Galahad in Blue Jeans

by Sara Orwig

  Matt held her, moving slowly, feeling her hips thrust against him, each movement a searing taunt. He was like a starving man at a feast. He had wanted to love her, but in his imaginings it would stop there. Now, in reality, he didn’t want to stop, and so soon after they had loved, she did something, gave him a look or touched him, and he was consumed by an even larger need for her.

  “I can’t get enough of you, Vivian,” he said harshly, his voice a rasp.

  “I hope not,” she replied, and then they kissed and words were gone, but he wondered about her answer..What had she meant? Thoughts ceased, and he loved her until both of them lay gasping in each other’s embrace.

  “Are we going to sleep tonight?” she asked languidly.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t for the past month, so why should I tonight when I can do what I’ve been wanting to do every night for over a month now?”

  She tightened her arms around him and moved closer against him, her face tucked against his throat. “I didn’t know loving could ever be like this.”

  “Nope,” he answered gruffly while his hand stroked her shoulder and played with her hair. “Neither did I, Vivian.”

  They lay quietly in each other’s arms, and Vivian thought only of the past few hours. She would do what he suggested—keep tomorrow out of thought. When she heard his steady breathing, she shifted to look at him. She loved him completely and forever.

  Why did love come like this, so unexpected, even unwanted? Slipping up on a person like seasons changing or days lengthening—something that was happening around you, but you never noticed until it was a fact.

  She knew he hadn’t changed. He didn’t see her as part of his future. Reality intruded painfully. She blanked out her worries and held him close, kissing him lightly.

  She dozed to wake to his kisses. They loved again and then slept until she heard Julia’s cries.

  Extricating herself, she slipped out of bed, trying to find her clothes, pulling on his shirt, which would cover her to mid-thigh.

  “Want me to get her?” Matt’s deep voice was a lazy rumble in the stillness.

  “No. I have to feed her.”

  He came out of bed and crossed the room to her to take her into his arms and kiss her, a kiss that contradicted all his words about barriers and differences.

  “I have to go.” She turned away, regretful that their idyllic interlude was over.

  Chapter 14

  While Vivian fed and rocked the baby, her thoughts drifted to Matt. She was in love with him. The night had been magical, something already moving into memory, yet a memory that would last forever.

  Her feelings for him both surprised her and seemed inevitable. Maybe she had started falling in love with him that first day. She knew his toughness, his charm, his vulnerabilities. Yet in the depth of his heart, was love still locked away?

  He wasn’t going to change or propose or make a commitment. If he had been ready to establish something lasting, last night would have been the time. Everything he had done had conveyed love except the spoken words.

  Was there love in his heart? Was it because of old inadequacies that he couldn’t declare his love? He had told her about his past—that he had never known love before, never known what it meant to be a family. She knew he was sensitive about his country ways, too, and he viewed her as far more educated and sophisticated. Did he still feel their differences were so great, and was he misjudging the depth of her feelings?

  There were moments he could be very articulate, but he still kept his deepest feelings to himself. She was certain she would never have known about his reading inability if it hadn’t been that he thought he would hurt Mary Catherine. That and the close bond from Julia’s birth.

  Vivian knew Matt had opened himself up to her more than anyone else in his life, but he had to open his heart completely if he wanted her to stay.

  To stay. She hadn’t thought about it before because it hadn’t been a consideration. She couldn’t stay now, of course, because he hadn’t asked her to. But did she want to take off for Houston next week? She could stay a little longer. He had asked her to do that. Yet more nights like last night and it would tear her to pieces to leave him.

  Here she had done exactly what she had cautioned herself against when she first came—fallen in love with him. The special magic chemistry between them was irresistible and Matt had so many wonderful qualities. But his self-sufficiency and worries over his past and over what he perceived as his inability to have a lasting relationship were a barrier between them.

  Should she pack and go right away and put distance between them and then see if she still was in love with him? Logic said yes. How could she reason anything out when she’d spent a night like last night in his arms? Impossible.

  Last night. Thoughts and memories heated her and tormented her because she wanted to be with him again right now. Already, it seemed she had been away from him far too long when actually it had been less than an hour.

  But she knew the barriers were up now, keeping a distance between himself and everyone else. What had last night meant to him? There had been no indication by his words that he wanted more from her than that one night.

  At the same time, he acted like a man in love. The words he had said to her hadn’t been casual or lighthearted.

  Vivian rocked the baby and let memories tumble in her mind until she heard the phone ring.

  She held Julia against her shoulder and went to find Matt.

  She heard him in the kitchen and her pulse jumped at the prospect of seeing him. When she stepped into the room, he looked around and then his gaze slowly trailed down over her and she remembered she was wearing only his shirt.

  “My shirt never looked so good,” he drawled, sauntering across the room. He was bare-chested, dressed in jeans. He glanced at Julia. “How’s little baby?”

  “She’s fine,” Vivian said perfunctorily, too aware of Matt closing the distance between them. He didn’t stop, but walked up to her and kissed her lightly. He put his arm around her waist, yet stood back because of the baby, then his hand slid down and back up, pushing up the shirt and running his hand across her bottom. The touch was light, yet it awakened desire.

  “Matt,” she whispered.

  “I didn’t want you to forget.”

  “I’ll never forget,” she replied solemnly, and he drew in a long breath. She moved away from him. “I heard the phone ring.”

  “It was Sheriff Gonzales. He wanted us to know he found the motel where Rocky Thornton is staying in Enid. Chet has a deputy watching him.”

  She nodded, unable to think about Rocky Thornton and not really caring. Matt stood only a few feet away and his caress had ignited fires in her again. “I’ll dress,” she said, turning and hurrying toward the door.

  “Vivian. Don’t go.”

  Her heart stopped and she held her breath.

  “Stay here until Baker gives up and Thornton goes back to Denver.”

  She let out her breath. What had she expected from Matt? Why would he suddenly open up and ask her to stay forever? If he had been thinking about forever, he would have asked her in the night.

  “I’ll think about it, Matt,” she said, hurrying away from him. When was she going to go? And was she going back to his bed every night until she packed and left?

  She showered, dressed and found Matt lingering on the porch over a cup of coffee. He stood the moment she came out and pulled out a chair for her.

  “My brother called.”

  “I didn’t hear the phone, but then I was in the shower.”

  “It’s all set. They’ll be here Saturday around noon.”

  She had to laugh. “Did you tell them that’s the weekend I had planned to go?”

  Something dickered in Matt’s eyes, and he studied her while she wondered what was running through his mind. “No, I didn’t tell Jared that.” He leaned across the table and took her hand. “I’m glad you’re staying,” he said, his dark eyes boring into her. He st
ood. “As much as I’d like to stay right here with you, I have work to do. Pete will be driving Lita here.”

  “Pete’s bringing her?”

  “He doesn’t think she should drive any longer, so yes, he is. He sleeps on her sofa.”

  “You and Pete are nice guys.”

  “Yep, we’re adorable,” he said with a grin as he came around the table, pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  When he released her, she opened her eyes to find him watching her intently. “I’ll miss you. I’ll call you.”

  She nodded and watched him stride away, her emotions swirling. He acts like a man in love, she thought. She needed to sort through her feelings and make some decisions and talk to him tonight.

  It was late that night when they sat in the dark on the porch and the girls both slept.

  “Come here, Vivian,” Matt said, taking her hand, his voice becoming husky. “Come sit on my lap.”

  “Let’s talk first.”

  He stood and took both her hands, pulling her to her feet and then picking her up. He sat down with her on his lap. “Women talk too much sometimes.”

  “Well, maybe if women talked half as much and men talked twice as much we’d all be happy,” she snapped.

  He chuckled as he ran his hand along her thigh. She caught his wrist and held his hand still. “Matt, listen to me.”

  “Sure, darlin’,” he whispered, and leaned forward to kiss her throat.

  For a minute sensations took all her attention. The sparks danced into flames between them and desire kindled in her. Erotic thoughts spilled in her mind and she closed her eyes, yielding to him.

  His hands were everywhere while he kissed her, his mouth and his tongue ending rational thought. Her hands trailed over him, pulling away his shirt.

  “Matt, we’re outside—”

  “It’s dark. No one is within miles of us. The girls are inside asleep and you can hear them if they wake,” he whispered, pulling off her T-shirt and tossing it aside. He unfastened her bra and it fell in a heap on the porch.

  “I wanted to discuss—”

  He cupped her breast to take her nipple in his mouth, his tongue stroking her until she wanted him and all her resolutions burned away.

  With shaking hands she unbuttoned his jeans. Cradling her in his arms, Matt leaned over her to kiss her while his hands tugged down her cutoffs. When they fell away, he pushed away the lace panties and then his hands were on her bare body, an exquisite torment that made her writhe and twist against him.

  She slid off his lap, going down, her tongue trailing over him as she knelt between his knees and took his shaft in her hand to kiss him. He gasped and wound his fingers in her hair.

  “Do you like that, Matt?” she whispered. “Do you?”

  “Yes,” he answered, the word little more than a growl.

  “Then tell me,” she said, letting her tongue trail slowly up over him. “Tell me!” she insisted, suddenly wanting other words from him.

  He groaned and opened his eyes and their dark depths were stormy. He reached down under her arms to pull her up roughly. “I’ll tell you, Vivian,” he whispered, spreading her legs and pulling her over him to straddle him. “I want you. I want inside you now. I want your softness, your warmth. There, there—”

  He broke off as she slid over him and he pulled her hips down, impaling her and then moving as she moved. Both were lost then and she clung to his shoulders, aware of his hands, yet more aware of his filling her, driving her wild and both of them moving in a frenzy.

  Release exploded in her and she cried out, clinging to him, lost in sensation and only dimly hearing his hoarse cry.

  Gradually, she became conscious of the world around her, of lying in his arms, draped over him, her head on his shoulder while he stroked her back and murmured endearments to her.

  “I wasn’t going to do that until we talked.”

  “But you did and it was grand,” he said with male smugness.

  He stood, groaning as he lifted her in his arms. He carried her to a bathroom and stood her in the shower and they washed and caressed and loved again.

  Later, in his bed, she sat up, pulling up the sheet and looking down at him. He lay with the sheet over him to his waist and his arms folded behind his head. “You got your way,” she said.

  “Did I really? You sound as if I tied you down and had my way with you.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” she said in exasperation, knowing he was going to twist things around and tease her.

  “I seem to remember some enthusiasm on your part and your getting your way a little there, too.”

  “Yes, I did. I like to love you—”

  “Oh, darlin’,” he said, reaching for her.

  She pushed him back down on the bed, her fingers splayed on his chest. “Now, you listen to me, Matt White-wolf—”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “I’ve been trying to talk to you since hours ago.”

  “Could’ve fooled me. I thought you were trying to do something else. All those kisses—”

  “Matt!”

  He grinned and put his hands behind his head. “I promise. I’ll listen and I’ll stop talking. It would be nice if you’d take that sheet off, though.”

  “No, I’m not giving up the sheet,” she said, holding it closer in front of her as she sat cross-legged beside him. “Then I’ll forget what I’m going to say and you’ll be kissing me again.”

  “That would be bad?”

  “Are you going to listen?”

  “Promise,” he said, and closed his mouth.

  She wanted to shake him and she wanted to kiss him. She knew he was teasing her, but she wondered, too, if he was trying to avoid what was inevitable.

  “Matt, last night and tonight are special. So very special, but we’re rushing headlong into something and I need to sort out my feelings.”

  “I didn’t feel like we were rushing headlong at all,” he said solemnly, trailing his fingers over her knee. Even though she was covered with the sheet, she could feel the strokes of his hand and that slight touch was distracting, making her tingle.

  “I can’t move into your bedroom and then next week go blithely on to Houston.” She looked away because it was too difficult to look into his piercing dark eyes and pour out her feelings. “Several more nights and I’ll be so in love—” She turned around to face him again. “I don’t want to leave here with bigger hurts and worries than I had when I came.”

  Her heart drummed as he sat in silence and stared at her and she could feel walls and barriers coming between them.

  “I know you have your life the way you want it, but I have to think about how much hurt I want to stand.”

  “I suppose you’re right, Vivian. I figured I’d worry about tomorrow when it comes.”

  “Well, I think I’ll have a lot bigger hurt if I’m in your bed every night this week.”

  Another silence fell. Why couldn’t he open up and tell her his feelings? Yet she knew that on occasion he had and he might again, and until he did, she would just have to wait and hope.

  “So we just act like last night and the past hour never happened?” he said gruffly.

  “That’s impossible.” She hurt and she wanted to slide over into his arms, kiss him and forget tomorrow. But tomorrow would come with all its problems and pain, so she might as well face it

  “I need to know what you feel for me,” she said bluntly.

  “Hell, Vivian, you should know after last night and the past hour,” he said. “I know we don’t have a future together. You have your business and your girls and your life. I’ve always known that, but we’ve got this time together and it’s special. Come here,” he said gruffly, sitting up to take her into his arms and kiss her.

  She wanted to push away and tell him to listen, but then his kisses stopped her and the realization that he might have just said all he wanted to say also stopped her. Maybe he didn’t feel what she did. If he did feel the same in his heart, h
e would have to come to face it in his own way. He would have to open his heart to her and tell her, express love or commitment or tell her goodbye. Otherwise, there was no choice left for her but to go out of his life.

  Julia began to cry and Vivian stepped out of bed and wrapped the sheet around her, her gaze sweeping over him before she left to get the baby. With her door closed in her room, she sat and rocked Julia and thought about the conversation she’d just had with Matt.

  She knew Matt had spent a lifetime with his feelings bottled up inside, and his reticence couldn’t change overnight. And she shouldn’t tell him she was in love with him because if he didn’t deeply love her, it would just make him miserable.

  She thought about the words she wanted to hear from him. She needed to think beyond them. If he said he wanted her to stay, that he was in love—would she want to give up the future she had envisioned for herself and the girls?

  She couldn’t imagine going to Houston to live. She couldn’t stay on his farm, but she didn’t have to go across Texas. She had selected Houston as a nice city to bring up the girls, a place big enough for her business to grow, a good climate. Now she didn’t want to get that far away from Matt.

  Until Matt wanted a commitment, she would have to pack and go, but she couldn’t imagine going out of his life completely. What about one of Oklahoma’s cities, which would be so much closer to his farm and where she could still be with him often?

  Rocking slowly, she considered the possibilities. Oklahoma seemed better. Houston had begun to loom as far away, a final break with Matt. If she moved to Oklahoma City or Tulsa, she wouldn’t be so out of reach. She would be near enough that their proximity could give their relationship a chance to develop and Matt a chance to learn to trust her with his feelings.

  She knew the amount of money Baker had offered her had shocked Matt and he hadn’t thought of her business being large until then. The differences between them seemed so large to Matt, and had loomed gigantic to her until last week. Could she give up a city life, her demanding business? Life on the farm was different from any way of living she had ever known. Did she really want that? She had to decide because if she didn’t, she should pack and go as soon as possible.