Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus: A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity

by Qureshi, Nabeel

  “Why, God . . . ?”

  Though Abba did not say much, what he did say has haunted me ever since. The man who stood tallest in my life, my archetype of strength, my father, spoke these words through palpable pain: “Nabeel, this day, I feel as if my backbone has been ripped out from inside me.” The words tore through me. It felt like patricide. I had not given up just my life to follow Jesus, I was killing my father.

  He has never stood as tall since that day. I extinguished his pride.

  “Why, God . . . ?”

  Ammi had even fewer words than Abba, but her eyes said more. “You are my only son. You came from my womb. Since you were born, I have called you my jaan kay tuqray, a physical piece of my life and heart. I cradled you, sang to you, taught you the ways of God. Every day since you came into this world, I have loved you with all of me in a way I have loved no one else.

  “Why have you betrayed me, Billoo?”

  Her eyes seared my soul and remain branded in my memory. They were the final image I saw before Abba ushered Ammi out of my apartment and to the hospital across the street. None of us were sure she would make it through the night.

  She survived, but her eyes have never been as bright since that day. I extinguished their light.

  Decimated before God, eyes pouring, nose and mouth unable to withhold the grief, I was finally able to sputter my question through tears and mucus: “Why, God, did You not kill me the moment I believed? Why did You leave me here? Why did You leave me to hurt my family more deeply than they’ve ever been hurt? They never deserved this! I’ve destroyed it all! Nothing is left!

  “Why didn’t You kill me?” I pleaded with God, full of despair because it was too late. “It would have been better if You had killed me the moment I believed so my family would never have had to taste betrayal. This is far worse for them than my death would have been. At least our love would have lived on. At least our family would have always been one.

  “Why, God?”

  At that moment, the most agonizing moment of my life, something happened that was beyond my theology and imagination. As if God picked up a megaphone and spoke through my conscience, I heard these words resonate through my very being:

  “Because this is not about you.”

  I froze with my mouth agape. The tears, the sobs, the shaking — everything stopped. I was rooted to the ground, as if electricity had just shot through me and paralyzed me. For about ten minutes, I sat, unable to move, unable to close my mouth even.

  He was rebooting me.

  When I was able to move, I felt no sorrow, none whatsoever. It was as if my prayers of anguish and self-pity had been words uttered in a previous life. Rising from the ground and walking out of the apartment, I gazed at everything intently — the trees, the sky, even the stairs I stood upon.

  Yet again, I was seeing the potential of the world in a new light. I had been wearing colored glasses my entire life, and they had been taken off. Everything looked different, and I wanted to examine it all more carefully.

  Then I saw something that I had seen countless times before: a man walking down the sidewalk toward the medical school.

  But that was not all I saw. Though I had no idea who this man was, I knew he had a dramatic story, replete with personal struggles, broken relationships, and splintered self-worth. Taught by the world that he was an outcome of blind evolution, he subconsciously valued himself as exactly that: a byproduct of random chance, with no purpose, no hope, no meaning except what pleasures he could extract out of the day. Chasing these pleasures resulted in guilt and pain, which caused him to chase more pleasures, which led to more guilt and more pain. Burying it all just beneath the surface, he went about his day with no clue how to break the cycle, how to find true hope.

  What I saw was a man who needed to know that God could rescue him, that God had rescued him. This man needed to know about God and His power.

  Did he know?

  Did he know that God loved him from the foundations of the earth? With a power far exceeding the immensity of the cosmos, He turned all His attention to creating that man and declared, “You are My child. I love you.”

  Did he know that God made him exactly how He wanted, knowing each hair on his head and each second of his life? God knew full well that the hands He gave to this man would be used to sin against Him, that the feet He gave to this man would be used to walk away from Him. Yet, instead of withholding these gifts, He gave him the most precious gift of all: His own Son.

  Did he know that God entered into this world for him, to suffer in his stead? Received with slaps and fists by the very people He came to save, He was scourged until His skin fell off in ribbons, only to be pierced through both arms and feet, nailed naked on wood for all to ridicule. He scraped His skinless back on splintered wood with each rasping breath, His last breath finishing the task of rescuing us, of securing our eternity with Him.

  Did he know?

  Of course not. We have to tell him.

  While I was wallowing in self-pity, focused on myself, there was a whole world with literally billions of people who had no idea who God is, how amazing He is, and the wonders He has done for us. They are the ones who are really suffering. They don’t know His hope, His peace, and His love that transcends all understanding. They don’t know the message of the gospel.

  After loving us with the most humble life and the most horrific death, Jesus told us, “As I have loved you, go and love one another.” How could I consider myself a follower of Jesus if I was not willing to live as He lived? To die as He died? To love the unloved and give hope to the hopeless?

  This is not about me. It is about Him and His love for His children.

  Now I knew what it meant to follow God. It meant walking boldly by His Spirit of grace and love, in the firm confidence of everlasting life given through the Son, with the eternal purpose of proclaiming and glorifying the Father.

  Now I had found Jesus.

  To read an expert contribution on dreams and visions by Josh McDowell, an internationally recognized evangelist, and author or co-author of more than 130 books, visit contributions.NabeelQureshi.com.

  EPILOGUE

  DEAR FRIENDS,

  Thank you for reading my story. I pray that the Lord blessed you through it with a keener knowledge of Islam and a greater love for Jesus and His truth. There are a few questions that come up regularly whenever I share my story. I would like to address some of them here, in case you are wondering, before leaving you with a final exhortation.

  Just a few days after I accepted Jesus as my Lord, David moved to New York to start his PhD program in philosophy. Unfortunately, his church in Virginia disbanded after his pastor was called away, and I was left alone. The only other Christian friend I had at this time was Zach, as he had become a believer in Jesus Christ a few months before me. The two of us connected with two other friends newly committed to Christ, and we started gathering together every Wednesday. For the first hour, we read So, You Want to Be Like Christ? by Charles Swindoll, and for the next few hours, we pored over the scriptures. Sometimes we remained in the scripture until four o’clock in the morning, eschewing other responsibilities in our zeal for God and His truth. We prayed together, fasted together, memorized scripture together, confessed our sins to one another, and otherwise pursued the Lord with everything we had as a fourfold cord. During this time, we experienced miracles, prophecies, visions, and even saw an exorcism.

  This golden period in my early walk with Christ ended after about seven months. After finishing the Bible, I started paying more attention to school and less to scripture. We joined a church, and our Wednesday night meetings became less frequent. The supernatural occurrences mostly ceased as I immersed myself into the world around me once more.

  When David returned for summer break, we entered into ministry together. On May 21, 2006, David and I preached a Sunday sermon together at Central Baptist Church in Norfolk, Virginia, responding to Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, which had jus
t come into theaters. At the end of the sermon, two atheists came forward to accept Christ. Our call to ministry became evident. We named our ministry Anastasis Apologetics, a Greek reference to the center of our message, Jesus’ resurrection. Ultimately, after realizing that Anastasis Apologetics was a mouthful and rather hard to spell, we changed our ministry title to Acts 17 Apologetics.

  Regarding my family, after recovering from the initial shock, my parents made two things very clear about their stance toward me: they felt utterly betrayed, yet they loved me regardless. Emotions raged, harsh words were spoken, and arguments flared, but they did not ostracize me. On the one hand, this was a blessing because I remained a part of my family. On the other hand, it was extremely painful because I had to weather emotional storms regularly. Ammi cried every time I saw her for almost the next two years, often while painfully indicting me for destroying our family’s joy. During this time, I clung to scriptures like Philippians 4:6 – 7, Luke 18:1 – 8, and Matthew 6:25 – 34.

  I met my bride-to-be in 2007, proposed to her a year later, and married her less than four months afterward. Aside from five dear cousins and an uncle, no one from my family came to my wedding. The entire ordeal was agonizing for me, and just thinking about it still elicits pain. In 2009, when I graduated from medical school, I decided to enter into full-time ministry instead of practicing medicine. When my parents heard of this decision, they cut off all communication with me. About a year later, we started speaking again, and it has been tumultuous ever since.

  By June 2011, due to a series of unforeseen events that spanned the previous two years, Acts 17 Apologetics had become focused on free speech, sharia in the West, and Islam. I felt called to start a new ministry that focused only on sharing the gospel, so I departed from Acts 17 and started Creed 2:6 ministries. I met Ravi Zacharias toward the end of 2011 and joined his team in July 2013.

  In closing, I wish to appeal to those who are considering following Jesus, especially those who will sacrifice much by doing so. I will honestly say that my first year as a Christian was unimaginably difficult, without a doubt the most painful period of my life. Each and every day was a struggle, and I experienced depths of emotional pain I did not know possible.

  But I will also honestly say that looking back on it eight years later, it was the most powerful time of my life. It shaped me, molded me, changed me into a disciple of Jesus. The Holy Spirit was my comforter, His word was my sustenance, and I would not give up that time for anything. The suffering is what transformed me into a true follower of Jesus. My life now, including my walk with God and my relationship with my wife, are truly blissful, far more wondrous than I could have ever imagined when I was a Muslim.

  All suffering is worth it to follow Jesus. He is that amazing. I pray that I will meet you someday, my dear friend, so we can rejoice and praise God together for our joys and our sufferings.

  In Him,

  Nabeel Qureshi

  NOTES

  1. This symbol represents the Arabic phrase sall Alaahu ‘alay-hi wa-sallam, which means “peace and blessings of Allah be upon him,” a standard Muslim formula after mentioning the name of Muhammad.

  2. This formula, subhanahu wa’tala, is often repeated after the name of Allah, meaning “glorified and exalted.”

  3. A common Muslim formula meaning “I seek refuge in Allah,” this phrase is verbalized after something dishonorable, blasphemous, or otherwise negative is stated or suggested.

  4. In mainstream Islam, it is commonly understood that Allah has ninetynine names. These are two, translated as “the forgiver” and “the merciful” respectively.

  5. A very common formula meaning “glory be to Allah,” this phrase is often exclaimed whenever good news is heard or something positive is stated.

  6. An Arabic term meaning “community,” referring to all Muslims.

  7. Sahih Bukhari 6.61.508: “the Divine Inspiration descended upon him . . . The Prophet’s face was red and he kept on breathing heavily for a while and then he was relieved.” See also Sahih Muslim 30.5763: “Allah’s Apostle sweated in cold weather when revelation descended upon him.”

  8. A common formula of repentance meaning “I seek forgiveness from Allah.”

  9. Sahih Muslim 1.311.

  10. Muslim apologists often interpret Deuteronomy 33:2 as a prophecy of Muhammad’s triumphant return to Mecca.

  11. The only exception being the choice of the Qur’anic passage.

  12. Sunan Abu Daud 14.2526.

  13. Sahih Bukhari 9.87.116.

  14. This account is a reconstruction based on multiple conversations, some of which I overheard, and some of which I participated in.

  15. This may be because of the authoritative nature of early Islam, or possibly it is on account of relatively high illiteracy rates in modern Muslim societies that require oral didactics grounded in authority structures.

  16. Romans 10:9.

  17. 5:72.

  18. Galatians 1:6 – 9.

  19. 4:157; 5:116.

  20. Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Jesus in India. (Surrey: Islam International Publications, 2003). Originally published in India. This is an updated publication.

  21. 4:157.

  22. 4:158.

  23. The Ahmadi jamaat teaches that 4:158 intends a spiritual ascension, not a physical one.

  24. 3:49; 3:45.

  25. This is actually a false representation of Mark 10:18 and Luke 18:19 commonly found in Islamic polemics. In neither instance does Jesus deny he is good.

  26. 5:69.

  27. 3:85.

  28. 5:73.

  29. Sahih Bukhari 1.1.1.

  30. Sunnis sometimes disagree on the last three, substituting Muwatta Imam Malik.

  31. Even the first major battle in Islamic history, the Battle of Badr, was the result of Muhammad’s offensive effort against a Meccan caravan, the Nakhla raid. See Sahih Bukhari 5.59.287; A. Guillaume, trans., The Life of Muhammad: A Translation of Ibn Ishaq’s Sirat Rasul Allah (New York: Oxford University Press, 2002), 289.

  32. Sahih Bukhari 1.2.24: “Allah’s Apostle said: ‘I have been ordered to fight against the people until they testify that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah and that Muhammad is Allah’s Apostle, and offer the prayers perfectly and give the obligatory charity, so if they perform that, then they save their lives and property from me except for Islamic laws and then their reckoning will be done by Allah.’ ” Cf. Sahih Muslim 19.4366: “It has been narrated by Umar that he heard the Messenger of Allah say: I will expel the Jews and Christians from the Arabian Peninsula and will not leave any but Muslim.” See also Ibn Kathir’s book The Battles of the Prophet, and the Qur’an, 9:5, 9:29, and 9:111.

  33. Simply reading through the section on jihad in Sahih Bukhari clarifies this point: vol. 4, book 52.

  34. “In reading Muslim literature — both contemporary and classical — one can see that the evidence for the primacy of spiritual jihad is negligible. Today it is certain that no Muslim, writing in a non-Western language (such as Arabic, Persian, Urdu), would ever make claims that jihad is primarily nonviolent or has been superseded by the spiritual jihad. Such claims are made solely by Western scholars, primarily those who study Sufism and/or work in interfaith dialogue, and by Muslim apologists who are trying to present Islam in the most innocuous manner possible” (David Cook, Understanding Jihad [London: University of California Press, 2005], 165 – 66).

  35. Mark 16:9 – 20; John 7:53 – 8:11.

  36. Codex Sinaiticus and Codex Vaticanus.

  37. The King James Version is an example of a Bible that is not a modern translation. It uses as the basis for its translation the Textus Receptus, a Greek text of the New Testament that predates important manuscript discoveries. Regardless, modern translations and those based on the Textus Receptus are not very disparate, and they certainly contain no doctrinal differences.

  38. This is another common misconception held among Muslims. See chapter 42, “Hadith and the History of the Qur’an.�
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  39. 5:46 – 47; 5:66 – 68.

  40. Those of Arrian and Plutarch.

  41. Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History, 3.39.15 – 16.

  42. Ibid., 3.39.4.

  43. One man, a friend of Josephus, is known to have been taken down from the cross and survived, but this was before the crucifixion process was complete. No deathblow was administered, and every attempt was made by the authorities to remove him alive. He was taken down with two others, and the three were given medical treatment. Still, the other two died. Life of Flavius Josephus (trans. Mason), §420 – 21.

  44. For more, read Martin Hengel, Crucifixion (Philadelphia: Fortress, 1977).

  45. Mark 8:31.

  46. Matthew 27:19.

  47. Matthew 16:21; 17:23; 20:18; Mark 8:31; 10:34; Luke 9:22; 18:33; John 12:33; 18:32.

  48. David Strauss, A New Life of Jesus (London: Williams and Norgate: 1879), 1:408 – 12.

  49. Gary R. Habermas and Michael R. Licona, The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel, 2004).

  50. For a detailed discussion of the historical method in the context of Jesus’ resurrection, see Michael R. Licona, The Resurrection of Jesus: A New Historiographical Approach (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2010).

  51. William Wand, Christianity: A Historical Religion? (Valley Forge, PA: Judson, 1972), 93 – 94.

  52. 112:3.

  53. Josh McDowell, More Than a Carpenter (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 1977).

  54. Luke 3:38; 1 Chronicles 28:6; Genesis 6:2; Job 1:6.

  55. Romans 8:14; Galatians 3:26; Psalm 82:6.

  56. Matthew 8:26 – 27; Luke 4:38 – 41; 7:14 – 15; 8:24 – 25.

  57. 3:49.

  58. John 10:32 and 5:19, respectively.

  59. John 5:23.

  60. John 20:28.