by J. Walker
I raised my hands to feel the swollen and bruised contours of my face. I found that I was unable to open my left eye. My neck itself was puffy and sore from the tight grip of the blue eyed man’s hand and it hurt to swallow. Eventually, I returned to the cot and cried myself back to sleep, not surprised to discover that there would always be more tears to shed.
Chapter Twenty-One
Josh was grief stricken by the loss of his sister and was given his own terms with which to grieve. Jason grieved as well and prepared a plot for her burial in the forest beside John. The bodies of the five men were rounded up and brought to the decrepit farm where the zombies were cremated. The contents of their vehicle were scavenged and the vehicle was kept as well. We would never know how many other survivors had fallen victim to these men. One thing we knew for sure, their reign had come to an end.
The brutal winter eventually gave way to spring and we soon passed one full year of being confined to the compound. The winter months, although harsh, had given us the opportunity to forage for additional and much needed supplies. We had been able to establish safe houses in the surroundings towns, along with two fall back locations. The closest fall back location had served us well the week that Derek and his group had left for the Rockies.
We continued to closely monitor the security of the wall. Our worry was no longer just unfriendly survivors but the spring thaw had released the cold winters hold on the zombies. Their numbers seemed greater than before and they moved outside the wall in groups larger than we were used to.
It was a tiresome task to keep their numbers reduced and luckily for us, when spring gave way to summer they seemed to thin out. As their numbers spread out across the landscape in massive droves, they seemed to break up into smaller groupings. The stench of decay took its hold once again, leaving the constant but familiar aftertaste on our palates. We seemed to welcome the presence of the dead, they were far less of a threat than the living. The living only brought despair.
I kept my pregnancy hidden for as long as I could. Unsure if I’d been keeping it a secret because I was in denial or if it was because of Bree and her recent loss. It was difficult to comprehend that I would probably never know if this child’s father was Derek or the blue eyed man known only as the ‘boss’.
Would I be able to love this child as I loved my other children? Or would this child’s life be forever marred by the stain of its conception, if indeed the blue eyed man had fathered it. I prayed every moment of every day that I would find some way to love this child.
The hollow feeling of emptiness and loneliness I’d felt since Derek left had become so entrenched within me that I began to forget what it was like to feel anything else. I felt nothing but a deep abiding sense of defeat and hopelessness. Everyone tried their best to help me out of the depths of my apathy but nothing worked.
Eventually the roundness of my belly grew and the infant within me began to move and kick and twist. My older children began to take turns putting their hands on the growing mound and laugh with the joy at the antics of their youngest sibling. Eventually my tears dried up and my smile slowly returned.
I finally accepted that in the autumn months, a child would be born. Regardless of its father, the same love my heart knew for my other three children, this child would know as well.
Although I was taken off guard duty and corpse clean up, I still spent my free time chatting with my friends when they were on the wall. It served to lighten the occasional heaviness of my emotional burden. I never spoke of what happened to me at the hands of the blue eyed man but I suffered from nightmares and insomnia. We all suffered from some form of post-traumatic stress disorder but we maintained the illusion of normalcy for the sake of the younger ones.
Ashley and Sarah never spoke of what they endured at the hands of the two men in the barn. Although Amy and I tried many times to get them to open up but our efforts always ended unsuccessfully. The friendship between Ashley and Sarah grew stronger in the days that followed. As the days and weeks turned to months, they seemed to be dealing quite well with the indignities cast upon them.
They drifted away from their brief relationships with Ben and Charlie, doing everything they could to avoid them. Sam’s boys suffered in their own way. They struggled to deal with the guilt of not being able to help the girls when they needed them the most. It was just another burden, adding to the many each one of us carried in silence.
The bruises faded, the wounds healed but we would bear the scars in the secret hollows of our being. Well hidden beneath the surface of daily routine and ritual, the demons would rise at nightfall. Every time we closed our eyes the memories would be there, clear as day and the pain relived again and again.
Eventually, like all bad memories, their clarity slowly faded. As a callous often forms to toughen the skin from repetitious use and protect it from injury, an unfamiliar hardness began to form over everyone.
It was a clear, sunny day in early June. The sky was blue and not a single cloud could be seen. We decided to have a large bonfire that night because our gardens were beginning to flourish and Josh had hunted down a beautiful deer in the conservation area. I sat atop the scaffolding in a white plastic chair, a ragged umbrella shading me from the sun. Amy, Amber and Bree were on watch.
“It won’t be long before you can’t climb up here anymore, you know, Em.” Amber gently reminded me.
“What am I going to do then? I’ll be so bored. You guys will have to take turns sitting on the ground so we can have our girl time.”
Bree reached over to rub my belly and smiled.
“So what are you hoping for?” She asked.
I contemplated for a moment because I hadn’t really given it much thought. “I don’t know.”
I began fidgeting with Derek’s dog tags out of nervous habit. My silence grew and an invisible barrier formed. I preferred not to contemplate the gender of my unborn child. If it was a boy, he would be a constant reminder of who his father may or may not be.
A girl, a girl would be easier. In my heart I hoped this child would be born with hazel eyes, whether it was a boy or a girl.
“I’m hoping for a girl.” Amy piped in, filling the awkward silence.
She smiled at me and patted my knee. I returned her smile with gratitude, she seemed to intuitively know my deepest thoughts. I was very grateful for Amy’s support and her friendship. She would be delivering the baby in the fall and had been party to my most dire moments of insecurity and distress. I kept so much hidden from everyone else but Amy had borne witness to my weakest moments. We had grown closer than ever before.
The stench of the dead began to grow strong and I peered over the side of the wall.
I stood up wearily and said. “Contact, ladies.”
They sprang into action, picking up their crossbows and firing bolts over the wall and were making excellent head shots in the first ring of zombies. The bodies fell in decaying heaps to the ground but there were more coming. I picked up the radio to call Jason and the two privates, Tyler and Jared, who were on perimeter patrol.
Grabbing the binoculars to see how many were coming down the road, I saw in the distance the approach of a vehicle. Plumes of dust from the dirt road kicked up behind the speeding cube van. I was immediately filled with fear and dread.
I threw the binoculars down and grabbed the extra crossbow, firing into the growing crowd below. Rotting hands reached for us but we were well protected by the height of the wall. The guttural groans of the zombies that had once driven sharp barbs of fear into our souls were now nothing more than annoying background noise.
“Shit, you guys.” I said loudly. “There’s a truck coming.”
By then everyone could clearly hear the sound of the approaching truck. Thankfully, Jason and the others had arrived. I called down to tell them about the vehicle coming while we continued to clear the hoard below. They stood at the gate waiting for our signal to either open the gate or keep it locked.
The vehicle
stopped on the road in front of the gate and it was immediately surrounded by zombies. The four of us maintained our position, firing into the crowd until the last bolt was launched and then we reached for the rifles. Finally the last zombie fell and the window on the driver’s side of the truck opened. The driver’s head appeared, unkempt and shaggy haired with a grizzled growth of facial hair. The face was thin and betrayed evidence of malnutrition.
“Open the gate.” I managed to find the words, my voice broken and full of tears.
“Open the gate!” I called out louder.
A man’s voice called out to me gruff and full of emotion. “Emily!”
The gate slid open and the truck entered the compound, a loud metallic bang was heard as it was quickly closed behind them. Jason and the two younger men surrounded the vehicle with their weapons drawn and ready, while I climbed carefully but quickly down the side of the scaffolding. I was laughing and crying at the same time as I shuffled towards the stopped vehicle. Amy and the others climbed down after me. We were always on guard but the arrival of this new group had put everyone on the defensive.
The door to the truck opened and he climbed out. I could see there were others in the vehicle and they cautiously stepped out. I stopped suddenly and placed my hands protectively over my belly, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Bringing my hands up to hide my face, I fell to my knees, weeping uncontrollably.
He approached me and delicately took me by the shoulders forcing me to stand. He gently pulled my hands away from my face and wiped my tears away. We regarded one another for a moment that seemed to last an eternity. I couldn’t believe he was home at last. I sobbed and touched his face in an effort to make him real.
“Emily.” Marcus whispered with tears in his eyes. He drew me closer to him, holding me carefully in his arms. “Shhhh, Emily. I’m here now. I’m here now and I love you. No matter what.”
The End.
Table of Contents
Chapter One. 4
Chapter Two. 11
Chapter Three. 16
Chapter Four. 22
Chapter Five. 26
Chapter Six. 32
Chapter Seven. 40
Chapter Eight. 48
Chapter Nine. 53
Chapter Ten. 59
Chapter Eleven. 63
Chapter Twelve. 69
Chapter Thirteen. 74
Chapter Fourteen. 82
Chapter Fifteen. 88
Chapter Sixteen. 95
Chapter Seventeen. 103
Chapter Eighteen. 110
Chapter Nineteen. 120
Chapter Twenty. 127
Chapter Twenty-One. 139