Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1)

by Ashley Jade

  Her wall is back up and I can't get through to her...the only thing she'll let me do is hold her every night while she insists on telling me how much she wants and loves him.

  It's fucking torture.

  After three weeks straight of this...she almost has me convinced it's the truth and I'm ready to give up.

  I keep telling her that I'll find a way to get her to stay here...but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other.

  Hell, even Tyrone and Jackson have noticed our 'fake relationship' is having major problems.

  Jackson told me I'd be better off without her and muttered under his breath that I needed to stop trying to be 'captain save-a-hoe.'

  Tyrone smacked him in the back of the head and told him to just wait until he meets a girl that does to him what Lou-Lou does to me.

  I was ready to punch Jackson after that comment but he sat me down and started ticking things off his fingers.

  Things like—One, the first time he saw her she was passed out drunk in my arms. And the first day he met her she accused his friend of raping her.

  Two—the first week she was here he was breaking up a fight between me and Tyrone.

  Three—the day before she went on a date with Tyrone she was throwing herself at him in the locker room.

  Four—the fact that her ring girl uniform was on the floor of his living room one night...and yet she was leaving my apartment the next morning in nothing but her bra and panties.

  Five—I almost killed him in the ring that day because I was upset over something having to do with her.

  And finally...he said she's too 'territorial'. He said that her beating Scarlet into a bloody pulp was a huge red flag. And the fact that Momma doesn't like her should tell me something.

  I wanted to argue and tell him that things aren't always what they seem...but I couldn't.

  Because I can't tell him everything she's been through.

  I can't tell him the truth...period.

  After he left, Tyrone pulled me aside and told me to fight for her.

  When I questioned him further...he said that the heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes the juice was worth the squeeze in the end. But he said that in my case, I needed to take control and stop the lemon from rolling off the damn table first.

  Clearly, their advice has only made me more conflicted.

  I'd fight for her but what's the use in fighting for a girl who doesn't want you?

  What's the point of fighting for a girl who's not yours in the first place?

  I told her I'd never take something from her that she didn't give me and I meant it.

  I knock on her door...again.

  I need to warn her that DeLuca called and told me he's on his way home from Italy...he'll be landing any minute.

  I also want to tell her that if she puts her faith and trust in me and stops pushing me away...I'll find a way to handle it.

  I mutter a curse and I'm getting ready to kick the fucking door down again when Jackson and Tyrone walk up the stairs.

  They both shuffle their feet, appearing uncomfortable.

  This can't be good.

  Jackson holds up his hands. “Nope, I'm tired of being the asshole. Tyrone, you're on deck.”

  Tyrone looks in the direction of her apartment and sighs. “I take it she didn't tell you?”

  I don't like where this is going. “Tell me what?”

  He shuffles his feet again and I'm about to throw him through the wall when he finally speaks. “We ran into Lou-Lou downstairs in the parking lot.”

  “Okay...and?”

  “She was loading a few suitcases in the trunk of her car. When we asked her where she was going she wouldn't say. She just gave us both a hug and told us goodbye. Then she made us promise to take care of you.”

  “It's true,” Jackson chimes in. “You know I'm not her biggest fan but she was a wreck, Ricardo. I actually felt bad for her...real bad. I thought you two got into another fight or something. I thought—”

  I don't hear the rest of his statement because I'm running down the steps and digging my car keys out of my pocket.

  I slide into my seat and gun the engine of my mustang.

  I can't believe she left without telling me...without saying goodbye.

  I don't want her to say goodbye.

  I slam my steering wheel and press down on the gas until there's nothing but a trail of smoke in the parking lot.

  I'm not giving her up without a fight.

  I never fought for anything I ever wanted because I never thought I was worthy of it.

  Lou-Lou might think she's fucked up and damaged...but to me—she's perfect, strong and beautiful.

  She's everything I want...and I know she feels this connection between us.

  I know she feels the same way about me that I do about her. I feel it.

  I feel it every time her heart beats against mine. I feel it every time she's in my arms.

  I feel it because I've never wanted anything in my life...the way that I want her.

  I weave through traffic revving the engine going well past 100 miles per hour.

  I can't get to her fast enough because every second she's with him...it means she's not with me where she belongs.

  I press a button on my burner phone and Emilio answers on the second ring.

  “I need a favor.”

  “Does it involve getting rid of another dead body?”

  One could only hope.

  “Nope...but how do you feel about faking an authentic Italian accent?”

  “I can do that—” he starts to say before I cut him off. “And blowing up a mansion belonging to a certain mob boss?”

  I look at the clock on the dashboard. “All in the next two hours, give or take.”

  “Are you crazy, kid?” he screams. “What the hell's gotten into you? I'm not killing your father. Your remaining family members in Sicily will chop my entire family into pieces.”

  It's true...they most definitely would.

  “And you know what they would do to you,” he adds.

  Yeah, I do...because DeLuca's are never allowed to kill one another. The penalty for such a cardinal crime would be killing everyone I ever cared about.

  Rock meet fucking hard place.

  “We're not killing him,” I say. “Not today at least. We're just sending him back to Italy for awhile. If you can't help me, I'll do it myself.”

  I can hear him choking on the smoke from his cigarette. “Christ, kid. You know I'm gonna help you...but I gotta ask—have you lost your damn mind?”

  I press down on the gas until I'm going over 120 miles per hour.

  I can't help but smile to myself.

  I have without a fucking doubt lost my damn mind...because for the first time...I'm thinking with my heart.

  And that heart belongs to a tiny spitfire brunette with a pair of gorgeous doe eyes.

  Lou-Lou can deny it all she wants...but I know her heart belongs to me as well.

  And for the first time in my life...I'm taking what's mine.

  Chapter 23 (Lou-Lou)

  “This is an unexpected surprise,” DeLuca says while looking across the table.

  I'll say...what the hell is he doing here? Why is he making this so much harder than it has to be?

  I'm barely keeping it together as it is.

  Five minutes after I walked in the door DeLuca started dragging me up to his bedroom, telling me how much he missed me and how important I was to him.

  Despite how nice he was being, I almost started dry heaving but then Marlene announced that Ricardo was standing at the front door.

  It took everything I had to stop my jaw from hitting the floor.

  DeLuca was so thrown off he forgot about me entirely. Then Marlene announced he had an important phone call and he forgot all about Ricardo, too.

  Now, almost an hour later— we're all sitting at the kitchen table like one big fucked up dysfunctional family while Marlene serves us dinner.

  I c
ouldn't say a word to Ricardo while DeLuca was on the phone because Marlene kept casting suspicious glances at the both of us...and given the fact that she wants DeLuca—she'd be all too happy to share those suspicions with him.

  “Well, you're back from Italy,” Ricardo says. “I was starting to miss our dinners together. So, I decided to drop by.”

  DeLuca lifts an eyebrow. “You never seemed to care for them much before.”

  “Things change,” Ricardo says curtly. “Sometimes you never realize how much you miss and love something until it's gone.”

  Marlene's eyebrows shoot up and DeLuca gives him an odd look.

  And me? I'm about ready to rip my heart out so I don't have to feel everything he's doing to it.

  Ricardo's going to be the death of me...I'm certain of it.

  I used to think Ricardo was smart...genius even...but there's no doubt in my mind that he's downright stupid.

  DeLuca shakes his head, his expression hard, but I don't miss the look that crossed his face briefly.

  It was a look of hope...hope that his son was being genuine.

  My stomach knots because if DeLuca's hopes ever got dashed...who knows what he would do.

  And since Ricardo's not thinking clearly at the moment...that means it's up to me to make sure that doesn't happen.

  I reach across the table for DeLuca's hand and give it a squeeze. “I missed you, mio amore.”

  He kisses my hand and I can feel Ricardo's eyes burning into me.

  Marlene looks at me and smiles. “Wine?”

  “No, I'm good. Thanks.”

  That's when DeLuca gives me a strange look and Ricardo's eyes soften.

  Before I know what's happening, DeLuca's tugging on my hand and pulling me into his lap.

  It's so reminiscent of the last dinner we all had together, but this time; the last place I want to be is in DeLuca's lap.

  “I love you, Bambina,” he says. “You're the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  Marlene cough's and Ricardo's jaw tics.

  I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice the change in DeLuca's behavior ever since he went to Italy.

  Something strange is definitely going on. But whatever it is...it's keeping me alive for the time being so I'm not about to question it.

  DeLuca clears his throat. “And I hope you'll forgive me for having to go back to Italy again so soon.”

  I'm too stunned to speak.

  Ricardo sits up straight and I don't miss the hint of uneasiness in his expression. “I wasn't aware you were going back. Can I ask why?”

  DeLuca takes a sip of his wine and stares Ricardo down. “There's a problem with the DeLuca family council. None of us can come to an agreement regarding a very important decision that needs to be made.”

  Ricardo makes a face. “What kind of decision?”

  DeLuca lifts a finger and his eyes darken. “You know I'm not at liberty to discuss DeLuca business with those who have no desire to take their rightful place and become part of the family, son.”

  His smile turns evil and chills creep up my spine. “But rest assured...I'm searching for alternative means to take care of the problem.”

  Ricardo takes a sip of water and stares him down. “Good. I hope it works out for you, Babbo.”

  DeLuca focuses his gaze back on me. “Would you mind going back to the city for a few more months? I'd love to take you to Italy with me... but it's more important for the time being that you stay here.”

  Ricardo swallows hard, the uneasiness across his face only getting worse.

  However, I'm too distracted by DeLuca's statement. I'm so afraid I've misheard him. I have to clarify. “Months?”

  I can't help how eager my voice sounds but DeLuca doesn't seem to notice.

  “Yes, I don't have a definitive time frame but I'll let you know when I do.”

  I smile, until his hand starts grazing my thigh and he whispers, “But don't worry Bambina...you'll be staying here with me for the next few days.”

  My stomach recoils when his fingers make their way underneath my dress and he nuzzles my neck. “And I have no plans for us to leave the bedroom.”

  I can't help but cast a glance at Ricardo. He's clutching his knife in one hand and shooting daggers at his father.

  Thank god, DeLuca's head is turned and he's so focused on me because there's no way DeLuca would miss the murderous look on Ricardo's face right now.

  Then we'd both be fucked.

  “You need to leave,” I mouth in Ricardo's direction.

  My heart stutters in my chest when he meets my gaze and shakes his head. The look in his eyes is downright primitive.

  And hotter than the Sahara in the summer.

  He looks down at his watch and takes a deep breath.

  I have no idea why he's looking at his watch but I can't think about it further because DeLuca starts skimming the edges of my panties and I feel sick.

  “Bruno,” I say trying to push his hand away. “We have company.”

  “I don't give a fuck,” DeLuca growls. “You belong to me, remember? I can do whatever I damn well please to you.”

  “Well, I for one would appreciate if you didn't paw your girlfriend in front of me,” Ricardo interjects. “We are at the dinner table after all.”

  DeLuca lifts his head from my neck and removes his hand from underneath my dress.

  He shoots Ricardo an irritated glance. “How are things at the club?”

  Ricardo twirls his pasta around his fork. “Fine.”

  “Tyrone and Jackson?”

  “Fine.”

  DeLuca nudges me off his lap and stands up. “Well, in that case, I'm cutting this visit short. You're welcome to finish your meal. But I am going to spend some quality time with my Bambina.”

  He turns to face me. “I'll meet you upstairs in a few minutes, Lucianna.”

  I smile and try to hide the panic across my face as I start heading toward the staircase.

  I can't bear to look at Ricardo right now.

  Especially knowing what I'm going to be forced to do with his father in the next few minutes.

  “Come on, Babbo,” I hear Ricardo say. “Sit down and have a drink with me. Let's talk business.”

  “Are there any problems with Jackson or Tyrone?”

  “Well...no,” Ricardo starts to say.

  “Any problems down at the club that I should be aware of?”

  “No.”

  “Then business has already been discussed,” DeLuca hisses. “I'll call you in a few days.”

  I enter the bedroom and I brace myself.

  I hear DeLuca enter the bedroom behind me and he wastes no time making his way over to me and tearing off my dress.

  I'm grateful I'm not facing him because bile is burning my throat and shame is coursing through my body.

  “How much have you missed me, Bambina?” he sneers.

  My response is automatic. “So much.”

  He reaches for my hand and brings it over to his package. The tremors and shakes begin but DeLuca doesn't care. “Do you have any idea how much I've missed you? Do you have any idea how important you've become to me?”

  When I don't answer, his hand wraps around my throat.

  I quickly shake my head because I can't bring myself to open my mouth. I'm afraid that if I do...all that will come out are sobs.

  Because these aren't Ricardo's hands.

  I know the difference between having his hands on me...and having this monster's hands on me.

  I know the difference between the touch of a man who cares and one who uses and hurts me.

  And that makes what's about to happen so much worse.

  Ignorance really can be bliss.

  I feel the tears stinging my eyes. I miss Ricardo.

  I miss everything about him.

  And if I could go back to that night under the stars...I would have given him every single part of me.

  Because now I know...it's better to know one moment of true love...t
hen to spend a lifetime without it.

  I draw in a shaky breath as I begin to tremble, wishing for a miracle to stop this from happening.

  My eyes burn and I force myself to do what I have to in order to get through this.

  Because wishing for a miracle right now? Is like wishing for a torrential downpour while standing in the desert.

  And wishes don't come true for girls like me.

  I'm no princess...I'm just the villainess servant.

  DeLuca bends me over the bed and I close my eyes. I swallow back vomit when his fingers dig into my skin. I dig deep within myself and try to find that dark, cold and numb place. Anything to make this bearable for me.

  He's starting to take my underwear off when we both hear a knock on the door.

  “You have an important phone call, Mr. DeLuca. Someone from Italy.” Marlene says.

  “Transfer it to my cell,” DeLuca barks.

  “I can't,” Marlene says. “There's something wrong with the phone lines. You have to take it in your office.”

  “Goddammit,” he grumbles while getting off the bed.

  I stand up and he grabs my chin. “This could take awhile, Bambina. Do something to occupy yourself.” His hold on me tightens and I wince. “When I get back, I expect to find you naked on my bed with your legs spread for me.”

  “Of course,” I whisper, that dirty feeling growing and spreading like a fungus.

  When he leaves, I hightail it to the adjoining bathroom.

  My hand is barely on the doorknob when the bathroom door opens and someone yanks me inside.

  I'm about to start screaming but then I see who it is.

  “Ricardo?”

  His jaw flexes when his eyes rake up and down my body. “If you thought I was going to stand by and let him fuck you...you're out of your fucking mind.”

  My heart practically leaps out of my chest when he backs me into the door.

  “I'm going to ask you a very important question.”

  He glances at his watch. “And your answer will determine everything that happens next.”

  His hand slides down to stroke my neck and I know he can feel my pulse beating rapidly against the pad of his thumb.

  “Do you want me…or him?”

  I can't lie to him anymore. I can't go on pretending. Even if DeLuca kills me...I don't care.