by Lisa Lace
"Strength is one of the pillars of our civilization, Kenna. We cannot have weak members. That said, we have only exiled six or seven in the past thousand years. It's not like we're sending them off in droves."
"I've agreed to marry you. What happens if I refuse to complete the ritual?"
"You'll be sent off-world."
"And you?"
"I'll be put back on the platform. The crown offered an agreement, and we reneged on it."
"Your mother said if I refused you couldn't be saved a second time. That means that you would die."
"Maybe. Maybe not. You never know."
I knew. He was trying to offer me an out. At the cost of his life. No. I could do it if they could, right? I wasn't less than a Susohnnan.
"Just tell me about this fucking ritual, Dar. Not knowing is killing me."
"It sounds simple, but the execution is not."
"Just tell me," I said, feeling impatient.
"It is the most challenging experience you will ever have in your life."
I drew in a deep breath. I could do this.
"There is a place on Susohn, an hour's ride away. It is a place of legend and myth. Here is where our reality and other realities converge. A spot where this universe and all the others overlap, as predicted by quantum theory."
"Like a rip in the space-time continuum?" I said.
"Something like that."
"And it's dangerous?"
"Of course. You must face your greatest fear. You must give up what you most want to keep. And you must release everything you think you know about yourself. If you can do this, it makes you stronger. It is what decides whether our people are Susohnnan or not. Those who cannot either die, go insane, or are exiled."
I stared at him, frowning.
"You must cross this place." He swallowed, and I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down. "And if you make it..."
If I made it?
"Then you will be scarred with the triangle of The Three. We officially record you as a citizen of Susohn, and you will gain all the rights and responsibilities that go along with that privilege."
I snorted quietly at that. I didn't consider being a Susohnnan a privilege but more of a cross to bear. Still, I wouldn't tell him that because I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. I would do anything to protect him — even this.
"When the ritual is complete, you will be given citizenship. And we can be married. But look, Kenna. I don't want to marry you like this."
I felt an unexpected stab of pain go through me.
"You don't want to marry me? What do you mean? But you said..." I felt inexplicably hurt by his admission.
"No, I didn't mean that. I mean, I do want to marry you." He closed his eyes. "More than you could ever know. But not like this. Not when you're not sure if you want to marry me. Not when you're doing it for reasons out of your control. I want you to be willing."
He dropped his eyes.
"I don't want a bride forced onto me. I have more pride than that."
I put a finger under his chin and made him look up. Then I kissed him with everything I was feeling in my heart. I kissed him until the monitors started beeping. When the doctor poked his head in, Dar shooed him away.
"Does that seem like I'm just doing it for reasons out of my control?" I said, still a little breathless.
"Kenna, you know what I mean..."
I interrupted him, looking him in the eye so he would know that I meant what I said.
"If I'm marrying you, Dar, it's because I am willing. It's because I want to. Not for any other reason."
That's when she walked into the room. And Dar didn't shoo her away.
DAR
"Mana!" I said, grabbing her in a big hug and holding her tightly. I had been afraid that she had perished with the others on Dobu after the terrorist attack.
She hugged me back for a moment, then pushed me away. We were on the clock, and she was all business. If we had been by ourselves and not working, I knew she would have hugged me longer. When I glanced at Kenna, she was looking at me oddly.
"Kenna, I would like you to meet Mana. She is my oldest friend and my Senior Advisor."
Kenna looked back and forth between us.
She wouldn't be feeling jealous, would she? She didn't even know if she loved me.
"Nice to meet you, Mana," Kenna said, remembering to make the sign of The Three.
"It's nice to meet you, too," Mana said. She was watching the two of us as carefully as Kenna had been watching Mana and I. Jared had entered the room with Mana. He hung back, but Kenna pulled him forward. We both hugged him. We were glad to see him again.
A few minutes later, we were seated in a hovercraft and heading to where the ritual was to begin.
"We thought you would die, Dar. If the queen came to power again, the terrorists might never be vanquished," Mana said as we rode along smoothly a few feet above the sand. "We felt we needed to act quickly on your plan."
The four of us sat in the hovercraft — Mana, Jared, Kenna, and I.
I sat next to Kenna on one couch. We were holding hands, enjoying the feeling of touching each other. On the other side, Mana and Jared sat, one on each end of their bench.
"You did it?" I asked, amazed that they could remove this thorn from my side easily and quickly.
"Yep," Jared said. He wore typical Susohnnan clothing — the loose baggy pants that we favored and a button up shirt, both made from a plant that produces very soft fabric. He seemed comfortable.
"You assassinated Mackeye?"
He shifted in his seat, looking less comfortable when I said that but he glanced at Mana and then nodded.
"We did."
"We destroyed them from the inside out," Mana said. "Many were killed accidentally from the explosion and Jared sorted the ones that were left, making them much easier to dispose of."
"Sorted?" Kenna asked, confused.
"The ones that had been forced to serve, guys like me. They were set free and sent wherever they wanted to go."
"The rest were placed in individual pods. We sent them to the most hostile planets and space stations we could. They will be penniless and without identification. They will be so busy surviving that they will not be able to think about reassembling," Mana said.
"You also put that band on them, Mana," Jared reminded her. "That was brilliant."
She smiled a little and blushed, not looking at Jared. I froze. I looked at Jared and then at Mana. Was there something going on between them? Nah. Mana hadn't dated anyone in all the time I had known her.
"What bands?" Kenna said.
"There are bands, much like citizenship and passport bands, that all planets in the galaxy have. These tags can be set to indicate almost anything — but I would imagine that you set them to dangerous criminal and possibly something to do with hurting children?"
I looked to Mana for confirmation. She nodded.
"People wearing those bands don't usually last too long before some righteous person takes them out."
"For such a peaceful race, you guys are kind of sneaky and a little mean," Kenna said.
"The terrorist threat is dealt with," I said, ignoring Kenna's insult. I could hardly believe that it was possible, but Mana would never lie to me. "Thank you so much, Jared, Mana. You will receive the order of The Three, the highest medal on Susohn for acts of courage."
Jared smiled a little.
"Thank you, sir."
"Dar, just call me Dar. I appreciate what you have done more than you can imagine, you two."
But Mana was not happy. She was frowning.
"Your majesty, I was doing my job. I do not deserve a medal."
Jared snorted.
"I beg to differ, Mana."
"Be quiet, Jared," she said, her eyes shooting daggers at him.
"No way. Not after what you did for me and those men."
"Jared," she said in a warning tone.
"She went above and beyond what was required for her job, Dar,
" Jared said. "Did you notice she was limping a little?"
I looked at Mana's leg that was covered by her long skirt. I hadn't noticed anything. And I chastised myself for being so caught up with Kenna and everything that was happening in my crazy life that I hadn't noticed that my best friend was hurt.
"Mackeye got mad when we showed up on his space station with a bunch of people conscripted into serving with the terrorists. Some of the ones we freed were so angry they wanted to help us take down the whole organization."
I nodded.
"Mackeye pulled a gun and was going to blast all of us. We had been disarmed, of course. But Mana knew I had one gun hidden away."
"They disarmed you and missed one?" Kenna said skeptically.
"This one was in an odd place that they don't usually check."
"Ew," Kenna said.
"Not there, sweetie," he said. "In my ear."
"Oh," she said, with evident relief. I grinned at her, amused.
"Mana kept him talking, gradually moving closer and closer to him until she within range."
"How?" Kenna said, looking incredulous.
Jared got an admiring look on his face, and he looked Mana over in a way that made me feel protective.
"Mana can be quite charming when she wants to be."
I glanced back at Mana, wondering what was going on. She was just staring at her hands that she was clasping and unclasping in her lap. Her cheeks had two red burning red spots on them.
"We're all — including Mackeye — mesmerized by her and then she surprises us all by suddenly jumping him and sweeping the gun down. He fired and the shot ricocheted, hitting her in the leg. During this distraction, I got my gun out and shot him dead. The rest was easy."
"Mana," I said.
"I just did what I had to do, Dar. You would have done the same," she said, looking up at me.
I didn't say anything. There was no use talking to her when she wore her work hat. I wouldn't get anything out of her.
"Well, I thank you again, for your loyal service to the crown."
She just nodded once.
Our hovercraft touched down. Kenna looked nervous as she said goodbye to Jared and Mana and then turned to me.
"You understand what you have to do?" I said, squeezing her hand.
"I just have to walk across the space-time tear without losing my mind or disappearing or dying. When I make it across, I get scarred. Then I'm in the Susohnnan club. Yippee." She rolled her eyes. "I've got it, Dar."
I pulled her to me, kissing her like it was for the last time because really, it might be. Not everyone made it out of the ritual with themselves, their sanity, or even their body. When we finally pulled apart, we were both drawing in ragged breaths. Jared was smiling, and Mana was looking uncomfortable.
"So it's like that, is it?" Jared said to me.
"Yeah, it's like that," I said, then turned back to Kenna. "I will see you when you finish. I have faith in you. You're stronger than you look, remember?"
"Right. Right." She nodded resolutely and walked out.
As the hovercraft pulled away, I looked out the window, waving. My sheeranla waved back, a smile hiding her worry. I watched as she got smaller and smaller and finally disappeared. I tried to ignore the fear in my gut.
I would see her again. I had to.
I didn't know if I could live without her anymore.
KENNA
I looked across the desert to the oasis on the other side.
I just had to walk across.
It couldn't be that bad, could it? Surely they were exaggerating just a little bit?
The second of their suns had gone down, and the shadows were lengthening. I shivered as the unbearable heat of the day started to shift to the chill of desert night.
I was wearing the loose pants that the Susohnnan favored — white — but they were different than most. There was a large piece of fabric missing from the outside of both legs. From my waist to my knees on both sides my hips were bare.
It felt weird.
On top, I was wearing a blouse that buttoned up tightly across my front. There was a large panel cut out of the back and a diamond cut out of the front baring me from breast to navel. I wondered what the deal was with exposed skin on this planet.
The sand before me was empty and no different from any other bit of land around here. I didn't see any tear in the space-time continuum unless it was a rock.
So why was my heart beating so fast?
I thought about Dar. I imagined him back on the platform above the volcano, growing weaker and weaker until he went into a coma. I imagined his pale appearance while I had waited for him to come around. I wondered if life left his body.
The idea upset me so much that I felt courage rising inside of me.
I would do anything for him.
Whatever was ahead of me was nothing compared to losing Dar. I would not lose him.
I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and took my first step towards the oasis. Nothing. I felt nothing at all. Maybe this place wouldn't be the same for me because I was human and not Susohnnan.
This would be easier for me than they thought.
I continued to walk as the darkness descended, and the stars came out. Lights came on in the oasis, and I knew that Dar, Mana, and Jared were waiting there for me. They were my only friends and family out here.
As soon as I thought of family, I realized something changed.
A fog rose up from the desert floor. Uh oh. I could barely see the light from the oasis. I walked towards it.
Then I froze as a couple appeared before me. I stared at them. I knew them only from pictures.
My parents.
A little girl toddled up to them. She was smiling and so happy. The man picked her up and the mother put her arms around both of them. Love surrounded the little girl. I felt my eyes fill with tears.
The little girl was me. I had seen the pictures of the three of us before they had died. Gran had one on the mantle in the house where I had grown up.
Tears poured down my cheeks. I began to walk towards them. I needed to be a part of that family. I needed someone to love me unconditionally again. As I grew nearer, they began to fade.
"No," I cried out. My heart broke, and it felt like I was losing them all over again.
"No!" I screamed again. They disappeared altogether. My hands curled into fists as I sank to the sand. I felt broken. I was a little girl who had just lost her whole world. I cried and cried. My grief would never end.
I looked up when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder.
"Gran," I said, amazed to see her again. "Gran, I missed you so much."
"I know, sweet bug," she said. "You miss them too, right?"
"Mom and Dad?" I said, feeling the gaping hole in my heart.
She nodded.
"Yes. They were just here, Gran. And now they're gone again," I felt my voice break. "And I don't know how I can live without them, Granny. I don't think I can."
Gran pulled me into her arms and held me. Her scent comforted me, and I was finally able to stop crying.
"Why are you here, darling?" she said when I calmed down. "You haven't died, have you, sweet bug? You're too young. I didn't expect to see you for a long time yet."
"No, Gran. I'm not dead...it's a little complicated."
Gran looked at me expectantly.
"It's a Susohnnan ritual," I said, biting my lip, not sure how she would react. I didn't know what her opinion of the Susohnnan was.
"Oh, I've heard of that. The one where they get the scar?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"I wasn't always just a backwoods old lady with a garden, Kenna."
"I never said you were," I protested.
She smiled at me.
"Why are you doing their ritual?" she said, getting to the heart of the matter.
I licked my dry lips.
"To save someone."
"To save someone." she repeated. "Is it a special someon
e?"
"His name is Dar."
Her eyebrows nearly touched her hairline.
"What do you have to do?" she said.
"I have to get across this little patch of desert. But it's like the Twilight Zone here, which is how I can talk to you, I guess."
"Doesn't sound like much of a ritual," Gran said.
"Well, he said that I would have to face what I'm most afraid of, give up what I most want to keep, and let go of everything I think I know about myself."
"Oh," Gran said, and she seemed to shimmer.
"What, Gran?"
"Well, the first one's easy."
"What? What is it that I'm most afraid of, Gran?"
"Losing him, the way you lost us. You're scared that if you love him, he'll die too."
"No. That's not why..."
"Have you told him how you feel?"
"No, but that's not the reason."
"Are you sure?"
I gazed into Gran's eyes, and I saw nothing but love. It was the same expression that I had seen on Dar's face. Was I afraid of losing him? Is that why I didn't want to let myself love him?
I stared down at the sand.
"It almost killed me to lose you, Gran. I do care about him. And I couldn't go through that again."
"You're going to give up all the joy that loving him could bring you to protect yourself from something that might never happen?" she said, looking more transparent every moment.
"Gran, don't leave me."
"I will never leave you, sweet bug. I am always with you. Make your decisions based on love and not fear."
"Gran," I said. "Please don't go."
"I'm not gone."
"Don't leave me alone again, Granny. Please," I was crying again. I couldn't help it. I was supposed to be strong, but I was reliving the worst things that had ever happened to me.
"Kenna, love. You aren't alone anymore."
She smiled at me and then disappeared. I felt the grief of losing her again, and it was suffocating. I don't know how long I sat there in the sand with my hands over my face, sobbing.
I forced myself to get up and keep walking. The fog was thick and it was dark. I couldn't see the light from the oasis anymore, but I hoped I was going in the right direction.
Suddenly I was in my kitchen in my old apartment on Earth, wearing my favorite sweats and a tank top. I looked around me. The date on the calendar was one day before this all started. Tomorrow I would see the show on the news that had explained about the project that would bring me to Dobu, where I had met Dar.