by J. Walker
“Whatever boss, what do we want with kids anyways?” One of them said.
The ‘boss’ sighed. “I’m not worried about the fucking kids you moron. I’m worried about who took them out of here and where they went.”
The driver of the vehicle spoke up. “We’ll check out the surrounding buildings and property, see what or who we can find.”
“You three do that. Joey, you’re staying here with me. I might need some help. I think there’s a bit of a fight in this one.” He spoke to a very tall and young looking man who stood quietly by the door.
I knew what was coming and tried to prepare mentally myself. There was no proper way to prepare oneself for a violent beating and rape. It wasn’t something they taught in school and it wasn’t something Derek’s group had taught us either. No amount of begging or pleading would stop them.
If I fought them, they might find the girls and I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to Sarah or Ashley. I would rather face a hundred zombies armed with nothing more than a butter knife than face what was coming to me at the hands of these men. The only thing I could do was try and delay the inevitable.
The ‘boss’ pushed me towards the stair case.
“Upstairs.” He said firmly.
As I climbed the stairs slowly, the blue eyed man followed close behind, watching my every step with precise attention. He knew that my instinct would be to find something, anything that could be used as a weapon.
These people were no ordinary soldiers, I suddenly realized. They were probably the remnants of some elite private security force. The very same groups that got away with the most inhumane acts in other countries during wartime, in the old world. Their behavior was definitely not conducive of those who vowed to protect their country and its citizens.
We reached the top of the stairs and I quickly surveyed the area. The doors to the children’s rooms stood open, toys, books and clothing strewn about. The door to Jenna’s room was closed but the door to Amy and Josh’s room stood open at the end of the hall.
He motioned to the open door.
“In there.” He said brusquely.
We entered the room quietly and he took a small chair, setting it outside the door in the hallway.
“Joey, you stay here. I’ll call you if I need you but she’s all yours when I’m done.” He quietly closed the door.
My eyes opened slowly. I hadn’t realized they were closed and so tightly, painfully holding back my tears. I stood in Amy and Josh’s room, paralyzed with fear. I yearned desperately for something to click inside me and tell me what to do. Nothing happened and all I could do was wait for his hands to strike me, wait to be crushed under the weight of his body as he raped me. My chest felt heavy and I could barely breathe. My limbs were leaden and my heart raced, the blood rushed so loudly through my body, I swore he could hear it.
I turned my head to look at the blue eyed man. He sat on the edge of the bed to remove his outer gear. He tossed his weapons and his heavy vest to ground and with his back to me, bent to remove his boots. I glanced furtively around the room but saw nothing of any use. Josh likely kept any weapons secured because there were children nearby.
“Don’t even think about it.” He said in a threatening tone before he stood up slowly and walked over to me.
He put his hand tightly around my throat and pushed me against the wall. My first reaction was to raise my own hands and try to pull his away but it was a pointless effort. He was simply far too strong, the hand was that gripped me felt like a steel vise.
I tried to raise my knee but again a useless move as he brought his own knee up and shoved it forcibly between my legs. He began to rub his knee slowly between my legs while his other hand roughly fondled my breasts.
“You know, the more you fight, the worse it’s going to be. Joey might look like a gentle giant, it’s his boyish good looks, but I assure you he’s not. In fact, I’d say I’m far nicer than he is. That’s why I’m first. There won’t be much left by the time he’s done with you.”
At that moment that I heard Jenna come screaming and yelling out of her room. I tried to yell at her to stop but his hand tightened around my throat. All that escaped my lips was a strangled cry. I squirmed against him and tried to push him away but that only caused his grip to tighten around my throat.
The door was closed and I couldn’t see what was happening. I heard the young man outside move to quickly subdue Jenna. I listened as she put up a valiant fight but with very little effort he was able to overpower her. Within mere seconds, I heard the heavy blows as they struck her and within minutes she was silent. Then, the sound of Jenna being dragged down the stairs and out the front door of the house.
I craned my neck in order to see out the window. From the corner of my eye, I watched as she was dragged into the courtyard. He tied her to the clothesline and began to beat her again. Eventually her body slumped over and she fell in an unceremonious heap on the ground. I heard him come back into the house and walk upstairs.
The feeling of hopelessness and despair was overwhelming. Once again useless tears threatened to spill down my face but I held them back. Joey went through each room, each closet, overturning furniture and throwing things to the ground.
“It’s clear.” He said, opening the door.
“Good. Now close the door, Joey.” The ‘boss’ answered him before he looked at me and said, “See, you don’t wanna piss off Joey.”
“I’m going to kill you.” I croaked.
He responded with laughter. “Really? I don’t think so. But I do know this. I’m going to fuck you, sweetheart.”
He looked over his shoulder. “Joey, I asked you to close the goddamn door.”
“Sure thing boss.” Joey said in a cold manner.
I glanced over the boss’ shoulder at the young man, our eyes met and he grinned at me.
“See you soon sweetheart.” He said with a wink.
I shuddered involuntarily and looked away. The door closed and we were alone in the cold room again. There was nothing to look at but the blue eyed man. He relaxed his grip enough to allow me to breathe a bit more freely. I gratefully gulped a few deep breaths.
“Now behave and maybe I’ll be nice.”
He turned me around and with one hand, he pinned both of my arms behind my back. He forced me over to the bed and made me kneel down. He pushed my head into the thick duvet with his free hand. I turned my head so that I could take a few gulps of precious air and I was able to see Jenna outside the window again.
The other three were returning and with relief I noticed they were empty handed. I sighed but the respite was short lived as they approached Jenna lying unconscious on the ground. I felt the blue eyed man’s hand turn my head away from the window.
“You don’t wanna see that!” He said bemusedly into my ear, leaning heavily against me. “You sure are pretty. What’s your name? I should know your name, shouldn’t I?”
I said nothing and closed my eyes, silently begging whatever divine power that still watched over us to make this end quickly. I feared what would happen to me at the hands of Joey, when the ‘boss’ was finished with me.
“Alright then.”
He still leaned forcefully against me. His weight was crushing and I felt as though I would suffocate in the folds of the thick duvet. His mouth was against the side of my face, he ran his tongue along my jawline and my ear. The tears came readily then. They fell down my face and soaked the duvet but I uttered not a single sound. The reality of my fate truly sinking in at last.
If I could survive this, I could survive anything, I told myself. I’d been saying that a lot over the past few months. The outbreak. The zombies. John. Marcus. Derek. This.
I felt him lean back slightly and he fumbled with one hand to undo his pants. His other hand still held my arms painfully but I wasn’t being pushed down into the bed as forcefully. I felt him reach around my waist to try and unbutton my jeans but he couldn’t do it one handed.<
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I opened my eyes slightly and glanced around once again. There had to be something somewhere but I could find nothing to assist me. I groaned inwardly and closed my eyes tightly. At least I wouldn’t have to look at his face while he raped me.
Although I was pinned down and my arms held painfully behind my back, the instinct of self-preservation kicked in once again. I began to fight against him in earnest. My struggles did nothing more than further aggravate the blue eyed man and he violently turned me over. My arms were freed but they ached horribly, heavy with pins and needles. Hanging useless and limp at my sides, I whimpered uselessly. I tried to raise my legs to kick at him but he climbed on top of me, pinning them beneath his weight.
The blue eyed man looked ridiculous with his pants undone and hanging at his knees but his state of partial undress did nothing to stop him from raising his heavy fist. He struck me repeatedly until I could no longer struggle. I kept trying to raise my arms to shield my face but the effort was futile. At some point, he had undone my pants and was holding me face down on the bed again.
Warm blood soaked into the down filled duvet and I felt light headed. My mind admitted defeat and I simply allowed myself to succumb to the inertia of a semi-conscious state. I felt his hand between my legs, forcing his fingers violently inside me. I shuddered in humiliation at the indignity but this time, there were no tears.
There was simply nothing left.
He withdrew his fingers and I heard him spit in his hand. He leaned against me again and I sobbed quietly into the thick, warm duvet as he forced his way into me. His face was against the back of my head again and his free hand pulled at my hair roughly. He whispered the vilest and most horrifying indignities to me. Things that his friend was going to do to me and a cold fear spread throughout my body. When he was finished, I could hear him doing his pants up and he flipped me over on the bed again, grinning.
“You know, I really didn’t want to hurt such a pretty face. Joey’s gonna be mad but whatever.”
My eye was beginning to swell shut and my entire face throbbed painfully but I could see the glint of a blade from the corner of my good eye. I knew exactly where it was and I knew it was easily within my reach. I just needed him to come closer. I tried to speak but no words came, just a weak gasp for breath.
He leaned closer.
“What’s that sweetheart?”
“Please….”
I tried to whisper as pathetically as I could and he leaned even closer.
My hand found the long dagger’s handle and I swung my arm widely. The blade came to rest in the blue eyed man’s neck. A look of shock spread across his features and he tried to speak. All I heard was a strangled gurgling sound as he choked on his own blood. I felt its warmth spill down my arm and across my body, hot and sticky. It soaked the duvet beneath me and quickly spread across it.
Momentarily paralyzed, I lay prone, watching everything as if from a great distance. Reality slowly began to seep back into my terrified mind and my body finally responded. He began to fall towards me but I found the strength to push him away. The blue eyed man fell to the side of the bed and lay on the floor between the bed and the window.
I glanced at the closed door and waited for any sound from the other side. Nothing.
I rose from the bed, trembling and terrified, barely able to breathe. I grabbed my pants that were loose around my ankles and shakily pulled them back up. Walking slowly to the place where the blue eyed man had fallen, I stood over him and stared. He was still alive. I reached down and tried to pull the knife out of his neck but it was buried deep, slippery with his blood and I couldn’t get a grip.
I looked into his dying eyes emotionlessly and watched without remorse as he struggled to speak.
“I told you I was going to kill you.” I whispered hoarsely. “And I did. So fucking die already asshole.”
I crouched down to watch his life bleed away, my eyes never leaving his until they stared vacant and lifeless at the ceiling. I felt oddly disconnected from the events that occurred, as though I was watching everything happen to someone else.
I looked around the room for his weapons, realizing that I still needed to deal with Joey on the other side of the closed door.
I glanced out the window and saw that Jenna was still bound and unconscious on the ground. One of the men sat on a chair nearby and was occasionally kicking her prone figure. I noticed the other two were not around but the light was on in the barn and the doors were wide open.
I grabbed the blue eyed man’s weapons from the floor. He had a high powered rifle with a scope and silencer, along with a handgun. I tucked the handgun in the waist of my jeans and studied the rifle, although I was familiar with the make, I was not entirely comfortable with it.
The silencer would suppress most of the sound but it would still make a considerable amount of noise. My hands still trembled violently and I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. I cautiously opened the window a crack and leaned the weapon against the window sill. I had the man’s head in the cross hairs but my trembling hands could not maintain the position. Tears threatened to come again as I struggled to stop my hands from shaking.
Shadowy movements at the side of the barn caught my eye. I set the rifle aside and looked out the window. I saw three figures moving stealthily, one moved towards the man guarding Jenna. The other two figures made their way inside the barn, keeping to the shadows. From their movements, I knew it was Josh and the two privates Derek had left behind. Tears of relief sprang to my eyes but I still needed to take care of Joey on the other side of the door.
As if on cue, a voice called out from the other side of the door. “About done there boss man?”
I pulled the handgun from my waistband and slowly walked over to the door. I checked and double checked the safety, the cartridge, carefully loading it again and again. My hand shook the slightest bit as I reached for the doorknob. I opened it slowly and simply fired over and over at the tall young man in front of me. The sound echoed the gunshots from outside. I watched as Joey fell to the floor, his body riddled with bullets.
It was over.
I stepped over his body and ran down the stairs. Reaching the front door, I paused for a moment, allowing myself to slowly absorb the passage of the afternoon’s events. Stepping outside, I sobbed as I stood on the porch, sinking to my knees. I watched as Mike and Sam came from the hidden entrances. They reached Jenna and began to loosen her bindings. Carefully standing up, I walked towards them, still crying.
“Jesus, Emily!” Sam’s voice seemed to come from far away.
“Someone go get Amy!” He yelled out loudly.
Mike was leaning over Jenna, gently feeling her neck for a pulse. I saw the tears in his eyes and I knew.
He shook his head and whispered. “She’s gone.”
My chest heaved with grief and I looked up as three figures emerged from the barn.
“Ashley?” I whispered in disbelief.
She wasn’t supposed to be here, the four teenagers were told to leave the compound and meet the others at the cottages.
“Mom!” She cried, running to me with her arms outstretched.
Sarah was behind her walking with a limp and leaning heavily on Tyler, one of the younger privates Derek left with us.
“Ashley.” I groaned miserably. “No! Not my baby, not my little girl!”
I held her tightly in my arms, weeping with remorse. “Did they….did they….”
I could scarcely bring myself to say the words and we held each other close.
“Mom, no, I’m okay, it’s okay. It’s okay mom.” She cried softly. “You’re hurt. Please mom, just sit. Sit and wait for Amy.”
I held her face in my hands and I looked into her soft brown eyes, so much like my own. I knew right then she was lying. She looked at me sadly because she knew the truth would always be an unspoken chasm between us. In that moment my heart broke in ways that no mother should ever endure. I began to sink to the ground, succumbi
ng to my injuries and the day’s trauma at last. A great commotion ensued and I felt myself being carried away. I fought none of it and allowed myself to slip into the warm, welcoming darkness.
I awoke at various intervals to a soft and soothing voice telling me to lie still and rest. Gentle hands washed the blood from my face and tended to its wounds. Those same hands began to lightly remove my soiled clothing. I started to struggle but soon recognized the sound of Amy’s tender voice.
“Emily, it’s okay. It’s me, it’s Amy.”
“Where’s Ash?” I croaked, my throat and neck hurt terribly.
“She’s okay, some cuts and bruises. Sarah’s hurt but not badly. Amber is looking after them. Bree is with the kids. Don’t worry, everything will be taken care of. I need to take care of you. Just rest, let me do my job, hun.”
“Jenna…” I whispered before I drifted into the soothing void.
“Rest, Emily. We’ll take care of everything.” Amy replied with a heavy sadness in her voice.
I awakened again much later that night and lay sleepless in bed for a few moments, staring at the ceiling. I sat up slowly and looked around the room.
I’d been put to rest on a comfortable cot in my own room, while Ashley and Sarah slumbered on the large bed. I listened to the sound of their restful breathing and walked with a pained gait to the side of the bed to watch over them as they slept. A small part of me desperately wanted to know what happened to my daughter and her friend. Then again, perhaps the knowing would be far more difficult than the not knowing.
I couldn’t believe Jenna was gone. My heart ached terribly for her loss. Jenna brought a different kind of energy to the dynamics of the compound. She had possessed a sense of vigor that made everyone around her feel alive and encouraged us to find hope in the direst circumstance. She was dauntless and forthright. Jenna took risks she probably shouldn’t have but she always spoke the truth as she saw it. She died as she had lived, bold and daring. That was how we would remember her and that was how we would survive.
Not since the first day we’d arrived at the compound had I ever felt so completely alone and defeated. I was exhausted and every part of my body seemed broken and unfamiliar. I felt conquered and utterly destroyed.