’t want my help.”

  “Oh…”

  “He told me to get out and never come back.”

  “He’s just upset right now. He’ll come around.”

  “No, he won’t.” There was a difference between being stubborn and being hurt. He was too hurt to forgive me. There was no other way around it. “He said it would be different if I adopted him, but he knows that’s never going to happen.”

  “Well, that would be ludicrous. You can’t adopt anyone.”

  “I know.” Being responsible for a whole other person was something I couldn’t handle. I was far too childish and selfish to take care of someone else. Taylor was my second girlfriend in my entire life. Did I really have enough life experience to take care of another human being? Doubtful.

  “Someone will adopt him.”

  “No, they won’t.” I wouldn’t lie about that part. “No one wants a rough high school kid. He’s going to be eighteen soon anyway. Not much point.”

  “I guess…”

  “But he’ll only be there for another year, and then he’ll be gone. It can’t be worse than living with his father, but he says otherwise.”

  She rubbed my shoulders, powerless to do anything else to chase away this pain. “I’m sorry about all of this. You sacrificed so much for him. You did more than anyone else. And he doesn’t appreciate it.”

  “I don’t care if he appreciates it. I just don’t want him to hate me.”

  “One day he’ll realize it. I know he will.”

  I wasn’t betting on it.

  “But you can’t let this drag you down. You’ve given him enough. Don’t give him your happiness too.”

  “I know…” I couldn’t do that to Taylor again. I became the world’s worst boyfriend for two weeks straight. I was a living zombie around the house, not listening to anything she said. I hardly looked at her most of the time. “Don’t worry. I won’t break down like that again.”