by E. L. Todd
She lowered her guard slightly. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I was very rude to you and I shouldn’t have been.”
Katarina lowered her arms to her sides. “Well, thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Yeah…”
“However, I’d rather know why you dislike me so much.” She searched my face for an answer, hoping I would solve the mystery.
Telling her would be stupid. She still wouldn’t remember that night, and then I would feel worse. Two people experienced something great but only one person remembered it. It wasn’t worth bringing up. “It’s my own problem. Let’s just forget about it.”
“Well, you were pretty hostile…”
“I’d rather just forget about it.” I put my hands in my pockets and shifted my weight to one foot.
“But you still don’t look at me the same.”
“Pardon?” I asked.
“You still aren’t nice, charming, or sweet. You do it to everyone else but me.”
“Well, I’m not acting right now.”
“So, this is who you really are?” she asked. “Sad and irritable?”
The anger started to burn deep inside me. “I just apologized to you. Now you want to pick a fight?”
“I’m not picking a fight. I just think I’m entitled to know why you dislike me so much.” Her nostrils flared.
“Maybe because you’re a cold-hearted bitch.”
She flinched like she’d been stung. “Excuse me?”
“Come on, it’s so obvious Joey is in love with you. It’s not that you don’t notice. It’s that you don’t care. People are trying to manipulate your love life because you don’t know how to love on your own. When something good is right in front of you, you don’t even notice. You’re going to die alone and no one will be surprised.”
Her fury disappeared like a blown out candle. The grimace wasn’t on her face, and her nostrils no longer flared. Instead, her eyes watered immediately, like I hit a trigger that made her snap. She blinked her eyes quickly, trying to dispel the moisture but it didn’t work.
Fuck, I’m going to hell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just—”
“Go.” She held up her hand to silence me. “Just leave me alone. Please.” She walked inside her apartment and locked the door.
I stood in the same spot, unsure what to do with myself. Then I heard the sound of her sniff. She was crying on the other side of the door. She must be leaning against it, because when she started to sob I heard every sound.
I fucking hated myself.
Fucking. Hated. Myself.
Katarina
Joey didn’t contact me for almost a week after the night he stopped by the apartment. Perhaps he forgot about it after he passed out. That might be the best thing for both of us. He was on the verge of saying something he couldn’t take back.
I was at home when he texted me.
I’m ready to talk. Can we meet?
So much for forgetting everything. Sure. When?
An hour. At our usual place.
I’ll be there.
I wasn’t sure how this conversation would go. What did he want to say, and more importantly, how would I respond? Ever since I said Cato’s name, our relationship had been turned upside down. Just that simple word had completely changed the game. Could we ever change it back?
***
I was sipping coffee at the diner when he walked inside. He was fifteen minutes late, and I wondered if he did it on purpose. Joey was punctual to the point of boredom.
He slid into the booth across from me, wearing his casual attire once again. He wore a baseball shirt and denim jeans. When he sat down, he rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. But he didn’t look at me. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“Sure.”
He played with his watch for a moment and then the waitress approached.
“What can I get you, handsome?” she asked.
“A coffee,” he answered. “Thank you.”
“Coming right up.” She gave him a smile before she walked away.
“She’s really into you,” I noted. “She hits on you every time we come in here.”
“I know.”
“Then why don’t you go for her? She’s cute.”
He stared at me for a long time. “You know why, Kat. And if you don’t, you need to start paying attention.”
I sat still but felt my body physically react to his words. Adrenaline was released, and my heart started to pound harder than before. I stared at him with a guarded expression, not wanting to give anything away unless I was absolutely sure.
He sighed then ran both of his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry about my behavior the other night. I wasn’t in the right mind and—”
“I know. It’s okay.”
He pulled back his arms and sat back against the booth. “I’m really struggling with this and I’m sorry I’m taking it out on you.”
“Why are you struggling, Joey?” I didn’t want there to be any miscommunication between us. It was a dangerous game to make assumptions.
He was quiet for a long time as he gathered his thoughts. “I’m just going to come out and say the truth. I thought you already knew but apparently you don’t. I’ll spell it out for you.”
I tried to remain calm.
“I’ve always had a thing for you, Kat.” He looked me in the eyes as he said it. “You really didn’t notice?”
“No…” I was embarrassed to admit it. I was usually observant of the world and those around me. But clearly I’d been wrong.
“I’ve felt this way for…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Years. I’m good-looking, I’m wealthy, and we’re really good friends. I just assumed maybe, someday, you would feel the same way.”
That wasn’t possible for me.
“Then Ethan came along and—”
I closed my eyes. Hearing his name still brought me pain. I thought about him every day and would always think of him every day, but it didn’t make it easier to hear other people mention him.
Joey seemed to realize his mistake. “I thought I had a chance after he was gone. I never expected you to love me the way you loved him, of course not, but I thought…I would be the next best thing.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to speak.
“And you told me, numerous times, that a relationship was off the table. Not just with me, but with everyone. It was something you couldn’t have again. And I completely understood that. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. But…I thought we could still have a marriage. Maybe you wouldn’t love me the same way, but we could still be life companions. We could still be friends. And maybe one day…you would grow to love me. And we could have kids.”
I looked out the window because I couldn’t face him.
“But then you brought Cato to the benefit and said you were dating him…for weeks. It went against everything that you said. How could you completely change your mind without telling anyone?”
I wish I could tell him the truth. Then he would understand.
“You were all anyone could talk about that night. No one thought you would bring a man around, especially one who clearly loves you.” He stared at me in shock. “It makes more sense for you to marry me then date someone. It’s completely out of the ordinary and against your character. How could you do this?”
I continued to look out the window. “I assumed you would be happy for me…”
“I am but…I’m just surprised.” He lowered his gaze and stared at his hands. “Why won’t you marry me, Kat? We’re perfect together. What’s stopping you?”
“I don’t love you.”
“And you love this Cato person?” he asked incredulously. “I see the way he looks at you. But I also see the way you look at him. There’s no love there, at all.”
“Even so…”
“Kat, just hear me out.” He leaned over the table and begged me with his eyes. “You can’t love anyone again and I complet
ely understand that. I’m not asking for that. But we could be great together, as friends. We’re both invested in our businesses, we have the same hobbies, and we both want kids. A marriage would be perfect for us. I’m okay with you not loving me. But isn’t it better than being completely alone? And I could…satisfy you.” He watched my face while he spoke. “Come on, Kat. It’s exactly what you want.”
I finally turned to him. “A loveless marriage would be convenient for me, yes. You understand me better than anyone, you know that I’m obsessed with work, and you know my heart is no longer beating and it certainly will never beat for you. You’re a very handsome man, and I’m sure we would have some chemistry in the bedroom. But you’re missing a big factor, Joey.”
“What?” he asked.
“How can I let this happen when you admitted you loved me?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not following.”
“Maybe I can have a loveless marriage. But can you really marry a woman who will never love you?”
“But you might—”
“I won’t,” I said firmly. “There’s no possibility. So, how can I hurt my friend, someone I love, like that?”
“You won’t be hurting me. I understand the situation of the marriage. I’m not expecting you to fall for me. But I hope that you might grow to love me—in a different way.”
I stared down at my hands on the table.
“Just think about it, Kat. I don’t know what you’re doing with Cato but he’s not right for you.”
“Again, you don’t even know him.”
“You aren’t going to fall in love with him though,” he said. “Think about it. You pick me and we get married. Then no one will ever ask you about your love life again. No one will ever question you. Isn’t that what you want?”
I couldn’t believe he was manipulating me into ruining his life. It would be easy for me, even convenient, but Joey was my friend and I really cared about him. “You know what I think?”
“Hmm?”
“I think you deserve the best, Joey.”
He stared at me with bright eyes.
“You deserve a woman who loves you exactly as you are. She’ll treasure the ground you walk on, and every day you come home from work, she’ll look at you like you’re the one person she’s been waiting for. Sex won’t be just an act. It will be passionate and beautiful. And every day when you see her, you’ll wish that time would stop just to enjoy the moment a little longer. I can’t give you that, Joey. And it’s what you deserve.”
He looked out the window and held his silence for a long time. “But you’re the only woman I’ll ever love this way.”
That broke my heart. I wished this wasn’t happening. I wished it hadn’t come to this. “But I’ll never feel the same way.”
“And I don’t care.”
“You will,” I said firmly. “One day you will. And I won’t sabotage the most beautiful thing in the world. You’ll meet the love of your life someday. And you’ll thank me.”
“How about we get married until that day comes,” he said. “If it does.”
“No. If I’m in your life, you’ll never open your mind.”
He sighed in frustration. “Kat, I really—”
“I’ll never change my mind about this, Joey. I love you and I’ll never hurt you like that. If you didn’t love me like that and this was just a proposal for convenience, I would take it in a heartbeat. But under these circumstances, I can’t.”
He sighed and refused to look at me.
“Joey, this is for the best—for both of us.”
“Then what are you doing with Cato?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Fooling around.”
“Just fooling around?” he asked incredulously. “Or is this just an act? Did you just bring him to get your parents off your back?”
I wished he didn’t know me so well. I wished he couldn’t figure me out. “Cato and I have a lot in common. We’re good together. Perhaps he and I can have something convenient someday.”
“That’s not possible,” he said. “The guy is clearly hung up on you.”
I tried not to smirk.
He couldn’t be more wrong about that.
Cato
“Hand her off to me,” Jett said. “If you’re struggling this much.”
I rested my face in my hands. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Her entire family has seen me. She can’t just show up with a different guy and say she’s fallen in love again.”
Jett shrugged then drank his beer. “Maybe you should stop being a dick then.”
I lowered my hands and looked at him, irritated
“What does it matter that she doesn’t remember you?” he asked seriously. “Your pride is that wounded?”
“It’s not about pride…”
“Then what?” he demanded.
Should I just tell him? He teased me a lot but he knew when to be serious. “When she and I had our night together…”
“Yeah?”
“I really liked her,” I admitted. “And when she took off the following morning without even telling me her name, it hurt.” I stared down at the surface of the table because I didn’t want to watch his reaction.
Jett didn’t say anything for a full minute. “But you were only with her for a few hours.”
I shrugged. “It was the first time I ever had a connection with someone. I didn’t want it to end. She’s the best sex I’ve ever had and she’s so cool. It hurt she didn’t feel the same way. Was I the only one who felt it?” I finally looked at him, expecting to see an annoying smirk on his lips or irritation in his eyes.
Jett wasn’t doing either of those things. He had a serious look on his face, and he watched me carefully. “Even two years later, it still bothers you?” There was no sarcasm in his voice. It was a serious question.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “It does. She’s like the one that got away, I guess.”
“Wow…” He nodded even though he wasn’t agreeing to anything.
“What?”
“I just never expected you to feel that way about someone.”
“Neither did I,” I admitted.
“Dude, just tell her.”
“I considered that,” I said darkly.
“And why aren’t you going to tell her?”
I shrugged. “If she doesn’t remember me, that night obviously meant nothing to her. Me reminding her won’t change anything. It wasn’t memorable to her. I accept that.”
“Do you really?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Then you need to stop making this girl cry.”
“I know.” I covered my face again. “Man, I feel like shit.”
“Apologize.”
“I will…”
“You know what I think you should do?”
“Hmm?” I lowered my hands.
“Try to get her to remember without actually telling her.”
I cocked an eyebrow, unsure what he meant.
“You know, take her to Times Square for lunch. Buy some Oreos and make her eat one. Take her to your apartment since she’s already been there. You get what I’m saying?”
“You think that might trigger it?”
“Yeah,” he said. “And see what her reaction is. Maybe she had an accident after that and had temporary amnesia. You don’t know what happened. I find it hard to believe that someone could completely forget someone they’ve already met.”
“I do too…”
“But apologize to her for now…and don’t fuck it up again.”
“I’ll try but you know me.” I sighed at the end.
“And maybe when you’re on better terms, you can start a new relationship. If she’s the cool chick you say she is, then she must still be that person.”
“Actually, she’s really stern and…rigid. She’s not playful like she used to be.”
“Bring it out of her.” He winked at me. “You know you can do it.”
; I was good at soaking panties.
***
I waited outside her door for her to come home from work. I wore dark jeans that hung low on my hips and a gray t-shirt. I asked Danielle’s advice before I came over here, wanting to make sure I looked as attractive as possible. Katarina couldn’t be completely immune. She wanted me once before.
She came down the hallway with her purse and a large satchel, which I assumed carried a million documents inside. It looked heavy, like a kettle bell. She snaked her keys out of her purse as she walked, and she didn’t notice me until she reached her door.
Katarina immediately adjusted her keys until they pointed at me through her knuckles, making them look like sharp daggers that could scratch my eyes out. Once she realized it was me she dropped her hand.
I was glad that was her reaction. Most women were oblivious to their surroundings. I’m glad Katarina knew how to take care of herself. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“I’m not scared of anything.” She unlocked her door and walked inside.
I stayed outside since she never invited me in.
She set her things on the table, and judging the slight shake of the table when she set down her satchel, it was extremely heavy. “How can I help you?” She wore a pencil skirt and pink blouse. Her curves were outlined and I remembered the way her hips felt in my hands when she bounced on my dick.
I shook the thought away before I got hard. “I want to take you out to dinner.”
“Thank you. But, no thank you.” She flattened her shirt with her hand then walked back to me. She rested one hand on the door like she was ready to close it.
“I want to apologize for my behavior last week.”
“Apology accepted.” She started to close the door. “Good night.”
I pushed the door back. “Katarina, have dinner with me.” Now it wasn’t a request. “I admit I was an ass to you and I want to prove that I can be a gentleman. I want us to be friends. Give me another chance.”
She straightened and gave me a powerful look. “Our relationship is strictly business. I don’t care if you’re an ass or not. Just do your job and we won’t have any problems.”