The Privileged and the Damned

by Kimberly Lang

  Ethan’s jaw tensed, but she had no clue what that might mean—beyond the fact she’d hit a nerve somehow.

  Thankfully, it wasn’t a long walk back to her apartment, and even more thankfully, Ethan didn’t say more or try to follow her.

  Maybe she’d jumped ahead in this whole “new life” thing and needed to back up a few steps herself. She still had a lot of learning to do, and while her little crush on Ethan Marshall had seemed like a positive step, in retrospect she should have had better sense.

  Live and learn and move on. Jerry used to amend that statement with, “Just don’t be stupid at the same time,” during group sessions. It was the unofficial motto of the diversion program, and had been tacked to the door of their house.

  Maybe sleeping with Ethan wouldn’t have to be filed under “stupid,” but she’d learned something. She should be able to move on.

  Ethan wasn’t quite sure what had just happened. One minute they were having an impromptu picnic and an interesting conversation, but the next Lily was riled and storming off.

  He whistled for Tinker, who trotted over immediately. He could easily catch up to Lily, but the angry set to her spine told him he should probably shouldn’t. Maybe he should let her calm down a little first.

  Not that he knew what he’d said to set her off.

  Tinker had been waiting patiently, but now head-butted him to get his attention. Ethan put a foot in the stirrup, but noticed something on the ground a few feet away: Lily’s book.

  He shook his head as he went to rescue it. A woman who spoke of “appropriate relationships” while reading fairy tales. That was a new one. Of course he’d also never met a woman who didn’t want to tell him everything about herself—in depth and in detail—either. She didn’t think they were ready to share confidences, but they could, it seemed, have mind-blowing sex.

  Lily was definitely different.

  She was right about one thing: they’d skipped right over the ground rules. So setting some boundaries might be a good idea. Where exactly they were going to place those boundaries was up for discussion.

  Even as prickly as Lily was, he was looking forward to that discussion. It should prove interesting…

  Work and the Grands kept Ethan close to the house and busy longer than he planned, and even when he was finally able to make his escape the look Granddad sent his way was very telling.

  Very little happened on the estate that Granddad didn’t know about eventually, and even though he was an adult Ethan didn’t like the idea Granddad might already know what was—or possibly wasn’t—going on between him and Lily.

  He laughed to himself as he climbed the stairs to Lily’s. If Granddad knew, maybe he could fill them in on what was going on.

  Lily called, “Come in!” to his knock, and he entered warily, unsure of the reception he’d get. Lily sat on the small sofa, feet curled under her and a book in her lap. The apartment was quiet, and dark except for the lamp that gave just enough light to read by.

  Lily didn’t look surprised to see him—or hostile, or pleased either, for that matter. Both her voice and face stayed neutral as she greeted him. “What brings you by?”

  “I brought you this.” He held out the book. “You dropped it earlier.”

  “Thank you. I went back to look for it, and when I couldn’t find it figured I’d be paying the library to replace it.”

  “At least you had another one to read.”

  She moved the book in her lap to the side table and uncurled her legs from under her. The cutoffs she wore ended well above mid-thigh, giving him an almost complete view of the legs that had haunted him most of the day. “I checked out several from the library today.”

  The quiet room made the pauses in their conversation seem even more intense and drawn out, and despite his plans and intentions he couldn’t think of a good way to broach the subject he’d come to discuss. Lily sat patiently, leaving the conversational ball in his court, and the silence spun out.

  “I forget sometimes how quiet it gets out here at night.”

  “I like the silence.”

  She tucked her hair behind her ears, and he noticed it was damp from a shower. A deep breath and he could smell the lingering scent of her shampoo. The air was slightly moist too, meaning she’d only recently finished. An image sprang far too easily to mind, and that coupled with the fact her shirt was old and thin from washing—hiding nothing—had all of his blood rushing south.

  When Lily spoke, he had to search for the topic of discussion. “Many years of noisy roommates will make you appreciate uninterrupted privacy and quiet.”

  That could have been a hint of some sort, but Lily was hard to read. The conversation was inane, but not overly stilted, so that was good. But she hadn’t offered him a seat, either, so that wasn’t promising. Not that there was much seating to choose from: on the couch next to her, which probably wouldn’t be received well; her bed, which in his current state could prove disastrous to his higher brain functions; or one of the two small chairs at her table. This apartment was efficient and serviceable, but not exactly what he’d call comfortable.

  “I should have called first—” not that he would have “—but you don’t have a number listed on the contact sheet in Granddad’s office.”

  “I don’t have a phone.” His shock must have shown on his face, because Lily laughed. “I know you find that hard to believe, but it’s true. No computer either.”

  He looked around, as if he might see one or the other anyway. “How do you…?”

  “I know you’re tethered to yours like it provides oxygen, but plenty of people function just fine without either. I don’t need to be in constant contact with the world.”

  He may not like the constant part all the time, but it was still nice to have the option. And, while it might seem like a stereotype, he’d never met a woman without a phone. “But in an emergency…”

  That caused a smirk. “True emergencies are rare. And everyone else has a phone, anyway. They can call 911.”

  “How do you stay in touch with family? Your friends?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t have a lot of family, and I’m not particularly close to the kin I do have. I’ve lost touch with most of my old friends, and I’ve moved around so much recently that I haven’t made a lot of—” Lily stopped herself. “If I do need to get in touch with someone back home, payphones and the postal service work just fine. However, I know how they work, and where to get one, so if I ever find myself needing a cell phone, I can get one.”

  Finding someone in this century under the age of fifty who wasn’t digitally connected was rare enough to shock him, but Lily’s admitted lack of family and friends went beyond shock into pity. At the same time, Lily didn’t seem upset or in need of sympathy. In fact he would swear she sounded relieved. Or pleased, maybe. If she was really that alone in the world, she seemed fine with it.

  “I do appreciate you returning the book.” As she spoke, Lily reached for the book she’d laid down earlier.

  Oh, no. He wasn’t falling for that. He may have gotten off-track with their phone discussion—and he was beginning to think Lily changed the subject like that intentionally—but he wasn’t leaving just yet. “That’s not the only reason I came to see you.”

  Her shoulders tightened the tiniest bit, and she cleared her throat. “Oh? Did you need something else?” He could tell she was trying for a breezy, casual tone, but he could hear the tension underneath.

  “Definitely.” Since Lily wasn’t offering him a seat, he took one of the chairs from the table. “We can start with discussing what happened last night and go from there.”

  Lily blew out her breath. “Why? Why do we have to discuss it?”

  Just when he thought she couldn’t surprise him more. “Why?”

  “It just…happened. And it was nice—great, actually,” she corrected at his look. “But, like I said, it didn’t mean anything, and I certainly don’t expect it to happen again. So there’s real
ly nothing to talk about.”

  Ethan took a deep breath to calm himself. Lily had to be the most frustrating women he’d ever met. “I don’t agree.”

  “Then you talk.” She folded her hands in her lap. “I’ve pretty much said all I have to say.”

  Now he wasn’t sure where to start. He’d been on the receiving end of a we-need-to-talk conversation before, but never initiated one. It was disconcerting, to say the least—especially when Lily looked at him like…like…that. Like she was merely humoring him.

  Don’t lose your temper and say something you’ll regret. Shaking some sense into her probably also wasn’t the best idea, either, as tempting as it might be. But no other bright ideas were jumping to mind either.

  “We’re adults…”

  Lily nodded.

  “Reasonable adults…who happen to find each other… Ah, screw it.”

  Lily’s eyes widened as he crossed the small distance separating them and hauled her to her feet. Her gasp of surprise was cut short as his mouth landed on hers. She didn’t protest, though, and after the initial shock subsided returned the kiss with a hunger and fire that caused his blood to roar through his veins.

  Her hair tangled between his fingers, and Lily rose on tiptoe to fit her body against his. She rubbed restlessly against him, and his hands slid to her waist to steady her.

  “Ethan…” Lily pulled back the slightest bit and took big gulps of air. “We probably shouldn’t be doing this. Again.”

  “Tell me to stop and I will.” He hoped he wouldn’t have to test the truth of that statement. It might just kill him.

  “I—I thought you wanted to talk.” Her thumbs were caressing the muscles of his neck, causing small shivers to run over his skin.

  “How about later?”

  Lily’s smile was gas on the fire. “Later works,” she whispered against his lips, and began sliding his shirt up. He broke the kiss long enough to pull it over his head and then quickly removed hers as well.

  Three steps backward and his calves hit the bed. He pulled Lily into his lap as he sat, then flipped her to her back and joined her on the mattress.

  Lily couldn’t catch her breath. Last night had been spontaneous, somehow outside of reality. This was very real. Ethan’s mouth and hands were determined and thorough as they moved over her, removing the rest of her clothes and mapping every inch of her skin with a trail of fire. The frantic urgency of last night was gone—well, she still felt frantic and urgent, but for a different reason. Ethan was driving her right to the very edge with a deliberation that made her want to scream.

  When he moved to the side of the bed and stood, her frustration took on a sharp edge. Watching Ethan watch her while he shucked the rest of his clothes only honed that edge.

  But, oh, to finally have the heavy weight of his body on hers, skin to skin… Any lingering doubts she had about the wisdom of her choice quickly vanished. For the first time in her life she was getting exactly what she wanted, exactly what she dreamed about. This was what Ethan was offering—nothing more, nothing less. And since it was all she could offer him, it was the closest to perfect she could ever hope to come.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “YOU’RE in an awfully good mood today. Who knew worming horses could make a woman smile?” Ray teased as they finished up with Spider.

  Uh-oh. Maybe the humming had been a bit much. “It’s a beautiful day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and no one spit worm paste back at me. What’s not to be happy about?” Lily tried to shrug it off, but Ray had a knowing smile. Watch yourself.

  But it was difficult—if not downright impossible—to keep the spring out of her step and the smile off her face. She had a secret—a happy one—even if it could probably get her fired.

  The last couple of days had been…surreal. Well, maybe not surreal, but definitely not part of her normal reality. She and Ethan had never managed to have that full-on talk, but she felt confident that they had an understanding in place.

  It is what it is. And that was all it was. She had asked Ethan for a bit of discretion. She did have to work here, and really didn’t want to deal with the problems that would arise if rumor got around that she and Ethan were somehow involved. While Ethan had grumbled that “discretion” was just a nice word for “sneaking around,” he had agreed it would be easier on them both.

  So for the most part they went about their business as usual—hers in the stable, and his doing…whatever it was he did when he wasn’t riding Tinker or hanging out in the stable. At least Ethan’s presence in the stable wasn’t unusual at all, so their paths crossed a lot. It wasn’t long before she’d found herself looking forward to even the smallest interaction or conversation.

  And he’d shown up at her door every night, not leaving last night until the sun was coming up this morning.

  She was operating on very little sleep these days, but it was totally worth it. For lack of a better word, she was giddy. Like teenage-girl giddy. Thankfully, if anyone other than Ray had noticed, no one had said anything to her about her good mood. But she should probably tone it down.

  Ray closed the door to Spider’s stall. “Well, whatever’s making you so happy, I’m glad to see it. Keep it up. It’s good to see you smile.”

  “Thanks.”

  Ray went back to his office and Lily did a quick check of everyone’s water. For a Saturday, it was a pretty calm day. While normally the entire Marshall family would descend on Hill Chase on the weekend, the fundraiser tonight had kept most of them in the city, and the few that had come out were staying busy up at the main house.

  The fundraiser put a small damper on her good mood, since it meant she wouldn’t be able to see Ethan tonight. He’d grumbled about the event a lot, coming up with a variety of reasons why he didn’t want to attend, but she knew he would go just to please his grandparents, and for the sake of family harmony.

  But something about the way Ethan grumbled told her she was missing a piece of the puzzle. He could claim that the people were shallow, or even trot out his general dislike of the inherent dishonesty of the political machine, but it simply didn’t add up. There was another reason, one he wasn’t sharing with her, and because of the nature of their “understanding” she didn’t really feel comfortable asking.

  She wasn’t looking forward to tonight—both for herself and for Ethan. But for different reasons.

  Speak of the devil. Like she’d conjured him with her thoughts, Ethan strode through the wide stable doors. Her pulse kicked up, and she wondered if she’d ever get past that reaction. He spotted her and smiled… Probably not.

  She met him halfway and Ethan took hold of her elbow. “Got a minute?”

  “Sure.” She let him lead her out of the stable and around to the side of the building. When he started for the steps to her apartment, she stopped. “What’s going on?”

  “Come upstairs with me.”

  “Now? It’s the middle of the day.” She looked around to see if anyone was watching. “Are you insane? I’ve got work to do. I can’t just disappear with you to…to…” She sputtered into silence as Ethan shook his head ruefully.

  “Ah, Lily, as lovely as that thought is, that’s not why I’m here. Come on.”

  She followed him up the stairs, and once inside her apartment Ethan pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she was boneless. “I thought you said…”

  “I may not have time to seduce you properly and thoroughly, but I will always take advantage of the time I do have.”

  “So you brought me up here just to—?” She broke off as he shook his head and pointed to the large black bag stretched across the bed. “What’s that?”

  “Something for you to wear tonight.”

  It was an awfully big bag to contain some scrap of lacy lingerie…was Ethan even into that? Then the “tonight” part registered. “But the fundraiser is tonight.”

  “Exactly. I want you to come with me.”

  She’d never felt her heart jump and
her stomach sink at the same time. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “Do you want the entire list or just the top ten?”

  Ethan leaned against her door and crossed his arms over his chest. “Start with one good reason.”

  She went with the easiest one. “It’s a fundraiser, and I don’t have any money to donate.”

  He shrugged that off. “But you’re a constituent and likely voter. Plus, going to fancy parties is one of the few perks you get for knowing the right people.”

  But that didn’t make her one of the right people, and that led nicely to her next objection. “Your grandmother will have a heart attack if you show up with me as your date.”

  “Nana’s heart is just fine. She’s tougher than she looks.”

  “That doesn’t mean she’ll be happy about it.” And I could get fired if she’s not happy.

  “I can handle my grandmother. Any other arguments?”

  Lily didn’t want to have to go this far down her list. “I’ve never been to anything like that, and I have no idea how to act.” It was embarrassing to admit that, but there weren’t a lot of charm schools or cotillion clubs in Locken, Mississippi. Not that she would have been welcome or able to attend them anyway.

  Ethan shrugged that away, too, like it was nothing, and Lily was tempted to smack him. “I’ve been doing this my whole life. The rules are simple. Make small talk.” He ticked them off on his fingers as he spoke. “Be polite, but not too chatty. Chew with your mouth closed.” She did smack him for that, but he laughed and continued. “Smile and nod. Drink enough to take the pain away, but not enough to act stupid and make the papers. It’s not that much fun, but the food is usually pretty good.” He grinned. “You’re pretty and you’re charming and you know my family. That goes a long way in D.C.”