Reverend Feelgood

by Lutishia Lovely

  “Yeah, girl, ’cause Mr. Clark don’t play!” Verniece said, mimicking one of the lines in the film.

  “You know it.”

  After ordering a large supreme with extra cheese, the ladies settled in to watch a movie that both had seen a zillion times. Before long, however, their favorite topic of discussion, their pastor, gave them something else to “lean on.”

  “How many times have you been with him now?” Anne asked.

  Verniece shrugged. “Enough to know I want to be with him a lot more times.”

  The women giggled.

  “I told you he could do the dang thang,” Anne said.

  “You sure did. I’m glad that I was patient, like you suggested, ’cause that brothah was surely worth the wait. And that little tidbit about slipping a note in the handshake is what finally got me around Katherine the Cootchie Watcher.”

  “The way that old heifah guards Nate’s dick, you’d think that she was hitting it.”

  “Do you think?” Verniece began.

  “No!” both women screamed, and then dissolved into hysterical laughter.

  “I know we’re not the only ones,” Verniece said after Anne had paid the delivery man who knocked on the door. “And I’m cool with that. Truth be told, most women in America are sharing their men, whether they know it or not.”

  “Uh-huh. Makes it a lot easier when you know that up front.”

  “Yeah, like that story that made the news, of those women who looked like they walked straight out of another century.”

  Anne looked quizzical as she took a bite of pizza. Then she remembered seeing it. “Oh, that polygamy case.”

  “Uh-huh. I saw them on one of them talk shows, talking like they were one big happy family, calling each other sisters. One man had like forty-five kids.”

  Anne thought a bit and then responded. “I think I could do that,” she said.

  Verniece rolled her eyes.

  “No, really. If I liked the other women, we all were cool, the kids were well-behaved and everything, I think I could live like that.”

  “Not me. I’m a one-man woman looking for a one-woman man—believe that.”

  “I don’t know. The women I saw seemed happy. They cooked together, did the chores together, each had different nights with the husband. When I was with my ex—boyfriend, not husband—there were times I would have gladly let somebody else have him so I could have some peace. Then again, there were times that because somebody was having him, I couldn’t get a piece. So I guess that mess is complicated.”

  “Damn skippy it is. Like, what if we were living in that situation with Reverend Thicke, and you heard me and him huffing and puffing in the bedroom next-door. What would you do?”

  “Heck, I’d probably come join you,” Anne quipped. The women laughed and high-fived. Then Anne continued. “But at least with the polygamists, everything is up front. There’s no lying, no sneaking around, no down low. So if the research is correct, and women are sharing men whether they know it or not, and whether they like it or not, I’d rather know.”

  Verniece nodded. “I’m okay with sharing Reverend, I guess. It’s not as if I have his ring on my finger. The only one I don’t like is that stuck-up Jennifer Stevens. Ms. Noble, I can at least understand why she thinks she’s in charge. Hell, the woman is as old as the church! But Jennifer? That bitch just got here. Thinks she’s special just because she came from that megachurch in Kansas City.”

  “It’s more than that,” Anne said, in her calm, quiet manner. “She helped Reverend Thicke blow up. You can’t deny that….”

  “Reverend Thicke would have blown up without her fat ass.” Verniece waddled off her own sizable hindquarters and grabbed another slice. “I think she’s the reason I didn’t get on this year’s anniversary committee.”

  “Oh, it don’t matter. This year ain’t gonna be like last year, with all the pomp and circumstance. Mostly it’s every five years where they make the biggest fuss.”

  “Are you kidding? Our pastor is a New York Times best seller, girl. Everything he does from here on out is gonna be big!”

  “I know one thing that’s big,” Anne said coyly, taking a large bite of pizza.

  “Umm, I bet you’re talking about a sausage that’s not served on pizza!”

  Neither one of these ladies were drinkers, and after two wine coolers apiece, the comment made them dissolve into a fit of giggles again.

  “So what do you think I should do?” Verniece asked. “You know the best way to stay in Reverend’s rotation is to do something big for the ministry. Your spot is secure, now that you’ve replaced Simone as the church’s songbird. I’m so tone-deaf that even if I lip-synch, it’s off-key.”

  The unexpected joke caused Anne to spew the last swallow of her strawberry cooler all over the couch. “That was funny, Verniece,” she said, getting up to grab some paper towels. “You really should think about doing comedy, because that was funny.”

  “It may have been funny, but this is no laughing matter. Jennifer’s traveling with him, you’re a lead singer, Patricia is either hosting or heading up some committee every time the church doors open. What can I do?”

  “Ooh, my favorite scene is coming up,” Anne said. “Let’s watch Joe Clark get out of jail. Then we’ll put our heads together and come up with something.”

  26

  Do the Right Thing

  Katherine frowned as she pulled her purple Cadillac up behind the white Infiniti in Nate’s driveway. Jennifer. It seemed as if every time Katherine turned around, if Nate was anywhere around, that woman was there. Gone were the days when few church members entered Nate’s gated community, when Katherine would get busy with him before getting busy for the Lord. Those rendezvous now happened at her place because his house was like Grand Central Station, with everybody and their mama trying to get on Nate’s gravy train.

  Before Katherine could get out of her car and into Nate’s house, another car pulled up beside hers. Katherine’s frown deepened. “What is she doing here?” she asked aloud. The two women got out of their cars at the same time.

  “Patricia, what are you doing here?” No hello, no preamble—Katherine cut straight to the chase.

  “And good morning to you too, Katherine.”

  “Excuse me? Calling me by my first name is not only presumptuous, but from someone of your age and status, it’s also disrespectful. Either Ms. or Sister Noble will do just fine.”

  Is that what Nate calls you when y’all are fucking? “Back home, we call the elder ladies of the church mother. Perhaps I’ll call you Mother Noble?”

  “And perhaps I’ll slap the taste out your mouth.”

  “You put a hand on me and I’ll—”

  “Ladies!” Kirk said, opening the door before either woman’s hand touched the knob. Kirk Meadows was Gospel Truth’s twenty-four-year-old associate minister and newest addition to Nate’s entourage. Hiring him to assist Nate full-time had been Katherine’s idea, mainly to serve as a buffer between Nate and Jennifer. He was also her eyes when Nate and Jennifer went on PR trips, reporting back what she most certainly didn’t want to know—that Jennifer rarely slept in her own room. Katherine deduced that so far his presence hadn’t been that much of a barrier.

  “Good morning, Kirk,” Katherine said as she entered.

  “Hi, Kirk,” Patricia said, holding out her hand. “I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. My name is Patricia Cook. We’ll probably be seeing a lot of each other around here.”

  “How’s that?” Kirk asked, after shaking Patricia’s hand.

  Katherine turned the corner and then stopped to listen. Yes, how is that?

  “I’ve just joined the building committee and will be working very closely with Deacon Robinson. We have a slew of meetings coming up. I’ll be sitting in on all of them.”

  What? When did this happen? Why hadn’t Nate told her about it? And how in the heck was Patricia doing all this when she worked at the post office?


  “You’re going to be a busy woman then.”

  “Tell me about it. All of this and I work nights.”

  Oh, so the hussy got her shift changed so she could stay in Nate’s business. Well, we’ll just see about this. Katherine continued down the hall, walked through the living room and into Nate’s office. He and Jennifer were sitting there, sharing a laugh.

  “Nate, can I have a moment with you, alone?” She looked pointedly at Jennifer.

  “Is something wrong, Katherine?” Nate asked. When she didn’t answer, he turned to Jennifer. “Give us a moment.”

  “Do you want me to check out the report while you two are meeting?” Jennifer asked.

  “No, just hang out for a moment. This won’t take long.”

  Once Jennifer had left the room, Katherine closed and locked the door. She bypassed the chair Jennifer had vacated and instead walked around to Nate’s side of the desk and sat in his lap. “I miss you,” she whispered before lowering her head for a kiss.

  Nate pulled his head back. “Is this what you interrupted me and Jennifer for, Katherine? We were in the middle of something important.”

  “Oh, really? Please. I heard your laughter halfway down the hallway. In all the years we’ve been together, I’ve never felt neglected.”

  “And you feel that way now?”

  “A little bit.” Again, Katherine moved to join Nate’s lips to hers. This time he obliged her. “Um, I feel something,” she said after the slow, lazy kiss. She placed her hand on Nate’s crotch. “I want this.”

  “Later,” Nate said, kissing her lips at the same time he gently pushed her off him. “I’ve got business to handle now. So if that’s all, send Jennifer back in. Let me know if James is out there and make sure I don’t miss my conference call with Total Truth.”

  “Is that all?” Katherine said brusquely, figuring now was not the time to mention Patricia’s new position.

  “It’s all for now,” Nate replied, dismantling her anger with a single smile. “But I do have another, uh, piece of business. It’ll be all yours later on.”

  After Katherine had done what Nate had asked her, she went into one of the guest bedrooms, closed the door, and pulled out her cell phone.

  “We’ve got to do something,” she said as soon as Simone answered the phone.

  “About what?”

  “The Noble legacy, baby. Nate’s got people circling him like vultures after dead meat. I don’t trust that Jennifer Stevens as far as I can throw her, and you and I both know I can’t toss her hefty behind. And guess who’s here now, in his house?”

  Simone stifled a sigh. “Who, Mother?”

  “Patricia Cook! Nate is really lowering his standards, Simone, and getting a bit careless too, if you ask me. The other day I walked into his church office not long after Verniece left. You could still smell the sex in the room!”

  Simone got up from the couch and began walking through the house. The man her mother was talking about was the one she was trying to put out of her mind—and on most days succeeded. More and more of Simone’s heart was being occupied by a man named Mark. Now, she figured, was as good a time as any to tell her mother she was ready to trade the legacy for love.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Mother. My life is here now, in Baton Rouge. I was going to tell you this afterward…but this coming Sunday, I’m going to move my membership to First Baptist, Mark’s church.”

  “Simone Chastity Noble, I know you didn’t just say you were going to join Ed Smith’s church. That bastard can’t stand Nate!”

  “This isn’t about Nate. It’s about me, and Mark…and our future.”

  “Are you telling me you don’t still love Nate? Because I’ll quickly rid you of that illusion. One can never get Nate out of her system, baby. That’s just the way it is. Now, I understand making a life for yourself and Destiny’s baby, helping to cover Nate until those two can get married. But in time, you can come back here, help with the ministry. We’ve moved up the building schedule and expanded floor plans to make the sanctuary larger. So much is happening, Simone! Nate needs you here.”

  “Nate has more than enough people to do what he needs done.”

  “Okay, then. I need you here.”

  “And where does Mark fit in to this equation?”

  “Wherever he wants. He’s family, Simone. I’m sure Nate will give him a prominent position in the ministry. We’ve got to circle the wagons now, because we’ve worked too hard on Nate’s career to see some predator pussies come in here and snatch the spoils out of our hands.”

  Simone heard the front door close. Mark was home for the lunch she’d prepared. “I’ve got to go, Mother.”

  “All right, Simone. But think about everything I’ve said. And not just for me, but for Destiny.”

  Later that evening, Nate and Katherine lay naked in her brass canopy bed. She idly played with his now limp member, still throbbing from its powerful assault.

  “Remember the first time?” Katherine asked softly. “Remember the first time we were together?”

  “You mean when you robbed the cradle?”

  “You were the one with the gun, as I recall.”

  Nate chuckled. “You came over and asked if Mama was home, knowing she wasn’t.”

  “And you licked your lips and let me in.”

  “Then I licked your lips.” Nate turned on his side, facing Katherine. He stroked her hair, damp with perspiration. “You blew my young mind with that blow job. Had a brothah’s nose wide open!”

  “Well, that clearly is not the case anymore.”

  “I’ll always love you, Katherine.”

  “I know. When was the last time you talked to Destiny?”

  “This morning.”

  “You keep in touch with her—good.”

  “She’s the mother of my child. Of course I keep in touch with her.”

  Katherine rose up on an elbow. “Is that all she is to you now, Nathaniel? Your child’s mother?”

  “She’s more than that and you know it. Destiny is the woman I’m going to marry.”

  “I know it…but does Jennifer?”

  “Oh, so that’s what’s up.” Nate flung back the covers and got out of bed. “You’re jealous of Jennifer.”

  “I’m jealous of the time you spend with her, I admit that. But I’m not jealous of her. I am worried though,” Katherine continued. She got out of bed, pulled on a robe, and joined Nate, who had pulled on his boxers and was now sitting on a love seat checking text messages. “Jennifer is a very ambitious woman. I don’t have to tell you that manager isn’t the only m title she’s aiming for. She’s aiming for Mrs.”

  “Well, like I said, that title’s taken.”

  “For now, it is. You think it is. But the best laid plans are often waylaid. Be careful with her, Nate. Some women will do anything to be with a man like you.”

  “I’ve already got one mother, Katherine, and her name is Nettie.”

  “And always wear a condom,” Katherine continued as if Nate hadn’t spoken. “She looks like a baby-making machine that could get pregnant just thinking about it.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “And why in God’s name would you put Patricia on the building committee? What expertise could she, a lowly postal worker, bring to the table of a multimillion-dollar construction project?”

  Nate slowly looked up from his iPhone and fixed Katherine with a penetrating stare. “She’ll bring whatever I ask her to bring to the table,” he said. “Whenever I ask her to bring it. Any more questions?”

  Katherine knew when she was being warned. And she also knew she’d put some things on Nate’s mind. Getting Jennifer out of her church and Nate’s bed was turning into a trickier proposition than she’d thought. But Katherine was determined to rise to the challenge.

  She walked over, kissed Nate’s temple, and used the final dynamic that worked to ensure her constant presence in Nate’s life—praise. “No more questions, lover. Only as
sistance, and my undying loyalty. You’re the handsomest, smartest, most intelligent man I know. When it comes to Gospel Truth, and my granddaughter, you’ll do the right thing. I have faith in you, Nathaniel…always.”

  27

  A Little Bundle

  Patricia and Jennifer studied the menus at the Mexican restaurant.

  “I think I’m going to get the combo plate,” Patricia said. She put down the menu and took a sip of iced tea.

  “I was looking at that,” Jennifer said. “But the taco bowl looks good too.”

  “I’ve had it before. It’s delicious.”

  “Okay, that’s what I’ll get.”

  Jennifer never thought it would happen, but she’d finally said yes to a lunch invite from Patricia. She hadn’t changed her position on female friends. But getting on the building committee, one of Nate’s pet projects, had upped Patricia’s profile. One day soon, Jennifer thought, the postal worker’s alliance may be an important one. So here they sat.

  “What do you think about James?” Patricia asked, after the waiter had taken their order.

  “Deacon Robinson? I don’t think about him.”

  “You know he’s rich, don’t you?”

  “Money ain’t everything.”

  “It’s a lot.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re interested in James Robinson. I’m thirty-two, and you can’t be much older than me.”

  “Thirty-five.”

  “Well, that man’s damn near sixty.”

  “Fifty-seven.”

  “That’s damn near.”

  Patricia shrugged. “There’s not much to choose from around here. He seems like a good, decent man. And he’s smart too. I like that.”

  “What James Robinson is, is a dirty old man. If he’s showing interest, it’s just so he can get in your panties.”

  Patricia shifted in her seat. “Sounds like you’re speaking from personal experience.”

  “Girl, that man has been asking me out nonstop. ‘You’re powerful pretty,’” Jennifer said, mimicking the deacon. “That’s what he says every time he sees me.”

  “Oh, really?” Patricia didn’t try and hide her disappointment. It didn’t surprise her though. Jennifer was shapely and cute, with an outgoing personality that people loved. Patricia was more like the nickname her school classmates had given her, Plain Pat. She’d joined the building committee partly for Nate, and partly so that maybe the deacon would notice her.