The Sleeping Serpent: A woman's struggle to break an obsessive bond with her yoga master

by Luna Saint Claire

  Luna spoke calmly while waiting for her to catch her breath. “Élodie, he is too violent. You are lucky to have gotten away…he could have killed you.”

  “Luna, I still love…I will always love…even though I am afraid now.”

  “You have to stay away until he gets help. He’s too dangerous.”

  “How is he, Luna? I am worried that he will have heart attack. I listen to his heart, and it is not normal. I am afraid it will explode. Is he alone? Who is with him? He wrote to me that Sloane is coming back…is this true?”

  “I haven’t heard that. Maya is staying with him at the apartment instead of the house because she has to go to work every day. He closed the studio, and there are no classes. She says he looks terrible and needs to restore himself.”

  “I don’t trust Maya…You see, he always keeps her around…for what?”

  “I don’t know, Élodie…really…I don’t know what to think anymore…”

  It had been a long day on the set, and Maya couldn’t wait to take a shower. Nico had called her at least a dozen times asking when she would be home and reminding her to use her keys because he was locking the front door. Grateful it was Friday, she stopped at the market to stock up on groceries for the weekend. Too exhausted to drive to Temecula that evening, she’d succeeded in convincing him to leave early in the morning instead by promising to make him her mom’s baked chicken with beans and rice recipe. Her arms filled with shopping bags, she walked into the studio and saw Nico sitting cross-legged in Easy Pose, nose gazing. Ethereal harp music by Laaraji was playing, and Nico didn’t acknowledge her when she hastened past him, headed toward the apartment. After unloading the perishables, she preheated the oven and seasoned the chicken, filled a pot of water for the rice that she set on the stove, then headed into the bedroom to take off her sweaty clothes and get into the shower. She’d been choreographing fight scenes and teaching them all week. Every muscle was sore. She would have liked to stay in town over the weekend and get a massage, but Nico wanted to go to the house.

  The hot water felt delightful and she spent a long time shampooing her long thick black hair. After rinsing out the shampoo, she combed in conditioner with Argan oil, letting it absorb while she lathered her body and shaved her legs. She thought she heard voices coming from the studio. It sounded like Nico was arguing with someone. Maybe his father, she thought. He always yelled when they spoke. While rinsing her hair, she heard two pops, consecutively. Her heart raced, and images of her childhood flashed before her eyes. She knew that sound, and her immediate response was to get low. She turned off the water and listened—but now everything was silent. She wanted to hide in the closet, but she wasn’t a child any longer. She was a professional fighter, and her limbs were weapons. Still dripping wet, she ran naked toward the studio. Peering out around the corner, she saw and heard nothing. Turning the corner into the main area where the classes were held, she saw Nico. He was face down, lying in a pool of blood near the threshold of the open front door.

  Maya screamed and ran to him, cursing that she’d left her phone in the bathroom. He wasn’t breathing…and there was a lot of blood. A familiar fragrance hung heavily in the air. Suddenly, it struck her. Élodie! She bolted into the parking lot. Quickly taking in 360 degrees around her, she saw a black SUV pulling out onto Ventura, then ran back inside, this time back to the apartment for her phone.

  Kristi called Luna with an invitation. “I’m taking you to see Amma, which means mother. She’s a Hindu guru called ‘the hugging saint.’ People go to get hugged by Amma. Her followers call it receiving darshan.

  “Oh great! Another guru. Are you sure about this?” Luna laughed. It had been months since Nico had been shot, and Luna was still recovering from the emotional trauma. “What goes on at this event?” she asked dubiously.

  Kristi’s eyes lit up. “Luna, it’s much more than an event! It’s an experience, called darshan.”

  “What’s darshan?” Luna asked curiously.

  “It’s a blessing that brings good fortune and well-being.” Kristi then proudly added, “I’m one of the few people to have been married by Amma.”

  After researching Amma on Wikipedia, Luna discovered she was world famous, having embraced more than thirty-two million people in just thirty years. She also noted Amma was from Kerala, where Nico had once lived. Not one to believe in coincidences, Luna was now eager to see the hugging saint.

  Arriving at the convention center, Luna was stunned by the thousands of people trying to get into the event. As they merged into the mob of attendees, she began to panic. Sensing her distress, Kristi took her hand and walked through the door. Showing an invitation with a red stamp on it must have meant something, because they were let in ahead of the throng on the sidewalk.

  After waiting for hours, with many more people still ahead of her to see Amma, Kristi asked Luna to hold her place while she went to get something to eat. Luna agreed, but after waiting so long, she was about to abandon her spot when a young woman approached, and without explanation, took Luna’s hand, saying, “Come with me.”

  Startled and uncertain why this girl had singled her out, Luna resisted, saying she was saving the space for her friend. But the girl kept hold of her hand and led her forward.

  Silently, she escorted Luna into a cordoned-off space at the front of the assembly hall, where Amma, ageless and ample, sat cloaked in white on a large pillow, surrounded by attendants. Bewildered, Luna realized there were only a handful of people between her and Amma now. The young woman said, “Wait here, and you’ll be told what to do,” then left.

  A young man instructed Luna to remove her shoes and leave her handbag with attendants. Uncomfortable leaving her bag, she hesitated, unsure what to do. Rows of Amma’s attendants knelt facing the area before her. Aware of Luna’s discomfort, a woman reassuringly murmured, “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

  Dazed, Luna wondered if Kristi was looking for her. Then she considered that maybe Kristi had arranged this intervention after detecting her desire to flee. The young man reminded her again to remove her shoes, a sign of respect in many cultures. Obeying him, she apprehensively removed her Rag & Bone ankle boots, mumbling to herself, “Great, I’m going to leave my six hundred dollar boots and go home in someone else’s flip-flops.”

  Another attendant instructed her to kneel and crawl forward. As she got closer to Amma, she felt a tingling sensation throughout her body and couldn’t say if it was just her nerves. As soon as the next person fell into Amma’s arms, the attendant moved her closer. Luna could hear Amma murmuring in what she assumed was Hindi, but later read was Malayalam. As she crawled on her knees closer to Amma, the auditorium full of thousands of devotees dissolved, leaving only the sound of Amma’s unremitting enigmatic chanting. Shrouded by the warm, divine energy emanating from the holy woman, Luna’s euphoric state reminded her of the San Pedro ceremony so long ago. Here, again, it was as though she observed herself from outside her body.

  Bewildered, Luna wondered if she was supposed to say anything, or be thinking of something in particular. Listening to the sound of her own breathing blending with the soothing, monotonous tone of Amma’s indiscernible murmurs, she crept forward. The young man before her fell into Amma’s arms, and Luna was suddenly overcome by the palpable emotion radiating from the scene. She took a deep breath as that man moved away and the attendant tapped her shoulder, signaling her to go. Crawling forward on her hands and knees, Luna fell into Amma’s arms, resting her face like a child against Amma’s voluminous bosom. Though she couldn’t understand the words, she felt an overwhelming shroud of love envelope her, and sobbed uncontrollably—rocked like a baby in the Mother’s arms.

  Did she choose him, or did he choose her? Either way, Luna had been compelled, inexorably bound to Nico before she fully fathomed he was incapable of love—his soul paralyzed without empathy, and the fire in his heart extinguished. Filled with despair, Nico’s pain was excruciating, and his emotions were felt with such inte
nsity that an unintended slight became a betrayal. Instead of sadness there was grief, and a simple annoyance turned into rage—the dysphoria mollified only by possessing another to fill the echoing emptiness and burning hunger.

  Nico’s inability to love, born of whatever curse afflicted him, was the cruelest inhumanity. Yet his damage had been part of the attraction. Drawn to the wounded healer, Luna believed him the elixir vitae, the water of life, granting her eternal youth.

  She’d given herself over to him.

  “What do you want?” his eyes penetrated quizzically, like Mephistopheles to Faust.

  “I’m not sure…”

  “Passion. It’s what everyone wants.”

  She lamented, “I’m getting old. Becoming invisible.”

  Nico awakened her soul inflaming her with a bewildering sense of longing and urgency. She could never go back and endure the mire of complacency she once felt.

  Teetering in the space between light and dark…awake and asleep…death and immortality, Luna was buffeted by the continuous ebb and flow of the tide. Where the white rippling surf had once gently kissed her feet, the undertow now swept her away. Even aware of his nefariousness, the fear of losing Nico had daggered her heart, leaving her for dead.

  Time. Age. Beauty.

  All abstract constructs hovering surreptitiously, sliding in and out of our self-devised paradigms. Nico said convincingly, “Time is of our own creation. Past and present…days and years…exist only through perception, as do daylight and darkness. A star in tonight’s sky may have extinguished long ago.”

  His words washing over her were cleansing, dissolving, seducing. The infinite green pools of his eyes glistened, beckoning her to follow him into the timeless vale. It was dangerous, but not in a way that frightened her. He made her feel like anything was possible. What she had perceived as limitations, were merely illusions. Reasoning that nothing adverse could possibly happen because he was a healer, she took his hand and stepped through the looking glass…the wardrobe…whatever conveyance she’d conceived, erasing the past and the future, entering into a place more brilliant where magic overcame the mundane.

  Like Icarus, warned to fly neither too low nor too high, Luna flew too close to the sun. Resenting the earthly constraints that bound her, she clung futilely to the ephemeral while desire engulfed her. Having placed Nico’s truth above the deepest truth within herself, she’d scorched her wings and fallen into despair.

  Lost in the chimerical realm, she’d forsaken the divine, until Tyler’s enduring love and abiding wisdom reverberated. Evolve spiritually, develop wisdom, and manifest eternal beauty—these are the keys to bliss.

  What she’d once known with certainty, but had fallen into shadow, her suffering had revealed in perfect clarity. Without love there is no humanity. Amma, the aura surrounding her, the soft murmur of her chant resounded with unconditional love. Everything had changed—but was unchanged. What she had desired was no longer necessary.

  Can we ever be certain we know what we want? The higher self always speaks the truth, but is sometimes hidden, veiled by expectations. Though its clarity may be obscured as dust on a mirror—love is eternal.

  READING GROUP GUIDE

  The Sleeping Serpent

  Intelligent, accomplished women may think themselves inviolable, and find it implausible they could fall victim to a narcissistic sociopath. If they unwittingly did, they are certain they would be able to leave, especially when emotionally or physically abused. Victims often blame themselves, but narcissists are adept at compelling their targets and manipulating them, making it difficult to sever the bond.

  Our research covered the gamut from scholarly abstracts and psychology publications, to online support groups and blogs. We learned personality disorders are difficult to diagnose and treat. There are a wide spectrum of symptoms, degrees of severity, and many of these disorders can exist simultaneously. The Sleeping Serpent web site, www.compelledbooks.com contains links to additional reading. Please visit us there to follow us.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. Luna has a loving husband and an enviable job, but she feels her life is conventional and circumscribed. She tells Nico she is getting old and becoming invisible.

  How has society fostered a woman’s need for physical admiration?

  What drew Luna to Nico? Why did she continue to stay involved?

  How is Luna’s addiction to Nico similar to a drug addiction?

  2. Discuss Luna and Tyler’s relationship.

  What is passion versus love?

  How do trust, fear, and jealousy affect love?

  Tyler says that only Luna can sever the bond with Nico, and she has to do it herself. Why?

  Do you think Tyler should have been more insistent that Luna end her relationship with Nico?

  3. The Sleeping Serpent explores the significance of love and our expectations.

  What is unconditional love?

  Why does Luna send Nico Corinthians 13?

  Why is Nico incapable of love? What is empathy?

  What does it mean to be free from desire? What does Luna expect from Nico?

  What does Luna learn about loving herself?

  What role does Amma play in the story?

  4. The notion that only weak and desperate women fall for narcissists is false. Narcissists’ egos are inflated by successfully seducing attractive, accomplished, and compassionate women who are fixers. Narcissistic supply is the sustenance drawn by the narcissist. It can be admiration, money, or anything they value.

  What was each woman supplying Nico?

  How does Nico react when supply is withdrawn?

  5. Tyler explains that blood-sucking vampirism is a metaphor for draining life-force.

  How is Nico able to compel his victims and lead them down this dark path?

  What is love bombing? Do you recognize Nico’s tactics for seduction?

  Do you believe he can actually compel his victim with hypnotism or his special tea?

  Do you think that being compelled by a sociopath or narcissist could never happen to you?

  How might you recognize a sociopath?

  6. Kristi explains the psychic connection called cording that draws life-force.

  Had you heard of cording? How is Nico able to achieve this cording?

  Why didn’t Kristi’s cord cutting work for Luna?

  What are the butterflies in Luna’s solar plexus?

  What was the impetus for Luna to begin her healing journey?

  7. The archetype of the Wounded Healer is evident in Nico’s work as a yoga master and energy healer. The idea, according to Carl Jung, is a healer is most effective when he himself is wounded—his own hurt gives him the empathy to heal.

  How has Nico’s emotional wound affected his ability to use his powers wisely?

  Was Nico ever on the side of light?

  At what point in the story were you first aware Nico has a severe personality disorder?

  8. Sociopathy lies on a spectrum of behaviors, but all those with such disorders are empty shells who are unable to feel love—they have no empathy. They use manipulation and mirroring to control the perception and behavior of others toward them. Luna recognizes this without pinpointing the diagnosis, and believes she can fix Nico with unconditional love.

  Why does Luna believe she can fix Nico? Does this make her a co-dependent?

  How does Nico palliate his emotional pain and suffering?

  When Tyler tells Luna, “It’s like blaming a snake for having fangs,” what do you think he means?

  9. A malignant narcissist is the most extreme and dangerous narcissist, often existing simultaneously with antisocial personality disorder (sociopath). Presenting a lack of empathy and remorse, it is characterized by grandiosity, paranoia, aggression, and sadism.

  Why do you think Nico’s behavior became increasingly more aggressive?

  Do you think that Nico always had a drug problem?

  Why does Nico abuse drugs?

/>   10. Tyler’s love for Luna never wavers. As a spiritual teacher, he is not controlling.

  How do you feel about Tyler’s spiritual nature and expression of love?

  Do you think Tyler helped Luna sever the bond with Nico?

  How does Luna’s understanding of herself and her desires change by the end of the novel?

  What did Luna learn through her relationship with Nico?