by E. L. Todd
I put my hands in my pockets then came to her side. I looked out the window with her. “It’s a beautiful view.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “It can be distracting sometimes.”
“I can imagine.”
She still wouldn’t look at me.
“Katarina—”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She held up her hand. “You’re wasting your time on me. Trust me.”
I watched her face, noting the brightness in her eyes as they reflected the sunlight. “I don’t agree with that.”
“It’s the truth. I don’t want to fire you because of all the work we’ve already done but I will if I have to.”
I didn’t call her bluff even though I wanted to. I gave her a false sense of security and let her calm down while we looked out the window together. Katarina was good at controlling her emotions. Just a moment ago, she stormed out of the restaurant. But now she was calm and quiet, albeit still upset.
I did something very dangerous but it was the only thing I could think of. I grabbed her hips then scooped her onto her desk. Then I stood between her legs and kissed her.
Katarina’s lips were immobile, practically frozen. Her hands were by her sides, not touching me.
I continued to massage her mouth, trying to ignite a spark of life within her. My hands moved to her waist and I pulled her flush against me, feeling the burn of our bodies.
Then her lips brushed passed mine with delicate tenderness. She tilted her head as she did it, exposing more of her mouth to me.
I took what she offered and kissed her harder. My hand dug into her hair just like before, and I fisted it like I never wanted to stop. I yanked on it gently and pulled her head back, exposing her mouth and throat for me to enjoy.
Her hands moved up my chest and she found the buttons of my shirt. She unbuttoned each one then felt my naked skin. Her fingers moved over the grooves of my abs and my chest. Then they moved to my shoulders and squeezed.
I pulled her skirt up and felt her smooth legs. I loved how toned they were. I wanted to kiss every inch of her and taste the familiar sweetness at the apex of her thighs. My lips left her mouth and I trailed kisses down her jaw to her neck. I ravished her and listened to her breathed hard while I did all the things I already knew she liked. My hands moved to her breasts and I groped them outside her shirt, remembering their perkiness and roundness. A quiet moan escaped her throat, and I loved the way it sounded. Everything was the same as that night. Nothing had changed despite the passage of time.
I picked her up then carried her to the couch against the wall. I lay her down and moved over her. Her legs automatically wrapped around my waist and she dug her fingers into my hair. My hard-on was pressed against her, and I knew she could feel it through my jeans. I rubbed it against her clitoris slightly through her underwear, giving her some enjoyable friction.
Fifteen minutes passed and we were hot and heavy the entire time. My hand explored her body through her clothes, not wanting to rush into something we weren’t ready for. I wanted to sleep with her, but I wanted it to be under different conditions than last time.
I wanted her to still be around the next day.
I ended the kiss then pressed my face close to hers. I looked into her eyes, seeing my desire reflected back at me. “Let’s not pretend there’s nothing here. I’m tired of doing that. We’re going to give this a chance and see where it goes. That’s not a request.” I rose from the couch then adjusted my clothes. I buttoned up my shirt then fixed my hair.
I loved kissing her but I did it to prove a point. She wanted me the way I wanted her. And it wasn’t just physical. There was a connection between us. I felt it two years ago and I’m pretty sure she felt it now.
“I’ll see you on Saturday.”
She sat up then pulled down her skirt. “What’s Saturday?”
“Paintballing.”
Katarina
My relationship with Cato was confusing.
When I first hired him, he was rude to me, making jabs whenever possible. When he insulted me, I never really understood why. And he refused to tell me why he disliked me so much.
Then he completely changed.
We became friends and did activities together.
Then he started kissing me in front of my family.
Then he started kissing me whenever he felt like it.
And now I was kissing him back.
My emotions confused me because I hadn’t felt this way in many years. Cato was extremely handsome and easy on the eyes. I was attracted to him in a physical way, wanting a night of meaningless passion. But I also wanted something more.
And that made me feel guilty.
Ethan and I had a short time together, but he was the man I married. I missed him every day, and even though five years had gone by it didn’t change the way I felt. Sometimes I thought he would walk through the door after work and give me a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes I thought I heard his voice even though it was just my imagination.
After he passed away, I knew I would never marry again. I knew I wouldn’t even date again. Sometimes people could love more than once but I didn’t think that was possible for me. I had my shot and then it came and went. While I had physical needs that needed to be met, I kept my heart unencumbered.
But now Cato was making me doubt all of that.
I didn’t know what to do. When he kissed me, I couldn’t stop. When he moved his hands across my body I didn’t want him to pull away. Even though his cocky smile was annoying and irritating, I found myself thinking about it throughout the day.
What did that mean?
Was it possible that I was starting to have feelings…for another man?
I didn’t know what to make of it. Guilt and shame weighed on my shoulders, and I felt like a terrible person. Ethan told me he wanted me to move on if something ever happened to him but I couldn’t picture myself actually doing it.
Until now.
***
I knocked on the door with the tray of fruit in my hands.
My mother-in-law, Cindy, opened the door. She had the same blue eyes Ethan had, and it was nice to see them and remember the way he used to look at me. She gave me a big smile and greeted me like I was her own daughter—like always. “So glad you’re here. Come in.” She ushered me over the doorstep.
“I brought fruit,” I said.
“Thank you, dear. Everyone loves fruit.” She put her arm around me and walked me to the kitchen table.
Jim was reading the paper while he sat. A cup of coffee was in front of him.
“Honey, Kat is here,” Cindy said.
When he turned to me, a genuine grin stretched on his face. “Hey, beautiful.” He stood up and hugged me.
“Hey, Jim.” I returned the embrace. “How’s the hardware store?”
“Same as always,” he said. “No complaints.”
Ethan’s brother hugged me next. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey, Gabe.” He looked a lot like his brother so it was nice to feel connected to Ethan even though he wasn’t around anymore.
“Fruit?” He made a disgusted face. “That’s too healthy for us and you know it.” There was a teasing note to his voice.
“I need to keep you guys in line.” I set it on the table and took a seat.
Cindy put the plates down and we ate lunch together.
“How are the grapes?” Jim asked.
“Ripe,” I said. “We’re having a good harvest this year. We changed the soil this planting season and it’s made all the difference in the world.”
“That’s great,” Cindy said.
“Are you drunk at work a lot?” Gabe asked.
“What?” I asked. “What kind of question is that?”
“Well, aren’t you sampling wine all the time?” he asked seriously.
“No,” I said with a laugh. “Well, only sometimes…”
“I wish I could be drunk at work.” Gabe was a few years younger tha
n Ethan, and I knew he missed him as much as I did.
“We went to Coney Island last weekend,” Cindy said. “We had a lot of fun.”
“I ate three hotdogs because they were so good,” Jim said.
“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed. “But that has heartburn written all over it.”
“Tums,” Jim said with a wink.
We had small talk about the weather and the high volume of tourists in the city. They repainted the inside of their house and it looked great. Jim told me he did the work himself, and it could pass as professional work. They asked about my family and the wine business.
“So, Kat…are you seeing anyone?” Cindy asked.
She asked me this question a few times over the past two years. My answer was always the same. “No.” I looked at my food as I said it.
Cindy exchanged glances with Jim, and I caught the look in my peripheral vision.
I decided to change the subject before it became too awkward. “You guys should visit Myrtle Beach sometime. It’s really beautiful and the waves are always good enough for surfing.”
Cindy abandoned her food and rested her elbows on the table. “Honey, we all know you loved Ethan with everything you had. You still miss him, and of course we miss him too. But…you’ve waited long enough. It’s time to move on.”
They’d never said anything like that to me before and I wasn’t sure how to respond.
Gabe nodded. “My brother wouldn’t want you to be alone forever, Kat. He would want you to be happy.”
“And you aren’t happy,” Jim said.
I stared at my food because I wasn’t sure whom to look at.
“Don’t feel guilty,” Cindy said. “Appreciate the time you had together and never forget him, but don’t stop living your life because of it. You’re still our daughter no matter what. But find a man to introduce us to.”
I felt cornered. All eyes were on me. “I’ll think about it.”
“Will you really think about it?” Cindy asked. “Or are you just saying that so we’ll drop the subject?”
Ethan’s mom knew me better than my own mom. “The second one.”
She scooted her chair close to me then rubbed my back. “I know it’s hard. I do. But you really need to get out there again. We want grandkids.” She gave me a smile and patted me on the back.
“It’s just…hard for me to imagine being with anyone else.”
“I know,” she said sympathetically. “I really do. We all do. But that’s never going to happen if you don’t at least have an open mind about it. Go on a few dates and experiment. You’re too young not to give love another shot.”
I nodded. “Okay, I’ll think about it—for real this time.”
Cindy smiled, and the look reached her eyes. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear.”
***
Cato was leaning against the door when I opened it. “You ready for this?” His arms were across his chest, and they bulged with muscle.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve never played.”
He looked over my shoulder into my apartment. “Are you ever going to invite me inside?”
“Not if you’re rude about it.”
“Well, you aren’t leaving me a choice.” He pushed past me and entered the apartment. He looked around then faced me. “Where is it?”
“What?”
“The picture of us. It better not be in the bathroom.”
I smiled at his words. “Coffee table.”
He walked into the living room and sat on the couch. He grabbed the picture frame and examined it. “It looks good here,” he said with a nod. “I’m glad it didn’t get stuck in the bathroom.”
I chuckled as I sat beside him. “It was a close call…”
There were other pictures on the table, some of me and my friends at the beach, and a few of Ethan and I. I refused to take them down just because he was gone. We had a lot of happy memories I would never forget. Cato examined them but didn’t comment.
He turned to me with his arms resting on his thighs. He looked me up and down. “I sincerely hope you aren’t wearing that.”
I looked down at my white blouse and skinny jeans. “What’s wrong with it?”
“You want it to get covered in paint?”
“No…”
He sighed. “Wear something you don’t mind getting ruined.”
“Well, a heads up would have been nice.”
“I assumed you would figure out paint was involved since it’s called paintballing.” He rolled his eyes.
“Don’t be a douche.”
“A douche?” A laugh escaped his lips. “I’ve been called a lot of things but never that.”
“First time for everything, right?” I stood up to head to my room.
Cato snatched me and pulled me into his lap. “So, still thinking about that last kiss we had?” A cocky grin was on his face and he pulled me close to him, wrapping his thick arms around me so I couldn’t escape.
“We kissed?”
Both of his eyebrows shot up. “You don’t remember?” Panic came into his eyes.
A large smile broke out on my face. “Kidding.”
He growled at me then gave me a hard kiss. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
I returned the embrace before I untangled myself from his grasp.
He was still leaning forward, like he had no intention of letting me go.
“There’s something I want to tell you. I don’t like to talk about it but you should know since…you want this to go somewhere.”
His eyes turned serious as he examined my face. “I already know, Katarina.”
My eyes narrowed because I didn’t know what he was talking about. What did he think he knew?
“Joey told me. I’m sorry.”
My heart beat fast in my chest. Adrenaline spiked in my blood. He knew about Ethan and I had no idea. It caught me off guard that he already knew the truth but I guess it made it easier.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he said sincerely. “It must have been hard.”
“Yeah…” I couldn’t think of a better response.
He watched my face but kept his arms around me.
“I’ve been alone for the past five years,” I explained. “I have physical relationships with men but nothing beyond that. He told me he wanted me to move on…but I just haven’t wanted to.”
“I think you should,” he said. “Five years is a long time, Katarina.”
“I know it is. And I know it would make him happy. He wouldn’t want me to be alone for the rest of my life.”
“Then give it a shot.”
“It’s still hard to do…”
“Take it slow,” he said. “There’s no rush.”
“But…doesn’t it bother you I’ve already been married?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Why would it?”
“Well…I don’t think anyone’s ideal relationship is with a widow.” Was I missing something here? No one dreamed of a spouse that had already been married, especially since we were so young. I met Ethan at a very young age but that didn’t stop me from marrying him.
“No, I guess not,” he said. “But I’ve been around a lot. I’ve slept with more girls than I can count, and I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one person before. But with you…I do. The fact you were once married doesn’t bother me. And I think it’s been enough time since he passed away that it’s appropriate for you to move on.”
Cato was one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen, and the fact he wanted to be with me was beyond my understanding. “I’m a widowed workaholic. What do you see in me?”
“I see a cool ass chick.” He gave me that smirk I’d grown fond of.
It was hard not to melt. Cato lowered my defenses and made me soften. “Okay…but I can’t promise anything.”
“I’m not asking for promises.”
“I just…need to take this slow.”
“Works for me.” A dimple formed
in each cheek.
“I’ve been with other men because I have needs but I’ve never—”
He covered my mouth with his hand. “Stop explaining yourself. You talk too much.”
My eyes widened in offense.
He kept his hand over my mouth and chuckled. “Much better.”
I yanked his arm down. “Jerk.”
“But I’m hot so I can get away with it.”
“Not that hot.” I stood up to head to my room.
He smacked my ass playfully. “Not put some real clothes on.”
***
We drove to a paintball range on private land in Connecticut. Cato pulled his car over to the side of the road then we got out and opened the trunk. Guns and shields were in the back, as well as the gear.
He grabbed a few things and started to put them on me.
“I have to wear this?” I asked.
“You look stupid but you’ll be grateful you wore it.” He put the goggles over my eyes then handed me the gun.
I stared at it, surprised how heavy it was. “I’m supposed to shoot people with this?”
“No, you’re supposed to throw it at them.” He slammed the trunk shut and locked it.
“You’re really sarcastic, you know that?”
“And you’re damn fine.” He tore my mask off and gave me a quick kiss. “Now shut up and let’s go.”
“Why don’t you shut up for once?”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “You know exactly how to do that, Milkshake.”
I smacked him in the arm playfully.
We reached the entrance area and it was covered in dirt. The area had different trees and buildings for cover. It was an extensive course, easy to get lost in. People were already there, standing near an ice chest as they drank their beers and water.
“Hey, assholes. This is Katarina.” He put his arm around me. “But call her Kat. Only I call her Katarina.” He turned to me and wiggled his eyebrows again.
I rolled my eyes dramatically.
“I’m Rhett.” A good-looking brunette shook my hand. “And this is my lady, Aspen.”
She and I shook hands.
He introduced me to the rest of his friends. Every one of the guys was too good-looking to be real.
“They work with you and Beautiful Entourage, don’t they?” I asked.