by Aven Ellis
It seems like an eternity before Matt speaks, and I know he’s trying to think of a way to break it off with me. He might have been able to deal with everything else, but not this. Not for a sexually active man like himself.
Despite my efforts, a sob escapes my throat, and Matt’s eyes grow watery in response.
“I don’t know what to say,” Matt says, his own voice thick.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I say, turning my head away as my heart breaks. “I understand.”
“No, I do,” he says, his voice firm. “Look at me, Holly. Please look at me.”
I turn back to face him, but Matt is blurry in my eyes.
“This means more to me than you could ever know,” he whispers. “To think you are choosing me for this. But you know my past. You only have one first time. Are you sure you want it to be with a man like me?”
He’s questioning if he’s good enough for me. Most guys would either run screaming from a virgin at this point or take advantage of it. Matt wants to make sure he’s the right choice. He’s putting his own needs aside for mine.
And as I gaze up into his face, filled with nothing but concern for me, I know.
I love him.
“There is nobody else I want,” I say. “I want to be with you. You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted to make love to.”
“We can wait as long as you need,” he assures me, his blue eyes holding steady on mine. “I don’t care about that. Being with you like this is more than enough.”
I’m moved by his words. I know Matt means them, but I know what I want.
And it’s time to tell him so.
“When I envisioned losing my virginity,” I say, “I always had a plan in mind. How I would dress, the setting, all the details of how it would be. But I don’t want that now. I’ve waited two years for you. I don’t want to wait anymore. I don’t need a plan. All I need is you tonight. Just you.”
Matt is silent for a moment before he speaks.
“You’re sure?” he asks gently. “You’re certain you want this?”
I nod. “I am. I’m glad I waited for you. For tonight.”
“Thank you for waiting for me,” he says, his voice full of emotion.
Then he closes his mouth over mine, letting me know that he is going to be the first man to make love to me.
Love fills every inch of me the second his lips touch mine. I kiss him back, telling him our time is now. I’m ready to experience what it’s like to make love.
Our kiss grows passionate, and desire lights inside of me. Our bodies are entwined in the snow. I feel Matt pressed against me, and I know he wants this moment now as much as I do.
His mouth grows more demanding, his tongue taking more from me. A moan escapes my lips, and he responds by kissing me harder. His hands skim over my coat, then down my legs, and now I’m shaking.
Matt breaks the kiss and pushes himself back from me. Then he scoops me up in his arms, his mouth reclaiming mine as he carries me across the snow.
I wind my hands around his neck, wanting to remember all of this. The scent of the snow, the heat from his skin, the snowflakes dusting his golden curls. I kiss him deeply, tasting him, needing him, imagining what it’s going to be like to be with him for the first time.
Matt pushes open the door to the house but doesn’t put me down. His mouth continues to move against mine as he carries me up the stairs.
My heart is pounding as I realize we’re heading to his bedroom. This is happening now. We are going to be together in every way.
Matt is going to make love to me.
We reach his room, and Matt sets me down next to his king-sized bed. He cups my face in his hands, his mouth once again reclaiming mine.
“You’re cold, Snow Angel,” he murmurs against my lips.
He lowers his hands to my sash, untying it as we kiss. I shimmy out of my coat, and then I take off my gloves, needing to feel his skin with my hands.
I place my bare hands against his face, golden stubble from the day scratching sexily against my fingertips. I kiss him harder. Matt shakes out of his coat and rips off his gloves. His hands immediately go to my hair, raking through it as his tongue seeks more from me.
“I want this,” I whisper against his mouth. “I want you.”
A groan of need escapes his throat, and my body eagerly responds to the sound. There’s no fear in me. I want Matt to love me, to be inside of me, to teach me. I have no doubts that I did the right thing by waiting.
Because now I get to experience this with the man I love.
Matt’s hands move up to my scarf, undoing it and tossing it aside. One hand slides up to the back of my neck, to my head, cradling it. He lowers his lips to my collarbone, kissing me all the way up the side of my neck.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs against my skin. “I never dreamed I could have you. Never.”
“You have me,” I say, my voice ragged with need. “All of me.”
Matt lifts his head. “I want every inch of you tonight,” he says, his breathing hard. “I need you.”
Then his mouth reclaims mine, crushing me to him. Matt’s hand skims over my body, down to the bottom of my sweater. He begins to push it up, and I lift my arms so he can remove it.
Now I’m standing before him in a blush-colored demi bra embroidered with delicate flowers over sheer tulle. Matt’s gaze hungrily roams over me, from my breasts to my waist.
“I don’t deserve this,” he whispers. “You’re perfect. So perfect. And I’m the man you chose.”
I take his hand and place it over my breasts. A breath escapes his lips.
“I waited for you to touch me,” I say. “I’m yours.”
That’s all Matt needs to hear. He caresses my breasts, and I gasp at how good it feels. His mouth is on my jawline, down to my neck, his kisses searing and burning a trail to the edge of my bra.
I grab his hair and instinctively arch my back as he explores me with his mouth. He’s kissing me, tasting me, oh, now I know why I waited. I waited for him. For his kiss, his hands, his body.
It could only be Matt.
Matt rips his mouth away and quickly removes his sweater and T-shirt.
Desire rips through me. I’ve seen him before, but now I can touch him. The glorious shoulders, the massive chest, the completely ripped abs that taper into a hot V-shape.
I press my body into him, feeling skin upon skin. He’s all muscle, hard and sculpted, and his body is white hot with need.
Just as mine is.
I kiss him hard, my tongue finding his, and Matt’s fingers begin exploring my waist. He undoes the button on my jeans, and I feel his fingertips dance along the lace edge of my bikini panties.
“Oh,” I murmur, shuddering against him. “Oh, God.”
“I’m going to show you everything tonight,” Matt whispers. “Let me take your boots and jeans off, sweetheart.”
Matt bends down to remove my boots and socks. He kneels before me and begins easing my jeans over my hips, his fingers stroking my skin as he does. Then his hands carefully skim over my thighs, and I’m shaking as he touches me. He moves his hands slowly down my legs, exploring them, and soon I’m stepping out of my jeans.
Matt slowly stands back up and undoes his belt, easing his jeans off and stripping down to his black boxer-briefs. And he’s perfect, just as I remembered him in that brief glimpse I had the other day.
I manage to move my gaze down to his legs, the powerful, muscular legs built by skating.
This body is going to love me right now.
I lift my eyes to his face, and I see he’s staring at me with desire in his eyes.
“Holly,” he breathes, “I only thought this could exist in my fantasies.”
He kisses me softly, this time a reverent kiss that tells me he is going to take care of all my needs tonight.
Matt eases me back on the bed, tenderly kissing me. Our bodies press together, and I know the moment is here.
Matt and I will become one.
He pushes himself up, slides open the nightstand drawer, and removes a condom.
Matt moves back over me. “Are you sure?”
Love for him overflows in my heart.
“Yes,” I say, cupping his face in my hands. “I’ve waited two years for you. I’m ready.”
Matt closes his mouth over mine.
As we begin to make love, I know my life is about to change forever.
And I also know, without a doubt, that this is the best choice I’ve ever made.
Chapter 17
The Game Plan for January 5th
Continue writing Heath and Calla.
Tear myself away from the book to focus on job search, apply for at least five jobs today.
San Francisco Breakers at Demons tonight so excited to watch my love play. ♥♥♥♥
Somebody make the phone stop.
I groggily lift my head. Matt has his arm looped around me, cradling me against his chest. Warmth fills me as I feel his now-familiar body pressed against mine.
And oh, the amazing things his body did with mine last night.
Vivid images flash through my head. The way Matt touched me.
Kissed me.
Made love to me.
I was right to wait for him. No man could ever love me the way Matt did. He made my first time romantic. Sensual. Passionate.
And I know Matt might not have this feeling yet, but I felt so loved by him.
As if this was his first time, too.
My heart tells me he has never been with a woman in the way he was with me last night.
Or should that be ways? I blush as I recall that we made love not once, not twice, but three times.
Including a very sexy session underneath his steam shower, which I can’t wait to replicate.
“Hold on, that’s my alarm,” Matt murmurs, kissing the top of my head. “Don’t go anywhere.”
I smile and roll over to my side. Matt turns and swipes his phone from the nightstand, shutting the annoying beep-beep-beep of his phone off.
“Game day practice today,” Matt says, putting his phone back down and facing me on his side.
“I think I need more practice than you do,” I say suggestively, tracing my fingertips over his sculpted shoulder and down his arm, pausing to run them over the sexy veins running through his bicep and down his forearm.
Matt’s mouth turns up in that sexy smirk of his. “You didn’t seem like you needed practice last night.”
Now I’m really blushing.
“Well, I’ve only had sex three times,” I declare. “You’ve had hockey practice your entire life. I think you should stay home and help me improve my skill set.”
Matt flips me over onto my back. He playfully takes my arms and holds them over my head as he rests on top of me.
“You want me to skip practice while we work through The Joy of Sex?” he asks, closing his mouth over mine in a slow, sensual kiss.
Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Matt moves against me, and I’m more than ready for round four. But as things start to heat up, his phone rings.
“Damn it,” he murmurs against my lips.
He rolls back over and grabs his phone.
“It’s Nate.”
Matt sits up and takes the call. “Hey, what’s up?”
I prop myself up on my elbow. I watch Matt, the man I love. If Nate knew how good Matt was for me, he’d approve.
However, I know Nate won’t see it like that. It will be a battle to convince him Matt is The One.
But we are a long way from having to deal with that. I’m not even going to bring it up until Matt says he loves me.
Matt reaches out and begins brushing my hair with his free hand as he talks. I love how he is always touching me. As if he has to have that physical link to me whenever we’re together.
“Um . . . yeah, that makes sense . . . right . . . okay. See ya.”
Matt hangs up and tosses his phone down on the mattress.
“Ugh,” he groans. “Nate says to bring you to practice so he can drive you home afterward.”
I sit straight up. “But I don’t want to go home with Nate.”
“I know, I don’t want you to, either,” Matt says, taking my hand in his. “But think about it. There’s no reason for you to stay here in his mind.”
I flinch. In Nate’s mind, I’m supposed to be spending time with Matt to keep him occupied, and I’ve gone above and beyond a normal workday by being “stuck” here due to inclement weather.
Of course, I don’t think Nate had making love to Matt all night in mind as an idea to keep him out of trouble.
I shake the thought from my head. I know why I’m with Matt, and that’s all that matters.
“Hey,” Matt says, interrupting my thoughts and kissing my lips, “come to the game tonight. At least I’ll get to see you before I leave.”
My heart sinks a bit as I remember Matt is leaving for Cincinnati right after tonight’s game.
“You’re going to be gone a week,” I say, sadness washing over me.
“I know, the timing is shit,” Matt says. “I hate it, too, Snow Angel.”
Sadness is replaced by joy as he calls me “Snow Angel.”
“We can talk when you’re on the road,” I say.
“Yeah, but unless I’m alone we can’t do Connectivity Video Chat,” Matt says, referring to the social media outlet we both use. “I room with JP on the road.”
I frown. “So only phone calls?”
Matt sighs heavily. “I don’t think so unless they are vague. The last thing we want is for JP to figure out I have a girlfriend. I’m sorry it has to be this way,” he says, stroking my face with his hand. “Please know this is the last thing I want. I want to talk to you as much as I can.”
I nod. “I know. And hey, your girlfriend is a writer. I’ll be good with texts.”
“I expect you to get a lot done when I’m gone,” he says, brushing his fingertip playfully over my nose. “Because you won’t be writing much when I get back. You will be otherwise engaged. By me.”
I laugh. “Promise?”
“Hell yes, I promise. I’m already missing this body of yours, and I haven’t even left the bed yet.”
Desire flickers through me. “Well, my body is still here for the taking if you act fast.”
Matt grins. “One for the road?”
And as his mouth reclaims mine, I lose myself once again to the man I love.
“Sorry I couldn’t pick you up last night,” Nate says as he slowly drives us back to his condo. “The ice is still bad, but since we had practice, I figured it was an opening to get you home. I don’t know how much Matt you could take in forty-eight hours.”
I don’t bother to answer. What can I say? That he’s so off-base it’s downright hysterical? While he’s thinking I’m toughing it out, I’m experiencing sex and love for the first time in Matt’s arms?
“Nate, you act like it’s a burden when it’s not,” I say, irritated. “I enjoy spending time with him. He’s been a good friend to both of us for a long time, and you shouldn’t say stuff like that about him.”
“You really do see him like a brother, don’t you?”
Shit.
“He’s a friend,” I say truthfully. “A very good friend.”
“Well, he’s lucky to have you. Now we need to find him a girl like you to date.”
What? What is Nate talking abo
ut? My stomach knots up in response to those words.
“A girl to date?” I ask, stunned.
“If he’s not going to be out doing shots and falling down drunk, he needs someone to entertain him. I mean, you’re doing great being his friend and keeping him busy, but he will need more than that eventually. I mean, you can’t be over there day and night with him.”
I think I’m going to be sick. I need to get Nate off this idea.
“I think Matt will be capable of finding his own girl when he’s ready,” I say slowly, trying to keep my voice neutral.
Nate laughs. “Ha-ha, right. Nope, he can’t see past hot sex. But don’t worry, I have Kenley on it.”
Panic fills me.
“Kenley?” I ask, my heart pounding.
Nate turns off at the exit that leads to his high-rise condo in downtown Dallas, inching along with a backup of traffic as the ice has not melted a bit today.
“She’s become friends with Jordan Brannon, the in-arena hostess for the Dallas Demons. And she met Jordan’s sister, Reese, at the holiday party. Really great girl. Anyway, this girl is a senior at SMU. Very bright and fun-loving. But she’s social in the right way. As Kenley said, she’s the right blend for Matt—bubbly and fun, but knows where to draw the line.”
I’m fighting back nausea. Of course. Reese likes to party and have fun, unlike me, the social-anxiety-ridden writer who prefers Netflix and dinners at home.
“I still think Matt knows what’s best for him,” I say, staring out the window at the towering skyscrapers around us on this frozen January day.
Frozen.
That’s how my heart feels discussing “perfect for Matt” Reese.
“Nah. Matt needs a lot of guidance,” Nate says, interrupting my thoughts. “You provide it during the day. But he’s getting dating guidance tonight.”
My head snaps around so I’m facing Nate. “What?”
“Reese is going to the game,” he says. “And before we head out for the charter, Kenley is going to introduce them. If she’s right, we might be on the road to getting him settled with the perfect woman. Who happens to be hot. I don’t think he’ll be able to resist her. Which is good news, right?”