by Ella Jade
“So, are you going to tell me what’s up with you and Miles?”
“We’re in a casual relationship.” Maybe casual wasn’t the right word now that we had decided we were in a real relationship. “It’s all very new. We’re taking it one day at a time.”
“I see.”
“We’re dating,” I declared. “I guess you could call him my boyfriend.”
“Could I?” He took a bite of his cheesecake. “You don’t seem so sure.”
“It’s new for me.”
“Do you feel awkward discussing this with me?”
Yes! “No, there’s nothing for me to feel awkward about.” I mean, you dumped me and it took me years to find someone like Miles, and now we’re having dinner and I’m not sure why. Whoa! Didn’t I just say I didn’t harbor any bad feelings? “He’s helping me find that balance you just talked about.”
“By showing up at your office and demanding you have dinner with him?”
“That’s not what happened at all.” Miles was hardly the demanding type.
“Isn’t it?”
“No, as I recall, you showed up unannounced and I was already late to meet him and his client. He’d asked me to accompany him to dinner a week before. I should have already been out of the office when you stopped by, so technically you would have missed me if I wasn’t late.”
“Fair enough.” He leaned back in his chair. “I did surprise you.”
That’s an understatement.
“I just want to make sure you’re not making any mistakes.”
“Mistakes?”
“After I saw that article with you and Miles, I did a little digging.”
“Why?”
“Because regardless of how we ended, you’ve always meant a great deal to me. I was with you through medical school. I admired your determination. I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret. That article could have done some serious damage to your practice.”
“It didn’t,” I reminded him. “Miles has taken steps to make sure it won’t happen again.”
“The Clark brothers have a reputation and most of it isn’t good when it comes to their social lives. They’re carefree and spontaneous. Don’t let him take you down a road you can’t come back from.”
“That’s why you came to D.C.? To lecture me?”
“I’m here for a job interview, but I saw it as an opportunity to reconnect with you. I’ll always be your friend.”
“My friend wouldn’t have cut all ties with me when he went back to his wife.” Shit! Did I really just say that? Maybe I did harbor a few bad feelings.
“You know why I had to do that. Emma would never have taken me back if I was still friends with you. I thought you understood I was doing what I had to for my kids.”
“I do understand but you can’t walk back into my life years later and offer relationship advice about a man you’ve judged from tabloid articles.”
“All I’m saying is, be careful. If he isn’t the man those articles and photos portray then you have nothing to worry about. I want to be wrong about your friend. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I appreciate your concern but I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for quite some time.”
“You’re doing a fantastic job.”
“But?” I angled my head to the side and waited. “You were never one to hold back what you thought.”
“I want you to be careful.” When he took my hand, it didn’t feel right. Any spark that existed between us was gone. There was only one man who could make my heart flutter and my stomach flip. “Go with your instincts. They’ve always been really good.”
***
Miles had asked me to attend a charity cocktail hour with him. I was excited because not only would I be with him, but CC and Jameson were there too. The past few weeks had been hectic for all of us but the wedding was just a few days away. I couldn’t be happier for my friends.
CC and I stood at a high-top table overlooking the city as Miles and Jameson worked the room. People flocked to them as if they were the politicians.
“Look at them,” I said. “They’ve been working all night.”
“They’re like the Kennedys of this era except they’re not the ones running for office. They’re the ones who make it happen for the important people.”
“Handsome, charismatic, and driven.” There wasn’t a politician in the room who didn’t want to meet them, talk to them, or find out how to be represented by them. “Everyone wants a piece of them.”
“But we have them.” CC raised her champagne glass. “You and Miles look like you’ve figured it out.”
“I don’t know if we’ve figured it all out but we’re making progress.” I finished my champagne. “I really like him.”
“I can tell.” She draped her arm over my shoulder, giving me a hug. “I’m so happy for you. Miles is such a great guy. He’s always there for Jameson. He’s the rock of the Clark family.”
“He’s pretty amazing.” I sighed as he smiled at me from across the room.
“Oh my God!” CC exclaimed. “You’re in love with Miles.”
“What? No, I really like him but love? I don’t...”
“Come on, you’re too smart of a woman to not know that you love this man. What’s not to love?”
“Nothing.” I agreed. “He’s very lovable.”
“See, you do love him.”
“We’re not there yet.” I think I just lied to my best friend. “We’re having a good time. He’s so sweet to me.”
“He adores you.”
“I adore him.”
“Okay, we’ll leave it at that.” She pouted. “But how cool would it be if you married Miles?”
“Now you’re really getting ahead of us.”
“I don’t know.” She took two more glasses of champagne off a tray a server was carrying. “Maybe when the two of you watch me and Jameson say our vows you’ll be inspired.” She handed me a glass. “Let’s toast.”
“I’ve had enough.”
“No, this is my wedding week. I hardly drink because Jameson can’t but he told me to have fun tonight,” she said. “You have to drink with me. That’s what the maid of honor does.”
“I drank with you at the bridal shower. Do remember all those mimosas?”
“They were delicious.”
“And the bachelorette party last week? Do you remember the shots we did?”
“Barely but that was Rayne’s idea.” She giggled. “It was a great night especially when Jameson and Miles came to get us.”
“That was fun.” The guys had met us at a club and we ended up dancing until the early morning hours. I’d been so busy with college and medical school that I’d missed out on those nights in my early twenties. This summer had been more than enlightening for me.
“You have to marry Miles.”
I drank the champagne, crinkling my nose because it tickled. “Do I?”
“The four of us would have so much fun. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, raising our kids together.”
“Oh my.” I gulped the rest of my drink when Miles approached us. “There you are.”
“You two look like you’re having a good time.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “What are you talking about?”
“You.” CC laughed. “I was just telling Kirsten—”
“That you and Jameson can really work a room,” I interrupted her. No need to scare Miles away with talk of marriage and kids. “Everyone wants your time.”
“They always do at these things,” he said. “I’m sorry I’ve been away from you so much tonight.”
“Don’t be.” I kissed his cheek. “CC and I are enjoying ourselves. I’m glad you invited me.”
“I’m going to rescue my future husband from that judge.” CC nodded toward Jameson. “I’m sure he’s ready for a break.”
“I could use a break too,” Miles said as CC headed for Jameson. “Want to take a walk with me?”
“I’d lov
e to.”
He led me out of the spectacular ballroom of the hotel where the party was being held and down a long corridor. He stopped to kiss me when we turned the corner.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Somewhere a little more private.” He opened a door to one of the rooms at the end of the hallway. It was an empty space, perhaps another event room, but just vacant tonight. “I’ve been thinking about you all night.” The door clicked when he shut it.
“You’ve been on my mind too.” I rested my hands on his biceps. “Watching you work was enlightening. You’re very charming.”
“That charm gets me what I want.”
“What is it that you want with me?”
He guided me over to the large windows in the corner of the room. The immediate scene was an unlit alley that overlooked a harbor, but in the distance, there was an incredible view of the Monument.
“Where is your necklace?” He ran his finger along my neck. “You didn’t lose it, did you?”
“Oh.” I placed my hand over his. “I decided to retire it.” After my dinner with Ross the other night, I realized it was time to let go of a few things. If I ever expected to have a future, the past had to go.
“Any reason?” he asked.
“It was just time.” I didn’t want to bring Ross into this conversation. I’d much rather focus on the hot guy standing in front of me.
“Change is good.” He kissed me softly. “Even when it’s something minor.”
Taking off that necklace was more significant than he realized. As small of a gesture as it seemed, it helped me understand how much I wanted to move forward with him.
“I asked you to join me tonight but I’ve barely seen you.” He turned me to face the windows. “I want to fix that.”
“I know your work is important.”
“Not as important as you.” He slipped the spaghetti strap on my dress down my shoulder. “Do you know how important you are to me?”
“I think so.” I closed my eyes when he kissed my neck, running his fingers along my arm.
“I want you to know.”
“I do.” I rested the back of my head on his chest as his hand roamed my stomach, moving lower until his fingers were under my dress. “Miles, what are you doing?”
“Touching you.” He glided his hand inside my panties. “I’ve been thinking about doing this all night.” Moving his fingers along my entrance, he circled my clit. “Actually, I think about doing this all the time.”
“As tempting as this is, why don’t we take it back to my place?”
“We can.” He moved his hand back and forth, causing me to flatten my palm against the window for support. “I’m not going to be able to wait that long.”
I arched my back, rocking my pelvis in time with his fingers. A familiar sensation brewed inside my stomach, moving lower as my muscles clenched tight around his fingers.
“Baby, I need you.” He kissed my shoulder as he slid his hand along my hip, hiking up my dress. “Right now.”
“Miles...”
“Wiggle out of these.” He tugged on my panties, shimmying them down my thighs.
“Not here,” I whispered but I didn’t sound very convincing. “Someone could come in.”
“Lesson number twenty-five.”
“We’re not up to twenty-five.”
“I lost count.” He unbuckled his belt. “The lesson is, sometimes the pleasure outweighs the risk.” Pressing his erection against my backside, he said, “You’re certainly worth the risk.”
As he unzipped his pants, my heart raced hard inside my chest. I’d never done anything like this before. When he lifted up my dress, something inside me snapped. Did he not remember what happened that night at the bar? How easy it was for someone to take a picture of us?
His hand was on my breast, his other poised at my hip and as sexy as his desire made me feel, this wasn’t me. It angered me that he didn’t know that.
“Stop!” I broke out of his hold, pulling up my panties and moving away from the window.
“What’s wrong?” He adjusted his pants, buttoning them before buckling his belt.
“What’s wrong?” I smoothed out my dress. “We can’t have sex in a public hotel.”
“Why not?” He took my hand. “It would be really fun.”
“Yeah, it’ll be really fun when someone across the river takes our picture through that window.”
“That’s very unlikely.”
“No, it isn’t!” I shouted. “And what about that alley way?” I pointed at the space outside the window. “Anyone could walk by.” Did my career mean so little to him that he expected me to risk it? Again? “The door?” I motioned across the room. “Anyone could come in. This place is full of reporters tonight.”
“Kirsten, baby–”
“No, don’t baby me. The last time a reporter caught us we were just kissing. This time we could have been... what were you thinking? Do you have that little respect for me?”
“What?”
“I can’t believe I let it get that far.” My hands trembled as I tried to keep my anger at bay. “God! Ross said you were too public for me. That you were spontaneous and carefree. That’s not who I am.”
“Wait, Ross?”
“My practice,” I said. “What do you think would happen if someone caught me having sex with you?”
“Wow, the insults keep flying.” He raised his hands in the air. “So, you’re taking advice from a man who met me for five minutes? He knows me better than you do?”
“Of course not, but he’s seen you on-line and in the papers. You do have a questionable reputation.”
“I had a questionable reputation.” He shook his head. “And most of the stuff that was printed about me wasn’t true. They were rag sheets. Tabloids looking to boost readership when it comes to me and my brothers. Why don’t you know that?”
“Why don’t you know that trying to have sex with me here isn’t something I would want to do?”
“I apologize, I misread the situation but how is this so different from wanting to have sex with me in a gazebo? You had no objections that night. I’m the one who moved us into the woods because after what happened with Ellie, I swore I would never let anyone hurt you or your reputation ever again.”
“You didn’t do a very good job of that tonight.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You took my panties off in front of an open window. I’ll admit that I got caught up in it too but at least I came to my senses. We’re professionals. Adults. We can’t do things like this.”
“We can when they’re planned.”
“Planned?”
“I paid the manager for the use of this room. The door is locked.”
“The window? You can’t control what happens outside the window.”
“I took care of that too.”
“How could you?”
“The gates on either side of that walkway are permanently locked. No one can walk through there. I made sure of that before I brought you into this room. As far as the photographers across the river, I guess that could happen. But that also could happen in any hotel room or outside one of our houses.”
“I didn’t know any of this.” Why didn’t he just tell me we were completely alone? Then I wouldn’t have reacted so crazy. “You can’t blame me for resisting.”
“No, I can’t but I can blame you for believing your ex. How could you think I would ever do anything to intentionally hurt you? How could you ask if I respect you?”
“Miles.”
“I have never respected anyone as much as I do you. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
He needed to stop. I couldn’t deal with this. I wasn’t ready. “It’s too much.” I leaned against the door because the champagne was wearing off and I didn’t feel so well. “We were never supposed to become anything more than these games.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“You must on some level.
That’s why you planned this tonight. You still want to play games.”
“Yeah, but I also want more with you. I thought you understood that.”
When he stared into my eyes, I saw his soul. His beautiful, caring, loving soul. I was in love with him. I wanted him to hold me and tell him how much more I wanted with him, but I was too afraid. Look what happened last time. When I gave everything I had to an older, more stable man. A man I never thought would abandon me and look how that ended.
“I’m sorry.” I had to go. It wasn’t fair to compare Miles to Ross. They were two different men. It was me who was the same. I was the one who couldn’t come to terms with what had happened with Ross. I’d been so guarded that I allowed myself to miss out on what Miles had been trying to show me all summer. I got myself into this situation because of my past. I was trying to protect my heart. It didn’t work. “I have to go.”
“Go?” Miles took my hand. “I’m not going to let you run from me.”
“I have to.” I couldn’t have this conversation now. I needed to think. I needed to be absolutely sure I was ready for this commitment, and right now, I was too afraid to decide anything. “Please.”
“Why?”
“I need my space.” I let go of his hand. “I need time to think.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know.”
“Kirsten, if I upset you that much tonight I’m really sorry. I would never do anything you didn’t want me to.” He bit the corner of his mouth, making my stomach roll and my knees weak. “It was a stupid idea.”
“No, it wasn’t.” How could I blame him? We’d built this whole relationship on sex. “I have to go.”
“I’ll take you home.”
“No, I’d rather go myself.”
“Let me call you a car.”
“I can do that on my own.” I opened the door but before I left, I turned and smiled at him. “This is all me. I don’t know how to do this.” I motioned between us. “Whatever this is. I thought I could do it but I was wrong.”