Avren: An Auxem Novel

by Lisa Lace

  "Permission to run that bastard down and blown him and his ship into tiny pieces," Jakk said to me. He was asking permission from me, the king.

  "Permission granted, my friend. As soon as you repair your ship, restock your supplies, and pick up more crew members, of course."

  Jakk laughed.

  "You got it, Dar."

  KENNA

  I was reading in the ship's library, tucked away in a cozy little bubble that were sunk into the walls. I needed some head space after all that crazy squid nonsense. Dar was busy being a king.

  When I heard someone come in, I didn't think anything of it. It was a public space. I just kept reading. But when I heard someone else come in and their whispered conversation turned to talking and then to raised voices, I had no choice but to pay attention.

  "I really, really don't want you second guessing my decisions like that in front of the crew, Elara," Jakk said.

  Oh, so it was Jakk and Elara. I peeked out, watching Elara draw in a deep breath.

  "Am I not entitled to an opinion as one of your senior officers, sir?" she said, bravely.

  "You are certainly entitled to it, but you are not required to give it in front of everyone, and undermine my authority."

  She took a step closer to him and I saw her hands tremble — she was nervous at confronting him. She closed them into fists and spoke.

  "If a little nerdy scientist like me can undermine your authority, perhaps you might want to work on your leadership skills," she said, getting bolder by the second.

  He frowned. Their gazes held. And that's when I realized I was eavesdropping. But there was no way I could leave now without letting them know that I had heard everything they said. They would be embarrassed and so would I. I opted to stay where I was.

  "Are you questioning my command, Ms. Aritza?" he said, inching a little closer.

  She didn't step back as he moved into her personal space.

  "Not at all, sir. Just establishing my right to help you make good decisions."

  "And you think you do that," he said, never backing off.

  "Just look at the destabilization of the wormhole, sir," she said.

  "That did work out amazingly well," he said, as if conceding a point.

  And all of a sudden I knew that there was a subtext to the conversation that I hadn't been picking up on.

  "It did. And you should listen to me more," she said, lifting her chin. "Because sometimes I'm right."

  "You weren't right about the alien being peaceful."

  "No, but you didn't know that before you hailed him, so you gained useful information."

  "Are you looking to move up in the ranks, Ms. Aritza?"

  "Isn't everyone?" she said, evading his question.

  "Well, it isn't easy to be promoted on my ship. You have to work hard, and show me you've got what it takes."

  "Not a problem, sir," she said. "But there's one thing you should know about me."

  "What's that?"

  "I like a challenge," she said, repeating the words he'd said when they were destabilizing the wormhole. She smiled at him and leaned closer until they were almost close enough to kiss.

  The tension was thick and tangible. I shouldn't be here. They stared at each other and I held my breath. This was better than a movie! He leaned in an imperceptible amount so that their lips were hovering over each other. All it would take would be the tiniest movement forward from either of them and they would be kissing.

  Then Elara twisted away without touching him in the least, leaving quickly and forgetting her book on the table.

  Jakk let out a long breath. He seemed surprised. Then he flashed a cocky smile and walked out of the library whistling.

  DAR

  While Kenna was off reading in the library, I asked Jakk to come have a beer in my quarters. The Three knew we needed it.

  Kenna said she needed to decompress from all the anxiety of our encounter with the squid. The best way for her was to burying her nose in a book.

  It was a new fact that I hadn't known about her. But I supposed that we hadn't had a lot of time to learn all the nuances about each other. We knew the major things but not the tiny details. I looked forward to learning everything there was to know about her, now that I could actually remember her again.

  I waited for Jakk to show up. He had said he needed to talk to one of the crew members before he came over. When he arrived, his face was flushed and he looked out of sorts.

  "Everything okay, Jakk?" I said, stepping back to let him enter the room. He looked at me in surprise.

  "Yeah, everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

  "You look a little disappointed, that's all."

  "I'm fine," he said quickly.

  "Come on in," I said, going to the refrigerator and getting him a cold beer.

  "I'm really happy for you, Dar," Jakk said without preamble. And he almost managed to look happy. We were drinking Viran beer. The Viran might be violent assholes but they could make a delicious drink. "Kenna's great."

  "I know it can't be easy for you to hear about me meeting my sheeranla, Jakk," I said, sitting down beside him and taking a pull of my beer.

  "Nah, it's okay," he said. "I think it's amazing that you found her. I guess I should have waited for mine before I got married."

  He sighed deeply.

  "I'm so sorry about your marriage, Jakk," I said. No point in dancing around the issue. He took a long drink and then played with the label on the bottle that was wet with condensation, peeling it off a little bit.

  "I thought I loved her. I never thought she was my sheeranla but I don't believe in stuff like that anyway, so I wasn't worried. But I never thought she would end it like this."

  "It was unexpected?"

  "No, we both saw it coming for a long time. I didn't think she would really divorce me. Our love's been gone for years now but we stayed together because we were comfortable. Then she got brave."

  "Maybe you'll find your sheeranla now," I said. "For now, let's just get drunk and listen to old-time, depressing Susohnnan music from the era of the plague. That ought to cheer you up!" I said, clapping him on the back.

  "What if an enormous squid shows up while we're fucked up?" Jakk said.

  "That's why I have a woman and you have your crew. They'll handle it. The world did without the real me for quite some time, and I'm the king. They can do without you for the time it takes to get drunk and then sober up again."

  "You do make a good case." He lifted his bottle and we clinked the necks together.

  "My mother was a lawyer. You bet I can make a good case."

  "I can't believe you didn't tell me that you had lost your memory."

  "It sucked, Jakk. It's not something I wanted to talk about. Plus, mother made me pretend that nothing had happened to me. That jerk, Vordeeran, always believed that I didn't have what it takes to be king. He's been trying for years to get his son on the throne."

  Jack shook his head, a disgusted look on his face. Every Susohnnan knew about Vordeeran's lust for power.

  "If I had shown a weakness Vordeeran would have eaten me alive. I could have been deposed and his son on the throne before The Three could blink."

  "I guess you're right, but I wish you could have told me. I could have helped."

  "I feel really badly now, Jakk. But I didn't remember you before. I didn't know what good friends we were or what we had been through together." He glanced at me, remembering the battle at Dorl, no doubt. I had saved his life.

  "That's another reason why I would have liked to help. I owe you."

  "You don't owe me anything, Jakk. You would have done the same for me," I said.

  "Well, I could at least have given you a good knock on the head. That would have maybe got things moving in there."

  I laughed.

  "Yeah, you could have done that. Silly me for not asking you for help getting my memories back. Want another one?" I said, getting up to get myself another beer. "You and Elara did an ama
zing job with the wormhole. I'll be writing a full report to your superiors about it."

  Jakk turned red.

  "I was just doing my job, Dar."

  "I know. And I want Gerlon to know it. If there's anyone who deserves to have everything they want, it's you, Jakk."

  He nodded.

  "It was mostly Elara, though," he said.

  I gave him a look.

  "And if that wasn't the most amazing piece of piloting work I've ever seen, The Three can take me to their big balcony in the sky," I said, spreading my arms and turning my face to the ceiling.

  "It wasn't that great," he said. But he was smiling a little.

  "Maintaining your position while nearly being pulled into a black hole? That's pretty great. But okay. We'll say it was mostly Elara. She's pretty smart for a human," I said, then looked around to make sure Kenna or any of the other humans weren't around to hear me. He laughed. The Susohnnan like to joke amongst themselves about their mental superiority. I hadn't quite kicked the habit, yet.

  "She's pretty smart for a Susohnnan, Dar," Jakk said, seriously. "She's so smart, in fact, that she scares me a little. You should see some of the other stuff she's figured out. The wormhole and the squid are just the icing on the cake."

  I eyed him. I hadn't known his wife very well, but I knew that she had been prettier than she was anything else.

  "You seem quite impressed with her," I said.

  "She's one of the most valuable crew members I've got."

  "And she's pretty."

  Jakk's head whipped around.

  "So? She can be pretty and smart."

  "Just saying."

  "I hadn't really noticed," Jakk said staring out the view screen at the stars. "She's quiet, just working on her equations most of the time."

  "Kenna thinks she's lonesome, being the only human on a starship full of Susohnnan."

  He looked surprised.

  "Lonely? Nah, she's a tough one. She holds herself apart from us. Like she's better than us. She doesn't want company."

  I looked at Jakk like he was nuts.

  "Jakk, I thought you were smarter than that. What descendant of The Great Race doesn't want company? There's no one who truly wants to be alone. Come on. How would you feel if you were the only Susohnnan on a ship full of humans, with their weird references to God and strange food."

  He frowned.

  "You never thought of it from that perspective before, did you? Maybe you should try to include her in whatever social things are happening on the ship. She might feel like an outsider and that's why she seems aloof. She's got her pride, she's not going to invite herself to a party, right?"

  "No, she seems very independent."

  "There you go. Mark my words. There's more to Elara Aritza than you can imagine."

  Jakk looked at me pensively, considering my words. "You think we've been excluding her?"

  "Have you been including her?"

  "No."

  "There you go," I said, clapping him on the shoulder. "But now that you know, you can correct your mistake."

  He nodded, still thinking about Elara.

  "I've got to go find Kenna, Jakk. It's good to see you again," I said forgetting about our plan to get drunk in my haste to get back to my female.

  He smiled wryly.

  "Yeah, go give your sheeranla a kiss for me."

  "I'll give her one for me," I said, pausing in the doorway. "Go find your own sheeranla."

  He shook his head.

  "I'm happy for you, Dar, but I'm not sure there's any such thing for me. Once bitten, twice shy."

  "Just because you don't believe in gravity, does that mean that you can walk off a building without dying?" I said. "You have a sheeranla, Jakk. You just have to find her."

  I turned and walked out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

  Where was my sheeranla? I had unfinished business with Kenna and I wasn't going to wait any longer. I popped into the library, but she wasn't there anymore. The cafeteria was empty by this time of night.

  She must have gone back to her quarters.

  When I got to her door, I realized that my retina was not keyed to her lock anymore. My shoulders slumped. By now, she was probably sleeping anyway. I would have to wait until morning.

  Never mind that I missed her already. Never mind that we had lost time to make up for. Never mind that my body was humming, just wanting to hold her close and never let her go.

  I felt a pang of loneliness and sadness that she would lock me out, but I chided myself for being a fool.

  I crossed the hall and scanned my retina in. As the door slid open, I walked through. It slid shut and I locked it out of habit. I went straight into my bedroom and pulled off my shirt. I looked at my chest in the mirror. Still well-defined. My six-pack was looking good. Any more slacking off, though, and I would start to go to fat.

  I changed into a pair of loose fitting pajama pants. With the head on Susohn, our custom is to sleep naked all year around. But Kenna had given me a pair of pajamas, and I put them on to comfort myself. They made me feel like she was with me. I left my shirt off because the ship was quite stuffy.

  Feeling dejected, I shuffled over to my bed and threw myself down face first. I gave a big sigh and resigned myself to a restless night. But it had been such an eventful day that in spite of my heavy heart, I fell instantly asleep, dreaming of holding Kenna in my arms.

  KENNA

  Once Elara and Jakk left the library, I took my book and headed back to my room. I was exhausted. Reading calmed me but also left me feeling very sleepy. I sat on the couch and tried to stay awake. Dar had said he would come by after he talked with Jakk and I wanted to be ready.

  I wanted to hold on to him and never let him go. I was afraid to go to sleep because I was worried that when I woke up, he would be gone again.

  I changed into my pajamas and sat on the couch. My mind was filled with a million thoughts about everything that had happened. I still felt wound up but my eyes started drooping. My head jarred and I sat up with a start. Had I been sleeping? I let my head rest on the arm of the couch. Dar would wake me when he knocked.

  It felt like only a few minutes had passed, but I opened my eyes and saw that the lights in my quarters had dimmed. Shit. What time was it? I glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly three in the morning. Why hadn't Dar knocked? Maybe he had and I hadn't answered. Damn.

  My heart longed to touch him. I needed to be near him. I crept out of my room and down the hall. When I got to his door and found it locked, I thanked The Three, God, and Dar's mother — whoever had been responsible for making sure his lock was keyed to my retina. Dar's mother said that I might need access to his room if anything happened because of his memory loss, bless her heart.

  I scanned my retina and tiptoed into his quarters, closing and locking the door behind me. I looked around. The room was dim. He was in the bedroom, sleeping, I hoped. The door was open and I crept in.

  I stopped and watched him for a moment. He was lying on his stomach wearing his pajama bottoms. Only half his legs were covered by the blankets. I smiled. The pajama bottoms were a concession to me, I knew. He didn't like wearing them.

  They didn't wear anything at night on Susohn. Everyone slept naked because of the heat. It had seemed scandalous when Dar had first explained the custom to me...even more than when I first saw their clothes with most of the pieces missing from them.

  I wondered if he had hoped to sleep with me tonight and that was why he was wearing the pajamas. My heart fluttered. I loved this guy so much. I couldn't wait any longer. I pulled off my shirt, leaving my top bare, but kept my bottoms on like him. I wanted to be skin to skin. I wasn't thinking about sex. Not much, anyway.

  I slipped in next to him and drew the covers up over both of us. Then I snuggled in and inhaled deeply. He smelled delicious, somehow always managing to emit the scent of the desert and the fresh smell of the oasis at the same time.

  Then I pressed
my body into his. He was hot. And all those muscles were hard. I sighed and relaxed into him. This was what had been missing all the time his memory was gone. I needed to be next to him and touch him. Without that, I didn't feel grounded.

  He turned on his side in his sleep and draped his arm over my torso, pulling me tight against him. I drew in a deep breath and let it out, closing my eyes. Now that I was here with him, I could finally rest.

  DAR

  I was dreaming about Kenna.

  She was in my bed next to me and pressing her soft body up to mine. Her arms were around me and she was rubbing her hips against me.

  She pulled me close and kissed me deeply. Wait, this felt real. I opened my eyes to the blackness of my room. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel a hot, soft, moaning body next to mine. I would know that body anywhere. Even when I was without my mind, I still felt like myself when I was in her arms. I pulled back.

  "Kenna? What are you doing here? How did you get in?" I said, feeling both happy and surprised. I hadn't expected to see her until morning.

  She was panting a little.

  "I would think it would be obvious what I'm doing here," she said, cupping the bulge that was quickly growing in my pants. "Your mother thought I should have my retina keyed to your lock, the sweet lady."

  I didn't laugh.

  "By The Three, woman, where were you tonight?" I felt my heart break a little and I was ashamed to tell her but I couldn't seem to hold back. "I thought you didn't want me."

  I dropped my head, feeling foolish and sorry for myself.

  "Oh, babe," she said, pulling me closer and holding me. "I fell asleep. I thought you'd wake me up. I wanted you. You don't know what it's been like, Dar."

  Her voice broke and it was my turn to hold her close.

  "I missed you so much." She went on. "But it was so weird because you were here physically, but it wasn't you."

  I sighed.

  "My sweet sheeranla," I said, smoothing her hair. "It's been a terrible time. Let's forget about it for awhile. I'm dying to remind myself what it's like to make love to you."

  Like that, my heart was thumping in my chest and my blood was racing.