The Sleeping Serpent: A woman's struggle to break an obsessive bond with her yoga master

by Luna Saint Claire

  “Well, first it’s the story of a twelve-year-old Native American girl, in the early eighteen-hundreds. She is accidentally stranded with her little brother on an island off the coast of California when the entire tribe leaves. It’s about loss and survival. It’s beautiful.”

  “Ah…so a lot like Call of the Wild.”

  Luna smiled at him. He was naturally intelligent and intuitive, making him excellent at his chosen profession. “You are a lot like her, aren’t you, Luna bella?”

  “Who?” She’d been thinking about that night, how their feet were touching on the sofa.

  “The girl in the dolphin story. Never mind. What are some other books that made you who you are?”

  In high school, I read Siddhartha. I had always questioned traditional religions…and that book, about finding spiritual meaning in our existence…well, that was huge for me…”

  “Me too! I like spiritual stories. Like the poem you sent me. The one about the ocean. It reminds me of Malibu…”

  She just wanted to kiss him right then and there, but that wasn’t possible. She missed walking along the beach with him, their feet caressed by the surf, with the smell of the salt water clinging to their skin and hair. The memory of Nico holding her hand, the wind blowing her hair and him suddenly gazing at her, mystified. How the sunlight reflected in his eyes when he said she looked wild and beautiful there on the beach. It was where they talked, confessing to each other their fears—and their dreams—unsure which would come to pass. That was before she knew the truth about him. About the drugs. And his brutality. Still, they were as eternal as the waves, enduring beyond her lifetime. A constant reminder of time’s continuum.

  The poem she’d given him was one she memorized in college, by the Indian poet Tagore.

  Ceaseless life floats on the stream of ceaseless death.

  To reach what nameless, purposeless shore.

  Does this tiny raft cross the perilous sea?

  What unseen helmsman in my heart is issuing commands without end?

  I know that millions are moving on—

  Something remains, when all is ended.

  “I can’t believe you memorized that!” His eyes beamed admiringly and he laughed. It was a natural, hearty laugh that came out when he wasn’t trying, but was actually fully entertained. “Ah, Luna. I know you’ve read a great many books, but what books changed you?” Luna got the feeling he was searching for something.

  “Lord of the Rings,” the title burst from her lips. “It’s a timeless story that makes you think deeply about human nature…free will…and immortality.”

  “Yeah! I never read the books, but I love the movies.”

  Luna loved that Nico was drawn to the spiritual teachings of yoga with its Hindu origins and the knowledge of the Q’ero paqos that consequently had become integrated into his life. Long ago, she had written him about Taoism, saying Yoda was really a Zen Master, and quoting from The Phantom Menace about fear being the path to the dark side. It was shocking and disheartening to discover that Nico was manipulative and abusive, an emotional vampire who suffered from an uncontrollable craving and pervasive emptiness that could never be filled. His inner turmoil and persistent anxiety were palpable.

  Her own unrest was the result of the ephemeral nature of youth and beauty, over which she had no control. Luna supposed that everyone, other than the most spiritually developed souls, was gripped by desire, hence the Buddhist principle that if you aren’t free from attachment, you are suffering.

  “Nico, you always seem to dig deeper and make me think about things. I love you for that, honey. Your turn. What books influenced you?”

  “I asked you the question, Luna, for a reason…I want to try to understand you better. You’re a great mystery to me.”

  Luna didn’t press further. They sat silently. Neither one commented on the pink halo that hung over the hills, yet they both remained fixated on it. For some reason, with Nico she didn’t feel the need to speak to fill a void.

  The greeting in Facebook Messenger was seemingly innocuous:

  How are you, my dear?

  She’d accepted her friend request, and was now pleasantly surprised to see a private message from Élodie. Luna typed back:

  Fine, thank you. How are you?

  Seeing the location feature was turned off, she added:

  Are you here in L.A.?

  London on business. Please, do not tell Nico I text you, OK?

  Luna felt an instant twinge of guilt—and fear—carrying on this clandestine correspondence. Especially after having written such a harsh e-mail on Nico’s behalf.

  Um, yes. He would be angry. Please delete our conversation when through.

  Élodie cautiously began to open up, referring cryptically to Nico’s “problem.”

  Everything was so good in Abu Dhabi. He was sweet and loving; it was beautiful. When I came to L.A. the next time, he asked me to bring something from a pharmacy here. A hormone, for anti-aging. I know this is in demand and very expensive there. I brought with me 4,000 euros’ worth. He didn’t give me back my money. He tells me to wait for him to sell it.

  Luna was flabbergasted.

  Wow…I had no idea he was doing that. It’s illegal here.

  I know you are his best friend. Maybe you cannot speak with me. When I was there, he gave me a love potion. I know, because I felt it. We made love, like magic. I never felt like that before, with anyone. But days later, he was angry. I am confused. He wants me to live there. He insists I bring money for a big center. But I just met him. I need time. He became rough. I left and went to—how do you say this—cloister.

  Luna was more stunned by her candor than by her words:

  A church? A monastery?

  Yes, I needed to think. I fell very fast in love with Nico. I never loved so much before. But then he showed a different face. I have been crying nonstop. Do you understand?

  I understand you very well. Nico gets very anxious.

  This I believe. But I am sure it is more. I am just telling you so you know. You are close to him. I hope you understand me. I know you will not say I message with you. He wants a lot of money…for this center. I know wealthy, powerful people, but they don’t know him. I cannot risk myself for him when I don’t know. I will wait and see.

  Élodie signed off. Luna sat stunned, still looking at the screen and the typed words in front of her. A wave of panic washed over her as she became terrified Nico would see it.

  Luna waited with Nico at Amaru for Élodie’s plane to land at LAX. They had met up in Cannes, but he had come back to L.A. without her since she had business in Paris and London. He’d been frantic all week, fearing she wouldn’t show up. But now he was sitting on the sofa entertaining Luna with a joyful tune on his new guitar. To make up for being away so often on business, Élodie had bought two round-trip tickets to Maui, and Nico was looking forward to surfing there again. Playfully, Nico asked Luna if she wanted to smoke some pot, but she gave him a critical eye. “Nico, you told me you want to clean up your act, why do you tease like this?”

  “Luna, pot relaxes me. I have this under control. Élodie is coming, and I’ll use this trip to Maui like a spa and cleanse my body and soul.”

  “Well, you better cleanse your mind, too!” she teased.

  Luna heard the click, click, click of a rolling suitcase and Élodie’s musical voice ringing out, announcing her arrival.

  “Baby, in here,” Nico called out. “Why didn’t you text me?”

  “I did. Look at your phone!”

  Nico stood up but didn’t immediately embrace her, so Élodie approached him and put her arms around his neck, kissing him, then nuzzling. But Nico remained aloof. Luna speculated about the game he was playing with her.

  “What, baby? I’m here now—are you happy?”

  “Overjoyed,” he mustered sarcastically.

  Luna found his behavior deviant, or at the very least curious. “What’s up, Nico? Give the girl a kiss!”

 
He obliged Luna and kissed Élodie.

  Satisfied, Luna announced, “Well, I’m heading home and leaving you two love birds. Besides, I’m tired and might be coming down with a cold.”

  “Wait, Luna. I will make you a special tea. It will keep you from getting sick.”

  Élodie piped up, “Ah! Like the potion you made for me? Let’s see…what does he put in the tea?”

  Luna inhaled sharply, afraid Nico might realize she’d communicated with Élodie, but he didn’t. He just went to the kitchen cabinet and began filling mugs with herbs while the kettle heated up. Within minutes, he was handing each of them a steaming brew.

  Speaking to Luna, Élodie announced nonchalantly, “Nico made me a love potion, and now I cannot resist him.”

  Embarrassed by the turn of the conversation, Luna laughed lightly. “I will drink mine and head home to bed—and my husband.” She emphasized the latter. “Nico, give me a hug. I’m not going to see you again before you go. And you’d better behave yourself,” she scolded.

  Taking Luna in a much too passionate embrace, he pressed his body against hers, obviously to annoy Élodie. Laughing, Luna gently pushed him an arms-length away, shaking her head. “You are trouble, Nico.” Looking at Élodie she allayed, “He’s only goofing around.” Wishing them a great trip, she left as quickly as she could.

  When Luna saw that it was Nico calling her from Maui, she picked up right away. “Luna, did you see my watch?” he asked brusquely.

  “What watch?” she asked matter-of-factly.

  Angrily, he assailed, “My Breitling. What do you think I mean?”

  “Nico, I don’t know what you are asking. I’ve seen you wear that watch. But I don’t recall the last time. I don’t think you were wearing it the night Élodie arrived. Did you bring it with you?”

  “I thought I had, but it’s not here.”

  “Then maybe you left it in the apartment, or maybe at the house.”

  “No, I’m sure it is not at the house. I remember. It was in the apartment. You were there. Did you take it?”

  “Did I what?! No! Why would I take your watch?”

  “You were the last person with me. The last person to see it.”

  Furious at the accusation, Luna snapped, “Élodie was with you. Did you ask her if she saw it?”

  “Do you think Élodie would steal my watch?”

  She was getting flustered. He was baiting her, and she was unintentionally becoming defensive. “I didn’t accuse anyone of stealing, I’m sure you just misplaced it.”

  “Luna, I’m warning you. Tell me right now if you took the watch.” His voice was tight and threatening.

  “Nico, I did not take your watch. That’s a ridiculous accusation. I’m hanging up.” The conversation was bizarre, and even though she was safe in her home, she was frightened.

  She was about to hang up when she heard Élodie’s voice sobbing in the background. “Nico, what’s going on there?” Luna demanded.

  “It’s none of your business. We’re working.” Then she heard the phone disconnect.

  Luna was shaken. He was definitely terrorizing Élodie. A few minutes later, another call came in, this time from Élodie. She was screaming and begging for help. “He took my phone! He saw the messages!”

  Luna was paralyzed. All her efforts to regain his trust were lost.

  Nico snatched the phone from Élodie and railed at her, “You did it again, Luna. Inserting yourself in my life. Causing me trouble!”

  “Nico, she messaged me! I didn’t start it! She told me you made her bring human growth hormone into this country illegally! Are you crazy? She could be arrested, and you could, too!”

  “Fuck you, Luna!” The phone went dead.

  Days later, Nico texted:

  I’m on the plane. She left me.

  At least he was speaking to her. She texted back:

  I’ll be here.

  Élodie’s message came soon after:

  I am in hospital in Paris. He kicked me in my head. I have a concussion. All my friends see the bruises on my face and say never return to him.

  I’m sorry Élodie. Truly I am.

  29

  Setting aside her fear of the motorcycle, Luna embraced Nico, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist as if to prevent him from unraveling. When he pulled to a stop, she dismounted too quickly, and Nico caught the bike as it became unstable. Instantly, his eyes blazed and she noticed the momentary glare of admonition, but uncharacteristically, he didn’t scold her. Killing the engine, he inhaled deeply and his body uncoiled upon hearing the sound of the waves. Luna took off her helmet, releasing her hair into the cool mist blowing off the ocean. Closing her eyes, she could taste the salt on her tongue. All her previous attempts to get through to him had been abruptly curtailed. Ranting, he had called her an idiot and crazy, or he’d just hung up on her. Alone with him now, she hoped he would confide in her.

  Holding hands, they walked silently along the deserted beach until Nico began to speak. His words spilled out like a confession, the way they did when he was in church with her. “I did a lot of shit, Luna, and I’ve distorted myself…I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I’m more depressed than ever.”

  “Please, Nico. You are a medicine man. A shaman. Great healers are often wounded. This is who you are, but you don’t have to destroy yourself.”

  “Luna, I let everyone down. I fucked up. But I’ll get myself back together…and I will earn their respect back.”

  Luna kissed the back of his hand, knowing the intimacy of an embrace would make him uncomfortable. “I’m here for you, Nico—whatever you need.”

  When he turned to face her, there were tears in his eyes. “Luna, she’s a liar and she played me…she broke my heart.”

  Luna understood he meant Élodie, and she could feel the weight of his sadness. There weren’t any words to say that would make it better. This time, she held him close, her cold nose against the warm skin of his neck.

  Nico had recently hooked up with a young model named Sloane, who he said was an aspiring actress. Boasting that he was going to make Sloane a big star, he invited Luna to join them to look at a space on Hollywood Boulevard that he said he wanted to convert into a sports bar.

  “A sports bar? Really, Nico? What happened to the wellness center?” Luna asked incredulously.

  He had enticed Sloane with promises that Alexa would get her an agent, but Luna knew it was a lie. Alexa wanted Nico for herself. There would be no way she would help some struggling actress he was fucking. When Luna met them at the office of the realtor she’d introduced to Nico, it was obvious they were high on something. Sloane was tall, with waist-length highlighted brown hair. She wasn’t model thin, as Luna had expected her to be, but rather big-boned and athletic like a racehorse. She giggled incessantly, drawling Nico’s name each time he stuck his hand down the back of her tight white jeans. Thoroughly embarrassed, Luna departed hastily, saying she was late for a meeting. A few hours later when Nico called, she erupted, castigating him. “I was mortified! I’m sure the realtor noticed you were both stoned…and that girl is trailer park trash! How could you, Nico?!”

  Nico hung up, but called her back later, trying to sound convincing.

  “You’re wrong, Luna. She’s a very sweet girl. You don’t know anything! And you owe her an apology. She heard what you said; you were on the speaker. You’re showing your age…we smoked some pot…big deal!”

  “Nico, she is a bad influence on you. She does drugs with you, and I think that’s why you’re with her.”

  “You’re an idiot, Luna! She’s the most beautiful and pure woman I have ever met. The others are all sluts.”

  “I don’t believe you.” As much as she would have liked to believe him, her gut told her otherwise.

  “She loves me. And is devoted to me. And she doesn’t leave me.”

  “Whatever…Nico, please be the healer you’re supposed to be…please…” she begged, practically in tears.

  De
vastated because Nico shut off his phone for days at a time and missed sessions at the studio, Maya began calling and texting Luna every day. Blaming Sloane for corrupting him and accelerating his rapid downward spiral, Maya maligned her, effusively casting her as a low-class drug addict. “Luna, I’m certain he’s dealing. I never told you that Nico asked me to deliver drugs to clients for him, but I refused. I told him he was crazy! That’s why he’s hooked up with that girl. I wouldn’t be his mule…but she obviously will. Then he had the audacity to ask me if I would do a three way with them!”

  Luna welcomed her camaraderie. Maya’s calls made her feel connected to Nico and fueled her with a purpose. Saving him was their shared goal, and they sent each other articles about drug addiction and personality disorders. They created the story of what they believed must have been Nico’s traumatic childhood, and it didn’t matter if it was true; it was close enough. Together, they surmised Sloane not only had become his drug mule, but was fulfilling his compulsion for cocaine-infused all-nighters. Maya knew Nico’s password from paying the bills, and playing detective, she began tracking his cell phone calls, proudly boasting she’d found evidence—the cell phone number of his drug supplier.

  When the gossip about Alexa traveled through her office, Luna called Maya right away. “I just heard Alexa was fired—and that she’s in rehab! Nico had told me she was an addict, but I wasn’t sure it was true until now.”

  “I believed him! I’d hear her on the phone with him…she was a fucking mess, that bitch!” Maya spat, unleashing her obvious hatred.

  Luna chuckled. “Yeah, their relationship was toxic!” She thought about all the conversations she’d had with Nico about Alexa, begging him to sever his ties with her. But Nico wouldn’t forgo the money and connections she afforded him. She loathed Alexa and blamed her for Nico’s demise. Resigned, she sighed, “I suppose they destroyed each other…”

  Now distraught and worried that Nico was going to get arrested, or worse, kill himself with drugs, Luna wrote veiled e-mails pleading with him to go into rehab and get rid of Sloane. Possibly in denial, but definitely paranoid because she was communicating with him over the internet, Nico accused Luna of being crazy and imagining things. Obsessed, Luna angered him further by badgering him and repeating the things he had told her, until he stopped replying altogether.